Private Lives

Chapter 16

Eddy doesn’t want to go to the cafe. What he really wants is to go home, get into bed and hide until this whole shitty episode is over. But Anna is, as his phone keeps telling him, heading straight to The Pot, a busy cafe in the middle of town, and she needs him to come. There’s a group of them walking there now and Eddy is being bundled along like some reluctant celebrity spouse. He tried to squirm away, decided perhaps he could leave Anna untethered, let her figure out what to do with the mess she’s engineered. He’d muttered something at the end of the assembly to Vita about having to get home for a work call, when he saw something that made his heart stop. Blake was stroking the hair behind Lily’s ear, and Eddy could almost feel the electric pulse between the two of them, remembered the charge himself, the almost unbearably exciting moment as skin touches skin for the first time.

This was a complication they didn’t need. He’d been hoping that Blake would change his mind about Lily, move on to another girl, like Eddy did weekly at fifteen. But judging by their shining eyes and the private, blissful smiles, they are both very much still stuck on each other. Anna doesn’t know, of course; Blake hasn’t told her. Eddy knows this because had she known, Anna no doubt would have told everyone about Abi in a bid to keep Blake as far away as possible from both Abi and Lily.

As they walk to the cafe, Eddy pretends to listen to Lotte and Martin talking some bullshit about all of them advancing on Seb’s office together, an insurrection to demand the truth, and tries to think through how best he can protect his son – and, by extension, Lily – in all of this. If everyone knew that his new girlfriend’s mum was a sex worker who had had sex with their head teacher, Blake would at best become a laughing stock and at worst might have to change schools, which would be a disaster.

By the time he’s arrived at the cafe, Eddy knows he must protect Abi’s identity, that his son’s happiness, his fragile teenage confidence – once shattered, so hard to rebuild – depends on it.

When they arrive at The Pot, Anna is already there in her neat work suit, standing when she sees them all, her eyes sparkling, opening her arms to their little group, a strange corporate Jesus welcoming her disciples. ‘Honestly, guys, the audacity of the man! He’s got to go.’

Eddy knows they’re in for a fight.

‘It’s the arrogance that blows my mind,’ Anna says, settling down behind her large cappuccino. The group lean in closer towards her, hanging on her every word, desperate not to miss any clue she could let slip about what it is Seb’s done.

‘He’s the one who’s done this terrible thing and now he gets to come out of it like some knight in shining armour. It happens again and again. Just like Trump. It makes me so bloody mad.’

She blows the frothy top of her drink.

‘The thing is, I’m not sure it’s even ethical to let us go on speculating like this, Anna,’ Lotte says, sipping her flat white but keeping her eyes fixed on Anna. ‘I mean, it could be harmful, couldn’t it – might start to impact the kids? That’s what I’m worried about …’

‘Me too.’

‘And me.’

Others chirp because, of course, they’re all saints here.

Anna nods like she understands but Eddy recognizes the wildness in her eyes; she’s losing her grip on her plan, can feel the solidity of it slipping away. ‘You guys have to understand that the reason I’m not revealing the truth is out of respect for Rosie. You know we’re good friends. Trust me, I’m not protecting him, I’m protecting her. And their children, of course.’

Her hands shake, her coffee spills as she takes a sip; she’s full of adrenaline but she’s getting a little desperate, too, worried that the smiles surrounding her could quickly sour and curdle.

Eddy knocks the small coffee table with his knee as he stands. ‘Anna.’ She glances at him. ‘Can we go and have a quick chat outside?’

She nods, shrugging her shoulders at the others, before following Eddy out of the door.

It’s started to rain, so they’re huddled in the cafe doorway.

They turn towards each other and just as Eddy’s about to open his mouth she gets there first. ‘I know what you’re going to say, Ed, but I’m going to have to tell them what he did.’

‘Anna, you promised …’

‘No, I said if he did the right thing and resigned then I wouldn’t say anything. I never promised anything if he didn’t resign.’ She opens her hands innocently. ‘Lotte told me that a couple of people are saying that maybe I’ve made it all up, or have made it into something much bigger because I have some personal vendetta against Seb …’

‘Well, that’s ridiculous.’

‘Of course it is,’ Anna snaps, ‘but it’s also totally unfair. I’m not going to allow my integrity, our reputation, to be called into doubt because of his mess.’

Eddy feels like pointing out that they’re a family not a business, that these kinds of phrases shouldn’t apply to them, but Anna’s already turning towards the door, ready to go back inside. But Eddy hasn’t got what he needs yet – safety for Blake – so he takes her arm, turns her back to face him as he says, ‘Promise me, Anna, promise me you won’t mention Abi’s name.’

She looks at him, shrugs and says, ‘I don’t see why I should have to bring her into any of it …’

‘That’s not a promise.’

Anna narrows her eyes at Eddy, mistrust blooming. Those suspicious neural pathways in her brain like well-trodden tracks. ‘Why are you so concerned about her, Ed?’

He has no choice.

‘I think Blake has a crush on Lily.’

‘What?’

‘I saw them, together, at the assembly. They looked close.’

Anna looks away from him, as though staring into some appalling future – her boy with a prostitute’s daughter. ‘Well, he’s not … he’s not allowed!’

Eddy can’t help it, he laughs, and Anna’s eyes flash, furious at him.

‘He’s not a toddler, Anna.’

‘We have to get her away from him. Get them to leave town, preferably.’

Eddy winces. ‘No, Anna. Lily seems like a lovely kid; we need to protect them both, and the only way we do that is by letting this whole thing just blow—’

‘Anna, hi!’ They both spin around to a tall, attractive woman pulling back the hood of her raincoat, smoothing her hand across her hair as she asks, ‘It is Anna, isn’t it?’

She smiles, Anna nods and the woman extends a hand. ‘I’m Millie; my son Isaac is the year below Blake, totally idolizes him.’

‘Hi, Millie.’ Anna smiles. ‘Yes, I’ve seen you around.’

Millie seems grateful to be recognized. Eddy’s never seen her before.

‘Listen, I know you must be busy, so I’ll be quick: I wanted to ask if you’d be up for coming on my radio show later today? Well, I say “my show”, but I’m just the producer. It’s a local live show about issues and politics that have a special interest in the area, I Heart Sussex—’

Anna nods along, interrupting Millie, ‘I’ve heard of it.’

‘Great!’ Millie beams. ‘I was just in the assembly and, honestly, this thing with Mr Kent is just so interesting, so important. Everyone’s saying that you wrote the petition …’

She gives Anna the opportunity to deny it, which she doesn’t, so Millie keeps talking. ‘I knew I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t ask you to join—’

Anna beams back; she interrupts her again. ‘I’d be delighted, Millie. I was wondering, after Mr Kent went so public this morning, how best to respond and obviously social media is just so …’ Anna pulls a face; Millie nods along to show she totally gets it. ‘Your show, I think, would be perfect.’

‘Wait, what kind of things are you going to ask?’ Eddy steps forward. ‘I’m Eddy, Anna’s husband.’

‘Hi, Eddy.’ Millie glances at Anna, recoiling slightly at how this conversation between two women is being usurped by a man.

‘Eddy,’ Anna intercepts, embarrassed, ‘I’m sure Millie and I will talk about all those details later, before the broadcast.’ Eddy recognizes Anna’s tone; it’s the one she uses when their cat has done something disgusting.

‘Listen, Millie, we’ve got people waiting for us inside, so why don’t you take my number and let me know where and when you need me, and I’ll see you then? I’ve taken the whole day off work so I can be available whenever suits you.’

‘You’re amazing.’ Millie nods her head, beaming again at the wonder of Anna, before they exchange numbers and Millie gives her the Waverly address where they’ll be recording, adding, ‘Anna, you’re a dream. You’ll be our big opener, so we’ll need you in about an hour, say from twelve thirty p.m.? I’ll call you shortly to confirm. Thank you so much and see you soon!’

Millie pulls her hood back up and walks away into the sheeting rain.

‘Was that the radio producer?’ Lotte’s thin face appears behind the door and Eddy’s about to tell Lotte that they haven’t finished, that they’ll be in in a moment, when Lotte swivels her eyes to Anna and says, ‘I think you should come and see this, Anna.’

As soon as they’re back at the table, one of the women waggles her phone at Anna. ‘I just got this through on our Year Seven WhatsApp; there are a couple of really dubious parents in the year, annoyingly. Anyway, it’s not particularly nice – a complete invasion, I’m afraid – but I thought you should know.’

Anna shakes her head at the woman and says, ‘What is it, Clarissa?’

Anna looks like she wants to take Clarissa’s phone, but Clarissa holds it tightly and clears her throat before reading out loud, ‘I’m surprised this is all coming from a person who was close friends with Seb and who was, a couple of years ago, the object of some humiliation following her husband’s affair. Surely, she’d be the first to understand that marital issues should stay in the home …’

Eddy feels his skin burn as all eyes turn right at him.

‘Who said that?’ Anna snaps. ‘Eddy has nothing, absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with this thing with Seb.’

Eddy, still rushing with shame, knows he should probably say something, opens his mouth and starts, ‘That was a mistake, a one-time …’ before Anna grabs his arm, her fingernails a sharp reminder that this is her show.

‘Listen, everyone. That woman I was just talking to outside is Millie from I Heart Sussex. I’ve agreed to go live on her radio show in about an hour. This bullshit …’ She gestures to Clarissa and her phone, like they are the same being. ‘Seb is clearly leading some kind of smear campaign to completely undermine me and make me look like a fool. I wanted to do what he didn’t – protect his family – but now my own is being attacked. He’s left me no choice but to share the facts about what he did.’ She pauses for a moment. To everyone else, she’ll look like she’s finding this all incredibly hard, but Eddy knows she’s already made up her mind. Nothing galvanizes Anna’s anger like humiliation. She keeps talking.

‘I think it’s only fair that you – the parents – get to make up your own minds.’ Everyone at the table nods encouragingly because they’re close now, so close.

‘Anna, please!’ Eddy warns, desperate now. ‘Think about the consequences for B!’

He won’t say his son’s name, can’t risk someone other than Anna picking up on it.

‘That’s exactly what I am doing!’ Anna stays defiant and Eddy stands again; he wants to shake Anna, tell her that these people aren’t her friends, her friends are the people she’s about to completely eviscerate. She just glances at him sadly before shrugging and turning back to the table, adding, ‘Please, remember poor Rosie and her kids and please don’t share it online or on any groups for now.’

The nodding heads are becoming even more furious in their agreement. Eddy knows that in this moment they’d probably give up their firstborn to get what they want. He wants to leave but something keeps him there, some instinct to protect Blake and even protect Seb and Rosie. He knows that if he leaves now, they’ll all be completely alone.

Anna takes a deep, theatrical breath in, sighing out immediately. ‘We …’ Anna glances at Eddy, changes her mind and says, ‘I … found out that on two occasions, Seb paid for sex with a prostitute.’

Lotte’s hands fly up to her mouth while Vita lets hers hang open, her eyes swivelling, reptilian, to catch the others’ reactions. Martin murmurs, ‘Oh my God!’ And someone else goes a few steps further with, ‘Fucking disgrace!’

Anna’s eyes are wide, righteous and apparently full of sorrow that this heavy burden has been placed on her shoulders. She opens her mouth to say more and seems a little surprised that no one’s looking at or listening to her any more. Instead, they’re all luxuriating in their own shock, their own delight.

‘What a complete arsehole!’ Vita says.

‘Didn’t he say that what he did wasn’t illegal? Is that even true?’ Lotte spits.

‘I think it is legal, it just depends on, like, the circumstances,’ Clarissa explains. ‘Like, if the woman is being controlled or whatever. If it was between two adults and was consensual then I don’t really see what the …’

A couple of women recoil, their eyes thin slits of disdain. One of them says, ‘He’s a head teacher, Clarissa!’

Anna is holding up her hands, saying, ‘Guys, guys, I know it’s upsetting …’ But, for the first time, she’s ignored.

‘It’s a position of responsibility, respect. How can we possibly respect him now?’

‘Yeah, but he isn’t always a head teacher, is he? Like he said in the assembly, he has a right to live his life outside of the school, doesn’t he?’

‘Ah, yes, he does, but,’ Anna interrupts, ‘I’m afraid it gets worse.’ Eddy watches as eyes widen, become livelier with possibility – imagining all the titillating, exotic, disgusting things Seb could have done to make it worse.

‘He used a school laptop.’ The eyes become blank; brows furrowed. Anna ploughs on, ‘To look for her, I mean. He searched for prostitutes using school property and most likely while he was at school. Which means, as a public employee, we are literally paying for him to spend his time fuelling a cruel and abusive industry.’

Everyone’s listening again now; Anna is on to something. ‘That’s what I was alluding to when I talked about him being unsafe, that he was putting our kids at risk. I mean, imagine if one of the children saw some of the sick things he was looking at on his school computer in his school office?’

Clarissa is the first to look away, her face twisted in thought. ‘Sounds pretty unlikely that one of the kids would see,’ she says, but the others ignore her because Lotte suddenly looks like she’s about to burst into tears as she says, ‘He’s a monster, an absolute monster.’

Vita turns to hug Lotte, who whimpers over her shoulder for a moment before pulling away and saying, ‘I can’t believe I trusted him, really. I thought he was so safe, so wonderful.’

Others coo, pat and soothe Lotte, who first checks her mascara hasn’t run before looking at the whole group and, shifting with impressive agility from sadness to venom, saying, ‘He’s a pervert. We need to get him away from our children.’

Anna looks up at Eddy and for a moment he sees that she’s scared and alone. The realization settling in that she’s doing this. That she’s done this. She reaches for his hand, and he lets her take it. Their palms are cold; there’s no warmth between them any more. He pulls his hand away. He wants to get out of here, wants to go home and guard Blake and Lily. Even though Anna hasn’t mentioned Abi’s name she’s just one slip away.

‘It’s toxic patriarchy, is what it is – men abusing women for their own gratification and …’ She doesn’t get to finish because Lotte’s voice is louder.

‘No, it’s complete perversion. Dangerous. He’s a pervert and a pervert has no place anywhere near a school.’

‘Oh, that’s a bit strong …’ Martin counters. ‘I mean, I thought the same at first, panicked – especially when I heard those rumours that children were involved – but, you know, we live opposite Rosie and Seb, and I always thought he seemed like a good guy. Always stops for a quick chat.’

‘Would you be comfortable leaving your girls in his care knowing what you now know?’ Vita asks, lifting her eyebrows at Martin.

Martin looks away, says nothing, which Lotte interprets as a ‘no’.

‘There you go, then. You just proved our point. We don’t know what other perversions he’s hiding.’

Eddy moves quickly, in case Anna notices him leaving, calls his name for him to stay. He doesn’t want to be anywhere near her, because she’s chosen her own righteousness, her own anger above their son’s fragile heart. Eddy isn’t sure what he can do to protect his boy, but he knows he can’t be here, by Anna’s side, any more and so he walks quietly, back out into the rain, alone.