Simply Sexy

CHAPTER ELEVEN

RINA LOVED the holidays. The music, the festive cheer, the people surrounding her. She just wished she'd been able to help Colin more, but maybe meeting with Joe would do the trick.

Emma tapped her foot impatiently against the floor and Rina realized she was being chastised. She also knew what for. "What would you like me to do?" she asked, meeting the older woman's annoyed gaze. "I can't just take off after Colin."

Much as she'd like to. She didn't want him to be alone when dealing with Joe, in case the older man's explanation provided more hurt than solution.

"Why can't you leave? It's not like someone here can't hold down the fort while you're gone." Emma shot her a pointed glare.

"You of all people understand etiquette. I can't walk out on my own party. It's rude."

"I beg to differ. Catherine's a caterer and she'd be happy to keep the hors d'oeuvres hot until you get back. Wouldn't you?" Emma grasped Catherine's sleeve as she walked by.

"Wouldn't I what?" the pretty blonde asked.

"Hold down the food, I mean fort, while Rina goes to the hospital to be by Colin's side."

"Of course." Cat waved a hand in dismissal. "You go on and don't worry about a thing here."

"But…"

"And while Catherine handles the food, Francesca doesn't mind serving as hostess, do you, dear?" The older woman had to hustle, but she managed to poke Frankie in the back as she passed. "I'd play hostess myself but I'm being paged," Emma said.

To Rina's shock, Emma turned and blew a kiss Stan's way.

"I'll be right there," she called to the man who sat in the corner, patting the arm of the chair as if he wanted Emma to join him.

Frankie chuckled. "I can handle things here," she assured Emma and Rina.

Rina glanced around. She had to admit, she could probably sneak off for an hour and they'd survive.

But Colin was facing an emotional minefield. Would he welcome her presence? Or would showing up give him a reason to push her away?

Half an hour later, Rina walked into the hospital, and after meeting up with Corinne on Joe's floor, was directed to his room. She strode into the doorway and paused. Colin sat in the chair beside the bed, his back to the door and his head bent close to the man he called his father.

The intensity in the room was fierce and a lump rose to her throat. Her pulse began to pound and her heart raced, anticipation and anxiety feuding inside her. She didn't know what Colin was facing. But as much as she wanted to go to him, to hold his hand, she remained in the shadows, knowing he deserved his time alone.

Knowing, too, she'd be here when it was through.

CORINNE HAD LEFT Colin alone with Joe, destroying any lingering notions Colin might have had about her exerting undue influence on Joe. Not that he had many left anyway. After a solid week of watching her at Joe's bedside, he was convinced of her sincerity, not that it was an easy thing to admit.

"Did you ever have a dream?" Joe asked.

"Of course I've dreamed." Colin forced a laugh as the older man stared without speaking, an old tactic he'd used on Colin as a teenager. One that to this day never failed to elicit a response. "I've dreamed of running the paper."

"Bullshit." Joe spoke loud, clear and less slurred than before. The effort obviously cost him, because he leaned back against the white pillow. "You don't know your dreams and until you stop running, you never will."

A punch in the stomach would have been more gentle, but then, gentle had never been Joe's style. Directness had, which was why Corinne's power of attorney had taken Colin off guard. Joe hadn't prepared him up front.

Seconds passed in which Joe just met Colin's gaze and stared, while Colin tried to formulate a response when he had none. Because as usual, the older man was right.

Joe gestured to the water pitcher. Grateful for a minute to think, Colin poured the cold liquid into a disposable cup, waiting for Joe to take a few sips before taking the cup back and placing it on the tray.

"If I'd have asked you to run the paper when I got sick, months before I had the stroke, I'd have been forcing you to come home, for who knows how long. And you need to find your way without my influence." He cleared his throat. "I've always considered you a son. Even when you couldn't return the sentiment."

Colin swallowed hard. "I returned it. I just couldn't show it. I thought I'd be betraying my parents."

Hard as Joe and Nell tried, Colin realized now they'd never completely filled the parental role, probably because he'd been old enough to maintain love and loyalty. And fear. Fear if he gave himself over to Joe and Nell's love, he'd lose his parents for good. Never mind that he'd already lost them.

Joe's laugh sounded more like a rasping wheeze, scaring Colin. "I knew that. Hell, Nell knew it, too. We never held it against you though. That sense of loyalty was what made you such a damn fine man, one I'm proud to call my son."

Colin shook his head. "I never deserved you."

"You damn well did. You still do. You think I don't know you're here now, fighting to save what's mine? Only a son would do that for his father."

Colin closed his eyes but he couldn't shut out the truth. Joe knew him better than he knew himself. The older man understood things about Colin he himself had just come to recognize and accept. The running, the emotional barriers, all a result of his parents' deaths, had distanced him from his life and the people in it. But no longer.

It had taken Joe's stroke to bring him home, Joe's seeming betrayal to shock him into looking deeper, but it had been Rina who'd taught him the biggest lesson of all in understanding, acceptance-and love.

He shook as the word ran through his mind, and settled there. He loved Rina. Something he'd deal with when he left the hospital.

And he loved the older man lying in the bed before him. "I'm lucky to have you. Always have been," Colin told Joe. "But why didn't you just tell me about giving Corinne power of attorney?"

Joe's brown eyes clouded over. "Fate. Honest to goodness, fate. When I got sick, no way did I want to call you home, and when the doctors insisted I cut back, I put Corinne in charge."

"She knows nothing about running a paper, Joe."

"But I love and trust her, just like I do you. Just like I did Nell before her." He gestured for the water and Colin passed the cup again, waiting while Joe finished soothing his dry throat.

Hearing how Joe felt about his wife made Colin's mission to enlighten his father about the paper's problems more difficult. Colin ran a hand over his eyes and groaned.

He didn't know how to approach the issue, and since he still didn't have a direct answer to his question, he focused on that first. "Why didn't you tell me you put Corinne in charge?" he asked again.

"Because it wasn't something I felt I could do long distance. I knew you'd come home for Christmas, even if it was a short visit. I planned to tell you then. But like I said, fate intervened and I had the damn stroke first." Joe's voice returned to a low whisper he had to strain to hear, but there was no mistaking the regret in his voice.

The vise holding Colin's heart hostage eased with the realization that everything Joe did had been in Colin's best interest. At the expense of his beloved paper.

Be true to yourself, Rina had said. The time had come. For father and son to work out a solution together. He rose from his seat and began pacing the floor, his gaze never leaving Joe's bed. "The Times has limited space, and Corinne's been sacrificing hard news for softer pieces." He no longer considered Rina's dreams fluff. Not since seeing how important they were to her and the reaction of people he admired, like Logan and Cat. "We're not printing true news on the front page. Corinne's hired a woman named Rina Lowell to write about relationships, while Emma's doing a matchmaking column for the elderly. Circulation and advertising have suffered," he said, forcing the words out.

He hated to hurt Joe, and he realized he hated to hurt Corinne, the woman he now understood Joe loved. But the older man didn't blink at the information.

Colin narrowed his gaze. "You knew this was coming, didn't you?"

He nodded. "Corinne finally told me she'd made some mistakes."

An understatement if Colin ever heard one.

"But I wasn't feeling well even before the stroke, and she didn't want to tell me," Joe continued. "She was determined to fix things and make me proud."

"You don't sound angry."

He shrugged. "When you face death, you realize there are more important things in life than selling newspapers."

Colin scrubbed a hand over his burning eyes. "Well, I'm about to complicate things." He explained how they'd lost advertising dollars and were poised to lose more. And then he topped off his story with the fact that he'd borrowed money to keep the paper afloat. "And like me, Ron thought you'd want nothing more than to have things return to the status quo. I promised him I'd get rid of the fluff in favor of hard news, and according to Fortune's, I have until January first to provide proof I can do that or they're pulling out."

"And how exactly did you plan to save the paper from my terrible clutches, Colin?" Corinne walked into the room at the worst possible moment.

"By getting your promise to return things to the way they were." He didn't turn to face her, but he had to admit the truth. "And by getting rid of your new columnists, to start." That had always been the plan, replace the new columnists with news worth printing. Only now, discussing his plans aloud, he realized how shortsighted he'd been.

"You wanted to fire Rina and Emma?" Corinne asked, outraged.

He winced, knowing he no longer advocated that scenario, but nodded because that had been his intention. But he now realized that like Joe said, some things were more important than selling papers. His family, Corinne included, was one of them. Rina, another.

It was time to face Corinne and explain his change of heart. He turned, but behind Corinne, he saw Rina in the doorway and his stomach plummeted.

Eyes wide and full of hurt, she met his gaze. His gut clenched hard. Damn. "Rina."

She turned, pivoting and walking away. He stepped toward the door, then paused, looking back at the man in the bed.

"Don't you think you should go after her?" Corinne asked.

Colin was torn, but with Joe so ill, he had to take opportunity when he could and mend fences here first. "I'll talk to her as soon as we finish." Facing Corinne wasn't easy. "My perspective has changed, even if the promise I made hasn't. And I'd like to explain."

Corinne nodded. "Seems fair."

"Then both of you sit," Joe said. "It's time we started acting like a family."

Although his heart was with Rina, Colin did as Joe asked. They talked like a family for the first time. When it was over, Colin knew they had a chance of saving the paper. Corinne agreed not to touch the remainder of the lender's money on anything without Colin's approval. With Joe supporting her columns, she was more agreeable to putting the news on the front page.

In return, Colin was willing to invest the rest of the lender's money in creating a supplement section to the paper that would carry her beloved columns, as well as the syndicated ones Colin had already lined up to return.

All that remained was working the magic he thought of earlier. He had to prove to the conservative Fortune's Inc. that Rina, Emma and Corinne's other ideas would increase sales if they weren't the sole focus of the paper. Ironically, he'd use Corinne's argument that people's priorities had changed, and they could sell newspapers by combining news and softer pieces. If a simple phone call wouldn't do it, Colin would resort to statistical proof, something that would cost money and take time. He hoped he could at least get a deadline extension out of Fortune's.

By the time he left the hospital, Colin felt more centered about his family situation, but he still had to settle things with Rina. After not returning yesterday, Colin wasn't about to repeat the same mistake and compound her anger over what she'd overheard. Instead, he showed up in time to suffer through a frosty Christmas dinner. And he wasn't referring to the weather outside.

Rina barely spoke to him and he couldn't say he blamed her. He also couldn't find time to talk to her alone, and since Jake and Brianne planned to stay late, he had no choice but to pick things up at work in the morning. And he wasn't surprised when Rina didn't walk him to the door to say good night.

He let himself out, disappointment in his gut and her Christmas gift still in his pocket.

MONDAY MORNING, Rina called in sick. She wasn't ill. She was merely informed and armed with knowledge. She intended to protect herself and her future. She had no choice since she was about to lose the job she loved. True, eavesdroppers didn't always hear correctly, but Corinne had been by her side, peppering Colin with questions, and his words had left no doubt. He intended to get rid of Corinne's columnists. Herself and Emma.

Which meant that from the day he'd turned that incredible charm her way, he'd known he had an agenda. Her series of articles and research had taught her to understand and not jump to irrational conclusions. She could understand Colin's desperate need to save the paper from financial ruin, something else she'd been in the dark about. And when they'd first met and he didn't know her, she couldn't blame him for having an agenda that would negatively impact her.

But she couldn't understand the lingering deception. That was the hardest thing to grasp, Rina thought, and an even more difficult thing to forgive.

How could he have listened to her hopes and dreams, all the while knowing he intended to crush them, and never reveal a thing? How could he have made love to her and not tell her something so fundamentally important? And worst of all, how could he hear her revelations about her marriage, discover she'd come through one relationship where she'd lost sight of herself and her dreams, and not reveal his plans to take away hers?

Well, she thought, silence could go both ways. She'd gone out of her way to be understanding of his past, his need for emotional distance, and the fact that his desire to travel would take him away one day. But his behavior toward her was a direct slap and Rina didn't feel the need to roll over and take it lying down.

Ironically, Colin himself had provided her with her new plan and she had taken today off to update her résumé and e-mail her job queries to magazine editors in New York. Thanks to the Internet, she had instant gratification by pushing the send button. Now all she needed to do was wait for replies. As much as she loved it here in Ashford, Colin was right. The opportunities were in New York.

She was going home.

"Hello?" Frankie's voice was followed by a belated knock on the door as she let herself in. "Did you survive Christmas?" she asked. "I saw your car downstairs and figured you called in sick in favor of sleeping in."

"So you thought you'd wake me up instead?" Rina asked wryly.

"Ha-ha." Frankie sat down on the living-room couch, eyeing Rina's laptop. "Are you working from home?" she asked, concerned.

"No. I'm looking for new employment." She shut down the computer and turned toward Frankie. "In fact, you'll probably have a new neighbor soon." At the notion, Rina's stomach twisted with pain and regret.

She didn't want to leave her home here or the friends she'd made. But now that she'd found herself and her calling, she couldn't give up writing and there weren't any other opportunities in the town of Ashford.

"Whoa." Frankie shook her head. "New neighbor? Not a chance. That's like asking me to find a new best friend. Besides, you love it here. So back up and 'splain, Lucy."

Rina rolled her eyes. "You've been watching I Love Lucy reruns again, haven't you?"

Frankie shrugged. "What can I say? It's better than sleeping. Now quit avoiding the issue and take things from the beginning. Why do you need a new job?"

Rina bunched her hands into fists and explained the paper's financial situation and Colin's means of fixing the problem. "So you see, the columnists are out, hard news is in. So I am trying to find a job in Manhattan, where the major national women's magazines are located. My résumé isn't extensive, but this series of five articles is nearly finished and they make for a pretty impressive résumé, if I do say so myself."

She could fill her résumé with the articles she'd written for her "Hot Stuff" column. She still hoped the paper would run the end of the Simply Sexy series, but if not, she'd survive. At least she had an attractive package to show prospective employers.

"Earth to Rina." Frankie waved her hand in front of Rina's eyes. "I asked if you were really just running away from your problems with Colin."

Rina scowled. "I'm made of stronger stuff than that. I'm not running, I'm being smart. There's nothing left for me here, so I'm moving on." But the tight squeeze around her heart made her realize she was lying. There was plenty she wanted here, but she had no way of making those kinds of dreams come true.

"What about Colin?" Frankie asked.

Rina glanced down at her feet before meeting Frankie's gaze. "What about him?"

This time it was Frankie's turn to scowl. "Don't play dumb. It doesn't become you."

Rina let out a groan of frustration and stomped her foot for good measure. She felt a stab of pain in her heel. "Damn."

Frankie put a hand on Rina's shoulder, and at the comforting touch, Rina's eyes filled with tears. The first ones she'd let herself shed. "The man didn't think twice about lying to me, so what's left for me to hang on to now?"

As she spoke, she wanted to believe that the goodness she sensed in Colin wasn't false, that he had regrets despite his agenda. But she didn't know, nor could it make any difference. They'd had an affair, by definition a short-term arrangement. She'd always assumed he'd leave, and now she was going back to New York.

"You can hang on to me, Emma, the friends you made down at the paper, to start with. And I bet Colin would be there, too, if you'd let him."

That was the problem, Rina thought. To listen to him, to hear his side, to let him be there for her, assuming he even wanted to, would leave her vulnerable. No matter how much she loved him, and there was no denying she still did, she didn't think she could open herself up to that kind of hurt again.

She'd lost her husband and now she'd lost Colin. She'd just now found herself. She couldn't put that on the line. Especially since his departure was imminent if not guaranteed.

COLIN SAT AT HIS DESK, tapping a pencil against the old blotter. He'd never known a woman could make herself so busy she didn't have time for one conversation. Monday, Rina had called in sick. Tuesday, she'd come in, worked on her column, wearing a headset, no less. When he'd approached her at lunchtime, she'd said she had a meeting and ran out, probably knowing full well he'd be at the hospital all afternoon. Tuesday evening, she hadn't answered her phone or her doorbell, and by Wednesday morning, he was irritable.

He'd pick her up and carry her over his shoulder and into the back hall if he had to. Today he wasn't taking no for an answer.

Someone tapping on his shoulder startled him and he whipped around, annoyed. "What the hell do you want?" he snapped.

"A minute of your time, if it isn't too much to ask." Rina stood before him, one hand on her hip, acting as distant as his latest assignment in South America.

Now she wanted to talk? "What can I do for you?" he asked, trying to keep things professional in front of the staff, despite his earlier thoughts of acting like an irrational caveman.

But outer calm belied his internal struggle. He wanted to take her into his arms and not just apologize but swear he'd make things right. How, he wasn't certain yet. But he damn well would. Even if she never forgave him, he still had to prove he wasn't another man who'd trampled on her needs and desires.

"I spoke to Corinne about this but she said you're handling personnel now, so I should come to you." Her voice was cold, but her eyes betrayed both pain and what he hoped was a lingering caring beneath the cool veneer.

He wasn't certain where this conversation was headed, but at the word personnel, a distinct tingling he'd always referred to as gut instinct set off warning signals in his brain. "About what?" he asked.

"Referrals. I've taken your advice and submitted résumés to some major magazines in New York. Some smaller ones, as well." She shook her head in a breezy attempt at looking casual.

She failed, he thought. He saw the wounded woman beneath. But he was nowhere near as confident as he had been when this mess had started, and he wondered if he was only imagining the depth of her hurt. Because if she hurt, it meant she still cared.

She drew a deep breath. "So if anyone calls, I'd appreciate you giving me a good reference despite all that's gone on between us personally."

At the thought of losing her, fear shot through him. "The hell I will," he said, rising from his seat so he could tower over her.

"Look, Colin, you may not like what I write, but you can't deny I've done a good job at this paper. And you can't possibly deny me a good reference and the chance to get another job." She clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides.

"Yes I can." As he'd done once before, he grabbed her hand, ignored the stares and pulled her out to the hall and into the darkened stairwell.

"You're being unreasonable," she said, backing up against the wall.

He knew better than to press for an advantage or to attempt to get close to her the way he'd done last time. But damn, he wanted to. She wore an oversize white sweater and a pair of jeans that enhanced her curves, making him itch to pull her closer and push their differences aside. If only it was that easy.

"You don't think packing up and sending out résumés is being a bit unreasonable yourself?"

"Did you or did you not plan to get rid of Corinne's columnists?" She bit down on her glossed lips.

He liked the slight insecurity he sensed because it backed up his hunch, that she wasn't as hardened to him as she wanted him to believe. "That was my plan."

"So why would you think me preparing for my future is unreasonable?"

"Because between Corinne, Joe and myself, we are going to bring the paper back to life by returning to news, but I still hope to save both columns in the process." He had an afternoon appointment with the accountants and Fortune's together.

The number crunchers didn't like being hassled during the week between Christmas and New Year's, but they'd agreed to meet with him anyway.

She shrugged. "There are no guarantees. So can I have your word that you'll give me a good recommendation?"

Not the reaction he'd have hoped for and, grabbing a minute to think, he drew a long breath. The dank smell in the hallway assaulted him, waking him up to the bleak reality confronting him. "Rina, I'm truly sorry. You're the last person on earth I'd ever want to hurt. And I'll do everything I can to save your job."

He reached out to graze her cheek but she turned her head, avoiding his touch. His gut clenched hard.

"You don't get it, do you?" She stared at him wide-eyed. "I'm not hurt or angry because you planned to cut my job. Hard as it is for me to believe, I can understand your need to save the paper, even if it was at my expense." She trembled, wrapping her arms around herself tight. "What I can't understand is how you could lie to me." She pointed to her chest. "After you slept with me, got to know my hopes and dreams, my fears and mistakes, after all that, how could you keep something so important from me?" Her eyes welled up with tears.

Knowing he'd caused them, he wanted to give himself a swift kick. "There was no good way to tell you. I admit, I tried to broach the subject and gauge your reaction a few times."

"At Emma's Christmas party."

He nodded. "We got interrupted by Emma's champagne spill. And by the time I thought I could level with you again, I knew what the column meant to you and why. I realized how devastating the news would be." He wanted to touch her. Instead, he shoved his hands into his back pockets. "If you understand why I did it, can't you forgive me for not telling you?"

She shook her head, and the long ponytail that had grazed his body so lovingly the other night fell over her shoulder.

"I can forgive you but I can't go back to what we had." Her voice cracked on her words. "First, you'll leave anyway, and a break is better off clean. Secondly, when I opened up to you, I trusted my instincts and you proved me wrong."

She let out a laugh that didn't sound funny and his stomach lurched.

"I accept your apology, Colin. But I'm going home to New York." From the look in her eyes, she wasn't joking, nor would she be changing her mind. She ducked beneath his arm and headed for the door.

"Rina," he called out.

She turned. For a brief moment, her heart was in her eyes and everything he felt for her, the love, desire and caring, was obviously reciprocated. Then she schooled her features into a blank mask. One he didn't buy into because he'd seen the feelings beneath.

"What is it?" she asked.

"If I save your job, will you stay? I know you love it here."

She didn't answer.

"Corinne and I will take that as a yes," he said. And then he tossed out his final words. The ones that would be the most difficult for him to live by. "If you do stay, I'll be right beside you. Because my days of running are over." With or without her, Colin knew the time had come to put down roots, accept his family and live again.

"No, you won't. You'll get bored or feel closed in by some difficult situation. You'll take off like you always do." But she didn't meet his gaze, giving him the hope that she didn't really believe her words.

He had a hunch that deep down she trusted him more than she was letting on. He met her gaze and smiled. "The only way to find out is to stick around yourself."

"Just give me a good recommendation, Colin. Please." Then she walked out the door.

He shook his head and leaned back against the cool wall. What a mess he'd created. Why had he thought he could get involved with Rina and easily walk away?

Because he always had before. Ever since he'd lost both his mother and father, he'd kept his distance from everyone and everything, hoping that he'd never again experience that cavernous feeling of loss. Faced with Rina's withdrawal and threatened departure, he was experiencing it again. And he didn't like it worth a damn. Because this was a loss he didn't think he'd bounce back from. One no amount of running would help.

So he'd better start fighting for what he wanted.