At First Sight

Chapter 46

THE DAY CHICK WAS SCHEDULED TO DIE IT WAS RAINY and cold in Los Angeles. I'd moved here four years ago to run Chandler's foundation. I had fifteen people working for me and was well into my new life. I was happy, or at least as happy as I allowed myself to be.

I woke up that morning feeling angry. I was angry because Chick's death was the final chapter of the worst event of my life, and I knew that no matter how hard I tried to deny it, this would be a day of vengeance for me. I wanted Chick to die for what he did. I hated myself for it, but I had lost so much, it was hard for me not to be vengeful.

I tried not to watch television, but I was drawn to it. Finally, I was sitting in front of the tube, channel surfing, hunting for stories about Chick's upcoming execution. On several of the newscasts, there was B-roll of him being led down a prison corridor. He had lost weight. He looked stoic. His eyes never came up toward the camera.

All day, I listened for Chandler's voice. Maybe he would reach out and find a way to talk to me today, the way he had at the hotel or on the cliff in Big Bear. Maybe he could ease all of this, take away my thirst for revenge, cut through all this self-destructive anger. I waited patiently, but his voice never came. He never whispered in my ear, never told me what to do.

I heard from Robert Butler instead. It was a card. On the front there was a yellow bird sitting on a tree limb with an olive branch in its mouth. Inside, it said:

GET WELL

Under that, he had written in his neat, careful hand:

Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Romans 12: 19