Heaven

DAY 210 WEDNESDAY 13 FEBRUARY 2002

5.43 am

I dreamed last night about a lovely man called John Bromley – Brommers to his friends – who died of cancer a few days ago. I had the privilege of working with him – you didn’t work for John, even though he was the head of ITV’s sport. He had an amazing gift of making even the tea lady feel part of the team. If you had a love of sport, good humour, fine wine and beautiful women, he was quite simply the best company a man could ask for. I predict that his memorial service will be as well attended as any prime minister’s. I only hope I’m out in time to be there.

9.30 am

A beautiful black Labrador called Bessie saunters into the hospital accompanied by two officers from the drug squad. I am told to wait in the lobby while Bessie goes about her work. Through the closed door, I can hear her padding around sniffing for drugs among my personal possessions. If Bessie can read, she’ll find several books, pamphlets and papers on drugs, but until you can fail an MDT for Ribena, Bovril or Evian, not much else.

The other prisoners sitting in the lobby waiting to see the doctor can’t mask their surprise. A few moments later, the door is opened and Bessie reappears, and as she passes by, ignores me – a good sign, because if Bessie starts to sniff you, you’re in trouble. If she licks you, you’ll be up on a charge. I ought to be pleased, but when I return to the ward, Bessie’s paw-prints are everywhere, and I scrubbed the floor only yesterday.

11.00 am

Mr Hocking explains that the drug search had a purpose. They are about to make a big swoop, following another tip-off, and he wanted the other inmates to see that I was not exempt from being searched. By now everyone in the prison will know, and some might even wonder if I’m about to be shipped out. I suspect the real search will take place later today.

3.00 pm

I have a legal visit from my solicitors Tony Morton Hooper and Lord Mishcon, now aged eighty-four – it’s kind of him to endure the seven-hour round trip. We spend the next two hours preparing for the upcoming appeal, not that a date has yet been fixed.

6.00 pm

Doug tells me that we are to have a new governing governor called Mr Beaumont. As he was governor of Leicester Prison, there will be a lot of inmates who can brief us about him.