Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

52

See, when you're an evil, endlessly funded insane scientist, you have both the means and the motive to, say, suddenly gas a whole room of hostage bird kids.

Causing said bird kids to pass out without even realizing it and then wake up in a metal cage in the middle of a field.

At night.

Some of you have probably jumped ahead and are already at the place where you realize this happened to us, and I'm not just rattling on hypothetically, so good on ya!

"Unhhh," Gazzy moaned, starting to stir.

I forced myself to sit up. There were no lights. Even the moon and stars were blocked by thick, low-lying clouds.

"You are avake, yah?" said a voice in a horribly recognizable accent.

"Yah," I muttered, rubbing my head. "And you are still a butthole, yah?"

"It's time for you to be eliminated," ter Borcht said, sounding gleeful. "You don't cooperate vis de tests, you are useless to us."

I helped Nudge sit up, rubbing her back as she cleared her throat.

"I don't believe this," Fang muttered, rolling his shoulders. He looked around at our cage. It was big enough to hold us, as long as we didn't want to do anything frivolous, like stand up or move around.

"Believe it," said ter Borcht, clapping his hands together. "Tonight ve implement our Re-Evolution Plan! Vhen ve are done, ve vill haf a world of less dan a billion people. Each country vill be under our control! Dere vill be no illnesses, no veakness. De new strong, smart population vill save dis planet und take us into de tventy-second century!"

"Yeah," I said. "And if you look in the dictionary under 'delusional megalomaniac,' you'll see your picture."

"Nussing you say vill bozzer me," ter Borcht said more calmly. "It is time to eliminate you. You haf failed all de tests. You are not useful."

"No, but we're dang cute," I said, willing my brain to start churning out ideas. I scanned the sky and the field as best I could through the bars, but I saw nothing. Come on, come on, I thought.

"Max?" Nudge whispered. She edged closer to me and took my hand. I squeezed hers reassuringly, but I was thinking that maybe our time really was up. The five of us were hunched back-to-back inside the cage, all of us looking out.

Then a clumpy blob was coming toward us, growing larger. It took only a second for me to see that it was a group of people walking across the field. Probably here to get good seats for the fun. Some of them were wearing white coats, of course, but not all of them. My eyes picked out Jeb and Anne Walker.

"How can we break out of here?" Gazzy whispered so only the flock could hear.

"There's a plan," I murmured back. "There's always a plan." Well, it sounded good.

"Children," said Jeb when he was close enough. "It doesn't have to be this way."

"Okay," I said. "Let's have it be different. Let us out of the cage!"

He pressed his lips together, giving his head a tiny shake.

Next it was Anne's turn. Inside the cage, we were practically vibrating with tension.

"Do you know what's really sad?" she asked.

"That pin-striped pantsuit?" I guessed. "Those sensible shoes?"

"We gave you every chance," Anne said.

"No, see, giving us every chance would be opening this cruel and inhuman cage and letting us out," I said, ready to explode. "That would be every chance. This way, you've only given us some chances. You see the difference?"

"Enough!" ter Borcht barked. "Dis is pointless. Ve're just vaiting for de executioners. Say your good-byes."

"Good-bye," said a sweet little-girl voice.

And then a shiny metal bar swung through the air and smacked ter Borcht's head with a sickening, melonlike splat.