At First Sight

Chapter 25

"PAIGE, I DESPERATELY NEED TO TALK TO YOU," A MAN'S voice said, without an opening hello or even identifying himself.

I was standing in my living room. "Who is this?" I asked, trying to pick the voice out of my memory bank of old friends.

"It's Chick," he said, his voice so small, so sad, I could barely hear him.

"Chick?" Why on earth would he be calling me at nine in the morning-six A. M. L. A. time?

"You're the only one I could think of to call," he whispered. He seemed to be sobbing. Then he said, "Evelyn was murdered… car-jacked. Friday night, somebody put a gun… they put a gun in her car window and then… and then they just shot her." Another sob followed this horrible news.

"Oh, my God, Chick… I'm so sorry." My heart went out to him. I remembered the desolation of waking up the morning after Chandler died, knowing something was wrong. Then, as the memories returned, having to come to grips with his death all over again.

"These first days are the toughest, the absolute worst," I said. "Waking up to the loss each morning, it's impossible. I know exactly what you're going through, Chick."

"Nobody else understands. Nobody I know has been through this, except you."

He sounded devastated. Lost and broken. I took a breath and tried to come up with the best way to handle this.

"Do you want to talk? Would it help if we spent some time right now and talked about your feelings?" I didn't quite know what the best form of therapy might be. We shared an almost identical tragedy, but I didn't know Chick and Evelyn that well so I wasn't sure I should be spewing out a bunch of helpful hints with no intellectual perspective.

"Evelyn really loved you, Paige:" he suddenly said unexpectedly.

"That's so sweet:' I answered. But what I was thinking was, how could that be? We barely knew one another. I'd always felt there was something strange and sort of self-absorbed about Evelyn Best.

"We had so much together:" Chick was saying. "Evelyn and I always knew what the other was feeling. She knew what I was thinking even before I would say it. I can't believe she's not here, not with me anymore?' A sob followed this, then he went on, "And the way she was with Melissa… such a wonderful mother."

"I don't mean to start giving a lot of unsolicited advice, Chick, but if I were you, I'd make sure that Melissa talks to someone. Children deal with these things in different ways from adults. You don't want her to bury it. Her emotions over this need to come out."

"You mean, like a psychiatrist?"

"A psychiatrist or even a good friend who she trusts and will open up to. Somebody to help her get in touch with her feelings?'

"I just… I just… " and he stopped.

You just what?"

"I just… I wanted… "

"Whatever you want, I'm there, Chick:'

"It's not fair," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "It's too much to ask."

"If you don't tell me, we'll never know. What is it, Chick?" "I want… what I want is to talk to you."

"You can call me anytime. We could even have a set time, a phone schedule, and talk every day."

"I was hoping… What I wanted is… I wanted to see you." "You mean you want me to come out there?" Thinking, My God, is he serious? Fly out to L. A.?

"I shouldn't ask you to do that, should I?" His voice seemed to recoil, as if I had just physically hurt him. Suddenly my response seemed horribly selfish. And then a strange thing happened. I got angry at myself. I had just spent seven months trying to muddle through Chandler's death. I had relied heavily on my friends to get me through.

Chick had even flown back here for Chan's funeral. Why was I looking for a way to duck this?

"If you want me there, I'll come:" I finally offered.

"That's stupid, isn't it?" he said. "It's too much to ask."

"Nonsense." This time I put a little more oomph into it.

"I… the police are still investigating," he said. "They found her car up in the mountains last night. They say the killer stripped it, took the radio-the air bags-stuff like that. I think they found the gun, too. At least, that's what they said on the news. It's strange… The police lab people did some tests here Friday night, but they haven't talked to me since."

"Tests?"

"They said it was a formality. A Gunshot Residue Test to see if I'd fired a gun recently."

"Oh my God, Chick, that's horrible. You mean they're treating you like a suspect?"

"They told me it's routine-that they always try and eliminate the immediate family first. But I passed and Melissa was with me during the time of the killing so I don't think they really suspect me. It's just hard to go through it, is all. I was hardly in a mood for any of that last night… Last night I just wanted to curl up and die."

"That's absolutely unbelievable that they would treat you that way on the night she was killed:' I said. But then I remembered the meeting at the station the day after Chandler died, when Bob Butler had asked me about any possible trouble in our marriage-if Chandler had any girlfriends or affairs. I remembered how furious I'd become, asking him for a lie detector test after telling him to go fuck himself. So the fact is, Bob Butler had checked me out just like the L. A. cops were checking out Chick. Bob had said he owed it to Chandler. Speaking for the dead, he'd called it.

"Anyway, I don't know when the funeral is going to be:' Chick continued. "The police haven't released her body. I'll call you and let you know:' he said softly. "Maybe, if it's not too much trouble, you could come for a day or so. It would really help to have somebody here who understands."

"I'll come:' I said firmly. "I'll be there, Chick."

Then we lapsed into a prolonged silence. I wondered what on earth I could tell him beyond what I'd already said. Maybe just having someone who had gone through it and was still standing would give him a reason to hang on.

"Want to hear something really silly?" he finally asked. "If you want to tell me, yes, of course."

"Sometimes, when we were dressing to go out, we'd be getting ready in separate dressing rooms and we'd meet in the hallway and when we came out we'd be wearing the exact same colors. I'd have on a black suit and a purple tie-she'd come out of her bathroom in a purple dress with a black belt and scarf. Happened all the time. We used to laugh about it."

"You guys were on each other's wavelength. Sharing moods. It's the sign of a good marriage," I said. But it was obviously the wrong thing to say because I heard him start to sob.

"Oh Chick," I said, "I'm so sorry."

"I've got to go:" he said, "I'm coming apart here."

"You'll get through it, Chick. I'll come out there and help you!" "Okay, bye." And he was gone.

I decided right then, if I was going to help him, I should go out to Los Angeles now. Now was when he needed me, not later. I decided to try and do for him what myfriends had done for me.

Then a very strange thing happened. I heard a voice in my sub-conscious.

"Don't go," the voice said. It sounded like Chandler, and it startled me. "Don't go to Los Angeles," the voice repeated.

But how could I not go? I'd just given Chick my word.