Death in Paradise

Chapter Sixty-one

"I heard about how you shot a man," Jenn said. "It was on the wire at the station."

Jesse nodded.

"How does that feel?" Jenn said.

"Necessary," Jesse said.

They were in Jenn's living room. Sitting together on her couch. Jenn was drinking white wine. Jesse had a Pepsi.

"Oh, Mr. Laconic. You must feel more than that."

"I try not to," Jesse said.

"You need to experience your feelings, Jesse."

"But I don't need to talk about them."

"Are you angry? You sound angry."

Jesse was quiet for a short time.

"Yes," he said. "I guess I maybe am."

"At me?"

"No."

Jenn leaned back against the arm of the sofa. She sipped a small amount of her wine, looking at Jesse over the rim of the glass.

"What?" she said.

Jesse stood and walked to the window and looked out. Then he turned and leaned against the wall beside the window.

"Feelings," Jesse said, "can really fuck you."

Jenn raised her eyebrows and didn't say anything.

"Guy I shot," Jesse said. "Guy named Snyder…"

Jenn nodded. Jesse noticed as he always did, how big her eyes were.

"He couldn't face it without being married to the woman he used to punch around."

"He beat her up?" Jenn said.

"Regularly."

"And she stayed with him?"

"For years," Jesse said. "I had something to do with her finally leaving him."

"Why didn't she leave him sooner?"

"She didn't have anything else."

"There must be something better than getting beat up all the time," Jenn said.

Jesse shrugged. "Poor bastard," he said.

"Her? I should think she'd be glad he was gone."

"Him," Jesse said.

"Because he's dead?"

Jesse drank some Pepsi.

"Because he was so scared he'd lose her," Jesse said, "that he lost her."

"Beating her up might not be the best way to keep her," Jenn said.

"He had to control her. Unless he could control her she might leave."

Jenn got up and poured herself a half a glass more wine. Then she sat back down on the couch and tucked her feet under her.

"And when she did leave he tried to force it more," Jenn said.

"Yep."

"He tell you this?"

"No."

"You're guessing, then?"

Jesse shook his head.

"I'm not guessing," he said.

Jenn had put her wineglass down on the coffee table. She had never cared if she drank or not, Jesse thought. I wonder what that's like.

"You're talking about you and me," Jenn said.

"Maybe a little."

"You've never hit me."

"No. I never would," Jesse said.

"But you know how he felt," Jenn said.

"Something about the way I've clamped on to you," Jesse said, "you can't stand."

"I love you, though."

"I know that."

"You're my best friend in the world," Jenn said.

"I know that, too."

Jesse finished his Pepsi and got another can. He brought the can back from the kitchen and sat back down beside Jenn on the couch.

"Maybe if I could let you go," Jesse said, "then, maybe you could stay."

"There are problems I need to solve, too," Jenn said.

"Sure," Jesse said. "But I don't have to be one of them."

Jenn put her hand out and pressed it against his cheek.

"The only way to have what you want is not to want it?" she said.

"Something like that."

"And this man you shot," Jenn said.

"Snyder."

"He never learned that."

"Nope."

"And it killed him," Jenn said.

"With a little help from me."