Angelica's Grotto

20 Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool

When Klein got home he phoned Angelica. After three rings she picked up the phone. ‘Hello,’ said Klein.

‘What?’

‘It’s me, Ruggiero.’

‘Hang on, Ruggi.’ There were sighs and moans of pleasure from Angelica. ‘Oh yes!’ she breathed to an unknown partner. ‘Like that, keep doing it like that! So good, so …!’ Her orgasm followed with appropriate crescendos and diminuendos, duly noted by the little red light on the telephone recorder, then there were murmurs of satisfaction and endearment from her voice and that of another female. Next he heard glasses being filled, heard the two of them drinking with pauses for kisses and fondling and laughter.

‘Hello, Ruggi. Are you there?’ said Angelica.

‘Yes, I’m here.’

‘I must say, Ruggi, that I feel more than a little disappointed in you tonight. I was looking forward to a really interesting videotape and now Leslie tells me that you weren’t up to it.’

‘It wasn’t very nice of you to say you’d meet me and then set me up to be Monicaed.’

‘I never said I was very nice. I’m not even sure you’d like me if I were very nice. You do like me, don’t you?’

‘I don’t know that liking comes into it. Was the other voice your regular partner?’

‘Lydia? No, she just dropped in for some popcorn and a video and one thing led to another. I haven’t got a regular partner. “Every day is a winding road …” yes? Ahhh, Lydia! I have to go, Ruggi — she’s at me again. I’m sorry this isn’t a videophone but you can listen to us until I can give you my undivided attention. Or better still, I’ll give you a running commentary on what we’re up to, and all for the price of a local call. Happy Hour for you, Ruggi.’

‘Why not?’ said Klein. He listened and enjoyed.

‘Now, then, Ruggi,’ said Angelica when she and Lydia had reached an interval. ‘What shall we talk about?’

‘Perhaps we could start with why you wanted to do that to me.’

‘Do what to you?’

‘Leslie and the van: Harold’s Monday Night.’

‘Aha! Your real name! Not all that heroic, is it.’

‘Are you going to answer my question?’

‘Are you going to tell me you wouldn’t have enjoyed it?’

‘Enjoy it! I don’t think I’d have survived it.’

‘It might have been a good way to go, though, mightn’t it?’

‘So you were hoping for a snuff movie, were you?’

‘Please, Ruggi — I’m not a monster! I just wanted to see how you’d like what you found so entertaining when it was done to a woman. And really, that’s what you were expecting, wasn’t it? You wimped out at the last minute but you knew it was on the cards, right?’

‘No, I didn’t; I was expecting to meet you as arranged.’

‘I don’t believe you, Harold. When we arranged this rendezvous I gave you plenty of clues: same place, same time of a Monday night — everything but the rain, which was forecast but didn’t happen.’

‘I don’t think the way you do; you said you’d be there and it was you I expected to see when the van pulled up.’

‘Poor you! Can you really be that simple?’

‘Yes, I really can. Are you always devious, never simple?’

‘I’m devious in a simple way, Ruggi: you just can’t count on me for anything but trouble. Got to say goodbye now. Bye-bye.’