Kieron Smith, Boy

I did not care about his side except the window. How come he had it? It was not fair at all, I could not even look out. If I just wanted to see. If it was getting dark, or raining, if it was pelting down or what. I just wanted to look out and I could not, so that was not fair. How come I could not just look out? That was all. How come I was not allowed to? Oh away ben the living room if ye want to look out the window.

That was what he said. Oh away out on the balcony. Ye love the balcony. Away out on it.

I did love the balcony. So what? If he had the bedroom, so the balcony was a place for me. If I was not even to go in my own bedroom. If it was his. The whole bedroom.

I just got let in to go to bed. That was my house, it just was not fair. He made all the rules, he just made them up. He kept his school books and jotters out all the time. They were even set on the window-sill. If he was out the house and I was looking out the window I had to watch no to bang into nothing. It was all there. The books and stuff, jotters and pads, and all in order. He kept them in order. The pages for reading all were marked. He took them off the window-sill at night but one time he forgot and left them there the whole time and when it came morning every single one was soaking wet. All the pages, pages and pages just soaked through all stuck the gether and tearing if ye opened them and Matt was just jumping about and all angry Oh he was angry, and bawling and shouting. But no me. How come it was me? He was just looking at me. It was not me. I did not do it. Oh it is all ruined it is ruined.

Well it is not my fault.

Oh away ye go.

It is my room.

Oh shut up.

My da saw all the wet. Oh it is just the damp, the water comes down off the windows in these houses.

I just went out the room. I was glad the balcony was there. The door went out from the kitchenette. If ye were waiting for yer tea ye could just open the door and go out. Even it was raining ye could stand in at the door and the water might not get ye, if it came down over yer head, past yer shoulder. Only if the wind was blowing hard, it blew the rain in on ye. Ours was the top floor so ye saw people over the back if they were in their balconies. A boy lived three closes along from me on the first floor and if he was out on his I saw him. He was out a lot. We kidded on we did not see each other.

The balcony was made out of bricks and had a wall round it but ye could not climb up on the wall good, it had a round bar along the top, it was made of iron. If ye sat up on it ye could not balance. If ye got up on the wall to stand ye could not do it right. That round bar hit into yer ankles so yer legs could not go straight, so if ye were going to walk, ye could not. I thought how to walk along the bar, it was like a tightrope. But if it was yer bare feet gripping, maybe they could.

There was no dykes in the new place, not real ones. Ye looked over the balcony wall and saw the backcourt. It was all stones and bricks, mud and big puddles. But the great thing was the balcony. It was mine, that was what I thought. If Matt got the bedroom, well then. My maw and da had their bedroom. They all had the bathroom. I never got the bathroom. They always were in it. Oh it is a bath, I need my bath, that was what they said. In the old place we did not have one except the swimming baths and they were for everybody. My maw loved the bath. She always was saying it, Oh I am away for my bath.

My da just laughed. Matt done it too, he always was wanting a bath. My da said, Oh is he got a girlfriend?

Matt did not like him saying it and went into the bedroom. He did not like me coming in except if I was going to bed. I heard him saying to my maw about a snib for the door.

Oh but what if yer brother needs to come in?

So if he snibbed the door, how could I get in? I could not. It was my room too.

Oh but it was all his lessons, his lessons his lessons his lessons. He needed to get peace and could not if I was there. I made all fidgeting noises and just was a complete pest, that was what he said.

But how come? I was not doing nothing if I was just in bed reading a book. Oh but he hated that too. If ye turned a page, Oh you are doing it too noisy.

I am not, I am just turning a page.

Well do it quiet.

Then if ye were going to sleep. He needed the light on. Well keep it on, I do not care. That was what I said.

Oh but I cannot do it right if you are wanting the light off and I have to be quiet.

Well I do not care if I need to go to sleep.

Oh you are just a blooming pest.

I telled my maw but she just went with him. Oh Kieron it is so important for your brother if he is doing his studies.

Oh studies, it is just swotting. I fell asleep and I woke up. It was him turning a page. Or a wee cough, he done all wee coughs, so that was me awake.

Oh I did not mean to wake ye.

But he still done it, if he coughed. If he coughed he coughed. But I did not care if he woke me. I liked noises and listening just to what it was if it was outside, motor cars or what, if it was music from through the wall or big boys shouting in the street or maybe just heels walking, oh that is a woman, cullick cullick, cohhhhh, cullick cullick.

But I found how I could read in the bedroom and not lie on the bed. It was a wee place down between my bed and the wall where the door was. The bed was pressed against the wall but ye could just squash down and under. My da kept all suitcases under my bed but I shifted them the gether and it was easy to squash in. But when I came out it was all fluff and oose stuff down my pyjamas. My maw was shouting. Oh Kieron it is filfy it is just filfy.

But it came up from the floor under the bed so it was not my fault. It was all dirty under there. I got a brush and just brushed under.

If it was after tea and Matt was going in to swot, I just went in first and got my place comfy. I had the book against the wall and it got the light. When he came in he knew I was there but he did not say nothing. Because if it was my side of the room.

I liked it there. Nobody saw ye and it was yours. But Matt did not like me doing it. Oh I am just reading.

Oh well ye can read in the kitchenette.

So can you.

Oh shut yer trap.

No for you.

I was not going to for him. He wanted me to go to the kitchenette all the time but people went in there and the chairs were not comfy. If I went into the kitchenette I just went out on the balcony.

It was my balcony I thought that and it was. A pipe was beside it and went up to the roof. Ye could lean over and touch it. Sometimes ye heard the ice-cream van but our family did not get stuff except if it was fags for my da. It was all too dear. They all just put their prices up because it was out in the scheme. Other vans done it. Butchers, fish shops, bakers, fruit and vegetables. They all were there and they had dear prices so we did not buy stuff off them. My maw went into town every Saturday morning then came home in the afternoon. She done a big shop. When she came home she was loaded down with message bags. How could she carry them all? She could not. Me and Matt went down to wait for her off the train and we carried them up and over the hill and way way along to our street. Sometimes it was not that train and ye had to wait for the next one. Then ye saw her getting off and if a man was giving her down the messages, so me and Matt ran to get them.

***

I wanted to go out but it was just raining all the time. When it went off I saw boys outside playing. They were kicking a ball. I went down and got a game. They were playing heidies. I played the winner. Pat and Danny, they were quite good players. The rain started. We sat in a close and were just talking how about the old places where they stayed and I stayed and what like everything was and if they had good dykes and places to go. They did not know about ferries but they had good stuff in their old places. It was smashing and I was telling my da and he was laughing, Oh Saint Patrick and Saint Daniel, that is who he is playing with.

There was Proddy boys round our bit but they were just older or younger or just did not go about. Ye saw them up at the window looking out. People stayed in the house. They had games and read books.

The Protestant Primary School was high up and had a real-size football pitch but the workies were still in doing stuff and it was not ready. After the holidays special buses were taking us to other schools till it was ready. The RC Primary School was ready. It was weer than ours and made of tin same as ours. So if a stone hit it it would make a tinny noise and what would happen.

Matt was going to his same Secondary School. There was not a Secondary School in the new scheme. He was getting a train to go. That was lucky. I read a book and the children went away to school and with their suitcases all packed, saying cheerio to their mothers and fathers at the train station. Boys to one school, girls to one and they just met up for hols. Some were sisters. They were with the boys at the seaside and had all adventures. If they were swimming and the lasses did not have their swimming costumes they just used their underwear and the boys just looked away. It was just all living together, doing yer lessons and then games and big dinners, ye saw them in the dorms and it was cakes and buns. They were posh and were in England but they were still like pals and ye thought if ye met them, well, they would be okay, and ye could show them places. My maw would have wanted it. It was posh people for her, she liked them. My da did too, a wee bit.

My maw was at the same work like in the old place but he was in the house all the time and was just grumpy and looking out the window.

One day was sunny and Matt was going a walk so I went with him. Outside our house ye crossed the road and went down a big hill to a field. Away over we found a burn that stretched the whole way and ye had to find places to cross. There were stones ye could step on one by one. We found a place with a big pond flooding. Big boys were there. We were watching them. They knocked planks of wood off the workies and tied them together. They made a raft and it could float. They went on it a while and gived us a shot. Matt got a big stick and pushed it on the bottom, it was smashing and just wobbled out. Oh but then the planks came away and we had to go in the water. Matt jumped away but I could not and fell a wee bit so my side went under but I got my hand down to get up. Matt was going back on the raft. So did I but it was all slippy now and ye had to watch it.

There was a lot of spare ground roundabout, some was fields where they were building new houses. Once ye got there it was a walk up a wee hill and out to another flat bit where the workies were making a road. They had tractors and bulldozers. There was going to be new houses up and over the hill as well, thousands of them.

Some workies talked to ye. Others just chased ye and said they would give ye a boot up the a**e if ye went near their tools. One time they shouted at us, Wee Squatter b*****ds. So they thought we were the Squatters. I told my maw and she was angry.

They left all stuff lying about and ye could knock it if they were not looking or after teatime when they were all away home. Matt got pals with a big boy that builded the raft. He was called George. He had a young brother Jim and had to take him. So Matt wanted me to go as well so if I went with him and then Matt went with George but I did not want to. Jim was weer than me and was not a good runner and moaning a lot. George just punched him but it made him moan louder and then he was greeting. But it was not a hard punch. I did not want to go if the young brother was there.

Ye better, said Matt, else ye cannot come.

Him and George went ahead and left me and Jim so I just took him and we went with them. We knocked all nails and stuff off the workies. It was all in our pockets and too heavy so was pulling down yer trousers. Ye had to keep yer hands in yer pockets to hold them up. And the nails stuck in the cloth and tore it. Jim was saying to George, Oh mum is going to kill me. Oh that is your fault.

Matt and George had a hammer, a saw and chisels, and planked them down the field. I saw where they put them. Then Matt brought the hammer into the house. It was under the bed. He told me no to tell dad and no even to touch it else he would batter me. When he was out I got it. It was big and heavy and I could hardly hold it up, it just toppled.

Him and George were going back down the field. They went through the fence across from our houses and down the hill past the big boulder. I went after them and George's wee brother followed after me. They ran away so we ran after them. Once ye got to the big boulder ye were running fast down the hill and could hardly stop and ye were flying down and then thumping along the flat bit yer knees nearly hitting yer chin and then when ye stopped ye looked back to see how much ye had done. Back up the top of the hill was the houses, I saw my window.

The big boulder was smashing. It was gigantic. Ye climbed it and sat on the top. How come it landed there? Who could have rolled it up? No even a real giant except if he was the biggest of all. So if people were getting chased by him, maybe getting away, then he flung the boulder at them, he just picked it up like a wee stone. But lucky for them he missed when he flung it, but there was the boulder.

After that was ferns and the long grass and ye had to slow down and watch where ye walked, it was swampy and yer feet splashed through. Even if it was sunny and this day it was. The ground got too squelchy and yer shoes got stuck if ye were slow running, and yer feet came out and ye fell or else just ye were hopping, yer socks all soaked and muddy and if ye fell ye were just filfy. Jim would not go through the swampy bit. I showed him to go round the outside. He said, You come too.

I am not coming, I am going through the long grass.

Well I am telling.

It meant telling on me to his maw and da so if they would tell mine. I did not care, he was not my young brother and I did not have to look after him. Matt and George were away way across now and walking way to the gun-site hill. It looked like that. I telled Jim to hurry up and just come with me. He always thought about snakes, oh mammy daddy if snakes were there and going to get him. People said there was adders. Ye just had to watch.

I went through the long grass and the swampy bits for speed. Ye could go if ye did it careful. Ye looked for clumps of that long grass and ye walked on it. It was not good grass, ye could not eat it. The stems were hollow with a wee bush thing growing at the top. It looked like a bee.

I liked the swampy bits. Ye got deep puddles for ffogspawn. Ye put yer hands in and lifted it out but it was very slippy and going through yer fingers. If ye had a jar ye put it in and took it home. Ye just smuggled it in and kept it under yer bed. The frogspawn went into wee shapes. The wee shapes started moving about, then with their tails. That was the tadpoles. Ye gived them names then put them back down the field into the burn so they could swim about. Then they came frogs. When ye saw frogs down the field ye called their names so if they came to ye, well, that was them.

There were other patches of swampy stuff and we went through it, then jumping the burn. In some places it was easy and ye got good stepping stones. When it was too heavy rain the burn ran very high and wide and ye could never jump it. One time Squatters were chasing us and we were having to jump the burn but the last one doing it missed the top. He was a big boy and quite a slow runner. He could not get a grip up the grass and his feet were on the sandy bit and it was too too slippy and muddy cause everybody's feet had all been there and dragging in the water and his feet could not get a grip. So he slid back down into the water, and there were the Squatters. Us up on the bank shouting on him, Hurry up hurry up. The Squatters were firing stanes and we were firing back till the big boy just got out in the nick of time.

The Squatters would have battered him or else captured him and took him back to their camp, it was over the gun-site hill. People were feared of them. They hated ye if ye came from the scheme. My maw and da did not like them. Oh they are just Tinkers and have no right to be there.

Their camp was way over the other side of the gun-site hill. Ye crept a long way past the barbed-wire fence, watching for holes in the ground. Ye could see down to the wee roofs of their camp, all tarpaulin and corrugated iron. They chased ye hard and were smashing runners. Lasses were with them too and they all were best fighters. The leader was Cochise. People called him that. He was like a man. What would happen if he caught ye? He would kill ye. He only wore his trousers and did not wear any jerseys or shirts even in winter, but stripped to the waist with things round his arms and sometimes with his bare feet and things round his ankles. He had a real hatchet tied into his trousers and then warpaint. That was what he had. He was the best fighter and would beat men if it was a fair fight. If they captured ye, they had lorries and caravans and took ye away, and ye were tied up.

The gun-site was on the very top of a big big hill stretching wide as streets. When ye looked out the living-room window of our house ye always saw that hill and were wanting to go. It was all grass and thick bushes up there, high bushes, ye could not see nothing from faraway. All guns were there from the war, big guns for shooting down airoplanes and wee stuff like ammunition and bombs. People talked about all what was there. It was hidden under the ground down secret tunnels with trapdoors and with grass over them and stanes and twigs all in disguise. If ye fell down one it would be all guns and stuff, and ye could bring them home. If there was a rifle there, that was what I wanted or else hand-grenades and tommy-guns. Some stuff was on top of the ground and ye would find it under tarpaulin sheets. Barbed-wire fences were round it and soldiers stopped ye getting in. They carried machine-guns and rifles. They wore long coats and no hats so ye did not know who they were. But if they gived ye chewing gum, if they liked ye, maybe they would. So it was Yanks if it was chewing gum.

At the foot of the near side of the gun-site was where the workies were and ye had to dodge through the new houses and then walk way way over. Berry bushes and jaggy nettles were here, dead thick and ye had to hold big branches up to get under. We passed it and on through all the ferns and jaggy nettles and bushes. Now Matt and George walked away on fast and did not wait for us. It was not fair. And Jim was just girning all the time. I telled him to shut it.

Ye could hear the noises from the workies but it was in the distance and there was no other sounds except that, and then the buzzing if flies were there or else grasshoppers how they clicked their knees. I caught one, ye just went to the noise and parted the grass with yer hands and there he was, he just was sitting and ye grabbed him with yer two hands.

Jim was sitting for a rest. I was seeing the way to run if the Squatters came. I said it to Jim but oh he was just moan moan I want to go home so I stopped and just sat down too.

Ye could see way far far over to our houses, it was right away over. My da might have come to the window, he would not have seen me, I was not even a wee speck. It was just bushes and bushes. It looked safe to go. But if Squatters were there and could see ye and then were creeping to get ye. So if they were, all ye could do was run. And people did not run the same, and if a wee one was there ye got slowed down because ye were holding his hand. That was Jim but he could run himself, I was not waiting for him.

Ye looked farther up the hill and ye could not see the gun-site. That was funny. It all was there and ye could never see it. Not till ye were there. Ye went over one hill then another one was there higher up, and higher up again, so ye had another rest. Big ferns were here. Ye thought ye had reached the top but ye had not, there was aye another hill to go, then another one, till finally that was you and there it went flat, and ye saw wee bits here and there so ye knew. The sun was hot on my head. I saw good grass and pulled a few stalks. The inside ends were sweet and I chewed them. I looked for the wee plants with the soor leaves. They were best. Oh and then shouting. Kierronnn! Kierronnn!

It was Matt. Me and Jim went through big ferns to get to them and George shouted about snakes, Oh be careful, it is full of them.

Matt said, Oh it is poisonous vipers.

It was just tormenting Jim because he hated them. Snakes were all in the ferns, that was where they hid. I never saw them but I went careful and just watched it. They slept there under the ferns. And if ye stood on them, well, if ye did, that was you. I lifted up the ferns but never saw them. Matt and George were laughing. I did not care. Then Jim was wanting the toilet. Oh well away and do it, that was what George said.

No, I am wanting to go home and do it.

You cannot.

I want to.

Well away ye go then!

George and Matt just ran away now and I was left with him. I telled him to do the toilet as well but he would not because it was in the open and what would happen if something bit him?

If a snake came I would capture it. That was one thing, a pet snake, if ever I could get one.

Matt and George found the barbed-wire fence round the gun-site. It was a trail through thick thick bushes. Ye had to get through the fence, climbing or else underneath where there was holes. The holes were there, ye just crawled under. Jim was moaning how he did not want to and oh oh oh oh. George was telling him to shut up but he would not.

Matt went under the fence. He lied down on his back and his hands pushed up the bottom ends of the wire with George holding it up. He got through easy then held it for George. But they did not help us. George said to Jim. Oh you wait here.

You too, said Matt and they crept away fast through the bushes.

But I was not waiting. I was going under the wire same as them.

Oh do not leave me. That was Jim. It was good if he went first. If I held the wire for him then him holding it for me.

Oh but he would not, he was too feared, he was just nearly greeting, oh oh oh, and snakes too oh they were coming and going to bite ye, oh oh. Oh please wait here Kieron please wait here.

No, we have to go under the wire.

Oh please do not, please wait here, oh oh.

And now he was bursting for the toilet and he had to go and he could not wait and just had to do it. Oh but if there was no paper to wipe his B-U-M, where was the paper? If there was no any.

Well ye just use leaves to wipe. It was docken leaves, ye just found them. I said it to him. Away into the bushes and do it.

Oh no no I will just do it here.

No, away into the bushes.

Oh no you go into the bushes.

But I am no needing it is you.

Oh but I can do it here.

Well I am just staying.

Oh but you will just watch me.

I will not watch ye.

Oh ye will, please go in the bushes.

No.

Please Kieron please.

So I had to go in the bushes. I went away a wee bit, if I could look over to see Matt and George. But I could not so I just sat a wee minute, watching out for stuff, if snakes were there, maybe they were. If it was real adders or else grass snakes. Grass snakes did not bite, that was a pet I wanted. Even if it was a adder and the adder knew ye and you were its owner, it would not poison ye then. People had snakes. They wrapped them round their arms. Boys said that. I did not see them. I did not see any snakes. George said it to Jim, Oh it is all snakes and they come out and poison ye with just their fangs poking out, they jab ye.

I did not believe him. He said it to make Jim scared. So if it was big ferns where ye were sitting, what if a snake came out? What if they did? If ye stepped on one or else sat on top of it. People said that. Oh he just sat down and the snake bit him right through his trousers, the poison just went right in.

The big ferns is where they hid and waited for ye. Thick bushes were there too, with all jaggy nettles so ye could not go through. The Army put them there to stop ye, ye could not go in them even if ye were wee. If ye wanted to go in them, I did not. There was no any space. Yer feet would just get trapped and yer body too, ye would have to be a ghost. Ghosts could just slide about into mid air. If ghosts were here. Ye could get dead spirits from the war if it was soldiers and their ghosts came. Sailors went down to the bottom of the sea. Their spirits were all down there except if they went up to Heaven, but some did not, they just waited. If they had to stay down below If God would not let them in. Maybe no, if He was angry. God got angry if ye done bad stuff. Then if it was soldiers. They all got shot but if it was blown up and they were smashed to smithereens so they did not have a body, it was all bits everywhere. Where did they go?

I did not like the bushes where I was sitting. Ye could not see in. It was just leaves and leaves and all thick branches all fankled, all stuff poking out, fuzzy stuff and poison too, so ye could not go in, ye could not, even if ye wanted to but I did not want to, never never, there was no space for ye, ye could not go in, I would never, and never try it. Ye would just get stuck, how yer foot would just get twisted in and trapped, ye would just get trapped, and ye could not move, ye could not move.

Oh but I did not like it here. I did not. I just did not. I was shivering, how come I was shivering oh but I was oh but I was, I was I was I was and could not stop it if I was scared, my teeth hitting against each other. And it was just loud and louder, and now I needed the toilet, I really was needing and just had to go and it was just now I just had to and I looked and where was docken leaves if it was diarrhoea oh I felt it coming but it was just fern leaves to wipe, I could not find dockens.

Then came talking. I heard it. I hid down. Oh if it was a Yank or a soldier. Or else a Squatter, oh a Squatter, that was what I thought and if he captured ye and took ye away But then it was not it was Matt and George. I saw them away over. They were smoking. They were there and smoking. George was, I did not see Matt doing it. And nothing else, I did not see nothing else. Except away far far. That was rich people's houses. Big boys went knocking out their gardens, apples and stuff. There were all fields there in the distance. Ye could get turnips out farmers' fields. George said that. Him and other boys went. He was taking Matt but no me. How come? I could keep up easy, I was a fast runner and could jump good if it was the burn and we were getting chased. I said that and Matt said to me, Oh just get yer own pals.

But if my maw found out he was smoking he would get a real doing. I could tell on him. If I did that would be him. So how would he like it?

Oh and then he nearly saw me. Him and George were coming. I ducked down and went back through the bushes. Jim was there waiting at the fence. But what happened, Matt came right to me. Take Jim home.

What?

Just take Jim home.

No. What are yous doing?

We are just going a walk.

I am going with you.

So am I, said Jim.

Kieron is taking ye home, said George.

I am no.

Yes ye are. Matt gived me the punch sign for a secret warning. That was what he done and he would just get me after if I did not do it. Oh you are getting a secret warning.

That was what he called it.

The gun-site was no good so they were going away someplace else. And if I tried to go with them Matt would batter me. Brothers did that. George done it to Jim. It was just the same. So if it was brothers, that was what they done, it just was not fair. And people did not know. They done it behind their backs. If it was yer maw and da watching the telly, he came in and just gived ye a look or else if he held his hand up and in a punching grip showing ye, Oh you, you are going to get it.

That was the sign, so that was you and ye were going to get it. If it was Matt, he just went back out the room. So ye were feared to go out the living room, so if it was the lavatory, ye did not want to go because if he was waiting ben the lobby. He would be and would get ye.

If ye did not know about brothers ye would not see the sign. Some of what Jim got off George I knew because with Matt.

It was not fair a first brother and a second brother, because ye were not the first ye did not get stuff and because ye were weer ye got doings. Nobody bothered because it was brothers so it was their business and kept out it, even if it was bullies and they were punching wee ones. They done it so ye would not come. Well I just did. I did not care. So if they said, Away ye go. I just followed them. I done it the next time and they were going a long walk. Jim was not there. I was glad.

George was there with Matt, and another big boy. I did not know who he was. I followed them right away over the field and away over and across at the edge of the gun-site hill then away down and out on a country road. There was no pavements to walk on and bushes and trees at the side of the road. Ye just had to watch it, and if motors came, sometimes an old lorry.

They were smoking again and drinking ginger. George had a job as a paperboy and made a big wage and it was him bought all the stuff. Me and Matt did not get much. Matt was wanting to get a job too. My da thought it was good but my maw did not, only his studies. That was what she always wanted was studies, Oh do yer lessons do yer lessons.

I kept way behind and was just hiding a wee bit. I did not care if they saw me except Matt with smoking, he would be angry, if I was going to tell on him. Maybe I would.

I saw him now and he was going to chase me. I knew the way he done things. He would just wait and wait and go a wee bit slower and a wee bit slower and then oh running and running to catch me but he would not catch me. He would not. Except if he did. So I ran back. I saw George laughing to him, saying something. That was about me. I waited before going. I did not see them round the bend, then round the next one I did not see them. Maybe they were just hiding.

It was miles and miles away I knew where the scheme was but ye could never have seen it from where we were, it was too faraway and then all hills and roads were in between and now cows but mostly sheep. We were coming out to hills and big hills. I saw the sheep there and if ye looked high up they were way way up there.

But I could not see Matt and if there was a tree I would have climbed it because with Matt, he just would sneak up on ye and then jump out and get ye.

It was funny how sheep, ye saw them and they did not look good, but they were and were smashing climbers. If they fell down a mountainside the shepherd had to go and find them, he lifted them on his shoulders, wee lambs.

I found good grass and was looking for soor leaves. There was a wee gate with a step fixed to it and ye climbed up and over and into the field. Cows were there and were looking at me, if they were going to charge me, maybe they were, I went by the side of the field and away over from them. There was not any trees anywhere, not good ones. A wee loch was. I just came on it. I went over a wee hill and there it was. Ye could have went for a swim. I was going to but I did not. The water was not blue but black-looking and big long weeds were coming out. I felt the water to see but it was freezing cold. I took a wee sip and it was good. Maybe if I paddled out. If it was not deep, it did not look deep. I was going to take off my socks and shoes but I did not, because if it was deep after all, even just the deepest like a big big hole right in the middle or else a big fish nibbling yer toes or just if it bited ye if it was very big or if it was like a Loch Ness monster, it could have been.

It was all quiet roundabout and big boulders, if baddies were hiding behind them. It was a laugh but what if they were? Ye thought about it. And if ye were the cavalry ye were getting a drink of water, ye were having a wee rest and the horses too, then the Indians were coming to get ye, just quiet and creeping up, knives in their teeth to scalp ye, and ye were just lying down to get a drink of water and the arrow thudded into ye or else the one standing beside ye, he was yer old pal oh and the arrow thudded into his back, Oh I am done for. So ye ran quick to hide, just for cover, and drawing yer gun except if ye did not have one, only a rifle. Soldiers just have rifles and ye left it over beside yer horse so ye had to run to yer horse but the Indians were there and stole yer horse and were here coming to get ye and with their knives or else their spears.

If my pals from the old place came here they would love this place. If I got Terry and Ian and boys out my class they could come and see it. I would just bring them. I could easy do it. Just if they had money for the train, that was all. Oh they would love it and all the good games ye could play they would love it.

It was all smashing for playing. Except how the big boulders and stuff was all quiet, it was quiet. Ye could not hear nothing only maybe the wind, just a wee bit. So if it made ye feared, ye could see how it did, if it did, ye were just there and nobody else. There was no any sounds, there was just no any sounds. Oh but birds, high up, ye saw them, whirling about, wee specks. Then just the sheep and they were just away high up, right away at the very top, ye looked and there was one farther up, and the wind making the grass shiver. I liked the sheep. They were just how they were and did not look good but were the bestest climbers. They were not fat, their coats had been sheared off.

I went home. It was a long way away but I knew how to go, it was easy. I just went to the road and that was it and I would just get it easy. I sat down for a rest and got some good grass to eat but none of the soor leaves. I liked them. Ye just chewed one. Ye were not to swallow it, and ye got the juice. Ye spat it out after. I was starving and if ye got turnips. I did not know how to. It was best just walking. I could not see the road and was looking away over the hills and went up high to look but could not see anything. It was all just in the country. If I found the road I would go on a bus if buses came. I had no money but just say to the conductor, Oh please Mr I lost my money.

But I could not find the road so just kept walking and walking and having wee rests and just getting to where I saw it looked the way to go and I was just going there and I got to a road but it was not the same road, just a wee one. It was all dried out so if no motors came, just a ghost road. I was walking and walking. It was windy and steep down so ye went round and round and down and down and were running a wee bit. I came to a wall and a house, and a pile of pigs behind a fence. Real pigs. They were all running about and squeaking when they saw me, just real pigs and ye saw their wee eyes and they were just manky all where their mouths were, they had been eating food and it was all dirty. Farther on all the big houses started where the rich people stayed and I just went on and came round a bend and down a long big hill and there saw the bluebell woods. When ye saw them ye knew ye were nearly there. It was smashing to get to my close and up the stair. When I chapped the door my maw came and she saw me. Oh Kieron.

Then my da's feet down the lobby, Oh is that him now and he grabbed me at the wrist and gave me a skelping, just hard, I did not care. I saw Matt was there and did not care for him either, none of them at all, and my maw, I did not care about any of them and just was wanting away, just getting away from that horrible stinking b****y house just to get back to the old place and my old pals and my school just in the classroom and my grannie and granda and the street going up and just everything.

***

Pat stayed two closes along from me. I went pals with him and Danny McGuire. I went into Pat's house a lot. The walls had Crosses hung up and pictures of Jesus and a big one where was all the Disciples in Raiment and it was the Last Supper. Jesus was killed on the Cross. It was just the same story and ye saw Judas, Oh he is the one and the Pieces of Silver, Oh do not forsaketh me, but he does.

Pat had one wee brother and one big sister. Her room door was shut so ye could not see in it. She had big fights with their maw and da. So did Pat. They were not feared of them. Pat's da worked in the railways and was aye sleeping on the chair when ye went in his house. Pat did not like him. If ye went on the train ye saw him waiting at the gate to collect the tickets off the folk coming home. A lot did not have tickets and just skipped past him. Pat's da looked at them but did not say nothing. If he was scared to, if he was a coward. If Pat thought that. But I liked his house better than mine. He had a good room, it was just his wee brother with him.

Danny McGuire came up and we were talking and I was saying about the ferry and how ye could just do stuff. They were wanting to go and see it so I took them. I did not tell my maw and da. My da did not like me talking about the old place and if I wanted to go to my grannie and granda. Oh this is yer house now, ye have got to get used to it. Ye are not running to them all the time.

We went on Saturday morning. Pat knew a way to go on the train so ye did not pay much money. We got to the river and oh they loved it and on the pier showing them the steps down and how ye went right down the bottom one and then the one next to that was under the water and how ye just could stand on it when the waves went out and then jumped up when the waves came in. A woman was up the top watching us. Oh come away from there!

We were just laughing. The ferry came in and I showed them how to do it, jumping aboard and standing ready to jump off and doing it before the ferryman jumped ashore with his rope. Ye called him Skipper and ye had to get up the stair before he tied the ferry. That was what we always done, it was just like a race and the Skipper tied it fast so he could beat ye. They were real sailors from the highlands.

The ferry was out in the middle and ye could see right down the river. Ye leaned yer elbows on the side and just looked over and saw everything, all the boats, big ones like my da sailed in and went round the world and wee ones too and then the ones getting built with all the big planks and poles way up high where the men walked along the sides. They could just look down and did not fall off but if ye waved they did not wave back. I liked wee boats the best. I would have loved one, if ye could have yer own boat and just go in it and sail about wherever ye wanted. I was going in the Navy when I grew up. I was telling them how my da was a real sailor and that was him.

Oh but what if it sinks? said Danny.

Him and Pat could not swim. I showed the lifebelts to them. Danny touched one. Oh you are not supposed to touch it, I said.

How no?

It is bad luck.

What happens?

I did not know what happens. Except Danny should not have touched it. I never touched them. It was not good to do it. I did not think so.

We got to the other side of the river. I thought to take them to my grannie and granda or else the park to show them the pond, maybe if the yachts were out and it was a race. Then we were saying about football, how they had not been to a real game. I said how with Rangers ye could go and the men would lift ye over. The cops were there but ye just knew what to do. So if they were looking ye just kidded on ye were not doing it and then if ye waited and just ye got a man and he whisked ye over and that was you and ye saw the game and it was smashing. So we would go now. It was Saturday. So I telled them. I will just take ye.

Oh no, it is Rangers. Danny said, Rangers is just for Protestants.

Oh but they will not know, we can just go.

But what if they find out?

Oh but they will not, we will not tell them.

Oh but if they know?

But they will not know. Nobody will see ye. So if ye do not tell them. It will be okay.

Danny had a worried face.

Him and Pat did not look like Catholics. Catholics had white faces and black hair or else red hair and freckles and white faces. Only their names. Their names were Pape names. If ye said their names. Ye could not say their names. If anybody heard them. Oh do not say yer names out loud, I said. Oh and mine too, do not say it.

How come?

Oh it is a Pape's name, Kieron is a Pape's name. If they think it. If they think it is. It is not, Protestants are called it too.

Pat said, I know a boy called Kieron Ramsay, he goes to my old school. He is a Catholic.

Protestants could be Kieron too. But I did not know a Proddy called Pat. And a Pape called Billy. But if there was, maybe there was. Or Danny, I did not know about Danny, maybe it was Saint Danny. My da said that.

But we would not say names.

I took them the long way so past my old house just to show them. I did not show them the Catholic School and the Chapel. I took them past my school, and through the houses where the midgierakers stayed. It was all Papes lived here. But it was dead quiet. People were there but were not watching us. They were just doing stuff, kicking a ball and just what, playing games and stuff, talking. If they looked at us, how come we were there and walking in their place, if they were going to chase us. Oh but we are RCs. I would say it.

We got to the Rangers but nobody was there except just wee boys playing heidies on the pavement. It was a big wide pavement. Two cops were there but not chasing them.

All the gates were locked. A man was walking with a dog, a big beauty and just skinny with a long tail. I said it. Oh Mr we were looking but where is Rangers, is there no a match on?

Oh no boys they are not at home today, they are up in Dundee.

Oh.

Danny said, Is that a racing dog mister?

Yes.

Where is its races?

Faraway son.

The man walked away with the dog. We were looking and the dog walking and his head just going up up, up up, and too how his shoulders went. Whish whish, ye could see it. It was a beauty.

Danny said, That is a greyhound. It is a real racing dog. A racing dog is a greyhound. In my old place ye could see them racing, it was a dog track and my grandpa went and he took me.

But that was us now and we went back for the ferry It was a very very long walk and we did not have any much money. No for chips and we could see a chip shop. The rain started. It got heavier and the wind blowing. Ye felt cold too. Down at the pier there was a roof to duck under. So we were there waiting and watching the rain bounce up. It was the heaviest. Ye could see too how it hit the water, straight in and it was just a complete blanket.

On the ferry we stood under cover beside the engine. A lot of people were there. It was very hot and the engine smell was strong and that sweet smell was in it and I did not like it. Sometimes it was there and ye wanted out to the fresh air but if ye could not get out, the rain pelting down and everybody just there and men smoking and ye did not get good air off the wind. Danny felt sick, oh and was going to be, and he was, the sick splashed down and on a man's shoes and on his trousers and he did a swear word, F**k sake.

Danny went out the sheltered bit and was more sick. The man was shaking the sick off his trouser bottoms. He had a girny old face and ye thought he was going to hit Danny Lucky for him he did not. We would have waited off the ferry and fired stanes at him. We would have.

***

My granda was not keeping good. Uncle Billy was back from England again, staying with him and grannie. Auntie May was away someplace else and was getting married. Me and Matt went over to see granda. We walked a long way to get a bus. We done it to save money. The bus did not come so we did not go. But we were walking and found a canal. We were used to the big river so this was just wee, but still good. Men fished in it and so did some boys and they were catching fish but we did not see them. After that we went a lot. If Matt would not go I went down myself or sometimes Pat came. Danny did not go away much from the street.

The canal was good. Ye watched the boats coming down through the locks. Other people went, lasses too, but ye had to watch it with other boys. Ye were wanting to make pals but if they were wanting to fight, I did not want to, so ye were ready to run.

Wee boats went on the canal, cabin cruisers and barges. They sailed across Scotland and came out the other side. At these locks the water changed, it was high and low. The boat went in high up and then sat in between the locks till it went low, it got lowered down. And the boat was on top of it and when they opened the gate the boat sailed out and it was hurrehhh, I shouted it. I loved seeing them come out. The sailors let ye help to wind the handle that set the height of the water. The handle was for a big wheel and ye had to watch it did not spin, ye could not do it yerself unless ye were a man. But they were not real sailors, no like my da.

If ye were jumping across the gangways over the locks ye got chased by the lock-keeper. Oh you wee b****r. But ye would not fall in. He said ye would but ye would not.

Along the sides of the canal were reeds and ye could get them out the water. They cracked when ye bent them and were hollow inside. In the olden days the kilties were hiding from the redcoats and they sank under the water with the reeds in their mouths poking out the water, getting air to breathe.

If ye went the way east the path stopped and ye had to go down on the road and walk that way to catch up. Then there was the railway and ye walked along the tracks. There were men there and they chased ye. If ye listened to the line ye could hear the train coming. There were bushes there and ye could hide in them and if the train went by oh ye were just there and hiding. Matt was saying how there were foxes and wolves too, they came from the country.

***

After the summer holidays everybody from our scheme got special buses to a temporary school. Mostly we did not know people, except if they lived beside ye. Papes were there too but their schools did not go on my bus. The bus I got stopped at the same place so I stood there to wait. People did that. Ye saw ones from your bus and stood near them. I saw two lasses from my class at the temporary school but they did not talk to me. I did not talk to them. Julie Michaels and Lorna Buckle. People shouted her name to her. Oh beltbuckle, tie my beltbuckle. She got a red face.

We got the special school buses down behind the shops. A lot of other buses were there. I saw Pat and Danny and gived a wave. Some days the bus did not come for ages. People said about going home and some did. But then if the buses came. I just waited till the end. Nobody was in my house. I had my doorkey but I did not like if it was just me in the house. My da had got a new job. It was in a factory and quite faraway. He got a train into town and then a bus and the same back.

We all got tickets for schooldinners. It was great. It was in a separate building and they did not care if ye came for second helpings. Ye got steak pie and other stuff, mashed potatoes and cabbage, it was just great and then sausage pie, it was all pastry with sausages sticking out except sometimes it was burnt but ye still ate it, it was great. Some big boys got their dinner and then joined straight on the back of the queue. They ate up their dinner quick while they were waiting and then it was their turn again, so they had an empty plate and just got second helpings. At morning time ye were just sitting. I could not wait. What were ye getting? Steak pie and potatos or what. On Wednesdays ye did not get a dinner, just a soup then ice cream and jelly and if it was Friday ye got fish. Fish on Friday. That was for Papes, a boy said it, if we were getting it, how come?

But I did not get on good at this school. That was what I felt. I did not know boys and did not have pals. How could I not go to the old school? In the old school people liked me. Here they did not. In the old place it was me said things, Oh we will go to the park or jump the dykes or maybe if the lasses were there and it was dark nighttime we all telled stories. It was good fun, sitting on the stairs under the lights and saying about creepy stuff and if one had to go home we all laughed about ghosts getting them or if bogie men were there. The lasses liked it and so did we. But in the new place things did not work the same. I was not a best fighter. Boys just looked at me in a wee way so they thought they were best fighters. But if they did not see me fight. How come they thought they were better if they did not see me?

Even if I was the best fighter in the whole class? If ye did not have fights ye could be. So if ye were not, nobody knew ye were not. So ye could have been, so how did they know ye were not? Ye could just have said it, Oh I am the best fighter. But people would just laugh, or else fight ye.

One day it was freezing cold and ice was there and we were waiting ages, stamping about for yer feet to get warm. People were down at the corner to look out for the buses. Boys were flinging stuff about for a laugh. I did not know them. A thing hit me. What was it? Just a scabby old cloot thing like an old towel but complete filfy. The boys acted like they did not see it hit me. But if they thought I was daft or what, if I could not fight, they would soon find out. They flung something else and it hit a boy beside me. It was John Davis. He wiped it off his coat and looked over at who flung it. The boy looked back at him. John Davis just was watching him and with a look on his face, and he kept looking at the boy. He wiped his coat again but the other boy just walked over to another bit so then ye knew he was feared of John Davis, I thought that. How come? John never done nothing, just looked. So that was that and people knew, Oh watch it, if it was him, and they just left him alone. He had on a Rangers' tie. That was what he wore. So I said it to him, if he supported Rangers, and he did. I was talking to him and the buses came. I sat beside him. He did not go to my school. Him and another boy and lassie stayed on after we all got off.

If ye spoke to him he did not speak back but was watching ye hard so ye were careful. Ye did not try anything with him. If he lost his temper, ye wondered maybe if he would, what would happen. Boys looked at him but then they did not and just looked someplace else.

He did not have pals much. I went home with him one night after school. His maw opened the door and took me in. She did not speak, just smiled. It was Rangers everywhere. Even the living room. It had all blue and orange for the curtains and carpets and all pictures, it was King Billy and the Queen on their horses or else just standing. My maw did not let King Billies go on the wall but she liked the Queen and we had pictures of her. The biggest one was in the living room. Her and the Duke wore the Sash and had on Army clothes. My da put up Rabbie Burns. He liked him. Oh my love is like a red red rose.

John Davis had a big brother that was like a man. Ye did not see him except just coming in or going out and he did not speak to ye. And he did not speak to John. Ye saw him and he just walked past. They had the same bedroom and it was Rangers Rangers Rangers and all the players were on the wall and calendars and all stuff.

His maw was a wee woman that just went about. I was bigger than her. She did not talk, just looked at the ground and was smiling all the time. How come? If she was thinking about a joke. They had a wee dog that lied in its basket under the kitchen table. He had quick breathing and steam out his mouth and dribbling all the time and it went on the carpet. My maw would not have had it.

I was in with John and his da saw me, Mr Davis. He had funny teeth that stuck out. Oh and what is your name son?

Kieron.

Oh, Kierrunn, that is a nice name. Then he said it to Mrs Davis, and he was looking at me. His name is Kierrunn. Is that not nice?

John did not talk to his da or his maw except if he was looking for stuff if he could not find it and was crashing about flinging open the drawers. That was when he shouted and it was dead dead loud and oh it was just really shouting, Oh where is it where is it! Oh where is it!

If he was getting angry. Ye thought he was. It was a worry. Ye were just there and looking. But then he was okay again.

They were in the Lodge and if there was a Walk ye saw them. His da wore the Sash and the round hat and with the umbrella under his arm. So did his maw, and she wore a hat as well and a handbag. Mr Davis walked first and then John and her. She took funny steps when she was walking as if it was all wee puddles on the ground and she was wanting no to step in them. John walked a wee bit the same as her and he looked at the ground too. I said to him. Oh hey John look at the sky!

I just done it to get him. But maybe it was something, if it was birds flying, so then he was looking. And if it was a big flock of birds and how they all went flying high and if it was a shape and ye saw one bird flying off by itself. That happened. Then other ones following and other ones staying behind then they would all come the gether and ye watched them flying on and on and would keep looking and keep looking till yer neck was sore and they were wee toty wee specks and ye did not know if ye could see them or what. I would say it to John. I can still see them I can still see them I can still see them until then I could not. He was looking too and waiting for me to say it. Then if clouds were coming and they flew into them. They all went to Africa for the hot weather. And ye got ducks. The ducks flew as well. I said it to John. One time we came off the school bus at four o'clock and I was going home with him. Other boys were kicking a ball and putting down their schoolbags for goalposts. These boys did not go to my school but I knew them because of the school buses. Papes were there too. Any chance of a game? I just shouted it.

Aye.

So I got John too and he came on. They picked sides and me and him were last picked. The very last was him, just how he looked and did not talk or else bother. But then we were playing and he was a best tackier, bestest, he was, and I did not know and was pals with him, so how come? I was just looking. Whohh, ye just could not get past him. And his knees banged into ye too and just how he was tough with his tackles or else in shoulder charges, ye bounced off him. Ye were running at him and he just stuck out his foot. Trying to dribble him, ye could not. How did he do it? He just stuck out his foot and got the ball. And then of all was heidying the ball, he would have beat men.

I could not heidy the ball right. My granda showed me and showed me. Oh it is the front of yer head son do not close yer eyes. Attack the ball Attack the ball.

If it was the middle of yer head it was no good. Yer head had two bits and then there was the middle. If the ball hit in there it was where the two bits joined, and it was softer, so that was how it was sore and the ball did not go the right way because it was the two bits, one one way, one the other and the ball hitting in, so where did it go, that way or that way?

And ye had to watch how ye done it. It happened to me, the ball just plonking down and ye were dizzy and ye had to wait a wee minute and could not run. If ye did not heidy the ball right and it was too many times that would be bad for yer head, just like what happened to boxers so it was punch-drunk.

Uncle Billy was there and he was laughing when granda said it, but it was right enough. My granda shook his head at Uncle Billy. Oh never mind him son he is a dumpling.

I was telling John Davis about it but he did not bother if it was the front or the back or what, if it was the middle of his head, he just jumped and got it and the ball went sailing away. His heidying was better than some boys kicking. He was just good at it.

Except I was a fast runner, John was not. He was big and ye thought he was too big. Some boys tried to be funny with him, if maybe he was daft because people might think that. So now they did not and if me and him were coming off the school bus and the boys were there for a game, well, they just picked us in the teams. Oh John you kick that way. Smiddy you kick that way!

That was me, my name, it just was Smiddy now If somebody said it to me. What is yer name? Oh it is Smiddy.

I just said that.

But then what happened. John stopped playing. How come? It was his feet or else shoes. I was saying it to him and he held his feet up to show me. If his shoes got all bashed, maybe that was it. Mine did too. My maw got angry because I played with my school clothes on. Yer trousers too, how they got manky and one time were ripped all up the leg right from the bottom. How did that happen? I did not know till I was running and then my trouser just flapping. My maw sewed them. She just grabbed them off me. That was my good trousers. Oh no! and she was angry. Oh do not you ever do this again Kieron Smith you will come home from school now and change.

I said it to John. We will go home and change first. Put on yer old stuff and yer old shoes and that and I will see you there in a wee minute!

I just rushed home and changed and back out, just with a piece on jam and a slug of milk out the bottle. My maw did not like me doing that but she was not home. I lived away farther from the shops than John. But then I got there and was on playing but where was he? He never came back. I went up to see but he would not come out. If he went in his house and changed out his school clothes that was him, he did not come out.

I said it to his maw. Oh if he has got old shoes.

She just smiled.

John is the best player Mrs Davis if he can get his old shoes and then just play.

She was making their tea. It smelled good and my stomach was rumbling.

Oh can I look in the pot?

Mmhh. She nodded her head to me.

It was mince and potatos and there was big thick onions, that was it I was smelling. Oh I was starving. My maw did not make onions. My da had a bad stomach and onions were not good for it. And if it was fried. Oh no. And for an egg, poach it or else boiled, that was my da.

But John did not come out. I liked being pals with him but it was only sometimes ye saw him, that was all. He did not like climbing. There was a good wall near the shops and people climbed it. He only watched. He kept watching till ye made it to the top and his face was worried, if ye were going to fall, he thought ye were. I walked along the top of it and done funny steps. He was glad when ye came down. I just laughed. Oh John it is dead easy. See the ones we climbed in the old places! We had the biggest jumps and the biggest dykes. This is just nothing.

He could have climbed it. I said to him, Go and do it.

Some big boys were not good climbers and it was fat too, but John was no fat. And he was not a daftie, if people thought he was, he was not.

Ye watched for ones that were. Some dafties were no feared of nobody. They would just fight who it was. They did not care. So if ye laughed at them they would get ye.

Ye had to be careful in the new scheme. Ye did not know who was who. Then too if it was Papes, who was a good fighter and who was not. And if the Pape was a daftie, ye did not know.

And people walked at ye. That was what they done. Ye had to get out the road. But if ye did so they could walk then they were the boss and you were just nothing. So ye had to watch it when ye were walking. Ye were aye ready, so if ye saw boys coming to ye, and it was a long way away ye were thinking what to do. Maybe ye crossed the street. But if ye stayed on the same pavement what would happen? Ye had to think what to do. Because if these boys were coming to ye, ye could not bang into them. And they would not get out your way. No unless it was just one or two and they were younger or else wee or just if they were not good fighters. Ye had to act tough. Men done it too. They all just acted tough. Boys were walking down the street and I watched to see. So if it was a man coming, what did he do? So if he crossed the street well maybe he was feared.

People just tried it with ye to see if ye were easy and ye had to do something back to them. If they punched you you had to punch them. If they stole yer school bag or clicked yer heels and tripped ye, you done the same to them. Ye acted tough. I was not near getting bullied and nobody made a fool of me except if it was a laugh and ye all were doing it. Even the best fighters, they did not get me. If it was football or what, I was good at stuff, if it was games or running. People knew that. Then if it was climbing, I was a best climber.

***

My maw said it was good if I started Sunday School. She heard people saying about it and I should just give it a try. I did not want to but my da said, Oh you will meet other boys and stop moaning.

Oh but dad.

No.

They were going to make me go. I did not want to except if it was the Lifeboys and ye had to. I went in the old place and it was horrible except ye saw yer pals. The Sunday School teacher was always angry. If he thought ye were making a fool of him, but we were not, I was not. I did not want to go except if it was the Lifeboys.

My maw said, Oh but there is going to be a Lifeboys.

Well I can go then.

You will go just now.

Well what about Matt?

Oh he is too old.

My da said, He will get Bible Class when he goes back to the BB, so that is enough. You need it and he does not.

How come?

Ye just do.

How come?

He did not say anything more. He stuck up for Matt but he did not stick up for me.

If it was the Sunday School for me it was the Sunday School for him. But they did not think it.

But my maw was making me go. But what happened next Sunday I wanted to go. She left my collection money on the kitchen table. I was making toast for my breakfast and I just thought about it and I just wanted to go. That was funny. I thought that. If it was the Minister. Just on Friday morning he had been in our class at the temporary school, he was saying stuff about Jesus going into the Temple and he just got everybody out that was doing money-lending. It was good how he done it. They were in His Father's house and should not have been doing that there if it was the ways of the world and it was not as it is in Heaven. Jesus was just young when He done it. They were all men but He could just do it. God helped Him for His strength.

I liked that Minister. He had another voice and was a bit like my cousins in Fife, oh ye ken. He had a red face and he smacked his hands. Now boys and girls, will ye sit up straight now and then I will tell ye and it is a story, it is a real story.

And so he done it and people all liked the story.

So it was good it was me. I went and looked out the living-room window and was glad it was, I just wanted to go. Matt was still in bed and so were my maw and da, they had a long lie on Sundays. So if I went into the Church, if they were still in bed. That was me in the Church and they would still be sleeping.

When I went out I closed the door very very quiet so not to wake them up.

And walking along the street, I liked it, and away round the long road and over the hill. Nobody much was there and ye could just see all stuff. Then there were people and they were going to the Chapel. They were just walking. I went on the other side of the street. I looked at them but they did not look at me. I did not know any ones that were there. RCs went to the Chapel at all different times, at nighttime as well.

I did not care if it all was Bible stuff. I was just myself here going. I liked it and could just do something if I wanted to. Except if I had a ball I could have played it down the road, so for the next time I would get a ball, even just a tennis ball.

It was a wee old Church down near the railway line and all leaves on the ground, piles and piles.

But who only was waiting. Two wee boys out the infants' class and four lasses from Primary 4. That was who was there. They were just looking at me. If it was the wrong Sunday School. I walked over a bit and stood beside bushes. There were trees here too and ye could have climbed them. Matt said there was chestnut trees.

I could see the railway line way down a bit. Imagine there was a train could take me someplace. Just away to the seaside then ye could swim and go on the sand. But I could go to my grannie's.

I had not seen my grannie and granda for ages. It was great in the old place, ye could just cross the back and go up the stair. I saw them all the time. Mattie as well. But I went more than him. I just liked going. In the new scheme ye could not.

Ye just could not do stuff. I did not like it in the new scheme. Maybe I hated it. If I did hate it. And I did not have any pals. Except John Davis. Then if it was Pat and Danny, but they were Catholics. Ye did not see Catholics much. They went their other places. So I did not have any pals. John did not come out much. His maw and da did not let him. He could have come to Sunday School. But I did not say to him. He would not have wanted to come. He did not like going places. I went up for him but he just stayed in. He took me in but I wanted to stay out. Oh we will go down the field and jump the burn. I said it to him plenty of times. I can show ye the gun-site, come on we will go and then if it is the Squatters, we can see their camp.

No.

Oh but just a walk after tea.

He just said no. That was John. He would not have come to the Sunday School.

But I thought if other people went so if ye got pals, if boys came I would get pals with them. I thought that. But here was nobody except lasses and two wee infant boys. I just waited.

An old old man was there. He came in the gate and opened a wee door at the side of the Church building. He brought us into a shady room. And then funny smells and all black clothes hanging down. What were they for? The Primary 4 lasses were looking and so was I. Maybe it was the Church Minister's stuff and he changed in here, it was his cloaks and stuff. Our School Minister wore a black cloak but no when he was out on the street, then it was a jacket and trousers. But no Priests and Nuns. They had their stuff on all the time and just went about everywhere. They did not care. Papes did not care. Ye saw them and they just were going their places and if it was Chapel they just went in the door. Look at them going in. People said that. But they just done it. In the old place we went to scrambles and if it was a Chapel ye saw them all going in and just talking or else laughing.

Black cloaks. How come it was black cloaks? Maybe other colours were there too. If it was purple.

That smell but. What was it? Maybe sweaty feet. But oh like sugary stuff too, it was horrible and maybe even if it was yer eyes. I felt it. That smell was making my eyes nippy.

The old man was waving at me. Oh boy if ye just lift down a chair. He said it to me, oh boy, and there was the chairs all piled up on tables.

I was to help get them for the two wee infant boys and the Primary 4 lasses. He passed them to me and I put them on the floor. Oh but if it was the wrong Sunday School class? Maybe it was, maybe there was one for older people.

Oh mister is there another Sunday School? I said it to him but he did not speak back. Then he was looking with his face all wrinkled up. Oh mister is there another Sunday School for big ones?

What?

But a woman was there, just come in the door. Oh no, this is the Sunday School, she said. Do not worry, boys and girls your age will be coming.

She got a seat and put it down to look at all us. She had white hair and a quite snobby voice. Hullo boys and girls, I wonder what your names are and what school you go to.

The two wee boys were saying it to her. Oh Miss my name is Andrew.

I just was standing up. Oh please Miss I will come next week.

I beg your pardon?

Oh just I will come next week Miss.

I needed to go and went over to the door and if she grabbed my shoulder, maybe she would, I would just run, she would not catch me.

Oh but sit down.

I just walked and it was out in a corridor. I kept on but I was feeling funny and it was just an awful feeling in my head, if it was going to blow up, if my body was getting bigger and bigger and blow into smithereens else what would happen what would happen, I did not know, just to get out and I was just walking getting away.

I went down the road, then the next one, and the sign was there for the train station oh and I had my collection money, I had it in my pocket. My maw gived me it for the Sunday School. I could just go on the train. I could, I could just do it. The stairs went up to the train station platform. I just went up. Nobody was there. I walked along to the very end of the platform. All bushes and big big weedy bits, and bricks and boulders and then sweetie papers and all litter stuff.

Foxes and wolves came at nighttime. Along here it took ye to the canal. Boys ran over the railway track. They just done it. Ye listened to the lines and if it was all clear then ye did it. It was good. But what I thought, ye could just run along if ye keeped into the side and just at the bushes so if a train came, nobody would see ye and it would just be you looking out, ye would see all the people on their seats, but they would not see you.

A bench was there and I sat on it. It was funny how it was just me and I was at the Sunday School and nobody else was. Out of everybody that was all my age only it was me. How come? It was just a thing and I was thinking about it. Then all other stuff. And a secret wee thing how really if I was a Pape. That was a wee thing I used to think. If I was one and did not know it so I was not going to Chapel but just to Church. I should have been going to Chapel but was not. Because I did not know. Because nobody told me. If I did not know. So I could not do it.

If I did know and did not do it that was different. Except if it came to me in my head and it was just there. So if it was just there. That was like knowing. So really I knew. So I did not go but I knew to go.

God would see me. God saw into yer soul and knew everything ye did and ye had to confess. So if I was a Pape God knew I was one. And I was not doing the stuff, all what ye had to do if ye were one. If it was the Sign of the Cross, God would know I did not do it and would be sad and would not like it.

But if I did not know I was one, so that was why I did not do the Sign. God would know I did not. So it was not my fault, He would forgive me. If it was a Trespass. Maybe if it was and not a real Sin. But if really I knew I was a RC, if I was one. So it was a Sin I was doing and God would be angry If it was a Sin forever. So I would go to Hell and get damned for all Eternity except if it was forgiveness. God forgived ye. It would be alright but just ye would have to start doing it. Because if ye knew ye knew and could not not know ever again. So if it was God, He knew ye knew. He did. Ye still would be alright but just if ye done it from that very moment. Oh but ye would have to and have to. And it was all the stuff.

When ye went into Church ye walked down the passage and sat in the pews. But if ye were a Catholic it was a Chapel and ye gived a bow and kneeled down and gived the Sign of the Cross too. Ye just took yer thumb across yer chest. Ye dragged it up and down then across and back across. If what it really meant, A Cross. So ye took yer thumb A Cross yer chest. And ye done it sore with yer thumb and felt it on ye and it was the biggest nail jagging in. It was like that and that was for Jesus so if He was on the Cross. I saw it in Pat's house and then His Heart was the Bleeding Heart.

Ye came in the Chapel door and walked down the passage where was the Altar and the big statues. It was maybe Jesus or else Mother Mary or God. Ye gived the Sign to that and then walked down to yer pew. That was what the RCs done. Their football players done it too, first when they ran on the park then if they scored or dived to save a penalty. I saw games on the telly and ye kidded on ye did not see it. Oh if he was one ye liked especially. Oh he is a Pape, that was what ye thought and they all were Papes. Darkies too. My da just looked right at the telly and did not say nothing but maybe a loud breath, hohhhhhh. So if it was a Priest in a picture on the telly, he did not like that.

But how come they done the sign? My da said that. If they wanted a special favour off God and it was to help ye win the game. That was just Blasphemy. They kissed their hands as well. How come? Ye saw it on the pictures if the Pope was there else it was other ones and kissing their hands, oh Father I am sorry. Boxers done it too. If it was for good luck and they would fight good and not get beat. What happened if they did not do it? If they ever did not do it so they got beat or if they missed a penalty if it was football. So about the ones that did not do it if they were Idolaters or if they were the Protestants. It was funny seeing darkies do it. My da laughed if it was. Oh the darkie is a Pape.

So then Mass. Mass. Ye went to Mass. And if it was special Mass, ye got Special Mass too. If it was dead people.

So I had to do it. If it was me and I was one. And if it was in the Church maybe I still had to, and just so nobody could see me doing it, if I just came in the door and the top of the passage and just stopped for a wee minute, a wee wee second. I could see me if I did, and just there and doing it quick. It was me doing it. If it was. I could not see if it was me. If it was my face there, I could not see if it was. It was smudged, if it was a face. Whose was it? It could only be me.

Ye thought ye knew yer face, but when ye tried to see it in yer head ye could not. It was just the old one from Auntie May's photographs. She had them in a bag. The one of me was when I was three. It was wide and round and it was smiling. I was a smiling baby Auntie May said that. But it was not like my face at all. Only in the old photographs. Oh ye were a smiling wee boy. Oh why do ye not smile? Smile.

So then they took yer photograph and ye were smiling. Because they telled ye. Say cheese. Oh he is smiling now.

I was not smiling. It was just my face. And Matt was looking, I did not like Matt looking.

***

The pipe that went up the wall beside the balcony was a ronepipe. It came down to the backcourt. People played there. The family on the ground had two wee lasses and usually they were there with their dolls and stuff. Sometimes I climbed the ronepipe a wee bit. There was the elbow joint there and ye could stand up on it. One time over the back I saw a boy climbing higher. I watched him. Up he went, whshuuuu, the first-floor landing and he jumped into the balcony there. Hoh. Who was he? His back building faced over on to our back building and was faraway so ye did not know who it was except he was round that street, that was where he stayed.

Then I was down the backcourt and I saw up our wall, how the ronepipe was fixed. It came down the side of the balcony. It was one pipe and two wee pipes joined into it, one to the kitchenette and one to the bathroom. That was what the boy was climbing. Ye just went up the big ronepipe. But where did his ronepipe come from? It came from the balcony up above. Whose was that? Mine. Where did mine come from? The roof, and it passed right by them all, right down to the ground, and the wee bits just went off into the houses and they took the water down from yer kitchen-sink and yer bathroom, when ye flushed the lavatory pan, ye could hear the water. I was showing Pat and Danny and saying about the boy climbing up.

Pat called it veranda, ye were out on the veranda. Other ones called it that. No just RCs. So if it was a kitchenette balcony it was a kitchenette veranda. My maw did not like veranda, it was balcony to her. So I just said balcony. Some houses had front ones, they came out the living room at the front of yer building. But back balconies were best, people all said it. I was going to climb mine. I was showing Pat and Danny and came a big gushy noise down the ronepipe and Danny made a joke. Oh that is old Craig doing the lawy.

Mr Craig lived one-up and was the neighbour above Danny. He was awful crabbit and if ye were sitting on the stair, Oh away out the back.

We are just talking.

Well this is not your stair, away out the back and talk.

It is my stair. That was Danny saying it.

No it is not, you do not have a stair.

Because Danny stayed on the ground floor. So he was not to go up the stair. He did not have the stair. But if we were just sitting on the steps up, they were just at Danny's door, so they were his too so we could sit there. Oh ye have no right to sit there, not on these stairs.

Aye but that is his door there, the steps are just at it.

Oh you shut up you do not even stay here.

That was to me because I said it. He did not like people up the close. Oh away out and play!

Aye but if it is raining.

Oh I do not care if it is raining.

Mr Craig was wee and skinny and his braces were there to keep his trousers up but the braces hung down over his shoulders. And if he was just back from the bathroom, that was what it looked. Imagine him on the lavatory pan. What if he fell down? Imagine ye gived him a fright, ye just went up and kicked the door and oh he was sitting down and pohhh that was him he fell down the pan. He was skinny enough, he could just go down it.

Pat was saying that and we were laughing but seeing up the ronepipe, how the wee pipes went and there was another gushy sound. So if a woman was there and doing a washing, emptying the sink, the water just skooshed down. Ye saw the stank on the ground next to where the ronepipe went into the dirt, so that was where it all went. I was saying to my da about it. Oh that is the sewage.

Where does it go?

Into the sea.

Into the sea?

Everything.

Everything meant all jobbies and all what came out the lawy pipes and the kitchen-sinks, it all went into the sea. And if ye spat in the sink, my granda did, he was aye doing it. My grannie did not tell him off but my maw did, if she saw him, Oh dad do not do that but he did, so then that went down the pipe in the sewage and all everything, if it was a spider or a eariwig or just a fly if ye killed it, if ye put it down the drain. And yer fingernails too if ye cut them, and yer toenails. It all just went it was just horrible to think because if ye fell in, ye were on a boat and ye just — or else ye went swimming, people just went swimming, and it was in the sea.

***

The new school started. It was up the lane next to our close. In the morning I kept the kitchenette door opened and listened for the bell. It rang and I was out the house down the stair and round the corner. My maw shouted at me for doing it. But she was getting ready too and was too busy She went to her work after me. She gived me a tie to wear but I took it off when I shut the door. I belted up the lane. Everybody all was lined up in the playground, I sneaked in beside them. On the first day there I saw John Davis. I thought he would be in the class above me but he was coming into my class. That was great. But how come?

Oh it is just my lessons.

He did not know his lessons and was getting put back. Sometimes he looked at me if I said about my lessons. How come I knew them and he did not.

I was glad he was in my class and I sat beside him. I did not know many people. Some knew each other from their streets or their temporary schools. Two lasses were there from my one, Julie Michaels and Lorna Buckle. Lorna Buckle did not like me. I never done nothing to her but she did not. One time I was behind them at the queue for schooldinners and I heard her saying, Oh it is him.

And if that was me. I did not know if that was me. How come she said it. Julie Michaels was her pal and did not look at me.

Ye were just seeing everybody in yer class and mostly all it was new people. I liked that. Because I did not like the temporary school. In my new school there were boys I saw from playing football and just walking about. I thought they were Papes but here they were not. I saw a boy that flung stanes at me one time. He was just a wee boy. I kidded on I did not know him and so did he.

Oh and then a boy w****d. He sat at the back of the class. The teacher was out the room and he just started doing it. He had a look on his face and if ye saw his eyes he did not see back. I knew about w*****g but I did not know about other people except just boys laughing. It was a complete shock and everybody was all not knowing what to do but just all if they were talking, nearly talking or else just sitting but jumping about and in low voices saying, Oh what is that? What is he doing? Is he doing that? Oh he is not doing that? Is he doing it? Then the word got said, w*****g. People were saying it, Oh he is w*****g.

Now people were wanting to see and looking round then pointing at him. But he was just doing it and no seeing nobody. Lasses sat facing the front so they would not see him. One dropped her pencil on the floor and reached down to get it but then she turned her head and was looking past her arm, that was how she done it. She got a big red face, Oh he is oh he is!

Others lasses did not look and were acting angry, Oh he is just a child, he is just a child. Oh that is awful. I am telling the teacher.

Some boys laughed at the lasses and were seeing if one looked to see him w*****g. Oh she is looking, quick, see her?

But he did not care about nobody looking. His name was William Mitchell and he got called Mitch. He just done all stupid things, and what he wanted, he just done it. Then if ye dared him, he done it all. He was a best fighter but and people did not joke much to him.

The teacher set us a test to put ye in place. Miss Cooney. When she read out the marks we went to our new desks. John Davis got put in the worst dunce's seat.

There was four divisions in the class and eight double desks in each. The first division was the brainiest one and the top seats for the best two pupils, Sarah Wright and Isobel Hartley. Oh Sarah is always Wright.

The second top row was for the next best then the next then the next. The fourth division was the lowest. But the teacher done it different at the front rows. She kept the front row for dunces so for the front desks in the four divisions it was dunces, so in our class ye got eight real dunces.

The boys in the dunces' row were not good at their lessons or else were not good in another way. So if they were absent all the time or were talking and laughing too much or if they done something bad. The teacher said it. Oh I want to keep an eye on you.

None lasses were in the dunces' row. If one had been there people would have looked at her and felt sorry but not boys. Boys did not care. They said that. Maybe they did. John Davis was the worst dunce in the lowest seat. He did not come much to school. When he came he stood near me and I spoke to him. Other boys did not and were looking.

The teacher put me in the top division. Lucky for me it was the low-down row. The one below me had two dunces. I sat beside Ruthie Grindlay. She did not eat blood-oranges. Her maw gived her one in a poke and she was going to throw it in the bin, Oh it is all black.

Oh but it is not, I said, it is just a blood-orange.

Ruthie Grindlay did not listen to me, so I got the orange and opened it and people were looking, Oh it all is bad it is black, but it was not. I ate it up and gived some to a boy at the desk across the way.

Ruthie Grindlay did not talk to me and hid her work. I was not trying to see it, if she thought I was, I was not going to copy her. So I was third top boy in the complete class. Two more boys were in the top division, one was posh and one was Samuel Ross at the desk above me. The posh one was top boy and in the second row. I never saw him except at school. He just went by himself in the playground and did not play any games. Second top boy was Samuel Ross. He did not talk to me. I did not talk to him. After the test people said, Oh you are in the top division, you are brainy, Oh Smiddy is brainy.

But I was not brainy. It was just the test and ye wrote down the answers. My maw was glad when I told her. She wanted me to stick in at my lessons. Oh maybe you can go to the good school. Only if you stick in. Oh Kieron you must stick in at your lessons.

My maw was saying about the posh boy but I did not know him. If people were posh my maw liked them. Oh he is a nice speaker.

There was a dentist's house and a doctor's house and that was what my maw wondered, Oh maybe it is the dentist's boy or the doctor's, is he a nice boy? Oh he will be a nice speaker.

My da said, The dentist and the doctor do not stay there it is just where ye go to see them. They have their own house someplace else, miles away.

I did not tell them my pals. They would not like them. One was Gary McNab. He sat at the desk below me. He was the top dunce. If he done better he would get out the dunces' row and into the fourth division. I got pals with him. He did not say the answers if it was a test. He just laughed. He saw me writing fast and just shaked his head, Oh Smiddy, teacher's pet.

If he copied. I showed him my test paper and he only looked at it and made a face. So he did not want to do the answers. So if he knew them himself, maybe he did. But John Davis did not write any answers and was the worst dunce.

Gary McNab made people laugh. And if the teacher was not looking he turned round in his seat and stole yer stuff. He skited it over the flair maybe if it was a jotter and it was you to go and get it. He did it to Ruthie Grindlay and she told the teacher. He called her fat bum and if he f****d he said it was her, Oh smellee pong, that was you.

One time she was greeting, Oh I did not pimp I did not pimp.

So she did not like me. It was not me that said it but it did not matter. I did not care anyway. Boys would not tell the teacher else it was hard luck for them. Sometimes me and Gary were pals. His big brother was a best fighter. Everybody knew him. But if Gary thought he was a best fighter. He acted it. But he was wee so maybe he was not. I did not think he was. One time he was walking down the street with his big brother, I waved to him and he did not wave back. Ye thought ye were pals with him then ye were not. That was Gary. Then he would laugh at ye. How come? He just laughed, as if ye were not something, whatever it was. Oh what ye laughing at Gary? I said it to him.

Oh I am just thinking about something.

He was pals with Podgie. They stayed in the same street and shared their stuff. So if they had sweeties, they did not give ye one. And if it was a fag and they smoked it, they would not give ye a draw. Only one draw and they would not give ye it. That was to me and Mitch, and another boy Peter Wylie, if we were with them. I did not get fags. But Mitch got them and he gived us draws. He stole them off his da and his big sisters. My stomach got sick with smoking. I was in the class and I went dizzy, Oh please miss, and I had to leave the room. I just went to the lavatory and put my head down the pan and just was there. Podgie telled me to fling cold water on my face. That was what he done.

But when Gary McNab done something to me I done it back to him so then it was a laugh and ye made a joke, so if ye were out on the floor and ye did a daft face or a daft walk. Miss Cooney caught me and grabbed my arm and went to give me the belt. I hit at her hand, no meaning to do it but just because she grabbed me. But then she thought I was more cheekier so got more angry. Her hand was shaking, she got the belt out her desk and gived me four. Two went up my wrist. Usually ye just got one of the belt for what I did, a daft face. Four of the belt was too much.

Gary was a good laugh and other ones near the dunces' row, except no John Davis. He did not do stuff except football maybe if we had a game in the playground. He did not come knocking. We asked him to. If he was one of the boys, he could come with us. It was not a gang, just the boys, that was what we called it. Maybe if it was a gang, some thought it. We just said the boys, ye were one of the boys. We went about the gether and played football or what, if we went down to the shops.

One shop was easy, we used to get chocolate biscuits and sponge cakes. Mitch was not good at knocking but he was good at helping ye. One time we were w*****g he put his hand to do it to me. He done it funny and it was sore. Podgie was laughing. Mitch did not care. But he was feared of Podgie. But he was still a best fighter, except for Podgie, if ye laughed at him he would batter ye. That happened to a boy that was bigger than us, he laughed at Mitch to do with how he was talking. People said he talked funny. He was saying words and it was how he said them. That bigger boy was getting Mitch to say the words then he was laughing at him so Mitch just kicked into him, oh he just rushed him and kicked in. That boy was beat and had to get away.

Podgie was not so big as Mitch but with a thick body People said he was the best fighter. Maybe he was not. But he went after people. He did not go after me but if he wanted to go after me. I think he did. Ye were going up the road and he shoved ye in the back. Oh what was that for?

Ha ha. Nothing.

He done it to Mitch too and Mitch did not stop him so that was how Podgie thought he could beat him. At football he booted into ye. So if you done it to him he just done it back and the ball was not there. It was not your fault, ye were just playing the game and it was not a real kick. So he kicked ye. Oh what was that for?

Well you kicked me.

But that was the ball.

Then how he looked at ye, seeing what ye would do. If ye were letting him get away with it and then he had a wee smile. And if you did not tackle hard the next time that was you, he did not bother with ye. So if he could beat ye any time, that was how he acted. Even if ye were pals with him. So if he done it to ye ye just acted it was nothing, ye did not even notice or else ye laughed like it was a joke. Sometimes he punched people and then got the ball. Oh I did not f*****g mean it, I was just running.

Oh but then he caught a wee Primary 2. He was just a bully. We were down at the shops and he caught him. That was the worst. Open yer mouth till I see yer teeth. The wee Primary 2 done it and Podgie spat right in. A greaser down to his tonsils. Podgie said that, Oh it is a big greaser.

The wee Primary 2 could not get it up. He was choking and choking and went down on his knees choking and pulling his lips out with his fingers, pulling them out. Podgie grabbed his head, Wee b*****d.

The wee Primary 2 was greeting and trying to shut his mouth. Podgie pulled his chin down and got his nose up so his mouth was open and spat in again so then the boy fell down and was just choking.

That was Podgie, he was just a bully. Maybe Gary was one. He was if Podgie was there. He tripped people up when they were walking. If he done it to you ye had to act something, just whatever ye done. Boys laughed when he done it to them. But they were no really laughing. Podgie punched me on the shoulder and I said, Oh quit it.

What will ye do if I do not?

Oh Podge, just quit it.

Podgie laughed but he stopped doing it. I called him Podge and no Podgie. So when ye said it it was better sounding. Other ones started saying it. But they were still feared of him. But I do not know with John Davis, if he was too. Or if he did not think about it, maybe he did not. John just looked at people. I thought if Podgie and Gary McNab were going to jump him. So if they did, what would happen? It was a worry.

Miss Cooney did not like John. She picked on him, Oh you, John Davis, if you just listen and stop being so silly.

When she gived him a row for no doing stuff Gary had his head on the desk and laughed round to me. But I did not laugh back. I saw him make a joke to Podgie and it was about John. Oh if they were making a fool of him. I kidded on I did not know. But what would happen if they jumped him? If John was my pal. He was my pal.

Miss Cooney said things to him and he was just looking at her. In the playground he stood near me. But he did not come to school a lot. A boy said to me, Is John Davis a good fighter?

Oh if he loses his temper.

Have you seen him do it?

Aye, he done it on the school buses.

Oh but really, he did not. John did not hit people. I saw him as if he was nearly going to but he never did. But if he did ye would have to look out. Anybody would have to. John was just big and strong as well, I thought he was.

Another time people were saying who was best fighters and who could give ye a good go. Some were looking at Podgie because if he was the best fighter in the class. He was just standing with a wee smile. But it was my turn to say and I said, Oh John Davis would give ye a good go.

John Davis?

I think he is a best fighter. A boy hit him on the school buses and he battered him. He just lost his temper. I think he is the best.

Oh the best, said Gary McNab, in the complete class?

That was a trick. He was trying to trick me. If it was the complete class, so that was everybody, Podgie and everybody. I said, Oh well I am no saying he is the complete best.

But really I was. Podgie and them were looking at me. Nobody thought of John Davis but he was the biggest in the class. If he fighted ye he could knock ye out. Just if it was one punch, because if it just catched ye right and it was yer jaw, if he lost his temper.

People could lose their temper, if ones were laughing at ye. So if people laughed at John maybe he would lose it. If they done things to him. If he let people do it and did not fight.

Some boys done what ye telled them but John Davis was not one of them, I knew he was not. Mitch was a bit like it. Podgie telled him stuff and he done it. It was dares. Podgie would say it, Oh Mitch I dare ye to skelp that lassie on the b*m. So Mitch done it. Ask that lassie does she know what a Gerry's Helmet is? So Mitch went and asked. The lassie did not know and everybody all was laughing. She looked and saw us and got a big riddy. But so did Mitch, so we all were laughing more. But one time a man slapped him because he emptied a dustbin out on the pavement. Then the man ran out the close and got him. The man shouted at him, Weans are playing there you dumbcluck b****r, I will get the polis. We threw stanes at the man and Mitch got away We were laughing about it, dumbcluck b****r.

It was only Podgie that done stuff to Mitch. If other ones tried Mitch would batter them. He was no feared of anybody. Except for dogs, he hated dogs and would not go near them. If he saw one he would walk out the way from it or even run away, I saw him running away and the dog just chased him. But dogs aye done that. I telled Mitch, ye just had to walk and it would be okay.

But it was no just Mitch that Podgie done stuff to. He got ones to go messages too. Away to the shops and get me a packet of crisps. Go and do this and go and do that. He did not say it to me. I would not have went. But if he did say it? He would not. If I was his pal. I did not know if I was his pal.

He thought ye were trying to get in with him and ye were not. He just gived a wee smile. I did not like it. I did not try to get in with him. People thought we were pals but we were not.

It was you went pals with him, he did not with you. He was not really a pal. Because you were not his. Even if he was yours.

If ye went up for him he came out, but sometimes he did not. Oh I am watching the telly.

I did not like him bullying people. He done it when I was there and I did not like it. Podgie saw me looking but still done it. He done it a lot to a Primary 4 boy. Other ones picked on this boy because of how he walked funny and what he wore, it was stuff people laughed at. One time he failed in the canal and was caught in the weeds, his feet got fankled up. He was dragged down and down and going below the surface but a man was there and jumped in and got him. They thought he was passed away but he came to and was sick, all the water gushing out. It was in the paper and his photograph was there. My da was reading it. Oh here is a boy in your school. He nearly drowned in the canal. He was playing on the locks, I hope you do not do it.

The other boys made him do it. They made him run over the top of the lock and go faster and faster. Everybody all was talking about it. His maw kept him off school the next day. If he was at the hospital. People said he was. But he was not. His da had a tree in his garden and people climbed it then if his da came they just called him names and ran away, they did not care about him. Ye would not like it if it was yer da.

A boy said to me, Do you do boxing?

He was looking at my nose, if a punch done it, that was it. Oh I done a lot of boxing in my old place. They had a boxing club and my granda took me and my big brother. They were teaching ye. It was just how ye done it, just throwing yer punches and putting up yer guard, jab jab and then with yer uppercut. I loved it. My granda was a great boxer, he knew a lot of tricks and used to show me and my big brother when we stayed there. Boxing clubs are great.

I hope they will start a f*****g boxing club here, said the boy.

Me too, said Mitch.

Was yer granda a real boxer? said Podgie.

Oh aye.

If they start one here I am going, said Gary McNab. I bet ye my big brother will come too.

Other ones were saying it now and then it was brothers, if ye had a big brother, what like he was. Gary McNab's big brother was a best fighter in the complete scheme, people knew that. One boy did not like his brother. Oh mine is a b*****d, I f***-**g hate him.

And then it was a football team. We talked about that. Maybe they would start one here. Schools had football teams.

***

My da did not like darkies and if they came on the telly or if they were tough and in a boxing match he just watched them, no saying nothing because if they were good fighters, if they were winning the fight and the white one was getting beat. Oh look how he is all cuts and bruises but see the darkie how he is not, his skin is just leather it is so thick and he does not get cut and bruised, that is why they aye win the fight.

So if it was the white man ye were wanting him to win. But then ye were watching and ye liked it if the darkie won. Just cause of yer da and it was against him. I was glad. And if it was a wee darkie so ye wanted him to win. I wanted the wee ones to win. Except if the big one was Scottish but the Scottish ones usually were wee. My maw said that, Oh the Scottish men are always so wee.

No they are not, said my da.

Oh well usually.

My da did not like that. Other stuff too. Oh that is a dirty punch, that is below the belt, oh look at that the solar plexus, oh he has hit the solar plexus, oh ohhh, moaning moaning, moan moan moan. He was a true moaner, just always moaning.

Oh and if one was a Pape and giving the Sign. My da hated that. Really really, he did. He kept the newspaper on his lap so then he lifted it up and kidded on he was reading it. So if he did not see the white one making the Sign. He acted like that. So if he did not know the white one was a Pape. He could say the white one was good. But no if he saw he was a Pape, if we saw he saw, so then he could not. If the Pape won then my da just looked at his newspaper, Oh I think God answered his prayers, he prayed to God to win the fight and God just done it for him, oh is he not just good, that is Papes for ye.

My maw said, Ssh.

Oh but God is a Pape, he must be, the Papes must just be the best.

Oh ssh.

It just annoys ye. My da said it an angry voice but no his loud one, it was just quiet. My da got loud angry too. If it was quiet angry ye still done what it was, if he said it. Kieron, go to bed.

Ye just went. Even it was half nine and it should be ten o'clock, if he telled ye in the quiet voice ye just done it. Matt too, if it was him he would have went. Except it was never Matt, just me. My da gived rows for nothing and it was to me he done it. He was moaning about his job. Oh I hate that damn place, it is all just slave-drivers, I am going back to sea.

I wished he would. He worked late and that was him, ye were not to talk when he came home. Oh you are a wean you should be seen and no heard.

He said wean. My maw heard him but kidded on she did not, ye were not to say wean just child. She put out his tea and he ate it up. Then his cup of tea and a fag, then it was okay and ye could talk. What is coming on?

What on the telly. If it was something you wanted he did not, so he got what he wanted. Things all were ordered for him. The complete house. But you were there too so ye got sick of it. I sat on the floor at the side of the settee. Ye could look up and see them but they could hardly see you. Sometimes they thought ye were away to bed and said stuff about ye. Did that boy do his homework?

I shouted, Aye.

Oh it is not aye it is yes, said my maw.

I thought he was away to his bed? said my da.

No, ten o'clock is his bedtime.

Oh.

I waited a wee minute then counted up to thirty and got up to go to bed. That annoyed them. I hoped it did. No my maw really but my da. And Matt too if he was there. So if it was a good programme on the telly and I just jumped up. Goodnight!

Oh ye do not have to go yet, said my da.

Wait till the end of the programme, said my maw.

Oh I am just tired.

You have watched most of it, said my da, ye might as well see it all.

No, I am just tired. Goodnight.

And away to my bed. They did not like me doing that, Oh if we watch that programme and he does not, how come? Maybe he does not like it. But we do. He is just spoiling it going to bed.

I did not care. I went to the bathroom to do my teeth and just was laughing. And into the mirror. Except sometimes. If I did not like seeing my face, how yer eyes just looked back at ye. It was funny how they done it. Yer own eyes. Even like somebody else's, it was like that. Ye could get creepy feelings. I did not want to see in the mirror. If ye could not see except yerself, if somebody was there behind ye. You were just blocking it. Who was there behind ye? Ye could not see.

Even if ye could see but did not see them, they could still be there, if they were invisible, so if it was a Dracula, they did not have their reflection but still creeped up on ye.

They heard ye coming and were waiting. They came out to get ye. So pulling the plug if ye done the toilet. It was a loud noise. So if it woke them up, all ghosts and just evil spirits, all in the coffin, if they came out to get ye, oh mammy daddy I did not pull the plug except if I opened the bathroom door first. Then I jumped out into the lobby and tried to switch off the light before they grabbed my shoulder and got me back in. They could not get ye with the light on, they could not come out in the light. They hated it if it was light. A lot of times I left the light on and I did not pull the plug. And even if my da said it, Oh who was last in the toilet?

Well I just said it was me, Oh sorry dad I forgot.

Ten o'clock was my bedtime. It was too early. I said half past to people. Other ones did not have a bedtime. If they were saying in school about what was on television and it was late on I acted like I saw it or else just said something. Oh I went to bed early last night, I was just tired.

Gary McNab watched to see who was early to bed. He got staying up late. It was just up to him when he went. He made his own supper just for himself. If he wanted a piece he just made it and no for anybody else. In our house it was supper for everybody at nine o'clock. It was me made it. No all the time but usually. If it was not me it was my maw. My da and Matt never made it. I did not care. I liked making it cause it was just yours and ye got what ye wanted, toast and beans else toast and cheese. I went through at nine o'clock and started. My da did not like it if it was too early but I still made it. Oh it is too early. I did not care.

But then if it was a bad temper, even just his voice and ye got jittery. I wished he was back in the Navy. How come he left? If he did not like his job how come he did not go back to sea? When he was in the house he got the living room. My big brother got the bedroom and my maw got her bedroom and the kitchenette too. I just got the balcony. If it was raining or just cold I still went out. I saw people in other balconies. One smoked a lot and if his maw and da were watching the telly he used to go out for fly puffs. I waved to him and he waved back. David Sinclair, boys called him wee Sinky. But ye would never call him wee Sinky just Davie. He was older than me but wee for his age.

Sometimes I just went out to see if anybody was there, so if ye saw a head sticking up and they shouted across to ye. Hoh Smiddy!

My maw blamed me if somebody done it. Oh who is that shouting and bawling, that is terrible, children are trying to sleep, come in from there Kieron.

***

One time I came home from school and the trapdoor up to the roof was open and ladders were there. The trapdoor was outside our front door on the landing. I went up to see. I just looked then the man was coming, a workie, he was whistling coming up the stair so I just came down fast and into my house and shut the door. He went up, he was doing work up in the loft. I heard his footsteps. It was TV aerials, he was putting them up.

My da had step-ladders. I thought to do that. I could get them out and go up. Mitch could come. Sometimes he came home from school with me and I took him in the house. Matt did not come home till quarter to five. My maw came in from her work at quarter past. So I said to Mitch and that was what we done and we done it a lot of times. It was a real den. I made pieces on jam and we ate them when we got up. It was just great. We just had a look about and found another workie's ladder beside the skylight. It was a slanty window, but ye could not get through it. But maybe ye could. Imagine ye got out on the roof.

We just walked along on the rafters. Ye could go a far way over other people's ceilings and ye thought about that, if ye made noises like a ghost so they heard ye. Oh there is a ghost up there! Oh oh.

It was a laugh. Mitch had fags and we smoked one up there.

But I was worried if the neighbours saw me and ye had to watch so ye did not put yer foot through the plaster because it was somebody's ceiling. But if ye could not help it yer foot slipped off the rafters and went down between and kicked the plaster but lucky for me it did not go through and make the ceiling come down. But then that happened, it was not me but it was thiefs. They broke into yer house and that was how they done it. They climbed up and kicked in the plaster till it broke then the ceiling came in and they dreeped down into yer house. So then they robbed ye. It happened to us when we were away for the day. They did not close our front door. Other ones could have come and stole everything out the house. That happened to a family in our street. They were away at the seaside and when they came home their house was empty, everything all was took.

Oh but when they done it to us my maw was greeting and my da was the angriest ever. If he got a hold of them he would just murder them, they were just thiefs and scum. We were looking to see what was robbed but could not find nothing. The cops came and said it. Oh check all yer stuff Mrs Smith.

So my maw was looking at everything again. But all it was was cheese. Oh it is just cheese, they have took the cheese.

The cops said, Oh they must have been disturbed. It is boys on the run. They are running away from Borstal. If they do not find stuff they just take food.

After the cops went away my da was quiet to me and then he held onto my arm. Were you up in that loft?

Oh no dad.

Because what about my step-ladders, somebody has used my step-ladders, did you ever use my step-ladders?

Oh no dad no, I never did.

Well if ever you go up there, if ever you go up in that loft my boy never ever you go up there or you will get a hammering.

But dad.

I am warning you.

Oh it is not Kieron's fault, said my maw.

Well somebody has shifted these step-ladders. Who done it? My da said, Was it you Matt?

Oh no da.

Well somebody has used them.

Oh we were lucky it was just cheese, said my maw.

But how did he know? I did not think how he could know Him and the man next door got a padlock and they put it up on the trapdoor so the thiefs could not get in again. But I knew where the key was so if I got it I could still get up, but I did not because with the step-ladders, if ye did not have them, how could ye do it?

Except the landing wall. It was outside our door where ye went down the stairs. Ye got up on it easy, but just usually to sit. But if ye stood on it and reached up. Ye could, if ye balanced right. I said it to Mitch. Just if ye climbed up on the wall and balanced. I could do it. He could hold onto my legs. I could get the key in the padlock and open it. Maybe I could.

Oh but ye had to be careful standing up on it. Ye got up sideways and just sat with yer legs over then on yer knees and just kneeled a wee while. Nothing was there to hold on. You just balanced. Ye got up a wee bit at a time, just a toty bit. Ye kept yer arms out, quite stiff out. Mitch was wanting to hold my feet there but that was no good because it was trapping ye. I telled him no to but he done it in case ye fell.

Oh leave go my feet Mitch.

Oh but if ye fall!

But you are tripping me.

He was just scared if I fell over the wall down on to the stairs at the window landing. And if it was head first, ye would break your skull in two. It would just crack like a big egg.

But I would not go headfirst. I would twist my body in mid air so I could get my hands and my shoulders round a bit and that would make it better for landing. It would not be headfirst. But I would not fall anyway.

Mitch was going to hold onto my legs again but I did not want him to because it just stopped ye. Just let me do it Mitch.

Oh but Smiddy if ye fall.

But I would not fall, only if he done it. It was just slowly slowly, ye done it just slowly, a wee bit a wee bit a wee bit, both hands doing it, till then they touched the roof. Now it was good. Ye pressed up yer fingers to balance and got them up on the trapdoor. Then I went on my tiptoes and got the key in the padlock, and got it off. He passed me up the brush and now he could hoist me, so I shoved up the trapdoor. Ye could not reach to do it yerself, ye needed a brush or else a stick.

I had to do the climb up now else if I did not close the trapdoor people would see it. I was worried about the neighbours because they would just tell my maw. But it was quite easy. Mitch hoisted me a wee bit more and I got my hands gripped on the sides of the wood where the trapdoor came down. I pulled up on my elbows. Now it was kicking my feet in mid air, swinging them up and up. Ye could not fall now. I got up and found the workie's ladder. I could let it down for Mitch to climb. Oh but it clanked and clanked and I worried if the neighbours heard.

It was smashing up in the loft. I loved it. Ye could make it into a den and it was like a hideout. Me and the boys looked for dens and hideouts and were wanting to make one. Maybe if we got a good tree or else a cave. A lot of times we looked for caves down the field. People said there were and ye could find them near the burn, but ye had to go away far along. There were rabbits there and ye could eat them. Me and Mitch went looking for caves a lot of times but never found them. But the loft was great. If ye put planks over the rafters that was like a floor. Ye could take up stuff too, a chair and books and ye could just sit down and read them or else do any stuff and ye could plank any stuff. Mitch had n**e books so if we took them up. Just anything. Nobody would know so ye would not get bothered. It was just a room to yerself, that was what I thought. But Mitch had one already. Oh a hideout is better, which would ye rather have? If it was a hideout, ye would not get bothered. People would not come into ye. That was what he said. He hated them coming in his room so ye had to chap the door first. But I would have loved a room to yerself, just the complete room, what would ye do?

The workies had a ladder up in the loft and I could let it down for Mitch to climb up but I did not want to in case if somebody found out. If Mitch was no there I could not climb it. I did not do it much. My da would murder me if ever he catched me doing it. He said it. My maw heard him. Oh your father is just worried you will fall and break every bone in your body.

***

It was just how Matt was always there and swotting all the time. That was all he done and it was the bedroom, that was where he done it and ye were not to go in. Oh no. It was just your room but ye were not to go in it. Because he was going to college and everything was just to be for him. Oh do not put on the wireless if yer brother is studying, do not turn up the television. Oh it is ink-exercises, it is for his Latin. Oh Kieron if you are whistling, do not whistle too loud if your brother is studying.

I was just sick of it. I would have went to my grannie's except it was travelling all the time so it was more money and ye got home late. I went on Saturdays with my maw or else Sundays with my maw and my da. Matt usually went himself and done it straight from school. His school was near the river so he could just run down and that was him. But no with me. If I went straight from school I did not get to my grannie's house till quarter past five or else half past.

Coming home was worse because nighttime and no as many ferries and then if it was the train and ye missed one it took ages. People went and got a bus but no if ye had a return ticket on the train, ye did not have money for something else. Then if it was cold or it was raining, ye did not want to go, I could just have stayed. And ye got sleepy. Granda would tell me, Oh ye better away up the road son. Oh Vera I will take the boy down to the subway.

Oh no dad. My grannie said he was not to because he was too tired so she would take me instead.

In my grannie's house ye did not have to bother about stuff. I loved it. Her and granda did not watch much telly. But if ye wanted to ye done it, if it was football she did not mind. Me and granda watched it but not to the end because I had to go home. Usually ye were just reading if stuff was there and it was all quiet and nobody doing nothing except if my grannie was at the sink or the kitchen cupboard oh and she banged a pot and ye all jumped. Oh Vera ye would wake the dead! That was my granda and just laughing and making big eyes. She would wake the dead son, that grannie of yours.

They were all in their graves, all the dead bodies, then coming out and it was nighttime and there was the moon and a wolf howling at ye, oh mammy, and it all was creaking so the waking dead. And ye just thought about it and if ye were going home ye walked down the road and passed the corners of streets and who was going to jump out at ye and there was the pavement and away ye could see a man coming to ye he was walking down to ye and oh ye better get out his road and just walk into the side of the building so he will not see ye he will not notice ye but just walk straight and his eyes no seeing ye if it is a murderer or who, a waking dead. Matt said it. Oh it is the waking dead!

When I was wee he said it to be creepy and make me feared. Just when he put out the light to jump into bed. Oh the zombies are here! I pulled the blankets over my head and he was just laughing. Oh there is the waking dead going to get ye! The zombies are here. Oh and they are going to get Kieron.

My grannie and granda asked about him. Oh where is Matt we have not seen him? Grannie said it. But granda was looking as well. Aye son, where is that brother of yours we do not see him.

Oh he is swotting all the time, that is all he does.

My Auntie May was back staying with grannie. She had troubles. Auntie May never spoke much to me but now she did, a wee bit. Oh now Kieron give me a kiss. She said stuff about the new house and if my mum was keeping fine and how was my dad? So if Matt was doing good at school was he going to College? People said it. Oh Matt is a brainy boy and he is going to College. He will do well for himself. People wanted to know if he was going to College. My granda as well. If Auntie May was saying it ye saw him and grannie were listening. Oh Matt is going to College. Oh that is smashing. Oh is he top of the class? Well he must be. He is just clever and good at all his lessons.

I could have been good at my lessons. They did not think it. Auntie May said, What about you Kieron, are you getting on at your lessons?

The boy is good with his hands, said my grannie. She said it to me, You are good with yer hands son never you worry.

But I could be good at my lessons too. But I did not want to be. But my grannie did not know it. I did not care.

Except she did not think it. How come she did not think it? I could easy have done my lessons, easy. So could Gary McNab and he was a dunce. He just laughed at stuff. I did too. My grannie did not know everything. People thought she did. Oh if yer grannie says it son. That was what my granda said. Oh she is the best.

But she did not know I could be good too.

***

A thing happened. Me and other boys were talking about stuff. I was saying how a boy climbed the ronepipe. It was the same street as Billy MacGregor. He stayed across the back from me but it was faraway and hard to see his house. He did not know who the boy was. So I was going home from school and that was it. I did not think I was going to climb the ronepipe. But then if I did. What if? I started running. Because if I did. Maybe I would.

So if I was going to do it. Well I would soon see. Maybe I would not. But I went fast in the close and up the stairs in the house and into my old trousers and sandshoes.

I did the lock on the kitchenette door and left it open. So I was going to do it. I was. And I did not go out on the balcony, just back down the stairs again.

Out in the backcourt I looked up at the ronepipe a while, just to see. The family below us had the same one. When ye went up ye passed their balcony and could put a foot on it but if they saw ye, ye had to watch it, because they would just tell on ye. So if ye just passed it and went up to yours. I was the top flat. So if I went up past the bit where the wee pipes joined.

I was looking and looking and then I just done it. I was thinking what to do and could not think it all, so I just got up on the wee pipe at the ground and then just up and up and it was the greatest thing. I did not do anything except go and did not look down except at the balcony below mine. I put my foot on the edge for a wee second and saw down then. But I just went back on the ronepipe and up again and there was my balcony wall and I was climbing beside it and up to the top of it and getting my elbow onto the wall there and then a grip on the wee bar that went round it and it was easy and I was over and jumping down into the balcony floor. I leaned back over to see down where I had come but just a minute. I went into the kitchenette and ben the lobby into the bathroom. I done the lawy and was washing my hands. Wee scratches and bits of bleeding were on my knuckles, the skin was tore. It was the greatest thing, just the greatest thing. Maybe Pat had seen me, if he was looking out the window, or somebody, maybe the street across the back, if that other boy saw me. I went back out the balcony and looked out, seeing down. Somebody was out at a midden away closes along from me. If they had seen me, maybe they had. Then the kitchenette door, somebody was chapping it, Matt was home from school.

I wanted to tell him, I was going to, lucky for me I did not. Then my maw came home and I was to set the table for tea. Matt did not have to because he was doing his homework. I did not care. That was me now and I had my whole place that was just my whole place and it was a complete place. That was the balcony, it was my balcony. I looked out the living-room window to see if Pat and Danny were out with a ball. They were not. Usually they did not at this time, they were getting their tea. I could just go up for Pat. I could just wait for him. I looked down the field and saw people away down over the burn. Who was that? If it was Squatters. Even if it was Cochise. Could he even climb the balcony? Maybe he could not. Who else could? I was going to do it again. Not tonight. I could never do it if people were in but after school I could and I just would do it. Except tomorrow was Saturday so only it had to be Monday.

I went into the kitchenette. My maw was making the tea. I got the rubbish bin from under the sink. I am away down the midden.

Oh thanks Kieron.

I ran downstairs. Out at the midden I emptied the rubbish and looked up to see where I had been. It was good seeing it. The wee pipe went into the kitchenette. The other one stretched over to the bathroom. But ye could not get to the bathroom. It was too far, there was no grips. It was only the window, so how could ye get to it? Oh it did not matter, the balcony was just great and I was seeing how I done it and it was so high. How had I done it? But I had. I had just done it, it was just the greatest thing. And seeing how ye got to the balcony. Ye reached yer hand to the wee round bar on top and gripped it tight to take yer weight. Inch by inch ye could leave go the pipe with yer other hand, then yer elbow on the top of the wall and ye hoisted up and ye were over and jumping down to the balcony floor. That was how ye done it. And if ye looked and somebody was watching ye, ye could give them a wee wave.

So that was me now and I climbed it a lot of times. I just thought about it in school so if the teacher was talking. Oh stop dreaming Kieron Smith.

That was me and I was just thinking about it. I telled the boys. Gary said, Oh Smiddy is a boaster.

I was not a boaster, just if I did it and I said it.

Mitch came home with me after school. It was raining but and I did not do it. So the next time it was dry. Him and Peter Wylie came with me. I did not take them in the house but just went to get the kitchenette door. Ye had to watch it was not locked else ye could not get in. Only if the wee window was open. There was the big kitchenette window and then a wee one at the top of it. Only the wee one got opened. Ye could crawl through but it was the side of the sink down below and ye slid in, so ye had to catch the edge of it and then be careful coming through, if yer legs banged and yer shoe crashed the window and then if it broke.

If my maw and da caught me climbing the balcony I would get a doing. I knew I would.

But then what happened, Matt knew I done it. He just said it one day to me. How did he know? Somebody telled him. He would not say who, but somebody.

He did not climb it. I said to him but he did not want to. What other boys done it? I did not see them, except him from the street across the back. Over here it was me, I was the one that done it. Danny's house was on the ground floor so he did not have a balcony. Ground-floor houses got the wee garden at the front so that made up for it. Danny's da put in flowers and wee bushes. Pat's house was up the top flat and he did not fancy climbing it. When nobody was there I climbed his to show him. He was on the balcony looking down at me and talking all the time. Hey Kieron, Kieron!

But I did not look up at him. If ye looked up ye just got dizzy and oh ye were going to go back the way or if the ronepipe came away in yer hand. People said it would, the nails popped and that was that and ye just went over and would get a broken back or if ye landed on yer head ye would just pass away. Big George said that, Matt's pal. Oh ye would get killed, yer head would just smash open. Or if it was yer face landing and getting flattened.

But if ye held on tight. I did not look up but I could look down. It was best just climbing and no looking anywhere except just the pipe and the wall next to ye. Ye knew where to put yer feet and did not even look, just up up. I was fastest. I would have raced Matt. If he went up the stairs, I would have climbed it. I would beat him, no unless he ran. But if I could still beat him, maybe I could.

Then I found how to do the bathroom. That was the hardest. I did not like doing it much. Ye were past the join and had to stretch yer hand over and ye were sticking close into the wall. Ye had to do that. And ye could not see because yer head was the same way facing, that was into the wall. And ye did not want to move it. Ye could not because for the balance. So it was just yer hand and it was inch by inch and just yer fingertips oh just reaching over just reaching over till they touched the wall at the ledge and ye could hardly see, because ye were looking into the wall. Ye set yer fingertips there and then yer one foot inch by inch, it was yer knee, so to get that, ye were wanting to get that to the ledge if ye could get yer knee there, just at the edge and if ye could do that oh just a wee bit inch by inch and if ye made it, oh, and the wee top window had to be open so ye reached to it and got a good grip to pull ye up onto the ledge. And when ye done that it was easy, ye could trail yer leg over and if people were looking up and seeing Ohh! and they would see it and Ohh maybe he will fall, but it all was easy now and ye were doing it for a laugh. Usually people left the wee window open on the bathroom because if there was a thief he could not get up to it. How could he? People thought that. My maw and da thought that. I said to my da, Oh maybe people can climb in.

Ye just put yer hand through and down to get the handle to the big window then ye opened it. But I did not say it to him.

The balcony was the best place in the house. Ye got peace there. We were high up, but no so high as in the old house. But it was still high. I looked out and thought if it was water down below, if ye could dive in, it was like three dales up at the swimming baths, that was how high.

Even if ye were up on the roof, imagine diving off. Some ships my da sailed in were like that, ones as big as our complete building, sailing through the ocean. The sides of the ship was as big as it.

***

The Squatters' camp got flattened and they all were sent away. People were saying about it. And the Army was coming to clear the gun-site hill. We were waiting to see it but the Army lorries all came in the middle of the night and done it when everybody was asleep. Hundreds of lorries. People said that. It was going to be new houses, just houses and houses. Ye looked over at the fields and up to the gun-site hill, and it was all going to be houses, houses and houses. That was what my da said. Ye would not see nothing but houses. He sat at the window and looked out. If ye were watching the telly that was what he done, just smoking a fag. My maw said to him, Come and watch the programme, but a lot of times he did not.

I knew what it was, he was missing the sea. Uncle Billy telled us. One night after tea me and Matt went over to see grannie and granda. Uncle Billy was there and took us in to see granda. He was not keeping well and in his bed. Oh boys ye should have said ye were coming and I would have got up.

He was too tired now. I saw him lying in bed and his face was just thin.

Oh what about the new house, so we were telling him. Then about school, Oh how is it, what like is yer teachers? Are they all horrors?

Grannie was laughing. Oh dad!

Well mine were all horrors.

Oh but do not say it.

Him and grannie liked hearing about school. Matt said about his lessons and what he was doing. He did not talk about stuff if I was there so now he was and I was listening. He had a teacher he liked and it was him said it about college, Oh you are good at science.

So he was going to go, just if he done his lessons good. He was going to do them. My da was going to make him a desk so he could put his books. Granda telled him to stick in, Oh you stick in son.

Oh he is always swotting, I said.

Matt just looked at me.

Grannie did not want us to stay long. Uncle Billy was there. Come on we will go to the pictures.

But grannie said, No Billy do not take them it is too late. Oh boys you better just go home. Come on Saturday or Sunday the next time.

Uncle Billy walked with us down to the subway. He was asking about my da's new job. Oh he does not like it much, I said. It is too cramped for him.

Matt was looking at me. He did not like me saying it.

Oh he is missing the sea, said Uncle Billy.

The bike-shop was there and we saw in the window. The man that had the shop was a champion. The bikes there were the best of all. Oh I will win the pools, said Uncle Billy, then I will get yez one.

Matt said, I do not want one.

Oh well, said Uncle Billy but that was all.

So I did not like Matt saying that. Uncle Billy did not talk after it and we were just walking. This was a windy street. It was dark and the lights were not good. In the new scheme ye saw the sky and there were stars but here ye did not. I was glad Uncle Billy was there. If ye saw boys they picked on ye. At the subway station he gived us money. Alright men, cheerio.

When we were on the subway Matt said, Ye should not talk about dad.

Oh but Uncle Billy.

But ye should not anyway.

Matt could say these things to me. When he done it I wanted to say something back but could not. If me and him went places, he did not like taking me places. I liked going myself to grannie's. If ye went with him something happened.

***

I stopped swearing. No because of nothing. It was just if it was a laugh. Gary McNab was turning round in class when the teacher was not looking and he was saying stuff, T***e b*m k***h s***e d****e f***y b*m t*t. I was laughing too and he was saying in a low voice, You say it You say it.

If I would say it. Usually I did. He said it and I said it back and we were just laughing but this time I did not so he was saying, Oh what is wrong with you, how come you are not saying it. Say it.

No.

Aye.

No.

So then Gary said it again, T***e b*m k***h's***e d****e f***y b*m t*t.

And we were laughing. And Ruthie Grindlay that sat beside me was going, Oh tch huhhh, and turning round to see the lassie behind her. She did not like me laughing and talking to Gary McNab, if he was a dunce and we were in the top division. So he was whispering to me and the teacher looked and saw us but only me she said it to. Oh Kieron Smith, stop being so foolish.

When playtime came we went out to the playground. It was raining and a lot of us were in the shelter talking and laughing about the teacher. Gary McNab was making people laugh and saying how I would not say the swear words, and he was looking at me, and then he went, Well say them now.

But I was just laughing at him till then Podgie said it. Oh Smiddy, say the words.

No.

Come on.

No.

Come on, say's***e.

No.

Say it.

No.

Now other boys were looking.

Say t***e.

No.

You are just coming it.

I am not.

But that is not swearing, said Gary and he said the words again, T***e b*m k***h's***e d****e f***y b*m b*m.

Other ones were saying it too. Oh what is Smiddy doing? It is not swearing. Bad words is not swearing.

Some is swearing, if it is dirty words.

So other ones were shouting, Say's***e.

No.

Podgie said, Say f**k.

No.

C**t.

No.

People were laughing. Say jobby?

Jobby.

How come ye say jobby?

Because it is not swearing.

Look, said Gary, he has got a big riddy. Say k***h.

No.

K***h is not swearing.

Yes it is.

It is not.

Say f***y.

No.

Is f***y swearing?

Yes, because it is a dirty word.

Aye but it is no swearing.

Yes it is.

No it is not.

It is, if it a lassie's.

A boy out the class below said, How come ye do not swear?

Other ones were looking at me. I said, That is my business.

Say f**k, said Podgie.

No.

Mitch and other ones were there and looking at me and I felt how my face was and it was in my head to stop and just speak a bad word, whatever it was and I was waiting for Mitch to say it or if it was somebody, Billy MacGregor or Peter Wylie, if they said something so if I could just laugh but I could not. I thought I would. But then my face was sore and was just funny and I was rubbing it, and oh my cheeks and my bones felt funny. Mitch said it, Oh Smiddy does not swear.

Podgie said, How come?

I do not know.

Gary said, I have heard him swear.

Yes, I said, but I have stopped now.

And I did. I did not swear again or else bad words and dirty words, I tried not to, so people knew it.

It was funny how I done it. I felt it was funny. But I wished I had not started not swearing. Other boys did not swear but they were posh or else just if they were swots. So now I was in the top division and was one who did not swear.

My maw hated swearing. Even if it was my da and he said bloody. Oh Johnny.

Sorry.

Me and Matt never done it if we were the gether. If other boys were doing it and it was the two of us there, well, ye wished they did not and maybe kidded on ye did not hear it.

Then I took red faces. Gary McNab watched me and shouted, Oh Smiddy has got a riddy.

And that started too if somebody was saying a joke and if it was dirty or with a bad word people looked at me to see what I would do, so if I got a red face and they all were laughing. Smiddy has got a riddy.

But some ones that did it were watching because if I got them, Who are you laughing at?

When it came after school or holidays and I was kicking a ball with Pat and Danny I swore same as them but then I stopped doing it there too.

So in the class people had a different look at me. Some liked it. I thought that with Gary McNab and Mitch but no with Podgie, it was just another thing and even ye thought if maybe he wished he did not swear or else what could it be? Podgie did not like it if things happened with other people it was only to be him, him him, he was the big man. He thought I was trying to be big. Mitch was saying to him about me climbing and Podgie just went away so he could not hear, he did not like me if I was a good climber.

I did not know about the lasses, if they thought I was good for not swearing. They would. Most lasses did not swear but said the first letter, You are a dirty b. Some just said it, Oh you are a cheeky b****r.

But people said, Oh he is in the top division, he does not swear.

But that did not matter. I would not swear if I was in the dunces' row. So what? It would not bother me. People there did not care about their lessons but ones in the top division did, and they did not fight and they did not do stuff except if the teacher said so. People thought it about me. None of the boys played with ye in the top division. But the ones there did not want to play Usually they had ties on and were snobby. Ye thought that about top boys. The teacher let them go messages out the room and they just came straight back but if it was me I just waited, so then she did not ask me. I was glad.

***

One Saturday morning Mitch came up for me and it was only seven o'clock. We were going to play football but no till ten o'clock. But now seven o'clock and the bell rang. I was sleeping and did not hear it but my da was there, just going out the door to his work. He took Mitch in and waked me up. What is that boy here for at this time of the morning?

I do not know dad.

Do not wake yer mother.

No dad. I took Mitch into the kitchenette and made toast and tea for breakfast. I said to him, Oh Mitch it is too early. We all were sleeping.

No yer da.

Oh aye but he is going to work.

After breakfast we went into the living room but it was too early for the radio or television. I had cards and we just played Pontoons for kid-on money. Me and him done it a lot and kept scores, who owed who, ye would pay back when ye were a man and got yer wages.

Mitch had three big sisters. I was glad I did not have. But maybe it would be good. If they done stuff for ye, sisters usually done it, if it was housework. Mitch thought a big brother would be good but maybe it would not. I telled him.

He came up for me a lot of times. I took him in. My maw said it too, Oh take him in Kieron.

If Matt was there he let him in too. But if Matt was in the room swotting I had to take Mitch into the living room. But if my da was home it had to be the kitchenette or the balcony, or just the landing stairs outside the door, he did not like Mitch. Oh he is just a dunderheid. He called him that. I did not like it. My da called people names.

Me and Mitch just sat on the steps and talked about stuff or else played cards. If we were all away out and Mitch came up for me he just waited till we came home. He sat outside the front door or else at the foot of the close, on the steps to the pavement. My da did not like him doing it. Oh has he no home to go to?

Then if it was too late at night. Once it was after ten o'clock and it was my time for bed. We had had our supper and were watching the telly. Matt was in the bedroom swotting. The bell rang and my maw and da were looking at each other and were worried. Oh who could that be?

I was going to answer the door but my da said, Stay there son I will go.

It was Mitch. Is Smiddy coming out?

My da was annoyed and gived him a row. Oh what time do ye think this is? A boy of your age should not be out at this time of night. It is far too late, away ye go home. And he shut the door on Mitch and came back and was saying about it to my maw and laughing. Is Smiddy coming out? Oh he had a ball too! Ten o'clock at night and he is looking for a game of heidies. A boy at that age, it is a disgrace.

My da was not saying it to me, only to my maw. But I was there and it was my pal. So how come? How come it was not to me?

I jumped up from the floor and rushed to the window and opened it to see down. My maw said, Kieron, it is too late at night for that.

Oh but I am just looking out.

Do not lean out the window.

Oh but I am just.

Shut that d**n window, said my da.

Oh but.

Shut the window.

I did shut it but was still trying to see out and down for Mitch.

Come away from that b****y window!

Yes but dad

What is it with you? My da was sitting up in his chair and looking straight at me. Eh? I am asking you a question?

Answer your father, said my maw.

Well if he is my pal, if it is Mitch.

It is after ten o'clock at night.

Yes but if he is my pal.

Ten o'clock at night, said my da, and he is out looking for a game of football!

It is far too late, said my maw.

But it is not my fault.

What are you talking about? said my da.

Well if he came up for me.

We are not saying it is your fault, said my maw.

Do not be so stupid, said my da.

Well I am not being stupid, if he came up for me, it is not my fault.

Oh away and give us peace, said my da. What is he doing up for ye at this time of night? Ten o'clock! For a game of b****y football! There is something wrong with that boy. He is just a b****y dunderheid.

No he is not.

Aye he is. And do not talk back to me.

My maw was looking at my da and I knew what it was, it was swearing and saying aye. He kidded on he did not know.

I was just going to wave to him, I said.

It is too late at night, said my da.

Yes but I was just going to wave.

Oh for Heaven sake. My da shaked his head and lifted up his newspaper. He kept it at the side of his chair and just read it when he wanted.

William's mother and father will be worried, said my maw.

They will not.

Of course they will.

Of course they will not.

What? My da leaned out of his chair now to look right at me. His face was the angriest. I was sitting where I sat at the side of the settee but I could not go behind with him speaking to me. Oh what did you say? Eh? What did you say? Are you being cheeky to your mother? Do not you ever be cheeky to yer mother! I am warning ye.

I was not being cheeky.

What!

My maw said, Yes you were Kieron.

Well I did not mean to be.

Well it d**n well sounded like it to me! Get to yer bed.

Yes, I am going.

Aye well go, just b****y go, afore I lose my temper.

My maw was looking at my da because all what he was saying. But I just got up and went to the door and right out. I was glad, glad glad glad, just glad. I did not want to stay there with them. It was just not fair and I was sick of it. If it was my pal I should have went to the door. It was my pal if it was Mitch. He came up for me. It was not up for them. He did not come up for them. So if he did not, if my da said it to my maw and not to me, he should have said it to me. Oh your pal is at the door. He should have said it to me. I should have went to the door just to see Mitch. Oh it is too late, I cannot come out. I would have said it to him.

Oh yer pal is there at the door. My da should have said that. It just was not fair, because I was young. If it was Matt it would not have been, he would have said it to him. My da always said stuff to Matt, no to me. That is what happened in this house. I was sick of it and I just thought it was horrible, just all things ye were always not allowed. How come ye were not allowed? And if it was something even just if it was yer pal, if he came up for ye, how come ye could not see him? It just was not fair. Because he came up late, it was not my fault.

I saw Mitch at school and said it to him, Do not come up for me too late, that was too late, my da was just angry.

What for?

It was too late.

Oh did he give ye a doing?

No, but he nearly did.

Oh if he does ye should just f*****g run away. I would go with ye, we will just go to England, I have got cousins there and they would help ye.

Mitch wanted to run away a lot. I said I would go with him but just no just now. He still came up for me, even if it was rows. The doorbell rang and my maw went to get it. Oh is Smiddy coming out?

My maw did not like him saying it. Who is Smiddy?

This is his house.

Oh his name is Kieron, it is Kieron, you must say Kieron. And it is not hoose it is house, you must say house.

House.

My maw took him in but she did not like him in the house all the time and no if we were having our tea. He kept looking round to see us. He was sitting on the settee and doing it. Lucky for him my da was not home. My maw got up and left the table, she carried her tea ben the kitchenette. She said it to me after. Oh William is watching me eat, tell him not to, it is awful rude.

My maw did not like people watching her. Sometimes she thought stuff and it was just daft. But Matt said it too. Tell Mitch no to watch us eating.

So after me and Mitch went out I said to him, How come ye were watching us eat, my maw did not like it.

Oh I was not watching yez eat.

Aye ye were. Matt said it too.

I was just looking.

What at?

Everything.

My maw thinks it was her.

Well it was not.

So after that if we were having our tea he just sat in the bedroom and waited. My maw said to Matt about his books and jotters because if he had them all out and Mitch was there but Matt said, Oh mum it is okay.

Oh but you do not want him touching your things.

Oh he will not touch them.

That was Matt saying it. I was glad. Because Mitch would not. So it was good Matt saying it. If it was Podgie but, Podgie would touch everything. I took him in and that was what happened. I did not like taking him in because ye just had to watch yer stuff all the time. But no Mitch. He loved my house. Oh Smiddy I would stay here. That was what he said. He hated his house and the most thing was his da. When he was a man he was going to kill him, that was what he said, I am going to poison him to death, he is a horrible old stinking b*****d.

He would do it. Mitch was Mitch. I did not go into his house much. His maw did not mind but he did not like me going in. If it was his big sisters. Boys had sisters and did not like people going in their house. So if they saw something. Oh I saw yer sister's k*****rs.

He was good at spitting. He done it through his front teeth, tthhhh. And he was a smashing whistler and did not use his fingers. Ye would be away at the end of the street and ye would hear him. Even across the field and down at the burn, oh there is Mitch. I could only do it with my fingers but no loud.

Some boys laughed at him. It was a funny thing in his voice and they mimicked him too but no if he would hear them. He was very very good at fighting. He was a best fighter in the school. He did not care about stuff. If it was a boy in a higher class. He did not care. He was in a big fight with a Primary 7. All people were watching. The Primary 7 was a best fighter. Then Mitch was greeting. We saw he was, and it was loud greeting, he was making a noise and it sounded just funny and people were looking. The Primary 7 boy's pals all thought stuff, if Mitch would give in. But we knew he would not and he just still was fighting, and he bashed the Primary 7 hard on the ear with a real hard punch and the Primary 7 just stopped and was holding his ear and going, Ohh ohhh and moaning, then went down on the ground and was still moaning.

Mitch ran away. Me and the boys ran after him. You won the fight Mitch!

I thought Mitch could beat Podgie at fighting. Other ones did not. Podgie done stuff. I did not like it. He dared Mitch to do stuff and Mitch done it. Go and skelp that lassie's b*m.

I telled him no to but he did.

Oh away and throw a stane at that window. So Mitch went and done it and Podgie and Gary laughed. Mitch hoped I would laugh but I did not. Oh Smiddy it is just for a joke.

But I did not like Podgie doing it. If it was me I would not have done it. So how come Mitch done it? I did not know.

Then in the class if Podgie said it, Oh away out and touch the blackboard. So Mitch ran out and done that too. And if Miss Cooney saw him, Oh William Mitchell what are you doing?

She shouted at him and gived him the belt. Mitch just looked. She belted people all the time but did not do it good. People laughed at her. So if ye were chalking a sum on the blackboard ye did a daft face or stuck yer tongue out. Then if she gived ye the belt. One time she done it to Gary McNab and he said, Oh please Miss that was dead sore, and he held his hands out and just flapped them so everybody was laughing.

Then people spoke rude to her, just saying all slang words, aye and doon and aw I cannay dae that miss, whit is it ye says miss. One time Podgie grabbed a lassie's school bag and emptied it on on the floor and Miss Cooney saw him but kidded on she did not. But I saw her and she did. The lassie got a big red face and was going to greet but she did not.

Miss Cooney was boney and with skinny legs and a yellow skirt and then the same jacket, she did not change it. Her back was bent over and she had black hair in a funny way stuck up. Gary McNab said, Oh that is not hair it is a hat.

Oh it is a wig. Podgie said, It is a wig to cover a baldy head.

Everybody all was laughing, lasses as well. They did not like Podgie but still were laughing. But some thought if it was true, if it was a wig. Imagine it. Then what happened, she dropped her chalk on the floor and went to pick it up. But she put her hand on her head. So that was to stop the wig falling off. So really it was a wig, it could be. Out at playtime people were talking about it. Oh if it is a wig. Maybe it is. Maybe she is a murderer, if it is a disguise. Oh what are we going to do? People were saying that.

So Podgie dared Mitch. Heh Mitch you lift it and see.

People did not think he would but he did. Miss Cooney was chalking stuff at the blackboard. Mitch ran over and pulled her hair hard. She fell down and was shouting in a high tiny voice, ohhhh, ohhhh.

Mitch was just there standing and people all were looking and just quiet.

Ohhh, ohhh.

What was going to happen? We all were watching. But she just got up and was holding her head. She saw a book and grabbed it, she bashed Mitch right on the head with it, oh and the book fell and she got his neck and choked it and then bashed him again and he was fighting to get away and done it. He ran to the back of the room. She shouted and went to get him but he dodged roundabout. She could not catch him. It was funny to see but everybody all was quiet and just looking to see. Ye could hear Miss Cooney breathing, Huh hoh, huh hoh, huh hoh, huh hoh.

Then ye saw how Mitch was getting near the door, he was just going with toty wee steps, getting there. He was trying to. But she saw him. Oh do not dare leave this room William Mitchell. But he did, just dived to the door and flung it open and away. Miss Cooney chased out after him.

What would happen? If she caught him or if it was the headmaster or else what? If it was the cops and the Approved School. Boys got sent to the Approved School or else Borstal. People all were talking till then a teacher came in, Get on with your work.

Another teacher came in and sat at Miss Cooney's desk till the bell went to go home. Me and the boys were walking down the street talking about it. Then there he was, he was hiding in a close. He came out and walked in the middle of us so nobody could see him, Oh if the cops came. Gary said it.

We went down the shops. Mitch telled us he did not see Miss Cooney. He just skipped out the front entrance and then out the gate when the jannie was not there. But the next day Miss Cooney did not come in and she did not come back again to school. Mitch's maw was there, she went into the headmaster's office. Mitch got a bad doing off his da.

But he was not good at football. He hoped he was and he was a fast runner but he did not hit the ball right and could not dribble. Usually he went in goals. He was good at diving and did not care about it, no even if it was raining and he got soaked. On the school pitch it was puddles puddles and down the goalie's end was worse, and then muddy. So who was in goals, if he had to dive, he got soaking wet and all muddy clothes. My maw would have killed me.

If it was too heavy raining ye did not play.

That was the worst. It just was. It was only football ye wanted. Sitting in the class and just waiting for the dinnerbell to ring then dinnerschool then getting a game.

Usually it was Billy MacGregor had the ball. The ones to carry it lived beside the school. If they were too far away they did not carry it. If ye carried the ball ye had to be first back. Billy did not go to dinnerschool. His maw was home and made his dinner. He got soup and toast and cheese but if his maw was late he just got a piece on cheese. Wait for yer soup! That was his maw shouting. No, I am not hungry. Billy telled me. He just rushed out and back to school.

If ye were late back with the ball people moaned at ye. If ye were dead late that was the worst thing, if yer maw kept ye in and the boys were out on the pitch waiting and there was not a ball. That was the worst. Who is carrying the ball? Oh it is Billy. Where f*****g is he!

How come he was not here! Then ye saw him running up and he gived a big kick of the ball. We got the sides picked and then were playing.

It was not Billy's ball really. It was a boy called Wotherspoon, it was his ball. He gived it to Billy after morning playtime. Billy kept it under the desk or if somebody else took it. I did too, sometimes. Ye just squeezed it under. If it jumped back out, sometimes it did, so ye pushed it in or if it bounced out on the floor and the teacher thought ye were laughing at her, ye were not, ye did not mean it. I will take that ball!

But she gived ye it back at dinnertime and just was smiling. Oh well ye better have it I suppose.

After school some of us got another game and the boys out Primary 7 played with us and weer ones out Primary 5. Sometimes it was only a wee drop of boys. We played crossing the ball and heidies, or three-and-in, so one boy went in goals and who scores three goals out the other ones, so it was your turn in goals.

Oh but it was the worst if it was heavy raining all morning and ye heard it against the wall and then the roof, just lashing down, so if ye could not play Ye tried no to think about it. If ye did it stayed on but if ye forgot about it it might go off. Then it did but a wee while later it was back on again. The school was made of tin. It was loud loud pattering, and the teacher could not do the lessons right. Oh for Heaven sake!

At dinnertime ye all went under the shelters, standing there and seeing if it was going off, even a wee bit so ye could try it. Boys went out and gived the ball a long kick down the pitch then ran after it but it was through all the puddles and it was hopeless. Usually ye just got Primary 5 boys to do it. They wanted in with us so we could let them play. But if it was me and Billy MacGregor and we went out, we passed the ball to test the ground. If it was no any good, the ball stuck in a deep puddle, it was just a laugh, people splashed through to kick the ball and ye all got soaked. But if ye could still play. Maybe ye could. So if somebody under the shelter shouted to us, What like is it?

Billy looked up at the sky and held his hand out to test. Oh I think it is going off a wee bit.

More people came out to see. Podgie and Gary. Oh's***e it is too rainy. They ran back under the shelter. It is f*****g pelting! What did ye say it was going off for?

Sometimes me and Billy MacGregor just stayed out passing the ball and if Mitch was there he came too but a lot of times he did not come to school.

The other one that came was Peter Wylie. Him and Billy were pals. Peter liked bikes and said how ye got real racers, maybe if it was a Flying Scot. Or if it was an Italian one, they were the best. Peter was wanting one for his Christmas but did not think he would get it. He said how Rona Craig's big brother was getting one for his birthday. His granny was getting it for him and it cost a mint of money.

People all talked about stuff. Some were getting good presents at Christmas and then if it was their birthday. But ye knew if they were boasters, a lot of them were.

Oh but then if the rain went off and still time before the bell Podgie and other ones came and we picked sides fast. There was a big slope on the pitch. It was aye best to shoot down the way. Ye tossed a coin and if ye won the call ye shooted down the first half because most times ye did not get a second half, the bell always rang too soon.

In the winter it snowed some days. People liked the snow for big fights, lasses too, and it was great fun, maybe if it was boys against lasses, and it was just all the lasses out the complete school so all wee ones too running about, Oh mammy daddy mammy daddy. It was just a laugh.

Just for football it was hopeless how the ball turned into a snowball. But it was a laugh too, ye could not run for laughing and then the goalies, if Mitch was there he was like a snowman walking because he just dived for every ball. John Davis was looking at him too. See Mitch! See Mitch!

Mitch did not care but, he just done it. But he did not laugh, he just done it, sometimes if he looked at me. If it was a good game. I just said it to him, Good game Mitch.

Oh aye.

***

The carnival and circus was on and the boys were going. I tried to get money but my maw did not like giving me it because my da was not working. I would not even ask. They would never give me nothing. Mitch said to go into my da's pockets. But if he has got no money.

Oh he will have some.

But he did not have a sausage. Him and my maw argued about it and I heard them. That was what he always said, I do not have a d**n sausage.

Well what about her purse? said Mitch.

But I did not want to go into her purse. I done it when I was weer but did not like it. I got too nervy and all worried. I went into the bathroom and it was diarrhoea because of it, just my stomach.

So then if ye got caught. A thief was the worst. What if it was off yer mates? Yer mates was the same as family. More so. My da said that. They were the lowest of the low and just scum when they done it. If my da's shipmates caught a thief they flung him overboard. That was what they done to one bloke. Things went missing on board. Who would have thought it was him? It was one nobody would have thought. They expected a Chinaman. Chinamen were on the boat. But it was not, it was just Scottish. What all the men done was trap him. They all were waiting. So then they caught him and the next thing he went missing. Man overboard. Because they flung him overboard and it was out in the ocean. That was harsh justice. That was it if ye were at sea. They done it to a darkie once. The men did not like him and he went missing.

I sometimes done it for fags, I went into his packet and if he had eight I took two or if it was four I took one. Mitch said, Oh just take three. But if ye done that yer da would know One time I took a fag and got a bad feeling in my stomach. I was on the toilet seat and just seeing the fag and thinking how him and my maw were watching the telly. I broke the fag up and flung it down the pan. But I pulled the plug and it would not go down. The paper came away and the tobacco all was floating. I kept doing the plug but it did not go down. It was a worry the whole night.

Mitch knocked money out his house. His da kept his money in his coat pockets so he just dipped him. Mitch said that, I just dipped him. He done it with his maw too. Oh I dipped her purse.

But I did not want money off my maw and my da. Nothing. I did not want nothing off them. They just talked and talked about it. I got sick of it. Sometimes ye forgot and just asked, Oh can I go to the swimming baths after school tomorrow?

Oh no, there is no money, it is too dear, how many times do you want to go there. It is dear and so is everything, all just too dear. Oh if ye want to go to the swimming baths, ye were only there on Saturday if it is more money for the pictures and then if it is the circus.

I only went sometimes to the circus. The boys all liked the carnival the best but it was the worst out the whole lot for money. It is just a bunch of thieves, said my da. Carnival people are just tinkers and then when ye are on the roundabouts all the money falls out yer pocket and they all get it. They just fling ye about to steal yer money.

It is just a fraud, said my maw, shots on this and shots on that. I do not know how their mothers can afford it. Oh they must be rich for that.

My da did not like his job and just left it. He came home in the afternoon. Me and Mitch came back at four o'clock and he was there. Lucky for me I did not climb the balcony When my maw came home it was a fight. I was reading a book in the kitchenette and their voices were loud. I did not hear what it was. My maw came in and then back out when she saw me. But her face was red and she did not speak, and away into the bathroom. She was greeting and did not come out for ages. He came in to put on a kettle for tea and stood with his hand on the handle waiting for it to boil. I wished I was not there but Matt was in the bedroom and it was raining heavy, I could not go out on the balcony. But then my da switched off the gas and just went away to him and my maw's bedroom. He got on his coat and shoes and went away out. He did not say where he was going. My maw came out the bathroom and through to me. Where is your father away to?

I do not know mum.

Oh did he not say anything?

No.

Her face was all red, she had been greeting in the bathroom. That was what she done. When Mitch said to go in her purse, I could not. He hated his maw and da but I did not. I just wished I had a job, if I had my own money, that was what I wanted.

***

Podgie thought he was the best at football. We were playing up his street one night and his da was watching out the window. The streetlights came on, it was dark. So he came down and was shouting for Podgie to run and score a goal. Podgie was doing it. He played better. His real name was Derek and his da was shouting that. Go on Derek go on Derek.

Podgie did not want ye saying Podgie if his da was there. So if ye just let him beat ye because his da was there, if he was wanting that, but ye did not. I did not care if his da was there. So what? If his da thought he was the best player, he was not. Podgie just could tackle and boot the ball, that was all, and if he scored a goal it was just easy and he kicked it. And then if he did a dirty tackle on ye his da just shouted, Good play good play!

It was not good play it was just dirty. People just's**t it when he tackled. So they let him win the ball. He never picked me. Him and Billy MacGregor were captains. Billy was the real best player. Him and Peter Wylie were in the second top division. Billy would have wanted to be in the top but he was not. He looked at me no swearing. His maw and da all went to Church. Billy always picked me for his team.

But Podgie was too slow. I could play him easy, ye got the ball at yer feet and ye just ran with it because he could not catch ye. So he stopped running. He telled us what his da said. Oh Smiddy would be good if he remembered the ball. Smiddy runs fast but he cannot dribble, ye just stick out yer foot and get the ball off him.

His da took him to the Rangers' games. I said how I got in when I was wee. The men lifted us over the gates, we did not have to pay. So we got in for nothing, we just dodged the cops. Podgie went away and telled his da then came back. Oh Smiddy you are a lying b*****d.

No I am not.

Ye f*****g are.

No I am not.

My da said ye could never have done it because that was the olden days.

I did so do it. I done it a lot of times.

Podgie did not believe me. Him and Gary were pointing at me and laughing. Two boys from the class below us were there. They were laughing too. What were they laughing about? If they thought they could laugh at me. They just went with Podgie because they wanted in with him. They were feared of him.

But if it was fighting he would beat ye. I thought about how ye would fight him and what my Uncle Billy said. Oh ye just grab something and batter him with it, if it is a brick or what, a bottle, ye just batter him with it and the best place is the nose, hit him on the nose and he will not get up. Or else boot him in the b**ls. If it was football it was rupture. Ye could not move if the ball hit ye there it was just the worst agony. So what if it was a boot? Ten times worse, a hundred times. Yer b**ls went all black, that was what happened to a bad rupture, ye saw all the football players if it was Rangers or who, Celtic or Thistle, and it was a free kick, they all shielded their b**ls else what would happen, it was a rupture and that was you.

Podgie acted tough with me all the time. So if I was easy he was going to take me any day. I thought how to fight him. Podgie could bash ye. He was not fat but just with a very thick body so if he did punch ye, ye would just fall down and that was you if ye were knocked out. A knock-out punch. Ye saw that in boxing.

If ye just did not do nothing, that was the worst thing. Boys done that. Somebody was battering them and they were just holding themselves, Oh stop stop stop, oh do not hit me, do not hit me. But they just got belted harder and then down on the ground, if it was a dirty fighter, they got a kicking. People shouted that, Oh let yer man up!

But a dirty fighter did not let his man up, just booted into him on the ground and the boy shouting, Oh give us mercies give us mercies.

A dirty fighter did not give mercies. The big boys were like that at football. They just booted ye. Two times they let me and Billy MacGregor play with them. They just booted ye off the park. They were in Secondary School. RCs played too, well if it was Sunday. So for Billy because he was good, it was just boot boot boot but Billy just dodged them. If it was me I just ran fast to get away, then they shouted at ye, Oh Smiddy is a wee's***ebag.

No wonder if you are just going to boot us!

But that was all they done. Ye heard somebody say, Oh he is a great tackier. But he was not a great tackier just dirty. I thought that. Then if they had thick legs they just crunched ye. Some of the big boys' legs were very thick, and if ye were trying to get into them they just banged ye and ye fell down. Even they did not mean it, they just caught ye or if it was their knee it cracked ye. Oh and it was pure agony. Yer leg was away and ye could not stand on it. Ye had to go and sit down till it got okay again.

So it was not good playing with them even if they let us. Ye just liked it because they were big. We got our own game and it was best. Big ones played with us but only Primary 7 up to First Year Secondary. In that big Sunday game ones had left school and were working. I did not play good with the big boys. Podgie and Mitch did not even play in their games. They just sat and were smoking. Gary McNab was with them. Gary did not play football much. One time he said to me, Football is p**h.

His big brother played and it was him and his pals brought the cards. He just left the game and went over behind the goals. So did other ones. Then the football finished and they started cards. Pontoons. Ye had to get to 21S or ye got bust. It was for money, so only them with money played. If ye did not have money ye just watched. I liked watching. But if there was too many wee ones and just all talking all the time, the big ones got angry, Oh stop f*****g yapping. Oh f**k off, wee c**ts.

But if ye were just there and quiet and just were watching then it did not matter. Or else if ye helped and went messages. If one was playing and you were not he would just say to ye, Oh will ye go to the ice-cream van and get me five fags and a bottle of ginger.

So ye just went. I went a lot because I did not have money. Ye got a drink of ginger or else a fag for going. If that one won a lot of money he could give ye something, threepence or sixpence. Sometimes he did not give ye anything, no even a fag. Just if he was flinging away the dowp he gived it to you so ye got the last draw before it burned too low. Some big ones did not give ye nothing. Ye ran round to the icey or else down the shops for them. Then ye came back and they laughed at ye. So ye stopped going their messages. Oh he is too miserable.

Some boys made pieces for ones that were winning the most money, and they said, Oh I am starving.

Do ye want a piece on jam?

No, a piece on cheese.

This was what Podgie done. He stayed near. He would run away up to his house and make a piece on cheese and then back down and give it to the other one and he would get money for doing it. So then if he played cards with the money he got, so if he won. Most times he lost it quick.

I lived too faraway to do it.

In my house ye did not get money. Matt got a job but then stopped it with his studies. A lot of the big boys had jobs. They done deliveries, milk or papers or what. Gary's brother worked on the milk. Another big boy there was George who was pally with my brother and had a wee brother Jim, he was a paperboy. He spoke to me. Oh I do not see Matt these days, what is he up to?

He is doing his studies. For his exams.

A lot of times George lost his money and was dead angry. He tossed his cards away and one time he tore them. Gary's big brother was looking at him, so if it was going to be a fight. But George won sometimes and if he gived me money. Do not gamble it now.

He called me Kieron. Some of the boys looked at me. Smiddy is Kieron. Then Podgie and a wee smile to Gary McNab, oh it is a Pape's name, I knew what he was meaning.

Somebody said Podgie got a doing off a Pape. I did not know if it was true. Just if he was going to pick on ye, that was what worried ye. One time in class me and Gary McNab were talking and he telled me Podgie had a wee t****r. Gary done a \y*****g sign with two fingers and was laughing. I telled Mitch. Mitch said it back to Gary but Gary said he did not say it, so if I said he did I was lying. I was not lying. He just laughed. That was what Gary done, so if it went back to Podgie, what would he say to me?

Podgie said stuff to people. Oh your maw done a washing and I saw her k*****rs hanging up. He done it to Mitch about his sisters. Oh do ye see their clothes hanging up? Have they got k*****rs? Oh do they wear k*****rs? Oh do ye see them going to the bathroom? Do they wear their knick-knacks? Do ye see all their legs? Oh come on and tell us! Podgie made w*****g signs with his hand and felt yer d**k. Oh Smiddy has got a h****n.

I have not.

Oh ye f*****g have. Oh Mitch see yer face, ye have got a big f*****g riddy.

Mitch let him say it. How come? I did not like it. If he done it with me. He did, he did do it with me. But Mitch could have hit him. I think he could have. I said it to him. You could just batter him.

Oh but he is a pal.

Podgie did not act it with Gary McNab because of his big brother. Ye saw him walking about. Everybody did. He could fight anybody. He carried a blade, people said it. A blade was a knife. One time the Squatters captured him and he escaped out the camp. Gary telled us, he just had the knife and they were feared, the ones that were guarding him. He was getting a big gang from the whole of the new scheme to go and fight the Squatters. He was not scared of them, even if it was Cochise. Gary said it. But I did not think it. The Squatters were all away now. Me and Mitch went to see their old camp. Peter Wylie came with us. But nothing was there except the new building site and all muddy tracks and everything, bricks and bricks and just piles of stuff. We went in and got piles of nails and one tool that was an iron bar. The workies were not looking at us. We planked the stuff in swampy grass near the burn.

The iron bar was good. Ye used it to open stuff, just wedged it and then forced what it was. It was dead heavy but felt good in yer hand. And if it just tapped ye on the head ye would be knocked cold. Imagine having it and somebody claimed ye so it was a fight and ye could just use it. What if ye had it in yer pocket? If they would not leave ye alone. Ye could just take it out and batter them. Podgie done it, he came up and shoved ye in the back. He done it to me. Or else clicking yer heels and it was a joke but if you done it to him? Well ye would not do it to him. It was sore when he done it. It just made ye angry and I got angry and what to do, ye wanted to do something but could not, ye could not do nothing. And all people seeing ye, and if ye were with the boys so it was yer pals, and if it was Gary and him laughing.

My face just went red and ye just got worse angry and they were laughing at ye. I would have battered Podgie. If I was John Davis I would have. I would have got him down and booted into him. Or else just punched him. The first time he said anything to me I would belt him, calling me names or what, I would not be scared of him.

***

My da telled me to sit on the settee. How come he did it? Just because he picked on ye. Ye were there no doing nothing and it happened. Worse if ye talked. So if ye were not allowed to. It was your house same as them but they did not want ye talking. Matt said stuff. I could not.

I did not like sitting on the settee except if nobody was there. If my maw was there or Matt ye could not see the telly right because their face was in front of ye. That was all ye could watch was their face. Ye could not stop it, and if it was my maw, she did not like it and looked round to see ye if ye were. But I was not. I did not want to look at her face but ye could not help it, just how ye were sitting on the settee.

My maw telled me to sit nearest the television but then if it was your face they were seeing. Ye were just blocking the way and ye were not to move. Oh why cannot you sit at peace?

But mum I am just.

Oh would you just stop fidgeting.

Ye could not do nothing. Then if ye picked yer nose, that was the worst. Oh go and blow your nose Kieron that is just very bad manners.

Then if it was other ones doing it. Matt picked his nose too but he kidded on he did not. Me and the boys were talking about it and Gary McNab said about his auntie, how she done it and that was the worst of all. But if it was yer maw, imagine yer maw done it. I could not. I had not seen her ever do it. But I saw my da and it was his middle finger. People were talking about ones that done it but I did not say about him. But his face went funny and he did not wipe it anywhere. People done it and then if ye shook their hands, I would never do it and then if ye made the supper. It was horrible.

I did not like watching people. Ruthie Grindlay was in the second row at the desk across from me and always scratched her head, and it was all dandruff falling down on the desk. The teacher was talking and she was doing it. I had a wee dream and it was caterpillars falling. It was not a real dream in bed, just at my desk in the class and she was doing it, all caterpillars falling out her hair and on the desk.

Then she looked down to see it and blowed it away and gived a wee look to see if people were watching. It was just horrible and clatty. Imagine yer mouth was open and ye were eating yer dinner if it was dinner school and it landed on yer plate, just her dandruff, it sickened ye and then if she f****d. That was worst. Except if she was fat. I thought if it was a fat person because all the wind was packed in their body, it would just be like it was not their fault, if they were just so big and jampacked with wind so if only they had to move an inch and something jumbled inside their stomach, they would not even know they were doing it. My grannie done it, she was just walking and it came out, but she did not make a smell. But she was not fat.

***

No many people from the scheme went to Matt's school. The ones that did stayed on at school and got their Highers, then it was the best jobs. My maw said it, if ye could just do that, that was you and it was not a dirty job, ye worked with yer brains and not just yer hands. White-collar jobs were the best ones to get, and if ye could get one as a clerk. People were clerks, they did not get their hands dirty and it was short hours. My da worked in a factory and did not like it. Oh but Matt would never work there, said my maw.

His school was all posh and snobby. My maw liked if he was saying stuff about it. I came into the kitchenette and he was talking oh and my maw's face, ye saw her eyes all big and just laughing, oh she loved hearing it.

But no if I was there, Matt did not want me hearing. So if I came in and he was talking to my maw he just stopped and was waiting for me to go back out. He did not want me there, just so he could talk to mum and tell her stuff, he did not want me hearing. Because it was all snobby stuff. I knew it was snobby stuff. I did not care. So if he was saying all about his lessons and what the teacher said.

Oh and who is in your class, if they all are good speakers and oh just if they are good. My maw liked all good stuff.

When the boys were talking about big brothers and saying about best fighters they did not say about Matt. He did not do much fighting here. He did in the old place. If it was gangs, if our street was fighting them, Matt charged into them. He was a best fighter. He was. I saw he was. He went with his pals and they just all went places. Now he did not. He just stayed in his room, he read books and swotted. If he went out it was Saturday and Sunday and he got the train to meet his pals. They were in his school and did not live in the scheme.

Mitch liked him. He wished he had a big brother but I telled him how they might not be good. Ye could still get doings. Not real doings, but punches. Then if they wanted something they just took it and if it was the biggest dinners, they always got them, if it was potatos on yer plate ye aye counted more on his and they were just always bigger. Sausages too. Oh he got three sausages what did you get? Two and a half. Else yours were skinny and his were fat.

Or what? Stew and mince. He got the most meat, yer maw always gived him it. You just got carrots and gravy. And he got the biggest puddings, bigger than my da as well. How come? My maw gived Matt the biggest in the house. My da just looked. The same if it was a piece, if my maw was making us one, he got the thickest slices. So if it was a piece, I made my own so I could get good ones, I just looked for the best slices, I just dug down inside the loaf and I got them if they were thick.

And I made the supper. He never made it. But I liked making it. Because I just gived him the weest, toast and cheese or else scrambled egg, I gived him the weest plate and then seeing his face, he used to see what everybody was getting. So if it was my maw's and da's, he could not say nothing because he should get the weest. But if it was mine and he saw it was bigger, oh ye just felt like laughing. I sat down with mine and I nearly was. If I had laughed he would have got me. He would have punched me on the back or on the shoulder. They would not have seen him doing it. Usually I took first bites out mine so he could not see the size.

He would not make the supper. He was lazy. I thought that. He did not do stuff except if it was studying, and my maw and da did not make him. With me they did. Oh away down the shops for milk and potatos, oh take that rubbish bin down the midden or else peel the potatos. Oh Kieron you peel the potatos and will you please set the table. If Matt set the table he just put down the placemats and the knifes, forks and spoons. I done everything, cups for tea and milk and sugar and all plates and then salt. Oh but if it was Matt, oh no. And then all his stuff in the bedroom, all just lying under the bed, and his socks and pants, he just threw it all under, and my maw had to get it for the laundry basket. So that was not fair, if I had to get mine myself, he never got his.

Or else the window side. How come he had the window side? He just took it. I would have loved sleeping there and then at nighttime maybe with the curtains open for the moon and stars. Except when the light was too bright coming in because it kept ye awake. Or else if it was a loud storm with thunder and lightning. Although that was alright, ye could just lie there and think about things. When my da was in the Navy they had the biggest storms and thundering gales, the waves coming over the bows of the boat and if ye were not careful they seized ye and carried ye overboard. Men were lost at sea. Some of his pals went overboard and if that happened they could not survive, no even if the Captain and everybody knew they were overboard because they could not turn the boat back, it took too long, it had to go on a big wide circle to do the turnabout so the ones that fell off were already drowned and lost forever.

Or if it was up north at the Arctic Circle and it was too cold if it was winter and they were dead in ten minutes. Or even one minute. It was exposure. And how cold it was too, so they would be a block of ice. Nobody could dive in and save them, their body could not take it. It had to be lifeboats and maybe they did not work if it was too bad a storming wind and ye could not launch them or else if they capsized. The Captain would not waste more men for the sake of one. That was what happened. And ye were there in the water and yer feet just going up and down and oh what about sharks or what. Ye were just having to watch it, and seeing the boat too, getting farther and farther away, the lights getting lower and lower, going into the distance, if ye tried to swim after it and yer boots were too heavy, all the water getting in, if ye were wearing big wellies, the water filling them up and dragging ye down for a horrible death, so ye had to get them off, just treading water, keeping yer head up, unless ye just dived down to do it, that would be the best thing, so using yer two hands to pull them off.

Or no wearing wellies at all. Ye would not wear them because why, because what good were they? Ye had to wear them when ye were wee. I hated them except for going in puddles but they gived ye hacks and it was just sore the whole day. They were hopeless for other stuff. Ye could not play football with them and never climb an inch. Imagine wellies and climbing a ronepipe? Even a tree. Ye could not. So the same if ye were a sailor. If they could not grip the deck ye were best wearing something like whatever it was, just the best for gripping and so if ye fell in they would not fill up and drag ye down.

That was what ye wondered, ye saw somebody drowning, they had not the strength to keep up. Yer legs just gived in and that was you, ye sank down, having to take in the water once yer breath ran out, right down fathoms and fathoms right to the bottom of the sea. Or else if ye just floated, if yer body had no life left in it, it was all gone, so maybe it went back up to the surface. Ye saw some bodies like that, other ones just went to the bottom.

Some did and some did not. So how come, if one body did not float and another one did? Matt asked my da that. I cannot mind what my da said. But maybe if seaweed dragged ye down, all twisting round yer ankles and ye were trying to escape but ye could not and ye were just making it tighter and tighter and ye could not breathe and the water was there and just waiting to fill up yer lungs. It was a horrible death.

I liked it when my da telled stories but he did not do it much, only when we were wee and he was home on leave. Most times now he did not speak or else just got angry at stuff on the telly, if darkies were winning all the boxing or if it was Papes in the pictures, all the time it was Papes how ye never saw Protestant Churches on the telly, just Chapels, he got annoyed with that or if he made jokes if it was Priests or else in a Chapel and people were all lighting their candles and kneeling on the floor.

Stories about boats were good. I liked hearing them and reading them too if it was an adventure story and people were sailing ships but no if it was submarines or the war, I hated stories about that. I liked them about pirates and the olden days, treasure islands and the Coral Sea. I was telling the boys how ye could swim down so deep and the water was just so clear, even at the very bottom ye could open yer eyes and just see what was there, fish that were just how they were, and all the sizes and big big mouths and the skinniest bodies, just thin but with the sharpest kind of shark's teeth. And all shells ye blew into and were like bugles in the BB band, and if ye found old hulks and boxes of gold coins that were pieces-of-eight and skeletons were there guarding them with all scaly fingers if ye had to push them to open the box and the seawood all trailing.

***

Climbing was the best thing so if ye saw a good tree or what. If it was a different building. The Church down the hill was great-looking and had wee different roofs for jumping right up to the Cross at the top. Imagine ye could climb it and get on with both hands or if ye could stand up on the top of the wee toty bit. Oh but how would ye balance? Just one foot on top of the other, ye could maybe do it that way.

Even going someplace with my maw and da I still looked for the best buildings, and if the roof looked good, what was the best way up? If there was not a way ye got a funny feeling, so the building was not friendly. Some buildings had a face and were friendly. The school building's face was a robot, ye could not see if it was friendly. But the back of my building was friendly, ye saw that, it was just friendly, ye would never fall off it because it would not let ye, it did not want ye to fall.

But then the Chapel too, it was friendly How come? The Chapel only had one roof but it did not have a pointed part, it was complete flat but with a wee slope. So if ye climbed it ye could run about. There was a lot of windows up high. If ye lied on the roof and looked way over the edge ye would maybe see in a window, if somebody held yer feet. Imagine ye did and people saw ye? The Donnellys were up my close, they were Catholics, so if they were there and just looked up at the window it would be me. Oh there's Kieron!

Or Pat and Danny. What a laugh if it was them seeing up. But a funny thing how the Chapel roof went on a wee slope. It was not a big slope-down roof, just a wee one. But ye could run down and do a jump, except there was not a place to jump to.

The new scheme was no good for high-up jumps. Me and the boys were talking. They knew about dykes and jumps from back in their old places. We could go and see them. They could come to mine and I could go to theirs. I wanted to see them, and if we done them, maybe we would. I said it, if we could go on Saturday morning, we would just maybe go, but only Mitch wanted to come with me.

There were no balconies in the old place, it just had windows, so if ye climbed one, ye would just go in there. Usually the window was left shut but so there would not be draughts. My grannie was aye saying about draughts, and if ye left the door open, Oh shut that door son, because granda got cold. He put on jerseys and a cardigan. My grannie laughed at him. How many jerseys is that?

Never you mind woman. Or else Vera if he called her Vera. Never you mind Vera it has got nothing to do with you.

My granda was good at saying stuff and if my maw was talking to Auntie May they would be laughing about him and all what he used to say. My grannie gived him rows but then she just looked at him. He pointed back at her with his thumb and then just a wee whisper, Wheesht son, danger signal, no sparring the night.

My grannie's ronepipe window was the kitchen window and if ye climbed in there she would get ye. She was always at it and doing stuff. She kept the window shut except if it was old bread for birds, ye heard them clucking and she put it out on the ledge for them. Me with the cats and her with the birds. My granda said that.

My grannie did not like cats much so if she left the window open and granda's cats went for the birds and chased them right out and over the ledge, Oh I would laugh, said grannie, but he would not.

So if ye were going to do the ronepipe ye would have to open the window first. But ye would have to ask her and she would never let ye. Oh we are three storeys up if ye fell and broke yer neck or else yer back.

People said that, if a workie fell off a roof, Oh he broke his back the poor man.

Another roof was my new school. The building was made out of tin. Matt laughed, Oh your school is made out of tin!

Oh but it is good inside.

Well no outside. What if the wind blows it will fall down. Then if you are up the top floor. How would ye get down?

We would just climb down. Primary 7S and 6S were up the top. That was us. So ye would climb down. But if the ronepipes were not there. Just dreeping down and swinging. So if the walls fell down, ye could still make it, and just helping down the lasses.

The ronepipes were on the wall. If ye climbed it ye would not get a right grip with yer toe. In stone ye got wee toty holes and stuff, but tin was slippy and yer feet would skliff off. But if ye wedged them in. Ye could, in behind the ronepipe at the wall, ye would get a grip. But if ye went in too far and yer foot got stuck, it got twisted. That happened. Ye were wearing sandshoes and they were skinny so that was how they got stuck. Shoes were not good for climbing but they did not get stuck so that made them better. If ye climbed the school wall ye would watch what shoes and maybe sandshoes were the best. But maybe they were not.

We were talking about it at Friday dinnertime. It was pelting rain so we could not play football. There were two big shelters, one for boys one for lasses. If it was raining hard some lasses came into ours or if we went into theirs, sometimes we did, just for a laugh. So instead of boys and lasses Primary 7S and 6S went to one shelter and Primary 5S and 4S to the other. Wee ones just tried to get in anywhere. If there was no room in one they went to the other or else just got left out, so tough luck, they went to the lawy. But if Primary 7S and 6S were in smoking that was them and they had to get out. Some big boys were bullies, they booted wee boys up the backside, Get to f**k, so it was not fair if they just needed the lawy.

People were saying about good walls and trees, there were good trees roundabout, so who was best climber. Ones looked at me and a Primary 6 said, Smiddy goes up the top of the ronepipe. So other ones were looking at me then at Peter Wylie because he done it too but his house was only one storey up. Mine was the top.

Oh but Smiddy can touch the roof. It was Mitch said that. I did it one time for a laugh. But Peter knew I done it.

Billy MacGregor said, But if ye climb it ye climb it, even if it is not high. Ye still climb it.

Him and Peter were best pals. The lasses were looking over and hearing what we said. Julie Michaels was with Rona Craig and Lorna Buckle from our class, so were other ones. Boys talked loud so the lasses could hear, just showing off, punching boys and shoving them. No for a fight but just a laugh, except if Podgie spoiled it. He booted the ball at people. A lot of times he kept the ball. It was not his but he still did. The boy that had the ball acted like he did not care but he did care because whose ball was it, it was his, but he was scared because it was Podgie.

Podgie just wanted to be the boss. He said how ye got great dykes and jumps back in his old place.

Oh but mine were great too. I said how they were just the best and some were really high up, ye had to balance going along and it was just like a tightrope. Imagine ye had a tightrope and could walk it, if ye put it between yer houses, if ye stretched it right across the back and then ye could just run across and no touch the ground and all everybody was down below. Gary McNab made a joke and people were laughing. It was a wee bit dirty and lasses heard. We looked at them but they were just laughing as well, some of them.

Imagine a lassie climbing. Lasses could not climb if with dresses on because ye could see up. It would be with one hand because for a lassie it was a dress and she would be holding it down so it did not blow up. All people down below would see her k*****rs, they would, and just her legs to the top, just if they looked up, they would see, they would, so she would have to wear trousers except no in school, lasses were not allowed to because it was the uniform and it was skirts, lasses had to wear them and if the wind blowed, ye just waited for that, it was a laugh.

The bell was going to ring. But bang, Podgie booted the ball into the lasses. One hit Ruthie Grindlay. They were angry shouting at him. He was laughing and done it again. They were having to jump so if it smacked into their legs, it was sore. And mucky too, how it was making their legs all dirty and then if it was splashing their skirts, it was grey skirts they wore and that was just not fair. Boys were laughing. Mitch too, and Gary McNab. They thought it was good what he done but other boys did not. Peter Wylie and Billy MacGregor, I saw them give a wee look then they went to the edge. The lasses were angry and going out the shelter. I went to stand next to Peter and Billy, just looking out at the rain.