War Torn

Chapter Fifty-two

JENNY LAY IN BED STARING AT THE DOCTOR. HE WAS YOUNG, brown-skinned, very busy and ordinary in every way. Except that his head kept erupting into bright stars.‘Feeling terrible?’ he asked.‘Yes.’‘We can’t let you go on with blood pressure like this. We’ve tried everything to get it under control but it’s moving the wrong way. So I’m afraid we’ll have to induce you.’The doctor had no idea, Jenny thought, that now his head was spinning round and round like a horror movie.‘I just want it to stop now.’ She meant his head, her sickness, the pain, the swelling, the whole horrible pregnancy. She wanted to swap it for a baby.‘It’s not doing the baby any good either. So we’ll go for some oxytocin now and we’ll see how dilated you are in an hour.’‘OK.’The nurse nodded and the doctor began to leave.‘Oh!’ He turned. ‘It may be quite quick once it starts, so I should get your partner here as soon as possible.’‘Ha!’ said Jenny. It was a cross between a laugh and a cry. ‘Ha!’The nurse muttered something to the doctor.‘Afghanistan?’ Jenny heard him say. ‘Well, I don’t think he’s going to get back in time.’Jenny wanted to shout: Get back in time! He won’t even know about it until next week!The midwife bustled in and started messing around with drips.‘Do you want to phone your birthing partner?’Jenny called Trish who did her best not to appear flustered.‘Right. OK. I’ll get Vicks over to your friend’s house.’‘Mum. You don’t have to do this. If you take Adi’s children, she’ll come.’‘Of course I want to be there!’‘Are you sure?’Jenny found herself wishing that Dave’s mum was staying again and could be her birth partner instead of Trish, who would approach the entire process anticipating that it could and probably would go wrong.‘Well, I think so . . .’‘Listen, just dial the number I left by the phone and talk to Adi. I don’t care who comes.’She felt too sick to argue. The nurse was taking her blood pressure and frowning.‘This had better work quickly . . .’‘Or what?’ asked Jenny.The nurse didn’t answer but she continued to frown.Jenny closed her eyes.‘Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave. You are such a fucking bastard.’‘I beg your pardon!’ said the nurse.‘My husband. Should be here.’‘Your blood pressure would be just as high. Actually, it drops on some women the minute their husband walks out of the room. Now the best thing you can do for yourself and Baby is close your eyes, breathe slowly and relax.’Jenny tried to close her eyes, breathe slowly and relax. But her heart was beating ludicrously, as if there was something big and scary in the room. And maybe there was. Her own loneliness. Dave’s absence. The knowledge that she was bringing a child into the world and it would be a long time before he even knew about it. She felt hot water fall from her eyes, as though whatever was driving up her blood pressure was squeezing out her tears too.Later, someone came in. Another nurse, another blood pressure check. She kept her eyes clamped shut. But whoever was here did not take her blood pressure. They were standing in the room silently, watching her.‘Who is it?’ she asked.‘It no one really,’ said a small voice.‘Agnieszka!’‘Oh my God, Jenny, I come at wrong time. I bring you flowers! I thought you ill in hospital. Then they say this is birthing room. I didn’t know you have baby right now!’Jenny opened her eyes and smiled.‘Agnieszka, give me a hug. I’ve never been so pleased to see anyone.’Agnieszka leaned close in her squeaking leather jacket and jangling earrings.‘But you have baby now, this minute!’‘Not yet, they’ve only just induced me. Will you stay with me a while? Where’s Luke?’Agnieszka put the flowers on a shelf.‘Friend waits with him in car park.’Jenny had never seen Agnieszka with a friend. Except that man.‘You’d better not stay too long then,’ she said.‘Oh, Jenny, you have baby all alone?’‘My mum or Adi or someone should get here soon . . .’‘I stay till they arrive.’She felt ridiculously grateful. She suddenly loved Agnieszka, for the way she stood so shyly, put the flowers where Jenny couldn’t see them and then picked up her hand and squeezed it tight.‘God, it awful that Dave can’t phone. I think our boys are now far away from base because I have no telephone call for days.’‘Yeah. They’re out of contact for a while.’Jenny bit her lip and fought tears. Agnieszka did the same but less successfully.‘These men! They say they love us. Then they leave us to have baby alone!’Jenny thought of how Agnieszka struggled daily to deal with Luke’s fits and his anger. ‘And then they leave us to bring them up alone.’Agnieszka nodded sadly.‘Dishwasher break. Gutter water run down wall. Drain blocked so bath full for hours. Things fall down. Buggy squeak. And where are men? In Afghanistan.’They smiled at each other. Then Jenny watched Agnieszka’s face dissolve into shooting stars.‘Why baby come so early?’‘My blood pressure’s gone bananas. It’s called pre-eclampsia.’‘I know this thing. I was nurse in Poland.’‘You’re a nurse!’ Jenny realized that she didn’t know Agnieszka at all. They had never talked about her life in Poland, as if she hadn’t really existed before she came to England.‘I come here so I never finish training. Sometimes I think that, if Jamie here to help, I continue training in England. But how is this possible with Jamie away?’‘OK,’ said the midwife, bustling in with a file. ‘Is this your birthing partner?’‘No, I stay until partner arrive,’ said Agnieszka.‘Sorry, you’ll have to go now,’ the midwife told her. ‘We can’t have people coming in and out.’Agnieszka looked pale and distraught as she hugged Jenny.‘Good luck,’ she whispered as she left.‘Right.’ The midwife was brisk. ‘I have to take your blood pressure and we hope it’s dropped. Then I’ll check your dilation and we hope it’s increased.’‘Supposing it’s the other way around?’‘Then it’s a C-section I’m afraid.’‘I don’t want a Caesarean!’The midwife took her blood pressure and pulled a face.‘You’ve got to do what’s right for you and Baby. Which means you may not have a choice. I’ll call the doctor now and I think he’ll say he wants you in theatre right away. To be perfectly honest, I think they’re ready for you in there.’Jenny burst into tears.‘It’s not the end of the world,’ said the midwife. ‘A lot of women ask for them.’‘But there’s no one here with me!’The midwife smiled.‘Only an obstetrician, an anaesthetist, a midwife, God knows how many theatre staff and two paediatricians. You can’t be lonely in a crowd like that.’But they’re all strangers, thought Jenny.After a mumbled conversation at the door the doctor nodded to a porter and Jenny was swept off along a hospital corridor towards the operating theatre.