Leaving Epitaph: The Sons of Daniel Shaye

42

Shaye left the sheriff’s office with his three sons following him.

“Why are we leavin’, Pa?” Matthew asked.

“I don’t think he was lying,” Shaye said. “He didn’t know that Langer had sent two of the gang into town for supplies.”

“How can you be sure?” James asked.

“I’m not,” Shaye said, “I just think he’s right. He’s not that brave—especially if he thought I was still…Shaye Daniels.”

“So what do we do, Pa?” Matthew asked.

“We’re just going to keep going the way we’ve been going, Matthew. Keep heading north.”

They had ridden their horses over to the office, and now they stepped into the street and mounted up.

“Say, James,” he said when they were mounted, “did that girl tell you what they bought?”

“No, Pa,” James said. “I didn’t even think to ask.”

“Me neither,” Matthew said.

“Well,” Shaye said, “let’s go and ask her now, shall we?”

James and Matthew argued about who should go back into the store and talk to Janie. Shaye finally told Thomas to dismount and do it.

“I bet he comes out with a bar of soap,” James said.

“You and your brother are going to use that soap,” Shaye warned him.

“Aw, Pa—” Matthew said.

“You bought it, you’re going to use it.”

Matthew sulked and James smirked.

“What are you smiling at?” Shaye asked. “That girl bamboozled both of you into buying things you didn’t need. You shouldn’t be looking so pleased with yourself.”

Thomas came walking out empty-handed, looking proud of himself. He mounted up and looked at Shaye.

“Can’t blame the boys for buyin’ that stuff, Pa,” he said. “That one’s a charmer.”

“Didn’t charm you, though, huh?” Shaye asked.

“Not that she didn’t try.”

“Did you find out what those two Langer men bought?”

“They pretty much did like we did,” Thomas said. “Some coffee and jerky, enough for a dozen men or more, but nothin’ big.”

“That’s because they haven’t got far to go,” Shaye said. “We’re getting closer to our destination. Maybe even another couple of days.”

“Finally,” Thomas said.

“I can’t wait,” James said.

Matthew remained silent. Shaye knew there was still some doubt going on inside his middle son. They’d all have to keep their promise to talk to him over the next couple of days. If he wasn’t totally convinced about what they were doing, Shaye was not going to let him face the Langer gang.

“Let’s get going,” he said to his sons. “I want to put some miles between us and here before nightfall.”

That night they camped in a clearing about sixty miles south of Salina. Shaye waited until they were all gathered around the fire, eating, before discussing their course of action.

“We can make Salina by nightfall tomorrow,” he said, “and then one of us has to go in and see if the gang is there. I can’t do it, because both Langers might recognize me. One of you has to do it, and I’m going to let the three of you decide which one.”

“I’ll go,” Matthew said right away.

“No, I’ll go,” James said. “You’re too unsure about this, Matthew. Besides, you’re so big they’d notice you right away. I can blend in better.”

“I’ll go,” Thomas said.

“Why you?” James demanded.

“I’m the oldest.”

“That’s got nothin’ to do with it,” James said, then looked at Shaye and asked, “Does it, Pa?”

“I said I was letting you three decide.”

“James’s argument about you is a good one, Matthew,” Thomas said. “You’re too noticeable.”

“And what about me?” James asked.

“You’re too young.”

“You can’t pull that on me, Thomas,” James said. “I got just as much right to go in as you have. We can both blend in.”

“I’m better with a gun, James,” Thomas said. “Somethin’ might happen, and I’m better equipped to handle it than you.”

James opened his mouth to argue, but his argument got trapped in his throat. He looked down at the gun in his holster. He knew he couldn’t best Thomas with a gun.

“Sounds like you boys have made up your mind,” Shaye said. “Thomas, your brothers and I will camp outside of Salina tomorrow night. You go in, get a hotel room, and have a look around. If the gang—both parts of it—are there, they won’t be hard to see.” Shaye leaned forward and stared directly at his oldest son. “This is important—do not engage them. Do you understand?”

“I’m not that foolish, Pa,” Thomas said. “I wouldn’t try to take them alone.”

“That’s good,” Shaye said, “because it’s going to be hard enough for just the four of us to do it.”

“Don’t worry,” Thomas said. “If they’re in Salina, I’ll come back and tell you.”

“All right, then,” Shaye said. “It’s settled.”

“What if they’re not there, Pa?” James asked.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, James. Let’s just take it one step at a time.”

Shaye set the watches and gave Matthew the first. While Thomas and James turned in, though, he went and sat next to Matthew.

“Mind if I have a last cup of coffee with you?” he asked.

“Sure, Pa. I’ll get it for ya.”

Matthew poured a cup full and handed it to his father, then poured one for himself.

“You don’t really want coffee, do ya, Pa?”

“No, Matthew,” Shaye said. “Pretty smart of you to know that.”

“I’m not as smart as Thomas and James, Pa, or you,” Matthew said, “but I ain’t dumb.”

“I never thought you were, Matthew. You have something you want to ask me, son?”

“Why ain’t I as sure about this as you and Thomas and James, Pa?” Matthew said.

“What part of it is bothering you?”

“Well…the God part. You and Thomas are actin’ like there ain’t no God, and James don’t seem so sure anymore.”

“And you are?” Shaye asked. “Sure, I mean, about there being a God?”

“If there ain’t no God, Pa,” Matthew said, “then Ma was lyin’ to us all them years that she was takin’ us to church.”

“And you don’t want to think of your mother as a liar, do you, Matthew?”

“No, I don’t,” Matthew said, “but there’s more to it than that. I mean, if what you say about us maybe committin’ murder, then it’s gonna be a sin.”

“A big sin, Matthew.”

“And that don’t seem to bother you and James and Thomas.”

“It bothers you?”

“It’s like the biggest mortal sin of all, Pa!”

“I know, son.”

“We’ll all go to Hell!”

“You have to understand something, Matthew,” Shaye said. “I would chase these men through the fires of Hell and out again to get them for what they did to your ma. I don’t care if I spend the rest of eternity in Hell, as long as they pay.”

Matthew stared at his father with his mouth open. “Wow. Do you think James and Thomas feel that way, Pa?”

Shaye stole a look at his two sleeping sons and said, “Yeah, I think they do.”

“Then I should too.”

“You don’t have to feel that way, Matthew.”

“But if I don’t, then it means I didn’t love her as much as the three of you did.”

“It doesn’t mean that at all,” Shaye said. “It just means you’re not ready to give up on God.”

“So I gotta choose between Ma and God?”

“You have to choose what’s right for you, Matthew,” Shaye said. “Nobody else matters.”

Matthew looked surprised again. “God don’t matter?”

“Not this time, Matthew,” Shaye said, putting his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Right now the most important is you. All you’ve got to do is give it some thought, and the answer will come to you.”

Shaye dumped the remnants of the coffee into the fire and stood up. “Wake James for the second watch in two hours.”

“Yes, Pa.”

“Good night, son.”

“’Night, Pa.”

Shaye went to his bedroll totally unsure about whether he’d said the right thing to Matthew. These were the times, he knew, when he was going to miss Mary the most.