Angelica's Grotto

28 Pillow Talk

‘I’ll wait till quarter-past, maybe half-past ten,’ said Klein. ‘Why should she take me for granted? Waiting waiting waiting.’ He waited till five past, logged on to the Internet, and moused his way to Angelica’s Grotto. He clicked on a few of his favourite Gallery 7 thumbnails to kill five more minutes, then scrolled down to the YES or NO place and clicked YES.

IS THAT YOU, PROFESSOR?

IT’S ME, LOLA.

SO? HOW’S IT HANGING?

REARWISE?

WHATEVER.

I’VE BEEN AFRAID TO LOOK.

IT’S A JUNGLE OUT HERE IN ACADEME.

I’VE NOTICED.

ENOUGH OF THIS SMALL TALK. TELL ME ABOUT YOU AND YOUR TONGUE.

IT STILL HAS THE TASTE OF YOU.

YOU LIKE THAT TASTE?

YES.

DID YOU LIKE TO DO THAT WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER AND STILL CAPABLE OF AN ERECTION?

YES, ALWAYS.

CAN YOU SAY MORE ABOUT IT?

I GUESS WE’RE BACK TO *L’ORIGINE DU MONDE*. IT HAS A STRONG ATTRACTION FOR ME. TO MAKE LOVE IN THAT WAY SEEMS TO ME THE HEIGHT OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY, A COMFORTABLE GIVING AND TAKING OF PLEASURE AND AFFECTION. FOR ME IT’S ALWAYS BEEN A TREASURING OF THE WOMAN.

SAY MORE.

THERE WAS A GREAT MOTHER GODDESS BEFORE THERE WERE MALE GODS. THERE STILL IS FOR ME. HERE’S A QUOTE I PREPARED EARLIER, IT’S FROM *THE LANGUAGE OF THE GODDESS* BY MARIJA GIMBUTAS:

THE AMAZING REPETITION OF SYMBOLIC ASSOCIATIONS THROUGH TIME AND IN ALL OF EUROPE ON POTTERY, FIGURINES, AND OTHER CULT OBJECTS HAS CONVINCED ME THAT THEY ARE MORE THAN ‘GEOMETRIC MOTIFS’; THEY MUST BELONG TO AN ALPHABET OF THE METAPHYSICAL.

I’VE READ GIMBUTAS.

I LIKE THAT IDEA OF ‘AN ALPHABET OF THE METAPHYSICAL’. FOR ME THE VULVA IS THE KEY TO THAT MATRIARCHAL ALPHABET AND IT HAS MYSTICAL POWER. I ALMOST DON’T WANT TO PUT THIS INTO WORDS.

WORDS ARE USEFUL. THEY HOLD THE SHAPES OF IDEAS. WHEN WE TALK LIKE THIS YOU ALMOST SEEM A FRIEND.

I’M NOT A FRIEND, HAROLD. THE DATA I’M COLLECTING MATTER MORE TO ME THAN YOU DO. AND AT YOUR AGE YOU OUGHT TO BE WISER THAN TO PUT YOUR MOUTH ON STRANGERS. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT PICK UP.

FROM YOU? I THINK YOU’RE PROBABLY A CAREFUL KIND OF LOLA.

DON’T BE TOO SURE. LET’S GET BACK TO THE VULVA. HOW DO YOU RECONCILE YOUR WORSHIPFUL ATTITUDE TOWARDS IT WITH YOUR PLEASURE IN VIEWING THE BUGGERING OF MONICA?

I THINK IT’S A POWER THING. FOR ME THE ESSENCE, THE ISNESS OF A WOMAN IS MORE POWERFUL THAN MY ISNESS. THAT MAKES ME ENJOY THE IDEA OF A WOMAN BEING FORCED TO SUBMIT TO ANTI–VULVA PENETRATION. AND NOT JUST ME: MORE AND MORE IN FILMS I SEE WIVES, GIRLFRIENDS, MISTRESSES, AND STRANGERS BEING BUGGERED BY CHAPS WHO DO THAT INSTEAD OF SMASHING CROCKERY AND FURNITURE WHEN THEY WANT TO SHOW WHO’S IN CHARGE.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT IT’S A CASE OF THE LESSER ISNESS REBELLING AGAINST THE GREATER?

YES.

SO IF IN FANTASY AND IN FILMS, WHICH ARE READY-MADE FANTASY, YOU LIKE TO SEE WOMEN ANALLY RAPED, ARE YOU NOT, IN FANTASY, ALSO IN FAVOUR OF THE RAPE OF WOMEN IN GENERAL?

I GUESS I’D HAVE TO SAY YES — IN FANTASY.

EVER FANTASISE DOING IT YOURSELF?

YOU’RE SOUNDING MORE AND MORE LIKE MY SHRINK.

ANSWER THE QUESTION, PLEASE.

YES, I HAVE FANTASISED IT BUT NOT IN A VIOLENT WAY. DON’T PRESS ME FOR DETAILS.

NOT VIOLENT BUT AGAINST THE WOMAN’S WILL, YES?

YES.

DO YOU THINK, IF YOU STILL HAD YOUR VIRILITY, YOU’D EVER CROSS THE LINE FROM FANTASY TO REALITY?

NO.

WHY NOT?

IT ISN’T RIGHT TO FORCE A SEXUAL ACT ON ANYONE AGAINST THAT PERSON’S WILL.

WOULD YOU SAY THAT WHAT I DID TO YOU LAST NIGHT WAS AGAINST YOUR WILL?

YES.

BUT YOU DIDN’T SEEM TOO TERRIBLY OUTRAGED. YOU DIDN’T SEEM TOO DISTRESSED EITHER. YOU DIDN’T REACH FOR THE GLYCERYL TRINITRATE AND YOU DIDN’T CRY ANGINA. WHY WAS THAT?

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A PRISONER BEING INTERROGATED BY THE KGB.

DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP?

NO.

WHY NOT?

I DON’T KNOW.

I THINK YOU DO BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO SAY.

MAYBE.

YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT, DON’T YOU.

YES, I WANT YOU TO SAY IT.

YOU DON’T WANT ME TO STOP BECAUSE YOU LIKE SUBMITTING TO MY BIG ISNESS.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY.

I KNOW YOU DO, PROF. AND YOU LOVED IT WHEN I DID YOU THE WAY I DID LAST NIGHT, DIDN’T YOU. EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS.

Go with it, said Oannes.

‘With what?’ said Klein.

Anything.

‘You just don’t give a damn, do you.’

No answer.

HAROLD, ARE YOU THERE?

YES.

ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER ME?

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

I WAS SAYING THAT YOU LOVED WHAT I DID TO YOU LAST NIGHT EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS. AM I RIGHT?

DATA-RAPE.

ALL RIGHT, IT WAS DATA-RAPE BUT IT WAS ALSO QUID PRO QUO. SO TALK TO ME, HAROLD.

I’M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH HOW I FEEL.

T.E. LAWRENCE HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH IT TOO, AFTER HE GOT BUGGERED BY THE TURKISH SOLDIERS. I’M NOT A NICE PERSON BUT THE INFORMATION I’M GATHERING IS IMPORTANT AND CONFIDENTIALITY WILL BE OBSERVED IN MY USE OF IT. ISN’T THERE AN AMERICAN EXPRESSION, ‘TELL THE TRUTH AND SHAME THE DEVIL’?

OK. FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU’RE THE DEVIL. BUT HERE GOES. IT HURT BUT THE PAIN MADE ME FEEL THAT I WAS PAYING MY DUES IN SOME WAY. THEN I STOPPED NOTICING THE PAIN AND IT JUST FELT GOOD NOT TO HAVE TO BE A MAN FOR A WHILE.

DO YOU THINK THAT HAVING THAT DONE TO YOU WAS UNMANLY?

YES.

MEN DO ALL KINDS OF THINGS.

NOT MY KIND OF MAN.

WAS THERE A POINT WHEN YOU ENJOYED IT?

YES. THAT’S IT FOR TONIGHT, OK?

OK, HAROLD. THANKS.

WHAT’S NEXT?

WHO KNOWS? NIGHTY-BYE. X