Into the Dark

38

Los Angeles, California

Robert and Claire drove home in the afterglow of the banquet and as they got on to the freeway, he glanced at her.

“All in all that went pretty well, don’t you think?” he asked.

“Yes, everyone was thrilled to have you there.”

Claire’s tone dropped the temperature and Robert looked at her again.

“What is it?”

As hard as she tried, Claire could not stop her concerns and troubling questions from gnawing at her.

“Are you happy you married me?” she asked.

“What?”

“Are you happy you married me?”

After a moment he took her hand and squeezed it in his.

“More than you’ll ever know.”

Claire withdrew her hand and stared straight ahead.

“Why are you keeping things from me, Robert?”

“What things? What are you talking about?”

“You never told me you’d lived in Canada with Cynthia.”

“That’s what this is about? Claire, I did tell you that Cindy-”

“Cindy? I’ve never heard you call her that before.”

He exhaled and repositioned his grip on the wheel to remain calm.

“Claire, I did tell you that my first wife and I lived in Canada. I told you that when we first met.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did, and I also told you most of my life with her was miserable and I don’t like talking about it.” Robert paused to soften his voice. “Claire, meeting you was the greatest thing-the best thing-that ever happened to me. You’re everything I ever wanted.”

She continued staring ahead at the freeway traffic.

“Do you want us to have a baby, Robert?”

“What?”

“Do you?”

“Yes, I do. What kind of question is that? What’s troubling you?”

“I’m angry.”

“At what?”

“Robert, I can’t help but feel that lately you haven’t been entirely honest with me. It’s like you’re keeping something from me.”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

“You say you want a baby, but ever since Dr. LaRoy started us on this new treatment you’ve barely showed any interest. When I talk about the future, you shut me down. And recently, when I walked by your office, I thought I overheard you talking to Cynthia on the phone.”

“We went over that, I was talking to a reporter.”

“I also saw a snapshot that had fallen from somewhere onto your office floor. It was a picture of you with ‘Cindy’ during happier times by the mountains, but I shrugged it off.”

“What’s this all about?”

“Are you still in love with Cynthia?”

“What? That’s so ridiculous. Why would you even ask that? The answer is no. She’s out of my life.”

“What am I supposed to think, Robert?”

“I can’t tell you what to think. But I’ll tell you what I think. I think it’s immature of you to eavesdrop and snoop in my office, but it’s our house so snoop and eavesdrop all you like. I’ve always told you I don’t like talking about my first marriage or my childhood. They were agonizing times for me.”

“My childhood was no bed of roses.”

“I know that, Claire.”

“Getting people to talk about their pain is my job, Robert, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I’m not one of your patients,” he said. “Tell me something, Claire. Why are you doing this? Why on this night?”

She didn’t answer for several seconds.

“Robert, I didn’t like the way you held those two young women who took their picture with you tonight. It was inappropriate.”

Robert’s jaw tightened and he said nothing.

“And that long pause you made during your acceptance speech was not only awkward, it was disturbing. What happened?”

A tense moment passed before Robert answered.

“Nothing happened. As for the women, I was posing for a photo. As for my speech, I was gathering my thoughts and pausing to make a point.”

He looked away from her before continuing.

“What is this, Claire? Is it a hormonal thing because of the treatment? Or are you spooked after dealing with that asshole in the parking lot? What about the burglary at your office? Maybe you should talk to somebody?”

“Robert, you’re deflecting my concerns and you’re being cruel.”

He shook his head bitterly.

“You’ve accused me of a million crimes and I’m being cruel. Claire, I’ve always been there for you and I always try to help. You’re going through something. I don’t understand it but I’ll be there for you, because I love you and I vowed to stand by you.”

Claire looked at him.

The headlights of oncoming traffic brightened the interior, creating a web of dark shadows on his face, and she answered him softly.

“It’s like a different side of you is emerging. It worries me, Robert.”

He stared into traffic and didn’t speak another word for the rest of the evening. He slept on the sofa that night while Claire, alone in their bed, bit back tears until sleep finally came.