Shape of Snakes

*26*

It wasn't until we approached the Kew Road intersection on the outskirts of Richmond that Sam asked me if I knew what I was doing. The drive from Dorchester had taken over three hours and he was remarkably restrained throughout with only the odd bout of swearing at other drivers to betray his anxiety. We had discussed tactics the previous day while sitting over a glass of wine in the sunshine, and the plan had seemed reasonable then-perhaps plans always do under the influence of alcohol-but the friendly, rolling hills of Dorset were a far cry from the congested rat-runs of London's link roads, and the idea of taking on four potentially violent people in the most anonymous city in the world began to seem dangerously flawed.

Even then, I might have abandoned the whole project if Sam hadn't agreed with Sheila's view. The story wasn't mine to control anymore. And it wasn't a question of the lesser of two evils, he said. More of a Pandora's box. I'd opened the lid and the secrets were out. Danny for one-Michael Percy for another-would start asking questions: of Alan, of their mothers, even of Derek if they could find him. And it wasn't fair for the innocent to be tarred with the same brush as the guilty.

I laid an affectionate hand on his arm as he drew up at the traffic lights. "Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"Holding back. I know how worried you are, but it has to be more sensible to take an open-minded woman with me than an angry husband who's likely to lose his temper."

"We can still go to the police."

I shook my head. We'd been through this a dozen times. "They wouldn't do anything ... certainly not today ... probably never. It took Stephen Lawrence's parents seven years to win an inquiry, so I can't see myself walking into Richmond Police Station out of the blue and being believed." I sighed. "I tried that twenty years ago and all it achieved was to persuade everyone I was a head case."

He nodded.

"In any case I really do want the truth this time, and Wendy was the only person I could think of. Sheila's too conservative to work outside the rules-and Larry wouldn't have let her come, anyway."

"Could he have stopped her?" asked Sam in surprise.

"She'd have insisted on it," I said cynically. "She uses him as her get-out card whenever her involvement becomes too onerous." I recalled Sheila's horrified refusal when I invited her to confront the Slaters-Good God, I couldn 't possibly. Larry would never allow it for a minute-and I thought how wrong I had been to think that Annie's doctor would be the best support I could have. If I'd had any sense I'd have realized how passive she was when she admitted abandoning Annie's cause at the first sign of irritation from Larry, but I'd been seduced by her sympathetic report on Annie to the coroner and her gutsy defense of herself against accusations of negligence. The real irony, of course, was that I need never have upset my mother by moving the family to Dorchester if only I'd known in advance that an eccentric vicar's wife in Devon had more courage and crusading spirit in her little finger than Sheila Arnold would ever have. "And, apart from my ma," I went on with a sigh, "I couldn't think of anyone other than Wendy who had the guts to come with me."

Sam gave an abrupt laugh. "Did I hear right? Did you seriously consider asking your mother? Is this progress ... or what?"

"Actually, she was the first person I thought of," I said with a wry smile, "until I realized she'd handbag the lot of them and leave me worse off than when I started." I gave an indecisive shrug. "But it is odd ... maybe it's true that blood's thicker than water."

He sobered rapidly as we approached the station. "Well, just keep that in mind when you're talking to Alan Slater," he advised. "Unless he's a complete idiot, he's bound to realize that the best way to keep his children in ignorance is to stand by his mother..."

We were fifteen minutes early but I refused to let Sam hang around to meet Wendy. I was afraid he'd be shocked by her age and her thinness-in his mind I believe he thought of her as a larger-than-life person, a mighty Valkyrie come to conduct me through a battlefield-and I had visions of him putting his foot down about the whole enterprise when he was presented with the reality. It was worse than I feared. Wendy's early start and long journey from Exeter had exhausted her and, away from the secure confines of the vicarage, the impressive vulture had given way to something with about as much substance and solidity as a stick insect.

"Oh dear," she said cheerfully as she crossed between the taxis on the forecourt in response to my wave, "do I look that bad?"

"No," I lied, giving her a warm hug, "but are you sure you want to go through with it? There'll be four of them and two of us," I warned, "and it could get very rough."

She nodded. "Nothing's changed then. You made that all very clear on the phone the other day. But don't forget I have the advantage of knowing a few of their secrets"-she gave a little chuckle-"so if all else fails I ought to be able to shame them into behaving well."

Or fire them up even worse, I thought worriedly. "It just seems more real now," I said lamely.

She tucked her hand through my arm and turned me firmly in the direction of Graham Road. "If you'd wanted someone to tan their hides, you'd have invited your husband and your sons to go with you," she pointed out. "Instead you invited me. Now, I can't promise not to let you down-I may fold at the first huff and puff-but I have no intention of giving up before we've even tried."

"Yes, but-"

She rapped me sharply over the knuckles. "You haven't come this far to walk away at the last hurdle, so let's have no more argument about it."

Sharon and Geoffrey were standing in their open doorway when we came abreast of their house, but they made no move to come out. "This is pure bloody blackmail," snapped Geoffrey angrily. "And what's she doing here?" he demanded, catching sight of Wendy at my side. "What the hell business is it of hers? She was always poking her long nose in where it wasn't wanted."

"Hello, Geoffrey," said Wendy with an amiable nod. "I see your temper hasn't improved much since I left. You really ought to have your blood pressure checked, my dear." She switched her attention to the woman. "And how are you these days, Sharon? You're looking well."

A tight little smile thinned Sharon's lips, as if she suspected the compliment was insincere, although as she'd taken so much trouble with her appearance-Intent on putting Maureen in the shade, I thought-Wendy had spoken only the truth. "We're not coming," she said. "You can't make us."

I shrugged. "Then the Slaters can say whatever they like about you and I'll have to accept it because this is the only opportunity you'll have to set the record straight before I go public."

They stared at me with fear in their eyes.

"Look, I know you were together that night until nine o'clock and that because of it Geoffrey was the last person tc speak to Annie," I said bluntly. "And I'm guessing that if I could work that out then so could Maureen." I watched their fear increase. "So what did she do? Demand money?" I shook my head impatiently as I saw from their expressions that I was right. "And you have the nerve to accuse me of blackmail?"

"You're no different," said Geoffrey, clenching his fists. "Sending us threatening letters ... on our backs all the time ... trying to ruin our lives."

"If you'd been honest at the time," I said wearily, "I wouldn't have had to write any letters at all. You weren't responsible for Annie's death, Geoffrey, any more than my husband was. He passed her after you-also thought she was drunk-and also did nothing to help her. You were both guilty of unkindness but neither of you killed her." I watched his eyes widen in shock and smiled unkindly. "But I'm glad you've spent so long thinking you did. You deserve to pay some sort of penalty for lashing out when she begged you for help. That's what you did, isn't it? Knocked her down, then panicked when you thought you must have pushed her into the path of the traffic?"

He put a nervous hand on the door, but whether to steady himself or slam it in my face it was hard to say. Whatever his intention, Sharon thrust him away and wedged her foot against the bottom of the door. "Go on," she told me tightly.

"Whoever killed Annie attacked her in her house three or four hours before Geoffrey passed her in the street and those are the injuries she died of. She was beaten so savagely that she passed out ... but she came to some time later and found the strength to stagger out into the street to look for help. The most likely time for the assault was around six o'clock but, as far as I've been able to discover, neither of you was in Graham Road at that time, so I can't see what you have to fear by telling the truth."

Geoffrey wasn't easily convinced. "How do we know you're not lying?" he asked.

"To what purpose?"

"To catch us out ... make us say what you want."

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" said Wendy in sudden exasperation. "I had no idea you were such a stupid man, Geoffrey. Is the truth really so frightening that you must keep Sharon a prisoner to it?" Her eyes sparkled angrily. "Mrs. Ranelagh's trying to help you-though, goodness me, I'm not sure you deserve it-but you'll be tying her hands if you can't find the courage to stand up to Alan and Maureen."

"It's not just them though, is it?" he said unhappily. "They've got Derek in there as well."

I felt like a rag doll that had just lost all the sawdust out of its knees, and, from the way Wendy clutched at the gatepost, I clearly wasn't the only one.

I should have considered the size of Maureen's sitting room before I picked her house as the meeting place. Barely ten feet square, it was too small to allow each of us the amount of space we wanted, and we grouped ourselves in uncomfortable proximity according to our fragile alliances. This meant the Slaters sat rigidly on a sofa against the internal wall while Wendy, Sharon, Geoffrey and I faced them on hard-backed chairs in front of the window. It was reminiscent of trench warfare during the First World War-and I began to wonder if the outcome would be as futile.

I had been swept with nausea from the moment I saw Derek, and I struggled to contain it as the sour smell of him-more remembered, I think, than real-filled my nostrils. I kept asking myself why it hadn't occurred to me that Maureen would confront me with him, when instilling fear was what she was best at. I tried to speak and found I couldn't.

"Go on then," she said, gloating over my discomfort. "Say what you have to say, then get out."

It was a strange moment. The anger and bitterness inside me had been through a number of evolutions over the years-from a savage desire to kill, through apathy and a wish to forget-to this, my final position. Most of the time I could delude myself that I was pursuing justice for Annie-indeed I believe that most of the time that's what I was doing. But every so often I recognized that Dr. Elias and Peter Stanhope were right and my motives were based on revenge. If Maureen had kept her mouth shut, I might have been able to persuade myself forever that it was justice I was seeking ... but such a surge of hatred shot through me in that moment that I was back where I started.

If Derek was dying, as Michael had suggested, it wasn't immediately obvious. He was thinner than I remembered and his hands had the permanent tremor of alcoholism, but he still held his head like a boxer, watching for any opening, and he still radiated an illiterate's aggression. As for Alan, he was just an older, broader version of his brother and I couldn't look at him without thinking of Danny. I had pictured him for half my life as a muscular giant with a child's brain, but the reality was a nervous man with grimy fingernails and a beer gut who strove to keep as much distance from his parents as a three-seater sofa would allow.

In the end it was Derek who spoke first. His voice had changed very little-hard vowels and glottal stops-and it grated on my ears as it had twenty years ago. "You can't blame the boy," he muttered, putting a cigarette between his lips and lighting it. "He only did what I told him to do."

"I know." I looked at Alan's bent head. "I've never blamed him."

"Then you'll drop the rest of the stuff if I admit to it? That's what you've come for, isn't it? My head in a noose."

"Not just yours."

His eyes glinted dangerously. "You brought it on your own head," he ground out. "You shouldn't have set Drury on me ... shouldn't have accused me of murdering the nigger."

I swallowed bile. "I didn't," I answered, forcing my voice to remain steady. "Mr. Drury asked me to give him the names of anyone I thought might have a grudge against Annie, so I named Maureen, Sharon and you. But he was only interested in you-probably because you had convictions for assault-and asked me what your grudge was. I said you were a drunken bully who made no secret of your racist views, that you had low self-esteem, a negligible IQ and a 'poor white' mentality. I also told him you were in the habit of punching and kicking anyone who annoyed you, and cited the time you thrashed Michael Percy because he stood up to you after your own son ran away. At no point did I accuse you of murdering Annie." I held his gaze for a moment. "In fact the only accusation I ever made was that you threatened me with what might happen if I didn't keep my mouth shut."

He stabbed a trembling finger at me. "You lied about that."

I shook my head. "If you'd read my statement you'd have known what I said. But you couldn't read, so you accepted Mr. Drury's interpretation." I smiled slightly. "The funny thing is, I don't even blame you very much either. It's your nature to piss on anything you don't understand, so to condemn you for doing it is about as senseless as blaming a rat for spreading disease"-I looked at Maureen-"or a snake for being venomous."

The woman's eyes narrowed immediately. "Don't drag me into this," she snapped. "It was none of my doing."

There was a short silence while she and I stared at each other with our mutual hatred written strong on our faces. "But at least you know what Derek and I are talking about," I said evenly. "Which no one else does"-I gestured to right and left-"except Alan of course. You see, I've always wanted to know who planned it. It was too"-I sought for a word-"subtle for either of these morons to work out alone."

"Whatever they did, they did off their own bat. Ask them if you don't believe me."

"There'd be no point," I said with an indifferent shrug. "You've already persuaded Derek to take the blame. Just as you always did."

"And how would I do that, Miss High-and-Mighty?" she demanded with a sneer. "He's a man, isn't he? He does what he wants."

It was interesting to watch Alan's reactions. He sat between his parents, leaning forward, elbows on knees, staring at the floor, but every time his mother spoke his body leaned perceptibly closer to his father's.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "Probably by frightening Alan into paying him off. It has to be worth a try. Alan's got so much to lose. A wife and children who love him ... a home ... happiness."

Alan's knuckles squeezed into white knots as I spoke. "You said you didn't blame me," he muttered.

"I don't," I answered, "but I will if you insist on supporting your mother's lies. I came for explanations, Alan, not to have your father made the scapegoat. Why did I have to be threatened, anyway? Drury had lost interest in the whole subject by that time ... All he wanted was to shut me up because I kept accusing him of racism ... That's the only reason he got Derek fired up."

Maureen's lip curled in a sneer. "You were no better than the nigger," she said. "You called my man a 'poor white' and types like him don't take kindly to insults. Particularly not from a jumped-up schoolteacher who fancied herself way above us. Why wouldn't he want to shut you up?"

The depressing part was, I was sure she was telling the truth, at least where Derek was concerned. A woman's sneer was the only motivation he would ever need to assault her. I looked at him. "Did you piss on Annie, too?" I asked him, "Is that why she reeked of urine?"

He stared at me through unintelligent eyes.

"When did you do it?" I went on. "Before or after she lost consciousness?"

He turned irresolutely to his wife, looking for an answer.

"None of us touched her," she snapped angrily. "She was in the morgue by the time we thieved her stuff. I've already told you that."

It was such an open admission-and so unrepentant-that you could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. And I remember thinking to myself, This would all be so much easier if I didn 't believe her.