Into the Dark

18

San Marino, California

I’m probably overreacting, Claire thought as she drove to her office with lingering unease over Robert.

It had been two days since she’d come upon the snapshot of his ex-wife. Yet she’d never voiced a word about it to him, because she’d rationalized every suspicion. Their ex-spouses had been part of their lives. She had photos of Cliff somewhere. If one happened to go astray, was that a big deal? Not really. So why make the picture an issue?

Let it go.

And as far as Robert’s preoccupation went, his reasons were sound; he was anxious over rumored layoffs, and he was having a few aftershocks from the accident. He had a lot on his mind. They both did, what with parenthood on the horizon.

As for her part, Claire thought, wheeling into her space in her office parking lot, she was still a bit pumped after facing down a violent ex here some forty-eight hours ago. She gave the immediate area a quick scan as her remote key lock chirped twice.

Upon arriving inside the office, Claire greeted Alice, then settled into her routine and prepared for her first patient of the day.

Amber Pratt.

After Claire reviewed the new aspects of Amber’s file, Alice sent her in.

Amber sat on the cushioned sofa chair opposite Claire and twisted a tissue in her hands. This was her first session since her estranged partner had assaulted her and she’d moved into a shelter.

“I’m sure you’ve given your situation a lot of consideration,” Claire said.

“I want to move back to the house,” Amber said.

“You feel you’re ready?”

“I’m ready. The police and the security company checked it. They told my lawyer that they couldn’t find any signs that anyone broke in or anything.”

“That’s good.”

“And that stuff about me worrying there was a man in the closet must’ve been like you said, me being paranoid about Eric.”

“Amber, you need to keep in mind what happened here.”

Claire flipped through the file folder on her lap containing updates she’d received from the court and the police.

“Officer Freeman said Eric learned you were my patient and got our office address through a courthouse screwup. His lawyer gave him copies of records that somehow included information your lawyer filed with the court. Then Eric violated the court order by stalking you here because he wanted to convince you to go back to him.”

“Yes, but my lawyer assured me that Eric does not know my Alhambra address and will respect the restraining order.”

“Do you believe that, after what’s happened? Amber, Eric got out of jail yesterday morning.”

Amber said nothing.

“You’re aware that he’s no longer in custody?”

“Yes, I know. His brother posted his bail, twenty thousand dollars.”

“How does all of this sit with you?”

Amber twisted the tissue then said, “The shelter is a long way across L.A.”

“It was the nearest one with available space,” Claire said. “And you’re safe there.”

“Yes, but I’ve missed work because of this. I’ve only been working there a few months. I tell them I’m sick. I don’t want everyone knowing my situation, because I need my job.”

“What about Eric? What are your thoughts, given what he did?”

“This is so hard.”

“I know.”

“We were in love. He was my life, when he was kind he-” Amber let a few moments pass. “I know that after his brother bailed him out, he took Eric back to Sacramento with him right away to start his new job.”

“How do you know he’s now in Sacramento?”

“I called Eric’s cousin Sharon, who lives there. If I have one friend in his family, it’s Sharon. Anyway, she told me Eric is now in Sacramento.”

Claire slid her silver cross back and forth on her necklace chain while weighing matters.

“Taking everything into consideration, a case could be made for you to return to your home,” Claire said. “I always advocate that you should not let your abusive partner control your life. The main thing I’m trying to help you with is to break free of his grip, to take back your life.”

“But it’s more complicated now.”

For the first time Claire noticed Amber was also holding a folded sheet of paper in her hand.

“Oh, God, this is so hard,” Amber said. “After what happened, Eric wrote me this letter. His cousin scanned it and sent it to me.”

“This could be a violation of the no contact order,” Claire said.

“Sharon said Eric will file it with the court through his lawyer. You can keep this copy.”

Amber passed it to Claire. It was a one-page letter, handwritten in clear, tiny, cursive script. Eric was apologetic, ashamed, remorseful and loving. He said he was getting help and begged Amber to come back to him, so they could start a new life together.

Claire had seen this type of entreaty before-acts of contrition, urgent pleas for forgiveness and undeserved grace. It’s what Eric had tried in the parking lot, only this time he wasn’t using his fists.

“I don’t know what to do,” Amber said. “I still love him and part of me wants to give him a second chance. Part of me still believes that with help he’ll get better and we could start over in Sacramento and have a real life together.”

Claire tucked the letter into the file folder.

Amber looked at her, tears filling her eyes.

“Tell me what to do.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what to consider.”

“Okay.”

“I understand that the temptation to go back is strong. You hope that this time you can really make it work.”

“Yes.”

“Amber, you have to remember why you left and how difficult it was to leave. Remember we talked about the cycle, the pattern with Eric, as it is with most abusive partners.” She nodded to the file with the letter. “There is the loving, makeup honeymoon period. Afterward all will seem normal, until pressures will ultimately trigger an inciting incident of some sort. It will set him off. There will be a time of mounting tension before he loses it again and explodes. This has been Eric’s pattern.”

“But I noticed that since we’ve been apart, he has changed.”

Claire sat forward and stared into Amber’s eyes.

“No.”

Amber said nothing.

“Look what happened two days ago in the parking lot. Amber, it is the perfect example of what he does when he’s under pressure. Your divorce is proceeding. He knows he is losing you. How does he make his case? By using violence, by violating a court order, stalking you, and then threatening you and me.”

Amber buried her face in her hands.

“He’s trying to lure you back, but a change of zip code is no guarantee that you would not be stepping back into the same abusive pattern. While some abusers who get effective help do improve, studies show many don’t and in fact fall back into their old patterns.”

Claire passed Amber a tissue box.

“You are strong. Think of how far you’ve come. You’re building self-esteem, becoming confident and a new self-image is emerging. You’ve regained faith in yourself and now you need to hold on to it. Experiencing old and new fears is normal. You’re tempted to go back to him because you’re telling yourself you are going back to the man you fell in love with, not the monster that lives inside him. You have seen how that relationship can hurt you. Amber, it might even kill you, as it has in so many other cases.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“You are on the most difficult journey of your life. It’s not easy, but you’re a survivor. There’s a whole new life waiting for you. So, again, think of how far you have come and all the reasons you left. I believe you already know in your heart what you need to do.”

“Thank you, Claire.”

Amber took a moment with the tissues to regain her composure, and then they talked about dates for her next session.

“I need some fresh air, so I’ll walk out to the lot with you,” Claire said.

Amber welcomed Claire’s company and when she got into her car, she dropped the window and smiled.

“Thank you for helping me.” She reached out and took Claire’s hand, squeezing it hard. “I know I can get through this.”

Claire gave a small wave as Amber pulled onto Huntington and disappeared into traffic. Maybe Claire was still jittery from the recent attack in this very spot. Or maybe she was not convinced that Eric was in Sacramento. But as she looked up and down the street, she was unable to subdue the nagging sensation someone was watching her.