Private Lives

Chapter 15

Abi’s grating cheese for Margot’s packed lunch when her phone buzzes with a new email. This time it’s from Sebastian Kent and the title is ‘A Response to the Petition’. The timing feels intentional; the petition was sent at a similar time yesterday morning and has passed around countless WhatsApp groups since – including one for Lily’s class that Abi is part of. After just a couple of minutes the thread was covered in horrified emojis and ‘WTF?’ comments. The school gates have been fizzing with speculation and Abi knows, being new and still an unknown quantity, she doesn’t hear the worst of it. She feels like her lungs are collapsing again as she opens Seb’s email. She reassures herself that she can still whisk her daughters away if she needs to, if this is the moment Seb has cracked and given up her name to distract attention away from himself. She reads it hurriedly, one palm flat, pressing against the countertop.

Dear Parents, Guardians and Carers,

I’m writing to invite you to a school assembly this morning at 9.15 a.m., when I shall deliver a response to the petition that was posted about me yesterday morning. The students will also be in attendance, and I hope you are able to join us in the main school hall. I’m aware this is all last-minute and I apologize for any disruption caused, but it feels important to respond to the petition quickly. For those unable to attend, or for those who do not wish to come this morning, I would be happy to arrange another time to meet in person at your convenience.

With best wishes,

Sebastian Kent

‘Don’t grate your finger again, Mummy!’ Margot says, taking a fistful of grated cheese before Abi can stop her.

‘Margot!’ Abi whips around to face her grinning daughter, the grater clattering to the floor along with most of the cheese. ‘It’s not funny! That’s the last of the cheese – you’re not going to have a sandwich now.’ A thin strip is stuck to Margot’s pouting bottom lip. ‘And you’re still in your pyjamas – come on!’

The cheese starts to quiver on Margot’s lip and drops to join the other strips on the floor before Margot erupts into tears and turns and runs away. Abi is left rummaging under the sink for the dustpan and brush, guilt setting in fast, and wondering again if she can pack them up today, get them all on a train back to London, back to anonymity tonight.

After she drops Margot at school Abi walks to the park and tries to call Diego, but it’s far too early for him to be awake, especially as he was in the restaurant late last night. Her phone is still in her hand when it buzzes with a WhatsApp from Lily.

U heard about this petition about Mr Kent? SO wild! U coming to assembly thing?

Abi replies with a shocked emoji face and is about to type out a proper reply when her phone buzzes again, this time with an unsaved number.

Hi Abi, I just want to reassure you that I will never mention you in connection to any of this school stuff and I’m sorry things have escalated in this way. Seb.

Abi stares at Seb’s message and decides that, no, she still won’t go to the assembly. She deletes his message. It would be awful. Rosie will of course be there, as well as Anna and Eddy. Her presence could send them into a rage and Anna is already unpredictable; it’s too dangerous. Abi picks up pace and is walking towards the restaurant when someone starts calling her name.

‘Abs! Where do you think you’re going?’ Lotte’s voice is a pithy whine.

‘Morning, Lotte. I was just heading into work, actually …’

‘Oh no you don’t!’ Lotte smiles like she’s about to hand Abi a great, delicious treat. ‘We’re going to go and find out what naughty Seb has to say for himself.’

‘I thought I wouldn’t …’

‘Don’t be mad, of course you’re going! As your boss I command it!’

Abi wants to slap her away but instead she lets Lotte take her arm and lead her back along the path, towards the school.

‘I just spoke to Anna; she’s absolutely spitting feathers. She’d just arrived in London when she got the email. She says he planned it; knew she goes into London early for work on a Thursday. She’s waiting to jump straight on the next train back to Waverly, but still, she won’t arrive back into the station until ten-ish, so she’ll miss the whole assembly. God, it’s all just so exciting!’

Mrs Greene is at reception ushering them all in as Abi hangs back, letting the other parents go before her.

‘Ms Matthews, good to see you,’ Mrs Greene says to Abi. ‘Are you planning on joining us or not?’

There are no seats left so Abi hovers with a small herd of parents standing at the back, to the right of the hall. There are Halloween decorations up, cut-outs of pumpkins and cats stuck to the walls. It’s unbearably tense, the room like a giant can of fizzy drink, shaken and ready to explode. The teachers look nervous; most have given up telling their students to stop talking and a Mexican wave of chatter ripples around the echoey space. Parents smile at their kids, give them the thumbs-up, and their kids either ignore them or wave quickly back before their mates can see. Abi stands on her tiptoes to look for Lily but can’t find her; instead she spots Eddy standing on the other side of the hall with Patrick and Vita. His arms crossed, he looks bored by whatever Vita’s telling him before his eyes find Abi. She looks quickly away but not quickly enough to miss how his top lip curls, his eyes narrow – somewhere between horror and awe.

The stage is completely bare and as soon as Seb walks out, the room goes silent, like everyone in it shares one great lung. Together, they hold their breath. She can’t see Rosie anywhere.

Seb isn’t carrying anything. He stands in the middle of the stage and takes a moment to look at everyone staring at him. He looks fairly composed but Abi recognizes the flash in his eyes – fear, uncertainty. There are a few nervous coughs, a couple of giggles, a teacher shushing some noisy students before he begins.

‘Morning, everyone, and thank you for coming at such short notice. I know the parents here this morning understand why we’re here. But some of the students might not, so I’m going to first explain the events of the last twenty-four hours. Yesterday, a petition was published and sent around your parents and guardians calling for me to resign. The petition made it clear that in the author’s opinion I am not good enough to be your head teacher. It accused me of immoral, transgressive behaviour and asked for your parents and guardians to sign to show that they agree that I should resign.’

As he talks Abi feels the whole packed hall breathe out. Seb is clear, controlled. He is not a lunatic. He still sounds safe.

‘I’ve asked you all here this morning to try to explain why I’m choosing not to resign, and I hope you’ll allow me this opportunity and think carefully about what I have to say before you make up your minds for yourselves.’

He pauses, swallows. ‘I want to stand here in front of you all and tell you that I did something wrong. I made a mistake in my private life that has hurt my wife, Rosie, very, very deeply and for which I’m so sorry.’

A parent in front of Abi gasps, another shakes her head and whispers to the person next to her, while another shushes them.

Abi’s never heard anyone, let alone a man, apologize like this. She knows bullshit when she hears it, after all; her instincts were one of her few defences against the brutal and mad. But she doesn’t hear the lilt of lies today. Seb, she thinks, really is sorry.

‘I know there’s a lot of speculation about what it is I did, and I want to first take the time to assure you all that it wasn’t anything illegal. Beyond that, I will not share any further details, because it is a private matter and has no bearing whatsoever on my professional life as your head teacher, a role I adore and take very seriously.’

There’s a rumble of discontent among the parents, pissed off that Seb isn’t going to tell them which of their theories about him is correct. Seb notices it and pauses to let it run its course before he continues, ‘The petition is right. I am in a position of great responsibility, and it is precisely because I take my role so seriously that I’m choosing not to resign. As a colleague reminded me yesterday, we all have the right to make mistakes and I do not want you – the students, the most important people in this school – to think that when you make mistakes in life – which you will – you must quietly disappear. I am hoping that by not resigning you will recognize that I’m doing what I think is required of a head teacher. I hope to show you that sometimes doing the right thing requires you to be a bit courageous. It requires you to refuse to hop on the bandwagon. To sometimes take the rougher, less travelled road. I’m accepting my mistake, asking those I have wronged for their forgiveness. I will not make the same mistake again. Instead, I’ll keep working hard for you and for the school we are all a part of. I urge you to think carefully about all of this and please email me or arrange a time to talk if you have any further questions. Thank you for listening.’

Everyone’s so quiet that even Abi, from the back of the packed hall, can hear Seb’s footsteps as he walks off the stage. A self-conscious hush clouds the room, then a little group of parents stand up to clap. Others join in, because that’s just what you do, while others turn to their neighbours to exchange wide-eyed, stunned expressions. The man next to Abi starts texting and then, inevitably, the students start to chatter. They all stand and walk out of the hall and that’s when Abi sees her. Lily. She’s smiling, standing right behind Blake, and as they start to walk, Abi notices that their fingers are briefly entwined before gently falling away from each other.

‘Bloody hell!’ Vita has somehow managed to twist and push her way across the hall and is now standing next to Abi, waiting in line to shuffle out of the room. ‘Since you came to town things have got a lot more interesting!’

Abi’s stomach squirms like a bucket of eels. ‘Oh. Ha!’

Vita doesn’t smile, just looks confused. ‘Did you miss all that?’ she asks, waving towards the stage. ‘This is the most exciting thing to happen in Waverly since, well, since the Battle of Waverly in sixteen something or other …’

‘Listen, Vita, nice to see you but I’m actually going to be late for work …’

‘Your boss won’t mind if you’re late, not today.’ Vita nods towards Lotte, who is standing in a circle of parents; she’s shaking her head, appalled, at something a man is saying, the picture of wide-eyed virtue.

‘What’s your theory?’

‘Theory?’

‘About what he did.’

‘Oh, I … I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it, and I agree that it’s actually no one’s business what he does privately.’

Vita, ignoring what she just said, stares at Abi carefully like she doesn’t believe a word of it. ‘It’s obvious,’ Vita adds, ‘that it was some kind of affair, don’t you think? Otherwise, why is Rosie not here? A group of Year Ten parents reckon he’s into, like, really hardcore gay BDSM stuff, but I also heard that Mrs Croughton – the head of English – is saying he had an affair with someone he met online, a girl way too young for him – borderline legal was the implication – and it’s her parents who have exposed him, apparently …’

Vita looks to Abi, expecting her to react. Abi stares at the bald patch of the man in front, willing him to move faster, and keeps her face impassive as Vita says, ‘Well! Whatever it is, you can bet Anna won’t be able to keep it to herself for long, especially now. You coming to the cafe?’ she asks with a patronizing smile that makes Abi’s spine feel like it could crumble and collapse on itself.

‘Cafe?’

‘A group of us, including your boss, are going to have a coffee and discuss all this stuff. Anna’s coming straight from the train station and hopefully she’ll at last give in and set us all straight about what really happened!’

Abi surges forward towards the door and shakes her head. Vita’s smile widens. ‘Pity,’ she says. ‘Listen, we should sort out a play date soon, shouldn’t we? Luca would love to have Margot …’

They’re finally through the door and, without another word to Vita, Abi starts walking quicker, past the reception, dodging people. She has to get away from here, from Vita, from all of them.