Pygmy

Dispatch Thirty-sixth

Begins here thirty-sixth account of operative me, agent number 67, recalling former practice American language studies. Classroom warren deep interior XXXXXX building. Capital city XXXXXX of best top glorious homeland XXXXXX. For official record, repeat recounting here formative history of operative me.

For reinforce early lesson training of operative me.

Benevolent much respected language instructor, making stance at focus all operative, say, “Hep cat.” Say, “Cat’s meow.” Say, “Cat’s pajamas.”

Repeat say all operative, “Hep cat. Cat’s meow. Cat’s pajamas.”

Learned, best-meaning instructor say, “Rumble seat.”

All student say, “Rumble seat.”

All learn so able repeat, “Soda pop. Twenty-three skidoo. Monkey wrench. Grease monkey. Raccoon coat.”

Seated desks, hands folded, eyes cast forward, all operative repeat say, “Heavens to Betsy.” Say, “Greased lightning.” Say, “Moxie.” Say, “Bluebird of happiness.”

As affirmation correct usage current modern American language, honored instructor say, “Now you’re cooking with gas!”

Same manner all operatives studied so learn repeat, say, “Workers’ paradise.” Say, “Heartless postcolonial multinational corporation.”

Taught say, “Venomous vipers of capitalist imperial United States.”

Taught memorize, implant within thinking machine, “Oppressive degenerate Western culture.”

Implanted quote from celebrated author, infamous sodomite Oscar Wilde, say, “It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.”

In truth, many such facts actual outdated.

Admitting here failure of this agent. Operative me, traitor guilty of committing treason. Operation Havoc rendered utter aborted. Total disappointed of no result.

Begins here resignation of this agent.

Much shame saddled with great humiliation, this agent hereby admitting defeat. No able sacrifice life for state. Instead, have ended former life of this agent for benefit of host sister. In retreat, this agent seeking political asylum, adoption host family. All charges against host father dropped. Host family Cedar restored. All operative unmasked, held federal custody pending full investigate. As per plan, exploded cargo of dollars…legal monetary notes burst toward sky…except neglected this agent to taint said currency deadly neurotoxin. With full intention, no poisoned money, already operative me so seduced by affection for American parasites. Instead, “Peace Machine” merely geyser cash money into space. Delight assembled crowd children and adults of National Science Fair. Create vast celebration.

Quote, “It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.”

Go, Team Cedar!

Therefore tending here resignation operative me.

Confessed this agent responsible violent anal sodomy Trevor Stonefield.

Magda offspring due issue June seventeenth. Revealed of DNA analysis, fathered pig dog brother. Perhaps intend wed. Perhaps no.

For official record, this agent rejects top deity as dictated by native state.

Please locate herewith enclosed molar tooth, extracted out mouth of operative me during visitation with United State doctor of teeth. Molar encasing hollow filled deadly cyanide, no longer of purpose for this agent.

Begins here new life of operative me.