Heaven

DAY 174 TUESDAY 8 JANUARY 2002

10.00 am

HM PRISON SERVICE RACE RELATIONS POLICY STATEMENT

The Prison Service is committed to racial equality. Improper discrimination on the basis of colour, race, nationality, ethnic or national origins or religion, is unacceptable, as is any racially abusive or insulting language or behaviour on the part of any member of staff, prisoner or visitor, and neither will be tolerated. [17]

This statement is publicly displayed in every prison in England, and I must admit that I have never witnessed an officer showing any racial prejudice at any time. On the contrary, I have witnessed several prisoners play the race card to their advantage.

’You’re only saying that because I’m black…’

‘You’re picking on me because I’m a Muslim…’

Unfortunately, I’ve not seen a black or Asian officer at either Wayland or North Sea Camp, otherwise I might have tried, ‘You’re only picking on me because I’m white…’

Can you name one country on earth that has a race relations policy to protect the whites? Certainly not Zimbabwe, which is in the headlines again today. I mention this only because a circular was sent to all departments today, which clearly shows how seriously the Prison Service takes minority rights.

12 noon

Mr Belford drops into the hospital and reports a conversation he heard between two elderly ladies standing at a bus stop in Boston:

First lady: ‘Did you see Jeffrey Archer in the pub last night?’

Second lady: ‘No, I thought he was in jail.’

First lady: ‘No, he’s down at our local almost every night, drinking pint after pint, before he’s driven back to the prison by his chauffeur in a Rolls Royce.’

Second lady: ‘It’s a disgrace.’

The officer pointed out to the ladies that I have never once left the NSC since the day I arrived, and I don’t drink.

‘That’s what you think,’ came back the immediate reply.