A Song for Us

Chapter Seventeen

ERIC

I SLIPPED OUTSIDE TO smoke and stared at the pond behind the restaurant. The door opened and I tried not to smile as Sarah stepped out beside me, even though it was physically painful to be near her. Her eyes focused ahead as she leaned against the wall next to me and lit her cigarette.

I flicked my ashes and blew out a puff of smoke. “Look, I’m not going to bother you anymore. But I don’t want shit to be weird between us.” I cleared my throat. “We were . . . we are friends.”

“I don’t think things have ever not been weird.” She laughed quietly.

I nodded. “I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but I want you to know I’m here if you change your mind.”

“When did I say I didn’t want to talk?” Her eyes met mine as confusion washed over her face.

The truth dawned on me and I pushed off the wall ready to beat the hell out of Derek. He was playing dirty to keep her and me away from each other. Sarah’s hand grabbed my arm to stop me as she studied my face. At least he knew I didn’t come and keep her company while he was out all night.

“What are you talking about, E? You’re the one who said you would stay away from me.”

The fight in the alley flashed in my mind, the hurt look in her eyes, and her body against mine as I tried to hold her.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you last night. I fucked up.” I closed my eyes as I tried to block out the memory of sleeping with Donna. “Tell me what you meant when you said that you aren’t free.”

“It’s fine.” Her hand touched my cheek and electricity shot through me. “I’m fine.”

My eyes slowly opened as she pulled her hand back from my face. “What happened?” I grabbed her wrists, inspecting the purple, swollen tip of her finger.

“I got in a fight with the stove.” She shrugged, looking embarrassed. “You?” She eyed my busted knuckles.

“Brick wall.”

She smiled and my finger began to rub over her wrist absent-mindedly as I was filled with relief that Sarah wasn’t kicking me out of her life. My face slowly inched closer to hers as our breathing picked up. I pulled her finger to my lips and placed a soft kiss on the tip of it. Pink washed over her cheeks as she pulled her lower lip in and ran her teeth over it slowly, and her fingers that still held my arm tightened. There was no staying away from Sarah, and fighting the connection we had was becoming too hard. I knew she felt it. I could see it in the pink of her cheeks, and the smile that played on her lips. She let down her guard, not afraid to let me see the sadness that lingered below the surface, and I did the same. It was freeing. I knew I couldn’t turn away even if I wanted to.

“We should go inside before someone comes looking for us,” I said quietly, hating that I had to let go of her.

She nodded and we both let our hands fall to our sides as we made our way back in the door. My fingers found the small of her back as she stepped in front of me to enter, but I only let them linger for a second.

Sarah went back to the table but I took a detour to the bathroom, needing to clear my thoughts before having to look at Derek again and to not give him reason to question if we had been together. I would let him believe he had succeeded in making us turn against each other. It was better for Sarah if she didn’t have to deal with his jealousy.

I splashed cold water on my face and made my way back to the table. Everyone was talking loudly about the award show performance. Donna smiled over at me, her shoulder bumping into mine. I smiled back, hating that we would eventually have to talk about last night. I dreaded ruining things between us.

I dared a glance across the table. Derek had his arm over Sarah’s shoulders as he told Tuck about a show they had done a few weeks ago when the building lost power. Her eyes caught mine and I fought against a smile as I looked down the table at the twins, who were racing to see who could finish his beer the fastest.

I laughed along with the jokes and offered a comment when expected, but all I could think about was Sarah. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and her clothes were more everyday than her usual grunge persona. She looked out of place next to Derek, who had on thick liner and whose hair was so black it looked as if it had a blue hue.

“What?” Donna leaned into my side as her eyes studied mine. I shrugged and grabbed my beer, taking a sip. My eyes slid over her perfect porcelain face. She wore makeup, but only to enhance her features, not to hide behind. She took the time to curl her hair and dress to impress. Any man would look at her and think she was beautiful, but my heart didn’t stutter when she said my name the way it did with Sarah. I wished it did, it would make things so much simpler. I cared for her a lot and I knew I could be with her and be happy, but it would never be fair to her because I couldn’t give her my heart.

“Why don’t you like weddings?” I asked, trying to fill the void in conversation between us.

“I . . . uh . . .” Her eyes fell to her lap.

I tipped her chin up with my finger. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that here.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Maybe later?”

“Sure.” I smiled, hoping she would open up to me. I knew what it was like not to have someone to share your secrets with.

AFTER WE SETTLED the check, we took several cabs back to the hotel because there we so many of us. I tried to hide my disappointment when I wasn’t in the same one as Sarah, but that would have put me in a small space with Derek, and that would have been a bad thing.

We all took off to our rooms to get ready for the night out for the bachelor party. The girls were going to go out for drinks on their own, and Donna was already dressed up so she followed me to my room so we could finish our conversation from earlier.

Everything was as if last night hadn’t happened until we stepped inside my room. The bed was still unmade. I cleared my throat and went to dig through my bags. “So . . . weddings,” I said as I pulled out a dark gray button-down shirt.

Donna sat on the edge of the bed, her hand running over her leg nervously. “I’ve just never been a fan.”

I pulled my T-shirt over my head as I stretched my sides, still sore from working out. Her eyes slid down my body and back up.

“I was engaged once. This guy named James. We started dating freshman year of college.” She paused and I stopped buttoning up my new shirt to look at her, so she knew I was paying attention. “We were together three years. We talked about kids and moving to the suburbs. The American dream.” She smiled sadly.

I sat down next to her, nudging her leg with mine. “So what happened?”

“It wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare. The night before our wedding I stayed at my aunt’s house so I could get ready without him seeing me in my gown. But I started to get nervous and couldn’t sleep that night. I hated being away from him. So I went to our apartment just so I could give him a kiss good-night.”

Her eyes glassed over as she wrung her hands together. I grabbed one and wrapped my fingers around it. Suddenly all I wanted was to help make her pain go away.

She smiled up at me and took a deep breath. “The lights were on in the living room when I pulled up, and I could see him inside with my best friend.” The tears slipped over her lashes and disappeared into the dark fabric of her dress.

“I’m so sorry.”

“He wasn’t. They married six months later and even invited me to the wedding.” She laughed sadly as she shook her head and more tears rolled over her cheeks. “I lost my friend, my fiancé, and my future all because I wanted a kiss good-night.”

Her gaze fell to my lips and she whispered my name before pushing her mouth softly against mine.