Leaving Epitaph: The Sons of Daniel Shaye

37

They all had steak dinners that night, and there wasn’t much conversation during the meal. Shaye had the feeling they were all having thoughts about faith and religion. He was starting to wonder if accompanying him on his vendetta was going to adversely effect them as men. Or should he simply stop thinking about this as something he had to do and start thinking of it as something they all had to do—their vendetta? After all, they had as much right to it as he did.

During dessert, however, it was Matthew who finally brought the question of religion up.

“Pa?

“Yes, Matthew?”

“Do you not believe in God anymore?”

Thomas stole a quick look at his father and James looked away. He was hoping Matthew wouldn’t tell their father what he had said about that subject earlier in the day.

“Matthew,” Shaye said, “I don’t think we can give God much thought until we’ve accomplished what we’ve set out to do.”

“How can we do that?” Matthew asked.

“It won’t be easy, but we have to try,” Shaye said. “If any one of us can’t put aside the question of God while we’re doing this, he’s going to have to turn back.”

Matthew looked confused.

“Can you do that, Matthew?”

“I don’t know, Pa,” Matthew said, “but I know I don’t wanna turn back.”

“Just give it some thought tonight, then,” Shaye said. “God would not approve of what we’re doing, and your mother certainly would not approve. But we can’t dwell on that. We have to be committed to this, or even when we catch up to them and there’s the slightest doubt about what we’re doing, we could end up dead.”

“I’m committed, Pa,” Thomas said. “We have to do this, no matter what anyone thinks.”

“Me too,” James said.

Matthew looked panic stricken and confused. He wasn’t sure he agreed with the rest of his family, he wasn’t sure he even knew what the word “committed” meant, but he knew that he could not turn back on his own.

“Matthew,” Shaye said, “no one wants to force you into anything. You could stay here and wait for us to come back—”

“I ain’t never been on my own, Pa,” Matthew said. “I wouldn’t know what to do. I gotta come along.”

“Well then, you and I will have to keep talking about it along the way, Matthew,” Shaye said. “You’ve got to be absolutely convinced you’re doing the right thing, or I don’t want you to do it.”

“The right thing is for me to come with you.”

“Son,” Shaye said, “that’s just not a good enough reason to kill someone, and that’s what we’re aiming to do.”

Thomas reached over and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “We’ll all talk about it, Matthew.”

“We’re not gonna leave you behind,” James assured him.

“Damn right you’re not,” Matthew said. “You guys would get in too much trouble without me.”

“And we know it!” James agreed.

“Like that time…” Matthew went on, and Shaye was happy to see the conversation take a new course.

He had to make sure that by the time they caught up to the gang, they were all ready to do what had to be done. The slightest hesitation on any of their parts could end up being a disaster for all of them.

Matthew’s face was still a little pale even as he started to banter with his brothers.

“How about some pie?” Shaye asked.

Matthew smiled and said, “Now you’re talkin’!”