A Song for Us

Chapter Twenty-Two

SARAH

I COULDN’T EAT AS I stared across the table at the twins. Derek was beside me, his hand resting on my thigh. I wanted to move away from him but I already felt guilty enough. I tried to convince myself that all I had done was hug E, but I knew it was more than that, at least to me.

“What do you want to do today, babe?” Derek asked.

All eyes fell to me as I dropped a cherry tomato back on my plate and shrugged. My eyes danced over the twins and I didn’t like the way they were looking at me, so I dropped my gaze to my plate.

“I heard there was a badass movie that just came out. Zombie something or some shit.” Terry reached across the table and grabbed my pickle, shoving the whole damn thing in his mouth.

“Why don’t you just shoot me instead,” I grumbled.

“Great idea! Paintball!” Chris yelled, and Derek laughed.

All I wanted to know was were E had gone with Donna. It was killing me to think he was out somewhere on a date after what had happened last night. I knew that made me a hypocrite, but it hurt just the same.

“The zoo,” Terry said. His eyes met mine and he gave a small nod. Could he have known I was wondering where E was? It was as if he were reading my thoughts, which hardly seemed possible when none of these guys had thoughts of their own.

“Maybe I should just stay in and write.” I suddenly remembered that I had left my song and guitar in E’s room. The thought of having to face him again thrilled and terrified me. I entertained the idea of just letting him keep it. I could use a new guitar. Mine was old.

“How is it possible for you to be this boring?” Chris asked with a straight face.

I picked up the cherry tomato and tossed it at his head. My insides were tied in knots and it was almost painful to hold a normal conversation. Derek leaned back and put his arm across the seat behind me.

“Maybe we should stay in.” He leaned in, rubbing his nose against my cheek as his other hand crept up my thigh, and I knew his hand was only a thin piece of fabric from my newest scar, on my leg. It angered me that he had never questioned how it had gotten there. Maybe he knew, maybe he just didn’t care.

“How far is the zoo?” As soon as the question left my lips, the twins smirked and I felt ashamed.

“I’ll call Tuck,” Chris said as he leaned to his side and pulled his cell from his pocket.

Ten minutes later we were in separate cabs and on our way. Derek was still running his hands over me as much as possible, despite that Terry was sitting on the other side of me. He glanced down at Derek’s hand on my leg.

“Don’t let me stop you, you fucking perv.”

Derek groaned and relaxed in his seat and I finally let the tension leave my muscles. How was Derek so oblivious to my aversion to being touched?

The cab ride couldn’t be over fast enough. I wasn’t even sure E was at the zoo, but anything would be a welcome distraction from all of this. My skin felt as if it were crawling and I forced the thought of releasing my pain from my mind.

As we pulled up out front, we all got out of our cabs. Cass made her way to my side and we headed over to the ticket counter.

It was unbearably hot out, but the bamboo that lined the paths offered enough shade to keep us all from passing out.

“I want to see the monkeys.” Cass was excited and tugging on Tuck’s arm.

“We brought the monkeys with us,” I joked, and rolled my eyes as Chris grabbed his crotch.

Tucker smiled down at Cass, his fingers trailing over her jaw as he kissed her on the lips.

My heart sank. I stared off at the animal enclosures, feeling that in this moment I could relate to them much better than I could to my best friend.

“I miss not having you around,” Cass said as the guys walked off a few feet and we wandered toward the spider monkey enclosure.

“Maybe we will tour together again.” I shrugged.

“You think Derek would be okay with that?” Cass cocked her eyebrow.

I turned toward the animals. “Who knows?” My voice trailed off and Cass didn’t press the issue.

“You want a snow cone?” Derek asked, and I nodded. He pulled his wallet from his pocket as he strolled over to the Snack Barn. I watched a woman pull her son to her side as she eyed Derek’s tattoos.

“He seems to be playing nice,” Cass’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“Too little too late,” I sighed, but immediately felt like an asshole. “I’m glad he is trying.”

She nodded but didn’t reply as Tuck put his arms around her waist from behind and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and he kissed her on the cheek before following after Derek.

“I miss this. Ever since the tour ended, things have been so . . . different.”

“You missing some of us more than others?” Cass’s eyebrow was cocked.

I shook my head with a laugh. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know what is amazing about you?” I honestly had no clue. “When I needed someone to talk to about . . . the past, you went out of your way to become my friend and to help me find a way to work through everything I was feeling. Without writing, I don’t know what I would do.”

“I am pretty awesome, aren’t I?” I laughed.

Cass smiled, shaking her head. “You’re an awesome friend. I want to be able to be there for you, too. You can talk to me about . . . anything that is going on, ya know?”

“Are we going to talk about periods and braid each other’s hair?” I joked.

Cass made a face. “Don’t act like you don’t like doing my hair,” she shot back playfully. “And as for the period thing . . . I kind of haven’t had mine for a while.”

“What? How long is a while?”

 “You can’t say anything until I am sure everything is okay. After everything that happened before . . .” She looked to the ground.

“How long?”

“It’s been a month. I was freaked out. I wouldn’t even take a test for the longest time because I was scared.”

“But you took one? What did it say?” I was practically bouncing up and down.

Cass placed her finger over her lips to remind me to be quiet. She leaned in and her lips quirked into a smile. “It was positive.”

I squealed and she smacked my arm. “Sorry! I can’t help it. A little baby? I am so happy for you guys.”

“You are the only one who knows for now. I want to make sure everything is all right before I say anything. I’m not sure Tucker could handle another loss.”

“I promise I won’t say anything, but you need to tell him soon, Cass. If something happened, he needs to be there for you.”

“I will. I am just trying to find the right moment. Now you know my secret, so spill yours.”

“I just don’t know where to even begin. Everything is a mess. Derek is being amazing to me and we are finally in a good place.”

“But?”

“But I . . . I think I’m falling for E.” I worried my lip as I waited for her to tell me I was a bad person, but I knew she wouldn’t. Cass never judged because she knew what it was like to be looked down on just because of where she came from. She knew what it was like to feel broken, torn, confused.

“I was there. I get it. You can’t help who you have feelings for, but you need to decide who it is you want. Take it from me. You don’t want things to blow up in your face, and it is no secret the way you guys look at each other. If we can see it, so can Derek.” Cass leaned against the fencing around the animal cage.

Derek and Tuck made their way back over to us with snow cones in hand.

“Thank you.” I took a cone from Derek’s hand and he leaned in, giving me a quick kiss, leaving the lingering taste of blueberries on my lips.

“You taste better than the snow cone,” he whispered against my lips.