A Spot Of Bother

134

Katie pushed the salmon out of picking range.

She quite liked the idea of ending her wedding day not feeling bloated, and she wanted to leave a bit of space for the tiramisu.

Ray was idly fondling her leg under the table. To his left Mum and Alan were talking about hellebores and ornamental brassicas. To her right Barbara was telling Dad about the joys of caravanning. Dad looked very happy indeed, so he was presumably thinking about something else at the same time.

They were sitting about six inches higher than everyone else. It was like something off the telly. The waitresses in their white jackets. The clink of posh cutlery. The little rumble of canvas.

It was weird seeing David Symmonds seated on the far side of the marquee, chatting to Mona and dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin. She’d pointed him out to Ray and now she was going to ignore him, like she was ignoring the barking from Eileen and Ronnie’s dog which had been relocated to a nearby garden and was mightily pissed off about the fact.

She licked her fingers and cleaned the bread crumbs from her side plate.

Tony and Jamie were still holding hands very publicly at the table. Which was sweet. Even Mum thought so. Ray’s parents seemed oblivious. Maybe their eyesight wasn’t up to scratch. Or maybe all men held hands in Hartlepool.

Dad touched her arm. “How’s tricks?”

“Tricks is good,” said Katie. “Tricks is very good.”

The tiramisu arrived and it was a bit of an anticlimax, frankly. But the chocolates that were served with the coffee were fantastic. And when Jacob came to snuggle in her lap he was more than a little disappointed to find that she’d already eaten hers (Barbara valiantly surrendered her own to keep the peace).

Then there was a loud rap on the table, the chatter subsided and Ed got to his feet. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is traditional at weddings for the best man to stand up and tell crude stories and offensive jokes and make everyone feel really uncomfortable.”

“Quite right,” shouted Uncle Douglas.

Nervous laughter ran round the marquee.

“But this is a modern wedding,” said Ed. “So I’m going to say some nice things about Katie and some nice things about Ray. I’m going to read a few telegrams and say a few thank-yous. Then Sarah, Katie’s best woman, is going to stand up and tell crude stories and offensive jokes and make everyone feel really uncomfortable.”

More nervous laughter ran round the marquee.

Jacob sucked his thumb and fiddled with her wedding ring, and Ray put his arm round her and said, quietly, “I love you, wife.”