Angelica's Grotto

26 Last Tango In Fulham

‘You’re a tiger from the neck up, Professor,’ said Melissa, now fully dressed. ‘How was it for you?’

‘Terrific: there’s nothing like getting back to basics. And you — were those sound effects real or faked?’

‘Below the waist I never lie. You’re a very cunning linguist and as I’ve told you, when I’m into anything I go with it all the way.’

‘You’re a strange one, Melissa.’

‘Life is strange. Is there a table in this house with nothing piled up on it?’

‘Down in the kitchen. There’s nothing on it but this week’s papers and a bowl of fruit. Why?’

‘Let’s go there and I’ll tell you.’

In the kitchen Klein switched on the bead-fringed lamp over the table. ‘Plenty of room,’ said Melissa. ‘I’ll sit here and you sit opposite. We’re going to arm-wrestle.’

‘Do you always do that after sex?’

‘No, but I want to see which of us is the stronger.’

‘Why? By now everybody’s stronger than I am.’

‘Tell you later. First let’s do this. Best out of three.’

Looking at her serious face in the lamplight Klein said, ‘Every day is certainly a winding road, isn’t it.’

‘Definitely. Are you ready?’

They rested their elbows on the table, lined up their forearms vertically, and laced their fingers together. Her grip was like iron.

‘Ready,’ said Klein, and his arm was immediately pressed flat. They did it once more with the same result.

‘OK,’ said Klein. ‘You’re the stronger one. What next?’

‘Back upstairs for the next event.’

When they were once again in the workroom Melissa arranged some cushions on the floor, then opened her shoulder bag. ‘We might as well have some more music, Prof.’

Klein went to the CD player, put on the Diana Krall All for You album. When he turned back to Melissa he saw what she had taken from the bag. ‘I don’t believe this,’ he said.

‘You’d better believe it, ducky.’ She took off her skirt and buckled on a male member of respectable dimensions. ‘You owe me.’

‘What do I owe you?’

‘You owe me your bottom for that time you got out of your date with Leslie. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. As well as being stronger than you I’m a karate black belt, so get face-down on the floor and do what I say or I’ll hurt you.’

‘You’re going to hurt me in any case.’

‘Are you going to show fight?’

‘That would be more dangerous for me than for you.’

‘You know you want it, sweetheart. There’s no gain without pain but lubrication is included. Trousers down, bitch, this is what your prostate has been waiting for.’

‘After all our intellectual discussions you turn out to be rough trade.’

‘I’m academic trade,’ she said as she moved into position, ‘which means it isn’t over until you answer my questions on the website.’

‘Multiple choice, I hope.’

‘You have no choice, Professor — you need to talk about it as much as …’

‘O God,’ said Klein.

‘… you need to … Yes! … do it.’

‘Love makes me treat you the way that I do,’ sang Diana Krall, her silky voice all blonde and sultry. ‘Gee baby, ain’t I good to you.’

Gee baby, said Oannes.