Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

47

Ter Borcht looked at his assistant. "Let's get on vis de questioning," he said abruptly. Turning to me, he said, "Ve need to gather some final data. Den you vill be exterminated."

"Ooh," I said. "If I had boots on, I'd be quaking in them." I tapped my bare toes against the floor.

I saw a quick flare of anger in his eyes.

"No, really," I said, mucho sincerely. "Totally quaking, I promise. You're really a very scary man."

"First you," he barked suddenly at Gazzy, and Gazzy couldn't help jumping a tiny bit. I looked at him reassuringly and winked, and his narrow shoulders straightened.

"Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?" ter Borcht snapped, while his assistant waited, pen in hand.

Gazzy thought. "I have X-ray vision," he said. He peered at ter Borcht's chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.

Ter Borcht was startled for a second, but then he frowned. "Don't write dat down," he told his assistant in irritation. The assistant froze in midsentence.

Glaring at the Gasman, ter Borcht said, "Your time is coming to an end, you pathetic failure of an experiment. Vhat you say now is how you vill be remembered."

Gazzy's blue eyes flashed. "Then you can remember me telling you to kiss my-"

"Enough!" ter Borcht said. He turned suddenly to Nudge. "You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"

Nudge chewed on a fingernail. "You mean, like, besides the wings?" She shook her shoulders gently, and her beautiful fawn-colored wings unfolded a bit.

His face flushed, and I felt like cheering. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Besides de vings."

"Hmm. Besides de vings." Nudge tapped one finger against her chin. "Um..." Her face brightened. "I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"

"Hardly a special talent," ter Borcht said witheringly.

Nudge was offended. "Yeah? Let's see you do it."

"I vill now eat nine Snickers bars," Gazzy said in a perfect, creepy imitation of ter Borcht's voice, "visout bahfing."

Ter Borcht wheeled on him as I smothered a giggle. It wasn't funny when Gazzy did a pitch-perfect imitation of me, but it was hilarious when he did it to other people.

"Mimicry," ter Borcht said to his assistant. "Write dat down."

Walking over to Iggy, he poked him with his shoe. "Does anysing on you vork properly?"

Iggy rubbed his forehead with one hand. "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."

Ter Borcht tsked. "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone's shirt, yes? Following dem closely?"

"Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert," Iggy said truthfully.

"Write that down," I told the assistant. "He's a notorious dessert stealer."

Ter Borcht moved over to Fang and stood examining him as if he were a zoo exhibit. Fang looked back at him, and probably only I could see his tension, the fury roiling inside him.

"You don't speak much, do you?" ter Borcht said, circling him slowly.

Fittingly, Fang said nothing.

"Vhy do you let a girl be de leader?" ter Borcht asked, a calculating look in his eye.

"She's the tough one," Fang said.

Dang right, I thought proudly.

"Is dere anysing special about you?" asked ter Borcht. "Anysing vorth saving?"

Fang pretended to think, gazing up at the ceiling. "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."

Ter Borcht locked his gaze on me. "Vhy haf you trained dem to act stupid dis vay?"

They weren't stupid. They were survivors.

"Why do you still let your mother dress you?" I countered snidely.

The assistant busily started writing that down but froze at a look from ter Borcht.

The scientist stepped closer to me, looking down menacingly. "I created you," he said softly. "As de saying goes, I brought you into dis world, and I vill take you out of it."

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!" Gazzy barked. Then the five of us were laughing-literally in the face of death.