Pygmy

Dispatch Eleventh

Begins here eleventh account of operative me, agent number 67, attending this today structured compulsory education session. Participate combat among student public education institution XXXXXX. Forced battle to list English alphabet letters which comprise typical vocabulary word. Spelling war staged auditorium XXXXXX. Dated current now. For official record, all American youth become casualty, already slain attempt letters to build coordinate or transpire. Six youth destroyed from battle against word separate.

All American student dismissed from battlefield, relegated into seats of audience, able only witness remainder word skirmish. Displayed onstage no one except operatives, Magda, Ling, Chernok, Oleg, Bokara, Mang, Tibor, Tanek, in addition this agent.

Stern foot operative Mang take step to stance of microphone, focus of stage spotlight, say repeat word given from instructor, say, “Steatopygia.” List alphabet, say, “S-T-E-A-T-O-P-Y-G-I-A.” Bow head, repeat say, “Steatopygia.”

Out audience issue massive huge moan. One voice male scholar say, reverberate throughout auditorium, say, “Get this bullshit over with!”

Chorus other voice, male and female voice, say, “Yeah.” Say, “Call a fucking draw, already!”

Seated below footlight of stage, rank of esteemed instructor rifle many volume book, dragging finger down page searching next word for ask. Other acclaimed instructor make finger straight and press to own pursed lips, exhale hissing sound to signal quiet. Other revered instructor tilt chin almost touch microphone, say, “Next contestant…” Say, “Would you please spell ‘retromingent’?”

Onstage, operative Magda taken stance at microphone. Arms folded behind torso, feet apart, parade rest stance, Magda say, “Esteemed instructor, most grateful with full respect if would repeat word…”

Say instructor, “Retromingent.”

Eye of operative Magda fixed no blink into high glare of spotlight, no blink, no bleed water, say, “In most great due respect, great instructor, regret to correct most esteemed instructor pronunciation.” Say, “Actual correct version pronounce ‘retromingert.’” Proceed list exact alphabet of word.

Heckler of student audience say, shouting, say, “Somebody pull the fire alarm. Get us out of here.”

Ranked next beside this agent, whisper into ear of operative me, operative Chernok say, quote extreme king sheriff Benito Mussolini, say, ‘“It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history’”

Trevor killed, casualty of word aneurysm.

Cat sister retired from battle over word coagulopathy.

For official record, during evolve past 6.21 hours competition, team of instructors forced often retreat to school library, retrieve additional volumes listing English word. Top respected instructor cup hand to shield microphone, pull own mouth to sideways speak other fellow instructors, say, try inaudible say, “For cry’n out loud…I’d like to go home someday.” Say, “Let’s blow this punk out of the water.”

Pig dog host brother, destroyed from elementary word phthisis.

Venerated instructor crack thick volume text, eyeballs scrub, hunt page, search most difficult word, contain most number alphabet.

Ranked awaiting word, operative Oleg insert elbow against rib cage operative me, tilt head nodded to indicate female student, say subject youth absent menses since five week. Request say how many American ovum enjoy the seed of this agent?

Next now, best important instructor screw eye tight to rest on operative Tanek. “Please spell ‘oocephalus.’”

Operative Tanek incline so place mouth adjacent microphone, say for celebrated instructor please to utilize oocephalus embedded context sentence.

Honored instructor wrap own face within spread finger both own hands. Exhaust oxygen of lungs one prolonged blast. Eyes squeezed, tilt face at microphone, say, “Here’s your sentence, kid… ‘Oocephalus is one tough motherfucker to spell.’”

Wrinkle stream weak laughter filter among student audience.

Operative Oleg repeat drill elbow, dig into rib cage operative me, say, “Where possible acquire lederhosen apparel?”

This agent ask repeat.

Tanek list alphabet, O-O-C-E…

Oleg recruited participant Model United Nations. Explain multiple student mimic delegates world governments, all nation, assemble to battle question current global issue. Deliver oratory. Calculate vote. Castigate with resolution sanctions. Operative Oleg assigned represent delegate Germany. Chernok feign Italy diplomat. Magda act behalf France. Bokara figurehead nation Spain. Ling, the corrupt evil despotic Ireland. Oleg allege no American student desire represent Western nation, American youth strictly aspire serve as delegate third-world government, racial ethnics, marginalized former colonies subjected imperial powers, striving achieve self-ruled. To follow, disco dance of all nations so demonstrate mutual affection world peace. Exchange personal body fluids.

Tanek list alphabet, P-H-A-L…

Even as observing, breasts so many female youth swelling, bigger cup, inflating blouse from pregnant. For official record, this agent no impregnate. No recruited delegate to Model United Nations. Become merely target for attract eyeballs lovesick sodomite Trevor Stonefield.

Tanek list alphabet, U-S.

Organized horde, lauded instructor, all assert vast moan at victory operative Tanek. Audience mob erupt profanities, slouch sliding deep inside seat cushions. Focused typing tiny message keyboarding personal telephones. Twist own arms so read hour on wrist clocks.

Insistent pointed elbow of Operative Oleg, repeat wedge rib cage of this agent. Oleg repeat say, “Lederhosen?” Say operative Tanek to mimic delegate Portugal. Operative Mang ape delegate Great Britain.

Quote, “It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history.”

Feet of this agent approach stance microphone. Tilt head back so mouth more near for catch voice. Hands wring pole so telescope microphone most low level where remain on top head of operative me. Arms folded behind. Parade rest to await barrage English word.

Illustrious instructor, finger pressed to page inside volume, lips slowly create sound of word, pronounce fragments in manner of reading child. First able reading child. Instructor say, “Pheo…chromo…cy…toma.” Cast eyes onto stage and repeat say, “Pheochromocytoma.”

For official record: Ha. Effortless facile word, simple to list alphabet. However eyes of this agent witness audience, breath locked inside waiting lungs. Audience eyes no blink, fingers twisted in cross of superstition, praying this agent fail. Cat sister plus all student craving operative me to stumble listing alphabet.

Mouth of this agent say, “P-H-E-O …”

If flounder alphabet, build of myself hero. Martyr. As Moses and Fidel Castro, to liberate fellow youth to freedom, improved lives.

Mouth of operative me say, “C-H-R-O-M-O…”

Shout single voice, male youth beyond footlight, say, “Spell it right, asswipe, and you’re a dead fucking pygmy.”

Mouth of this agent say, “C-Y…”

For official record, no impossible shouting death threat originated from renowned instructor.

Next now, sail object up from audience, dark mass emerges out stage footlights, slam down, bam-pow, hit downstage boards and slide to arrive beside feet of this agent. Sailing projectile object: English dictionary.

Mouth of operative me complete, say, “T-O-M-A.”

Dull rumble build. Stage lights, oxygen crowded pelt, raining down various object. Dictionary. Thesaurus. Thundering impact stage boards. Novel Jane Eyre. Catcher in the Rye. Song volume lyrics Junior Swing Choir.

American youth enjoying to commence riot.

Next now, siren of fire alarm begin shrill.