"You drink more when you're sad?" Dix said.
"No," Jesse said. "I think it's more when I'm happy."
"You drink more when you're with her?" Dix said.
"I did this time," Jesse said.
"Because you were happy?"
"No," Jesse said. "I wasn't happy."
"Scared?"
"No."
"What?"
"I don't know exactly," Jesse said. "We were talking about being with other people."
"You talk about this before?"
"Yes."
"You always get drunk?"
"I don't remember," Jesse said.
"How do you feel when you think of her with another man?"
Jesse shook his head.
"Exciting?" Dix said.
"Jesus Christ!" Jesse said.
Dix waited.
"I'm not that sick," Jesse said.
Dix remained blank. Jesse was silent for a time.
"I don't know why," he said.
Dix almost smiled.
"What?" Jesse said.
Dix didn't answer.
"It's not about sex," Jesse said.
"Sure it is," Dix said. "It's always about sex."
"It's about other things, too," Jesse said.
He felt as if he were retreating slowly, giving up one position after another, modifying as he went.
"It is always about other things, too," Dix said.
"So why do I want to know?" Jesse said.
Dix smiled and didn't say anything.
"For crissake," Jesse said. "Is this a fucking game where you know and I try to guess?"
"Knowledge is power," Dix said.
"Power to do what?" Jesse said.
"Participate," Dix said.
Jesse thought about the surge of fear and anger and desire that filled him almost to overflowing when he thought of her with another man. He knew that the passion, the nearly voyeuristic need to know, had nothing to do with curiosity, and, he realized, nothing to do with disapproval. Dix was right. The penetrating need to be privy was a kind of participation. Not just in the act, but in her life. Not knowing was exclusion. The idea startled him.
"So it's not just him and her," Jesse said. "It's him, her and me."
"Better than nothing," Dix said.
"I hate thinking about her with another man."
Dix nodded.
"And I hate to be excluded," Jesse said.
Dix nodded again. The two of them sat there in silence.
"A rock and a hard place," Jesse said.
Dix smiled.
"Enough to drive a man to drink," he said.