Save Me

Chapter Fifteen

“Sure you’re not thirsty?” Rose asked Melly, sitting at the edge of her hospital bed, when they were alone. She felt devastated that Amanda had been given last rites, but she masked it for Melly, who was waking up, having napped only briefly.

“No.”

“No water?”

“I drank some.” Melly touched the oxygen tube under her nostrils with her fingernail, polished pink, now chipping. “Did Ms. Canton go home?”

“Yes. She told me to say good-bye. Mr. Rodriguez came to meet you, but you were asleep, so I didn’t wake you.”

“Maybe because she’s sick. That’s why she wasn’t in school.” Melly let go of the oxygen tube. “Do you have my DS?”

“No. It’s in the bag I left in Leo’s car, with the book. Sorry. I don’t have my laptop either.”

“It’s okay. I miss my friends on Club Penguin. We always talk on Saturday morning.”

“I know.” Rose limited Melly’s time on Club Penguin, a safe chat site for children, though for a kid self-conscious about her looks, the site was a godsend.

“Can we watch TV? Cartoons are on.”

“No, let’s not.” Rose didn’t want to take a chance that any newsbreak or screen crawl could update the school fire, especially the fatalities.

“So what can we do?”

“I can run down to the gift shop and see if they have any magazines, and we can read together.”

Melly brightened. “Do they have Teen People? It’s my friend’s favorite magazine.”

“Which friend?”

“A girl on Club Penguin. She likes all those magazines. She likes Harry Potter, too, but she only read Chamber of Secrets.”

“Okay, I’ll go get the magazine.” Rose rolled the night table out of the way and stood up, just as the door opened. It was Leo, and he had John asleep on his shoulder, in his yellow onesie and a white receiving blanket. Oddly, Leo looked dressed for work, in the white oxford shirt, tan Dockers, and penny loafers of the American lawyer on a Saturday.

“Hey, boys! Let me see my Johnnie Angel.” Rose got up and took the sleeping baby, who filled her arms. John was big for his age, making a nice warm bundle, and he resettled his head on her shoulder. She was happy to see him, even if it wasn’t the greatest idea to bring a sick baby to a hospital. She stroked John’s tiny back in the soft blanket, cuddling him, and given what was happening with Amanda, she felt vaguely more comforted than comforting.

“Hey, girls!” Leo dropped the diaper bag on the chair by the door and went over to Melly. “How’s my melba toast?”

“Leo!” Melly knelt in bed and threw open her arms, and Leo gathered her up in a bear hug, ending with his trademark grunt.

“I’m so happy to see you, kiddo.”

“Leo, I have oxygen.”

“Great.” Leo laughed. “I love oxygen.”

Rose watched them, counting herself lucky that Melly loved her stepfather so much, whether she called him Daddy or not. Her family was finally complete, even if it wasn’t exactly the way she’d planned it, and she felt a deep stab of guilt over her own happiness, when she knew that upstairs the scene would be one of profound grief. She went over and impulsively kissed Leo on the cheek, catching a whiff of his spicy aftershave, also unusual for a Saturday. “Why do you smell so nice?”

“Because I’m a sexy beast?” Leo smiled crookedly, but Rose saw a flicker of regret behind his eyes.

“You’re not going in, are you?”

“I have to, babe.” Leo’s brown eyes met hers, his emotions now plain. “I’m going to trial, in Granger Securities. I’m so sorry, honey, but it can’t be helped. We were number ten in the trial pool, but everything settled and we’re up on Monday. I got the call an hour ago, from the law clerk.”

“On a Saturday, they call?”

“Yep. It happens. Judges can’t afford down time in their dockets.”

“But what about John? They won’t let him stay here tonight, and if they find out he’s sick, they’ll throw me out.”

“I couldn’t get a sitter.” Leo shook his head. “Babe, believe me, if I could avoid this, I would, but I can’t. My hands are tied. You know how big this case is.”

“I know.” Rose did, it was true. He’d been talking about Granger Securities for three years. “But what about Jamie, couldn’t she sit?”

“No, she’s busy. I even called the backup sitter, and she has exams. I told her she can study at our house, but she said no. Plus I asked the neighbor, Mrs. Burton. She’s going out, and I don’t know anybody else. I’m out of options.”

“What about the sitter from the old neighborhood. Sandy?”

“No answer.” Leo shrugged. “I’d take him with me to the office, but I have witnesses flying in from Denver, and it’s all hands on deck. I have to work all weekend, and next week will be sheer hell.”

“Oh, Jeez.” Rose was getting that Peter and Paul feeling again, torn between the two children. She didn’t want to go home with John and leave Melly alone in the hospital. “On the bright side, he’s cooler. Is his fever gone?”

“Yes, but I packed the Tylenol and amoxicillin, just in case. Also I fed the dog and left the dog door open.”

“Leo, Leo!” Melly called from the bed. “Ms. Canton gave me a Hermione wand!”

“Lemme see.”

“I forget the incantation to make water come out, though. Oh, wait. Aguamenti!” Melly grabbed the wand and waved it around, and Leo ducked.

“Cool. Let me try. I don’t speak Harry Potter.” He took the wand and waved it in the air. “Bibbity, bobbity, boo! What’s the spell for a babysitter?”

Melly frowned. “Leo, Mom says I can’t watch iCarly.”

“She said that? She’s such a meanie.” Leo turned to Rose, waving the wand. “Let’s make her change her mind. Presto!”

“No TV.” Rose flared her eyes meaningfully, but Leo scoffed.

“Come on, she won’t see anything bad on Nick.”

“What’s anything bad?” Melly asked, and Leo caught himself, cringing.

“Nothing.”

“Step outside with me, will you, Merlin?” Rose went to the door with John, then turned to Melly. “Honey, stay in bed. We’re going into the hall a minute, to talk.”

“Later, tater!” Leo kissed Melly and gave her back the wand, and Rose led him outside to the window well, dreading the task at hand. Her heart felt so heavy, and she leaned against the ledge, with the air conditioning cold on her back.

“Leo, there’s terrible news about Amanda. They gave her last rites. She may already be-” Rose still couldn’t finish the sentence, and from the expression on Leo’s face, she didn’t have to. His forehead collapsed into folds, and he winced.

“Aw, no.” He wrapped his arms around her and John, holding them close and rubbing her back. “That’s terrible, so terrible. That poor kid.”

“I know. I just feel so awful for her, and for Eileen. I wish we could do something.”

“We can’t.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.” Leo released her, squinting against the sunlight. “There’s nothing we can do.”

“Just to tell them we’re thinking of them.”

“You’d make yourself feel better, but not them. You’re the last person they want to hear from right now.”

Rose felt stung, if only because it was true.

“Plus anything you say can look like an admission of guilt, later.” Leo frowned. “Let it go. Can you let it go?”

Rose had been here before. She could never let anything go. She didn’t even know what letting go meant.

“Listen.” Leo rubbed her arms, and John stirred, but stayed asleep. “I got a bunch of calls from reporters today, and there are messages at work, too. We have to be smart about this. I realize that this trial comes at the worst time, but it’s out of my control.”

“Can’t you get an extension from the judge? You have a child in the hospital.”

“Melly’s coming home tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, around noon.”

“Then no.” Leo gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Look, I have to leave. Tonight, take John and go home.”

“I don’t have a car.”

“Yes, you do. I parked yours out front.”

“Thanks. How did you do that?”

“By cab. Listen, Melly will be fine tonight. I put her new book in the diaper bag, plus the DS. You can call her every hour. I’ll call if I can, too.”

“Leo, no.” Rose felt so confused. Her head thundered. “I can’t go home and leave her alone. She just went through a major trauma.”

“Then go home until one of the sitters frees up, and maybe you can come back.”

“I don’t want to leave her alone. She could have died. Amanda is dying. This is real, and it matters.” Rose felt herself get worked up. She flashed on the teddy bears in the ambulance. “These kids are real, not packages you can drop off. They live and they die.”

Leo blinked. “I know that.”

“Melly’s always accommodating John. It’s never the other way around.”

Leo frowned in confusion. “That’s because he’s the baby.”

“Or is it because he’s your baby?”

“What?” Leo’s lips parted. “Are you crazy?”

Mommy!

Rose blinked. Maybe she was. She felt it, a little. She was responsible for a child’s death. She couldn’t take anything back. She couldn’t replay anything. It was too late to make a different decision. Time wasn’t her friend, it had never been. It didn’t care about children, life, or death. It just ticked ahead, moving on, ever forward, always later.

“Ro, it’s not a choice between Melly and John, or between Melly and Amanda. You’re all over the place. Hang on to yourself.” Leo touched her arm, and John shifted, his nose bubbling. “I love both kids the same, you know that. Right now, the only family that matters is ours. Not theirs, ours. You, me, Melly, and John. Even Googie. That’s the family that means everything to me.”

“Is that why you’re going to work?”

“What?”

“You heard me.” Rose knew she was wrong, even as the words escaped her lips. She was digging herself a hole and she didn’t know why, but she couldn’t stop herself, either.

Leo’s eyes widened, a bewildered brown, the hue of earth itself. He shut his mouth, pursing his lips, and she could see he didn’t want to say anything he would regret. Without another word, he turned on his heel and strode back to the hospital room, where she knew he would put on a happy face and give Melly a good-bye kiss.

Rose remained frozen in the sunlight, and when Leo emerged from Melly’s room, she didn’t apologize or try to stop him.

She let him walk down the hall.

Away.