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Chapter 27

I PULLED ON THE TOP half of my suit, alone for the first time since the insanity of the past few hours had begun. I checked to make sure a fresh epi infuser was safely tucked in the pocket at my thigh, then tugged the thin blue sleeves over my arms. But before I could put my helmet on and fasten the suit closed, it all hit me. Adrien was gone. He had been captured all this time, and I hadn’t even realized. The thought tore me apart inside. Now I had to face the most dangerous and powerful woman in the Sector, and if I didn’t succeed, the love of my life would be killed.

I suddenly felt very small. Fear and self-doubt bubbled up. It was ludicrous. We didn’t even have a plan. The Chancellor would know we were coming. I wasn’t strong enough for this. How could I possibly—

Stop.

I squeezed my eyes shut and put my hands to my temples, as if I could physically force all the stray thoughts out of my head. I needed to empty my mind. I needed to focus. But the fear kept crowding back in.

I am that, I repeated desperately to myself, trying to find my center. I am that. But they were just words without meaning.

Then Max’s face popped into my head, and with it a swelling tide of rage. I am that. I visualized the billowing red rage and clung to it. Fear had no place here. The buzzing rose to a squealing pitch in my ears. I opened my eyes, awash with the power humming underneath my skin.

I pulled the helmet and face mask over my head, fastened everything in place, and headed toward the transport bay. It was time.

There was no moon, only the soft sifting of stars as we flew through the night sky. I looked up at Taylor’s face in the rearview mirror. “I understand why it couldn’t be Adrien’s mom, but why not let someone else take me?”

“It had to be me.”

I paused a moment. “Adrien told you. He had a vision about this.” It wasn’t a question. Another thought struck. “Did he know he was going to get captured?”

Taylor was silent a moment before answering. “Yes, he knew he would be captured, but he didn’t know when.”

I almost jumped out of my seat. “Then how could you have let him go on the raid?”

“He didn’t tell me.” Her voice was calm and even. “He’d been keeping a vision journal full of everything he saw and his theories about how things might connect. It was an elaborate, spiderwebbed map. I found it when we returned from the raid. I forbade him from leaving the Foundation after that.” In the mirror, I saw her frown. “Of course, it was already too late by then. I was talking to Maximin without knowing it.”

I sat back, feeling baffled and angry at Adrien. I thought about when he’d taken me to watch the sunset before the raid. He’d talked about how precious time was, but I hadn’t realized it was because he knew his was running out. “Why did he go? Why would he do that if he knew he’d be captured?”

She pursed her lips. “He didn’t know when it would happen, and he insisted on going on the raid. He said it had to do with protecting the causality chain. Along with the vision journal, he had endless scribbled notes about research into temporal paradoxes and causality links.”

“Causality? What does that even mean?”

She looked away. “He said he needed to make sure certain visions were fulfilled in order for others to come true.”

I sat back in my seat. “If he needed to protect a vision and make it come true, it meant he believed they could still be altered,” I said, stunned. After all Adrien’s concern and doubt and despair about his visions, he’d still held on to hope. He’d still believed he could make a difference.

“Do you think they can be changed?” I asked.

“I sure as hell want to.” Her grip on the control stick tightened. “But still, here I am, driving straight toward my fate anyway.”

I let out a small gasp as another realization smacked me like a club to the face. All this time, I’d thought the vision Adrien had told the General—the one that had made her desperate—was about some mission or the future of the Rez. But it was suddenly clear that it was much more personal than that.

“Did he tell you—” I stopped, clutching the seat rest and bracing myself for the question I had to ask. “Does something happen to you on this mission?”

Her silence was answer enough.

“We have to go back. Find another way.” My words tumbled over one another. “We can stop his vision from coming true. Maybe if someone else takes me it won’t turn out the same—”

“I’m no coward,” Taylor cut me off sharply. “Besides, I might not know how the causality chain works, but it’s clear it’s too important to disrupt.” Her tone shifted, urgent. “I need you to do something for me. Should we fail to take down the Chancellor, there is an operation in motion that must continue. It’s called Operation Kill Switch, and—”

“You mean the nuclear bomb you were going to use to create an EMP.”

“You’ve seen the plans, then.” She nodded, her voice only carrying a small note of surprise. “Good. That makes this simpler.”

“But I’m not going to help you.”

She let out a quick angry breath. “We have the means of ending this war forever, and you’re saying no? Millions of lives could be saved. Civilization could be restored. This is the difference I am meant to make with my life.

“You’re young. You still believe that if you just try hard enough, you can do good in the world without ever having to get your hands dirty. You have to promise me that when you’re a leader you’ll do what needs to be done.” Her eyes met mine in the mirror with a burning intensity.

I swallowed. “I promise to do what I think is right.”

Her mouth turned down at the edges, but she finally nodded. “I suppose in the end that’s all any of us can ever do.”

“We can still turn back, General.” I leaned forward. “Adrien didn’t try to change his fate, he just walked right into it. You can’t do the same thing.”

“You don’t understand. I don’t know if I believe in destiny, but I do believe that we must win this war if there is to be any hope for humanity. And I won’t hide from a fight or let someone else die the death that was meant for me. Battles are fought every day with the knowledge that it might be our last. And as confident as the Chancellor might be, I guarantee she will be underestimating me. Because there is nothing more dangerous than a soldier who knows they have nothing left to lose.”