A Spot Of Bother

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Katie was relieved that Jacob was sitting in her lap when it happened.

Ray, Jamie and Tony seemed to be handling everything and all she had to do was to hug Jacob and hope that he wasn’t too upset by what he was witnessing.

In the event, he seemed strangely unshocked. He’d never seen two adults fighting in real life. Apparently, Grandpa and that man were being like Power Rangers. Though Katie had trouble remembering actual blood in a Power Rangers video and Dad hadn’t done a somersault or a karate kick.

If Jacob had not been sitting in her lap she had no idea what she would have done. Clearly Dad was suffering horribly, and clearly they should have taken a lot more notice of his doing a runner and taking Valium. On the other hand, you’d think you could wait till the end of lunch then take someone out into the street to thump them, instead of fucking up your daughter’s wedding reception, however bad you were feeling.

And clearly Mum was horrified to find out that Dad knew about David Symmonds. But why in God’s name had she invited the guy to the wedding in the first place?

All in all, Katie was grateful she didn’t have to work out what she felt about all these things while she was comforting either of her parents, or she might have gone a bit Power Ranger herself.

It was Jamie who saved the day (Man of the Match, as Ray quite rightly said). She had absolutely no idea what he was going to say when he stood up to give his speech (Jamie later confessed that he had no idea either) and she was nervous, though not as nervous as Mum who managed to actually tear her woven napkin while Jamie was talking, obviously convinced that he was about to explain to everyone precisely why Dad had done what he’d done.

But the workplace-argument story was a stroke of genius. Indeed, people were so keen on the idea that later in the evening Katie was given several entirely different explanations as to why Dad had a grudge against his former colleague. According to Mona, David had spread rumors to prevent him getting the job of managing director. According to Uncle Douglas, David was an alcoholic. Katie decided not to disagree. Doubtless by the end of the evening he would have murdered one of their factory workers and buried the body in nearby woodland.

She did sound off a bit to Ray about her parents’ behavior, which was not helpful. But he just laughed at her and wrapped his arms around her and said, “Can we try and have a fun time in spite of your family?”

As a gesture of goodwill, it being their wedding, she decided to admit that he was right. Not out loud, obviously. But by not answering back.

He suggested that she get drunk instead, which turned out to be a rather good idea, because when Dad reappeared and came over to apologize she was almost past remembering what had happened earlier, let alone caring, and she was able to give him a hug, which was probably the most diplomatic of all outcomes.

Come eleven o’clock they were sitting in a little circle at the edge of the lawn. Her, Ray, Jamie, Tony, Sarah, Mona. They were talking about Ray’s brother being in prison. And Jamie complained that he hadn’t been told this thrilling information earlier. So Ray gave him a slightly parental look on account of this not really being a subject for amusing gossip, and told everyone about the drugs and the stolen cars and the money and the time and the heartbreak his parents had expended trying to get him back onto the straight and narrow.

Sarah said, “Bloody Nora.”

And Ray said, “Eventually you realize that other people’s problems are other people’s problems.”

Katie wrapped her arms around him drunkenly and said, “You’re not just a pretty face, are you.”

“Pretty?” said Tony. “I’m not sure I’d go that far. Rugged, maybe. Butch definitely.”

Ray had downed enough beer by this stage to take it as a compliment.

And Katie was rather sad they weren’t taking Jamie and Tony with them to Barcelona.