War Torn

Chapter Fifty-three

ANGUS AND FINN WERE ON STAG TOGETHER AGAIN.‘Just one more day here,’ said Finn. ‘Topaz Zero has promised we can go back to Sin City as soon as Emily’s results are right, and they’re almost right.’‘Great,’ Angus said, without enthusiasm.‘They can’t keep us here any longer because Marty needs a crap. He’s not going to use the oil drums out in the open like everyone else. And Emily won’t let him use her toilet.’‘He hasn’t had a crap all week?’‘Nope. His bowels are probably silted up with sand.’It was morning. The Early Rocks were at their clearest, lit up from the east. And the desert didn’t look so flat when the sun was at this angle, lighting its contours. Across the camp the hills were mysterious with morning shadows.‘He had a talk with me,’ said Angry suddenly.‘Topaz Zero? About his bowels?’‘No, Finn. About my dad.’Finn had been scanning the hillside to discourage Angus from seeing things there. But now he swung round to look at his mate. ‘Your dad?’Angus did not meet his gaze.‘You know all about it. You’re the only one who does.’Finn turned back to the hillside.‘All about what?’ he asked cautiously.‘Finny, stop pissing about. Masud told you and Martyn about my dad.’‘And Martyn’s told you. What a fucking shit! Why did he do that?’‘You didn’t tell anyone else?’‘No, Angry. Fuck it, I didn’t even tell you!’‘Why not? We’ve come to blows before now over my dad.’‘Because he’s your hero. I wasn’t going to take that away from you.’Finn looked at Angus and saw the pinched look of sleepless nights and disappointments.‘Masud might not be right, Angry.’Angus’s face twisted. ‘That my dad was a cook, nothing more? I believe him.’‘Why?’‘Well . . . things.’‘Like what?’‘Like, I never saw my dad’s medals and he always said they’d been stolen. I thought it was weird that he never tried to get them back. And . . . he told me a load of shit which didn’t sound right. But I tried not to fucking notice.’Finn took a deep breath.‘Going to have it out with him?’‘I’ve been lying in my cot at night thinking about killing him.’Finn said: ‘I want to kill Martyn. Why did he have to tell you?’‘First off I hated him for it. But now I think he was right when he said I was living under my dad’s shadow. He said I should crawl out from behind it. See, I kept thinking I was seeing movement over by those boulders. And that was because I was looking extra hard. Because I wanted to be extra sharp.’‘What’s going on down there?’ asked Finn suddenly.They looked across the camp. There was a small commotion. Sergeant Dave Henley seemed to be at the centre of it.

The OC called Dave over to his poncho. Here at Jackpot with its heat and inactivity and civilians moving freely among them, there was a new informality. The major was wearing body armour with shorts and flipflops. There were papers spread all over his sleeping bag and the day was so airless they didn’t even flutter.The major said: ‘I’ve got some news for you.’Jenny. Dave felt his body turn to stone. Everything inside it that had been moving, the blood running, the cells growing, stopped for a moment.The major’s tone was hesitant. It must be bad news.‘Congratulations, Dave. You are the father of a new baby girl.’ The OC’s face broke into an enormous smile. Dave took a breath in but could not breathe out again until he knew more.‘And Jenny? Is she all right?’‘The baby was delivered by Caesarean section because of some kind of emergency. But she’s doing well now.’The news knocked Dave from behind. His knees almost went from under him. He reached out and held onto a tent pole. A baby girl. And Jenny was fine. Something was banging away behind his eyes. Shit, it was tears. Tears of relief and tears of joy. He turned away from the major in embarrassment while he fought with himself to contain his feelings.Major Willingham coughed.‘I wish we had more information. I wish you were able to speak to her. I understand you knew that she’s been very ill and this week must have been hell for you, Dave, unable to communicate. Like a true professional, you gave no indication.’Where did all this emotion come from? It appeared so suddenly, and with such a fucking intensity, that it must have been contained somewhere inside him waiting to explode. When the wagon had blown up at the beginning of their tour, he had felt like a rag doll thrown across it. Now he was a powerless rag doll again. But this blast came from inside him.The major said carefully: ‘When my children were born, I probably cried more than they did.’Permission to cry. Well, Dave didn’t want it. He was not going to give in to tears in front of the OC. He closed his eyes and thought of Jenny, lying in bed with a tiny baby lying on top of her, the way she had been with Vicky. He thought how much he loved her and Vicky and the new baby. The little girl had a passport to his love, an automatic right of entry, and he didn’t need to see her to know that. She was his baby and Jenny’s, and a new birth brought with it the joy of hope and possibility. It didn’t matter where in the world you were, that joy was the same. And now all the worry was over because everyone was safe.‘I gather there is an email on its way with pictures which I will show you as soon as we get back to base,’ said the major, stepping forward to shake his hand vigorously. ‘Congratulations. Warm congratulations.’Dave managed to speak, although there was a thick crust around his voice. ‘Thank you, sir.’‘It’s very hard for you, not having access to a phone. As soon as we get back . . .’‘Yes, sir.’Dave wandered off into the camp, dazed. A number of people had seen the OC shaking his hand.‘Everything all right?’ asked Iain Kila. ‘Got some news?’Dave nodded and told him. He managed to keep his voice on a railway track, straight and strong, so it couldn’t be shunted by emotion. Kila pumped his hand and Dave was startled to see that the big, hard man had damp eyes.‘Congratulations,’ said Kila. ‘Looking forward to buying you a drink when we get to Cyprus.’‘Shit, I’m really happy for you, Sarge,’ said Jamie, and Dave could see he meant it.As the news spread, Dave received many congratulations and promises of drinks. He was surprised how affected some people were by the news, particularly those who were already fathers.He answered the same questions over and over again.‘Pre-eclampsia, it’s something to do with blood pressure.’‘Don’t know how much she weighs.’‘Yeah, I bet Vicky’s all over her.’‘Dunno what we’re going to call her.’‘Jenny’s mum was supposed to be there. I hope she was.’Nobody said it. Nobody said: ‘You should have been there too.’When he came down from the tower, Finn was particularly happy with the news.‘I’m certainly buying you a drink. Didn’t like to tell you this, Sarge, but I was offering eleven to ten on that it was a boy.’Dave frowned but felt too happy to bollock him.‘How many lads had a punt on that?’ he asked.Finn grinned.‘The whole fucking platoon.’