Death in Paradise

Chapter Fifteen

They went to the Gray Gull every Wednesday night. They sat outside in the warm night where they could look at the town dock and the harbor and across the harbor at Paradise Neck and Stiles Island. Jenn had a glass of Chardonnay. Jesse drank cranberry juice and soda.

"Are you solving your murder?" Jenn asked.

"Not exactly," Jesse said.

"Progress?"

"Some."

"Try not to be such a blabbermouth," Jenn said.

Jesse smiled. "I'm preoccupied with you," he said.

"I'm not sure that's good for you. But I guess I like it."

"I thought I had the dead girl ID'd," Jesse said. "But the people who were supposed to be her parents say they have no such daughter."

"Well, they would know, wouldn't they?"

"One of the daughters they do have was there," Jesse said. "Younger. Maybe twelve, thirteen."

"So?"

"There was something wrong. Kid looked like she'd been frozen."

"Wrong?"

"Yep."

"You think parents would pretend not to have a child? When they really did?"

"Maybe."

"Why?"

"Maybe she was bad. Maybe it was one of those never darken my door again, I no longer have a daughter things."

"So you can find that out, can't you?"

"I can. I haven't yet."

"They have any other children?"

"Yes. An older daughter. She's at Mount Holyoke College. We called and left a message. She hasn't called back."

"How can a parent deny a child?" Jenn said.

"I've seen it before," Jesse said. "Kid disappoints the parent. Parent can't stand the disappointment. If the kid doesn't exist, then the disappointment doesn't exist."

He sipped some cranberry juice and soda.

"It's hard to live with the fact of your own failure every day," he said.

"I know."

"We both live with that," Jesse said.

"It's my fault," Jenn said. "I'm the adulteress."

"And I'm the drunk," Jesse said. "It does no good, Jenn."

"I know."

The black water moved quietly against the pilings beneath the deck. The light gleamed singularly at the end of Paradise Neck. Some of the big pleasure boats in the harbor were lighted. People sat, mostly on the afterdeck, and drank cocktails.

They looked at their menus. They both ordered lobster salad.

"You know what my shrink told me?" Jenn said.

Jesse smiled. "No," he said. "I don't."

"He said that the bond between us was truly impressive."

"Even though we're divorced," Jesse said.

"Maybe more so because we're not together."

"So the bond has to be strong," Jesse said.

"It's all there is to hold us," Jenn said.

"Maybe it shouldn't," Jesse said. "Maybe we should move on."

"We should," Jenn said.

"But we don't," Jesse said.

"We can't," Jenn said.

"But we don't get married."

"I can't," Jenn said.

"And we're not monogamous."

"When I think of it," Jenn said. "You and me, till death do us part… I feel claustrophobic."

"You and the shrink figured out why that is?"

"Not yet," Jenn said.

Jesse looked at Jenn's face. He knew it so well. He felt the need begin to rise like water filling a glass. He wanted a drink. Something more than cranberry juice. He felt that need rising too, and the needs became one need. He took in some air. Hang on. He took in a big breath and exhaled slowly, trying not to let it show. Jenn put her hand out and rested it on his hand.

"But we will," she said.

"I hope so," Jesse said.

His voice was flat with the effort of repression.

"I do too," Jenn said.

"Maybe you and he will find a way to break the bond," Jesse said.

"I don't think so," Jenn said.

"Good."

"This is very hard," Jenn said.

"It is."

Jenn's hand was still resting on his forearm.

"But we're still here," Jenn said softly.

"We are," Jesse said.