Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn

CHAPTER 23 Bye-Bye, Vanilla Girl of Porn

I was up worrying the whole night before our first day of shooting Tera Tera Tera on February 2, 2004. This was going to be Evan’s first movie. I knew he’d be able to maintain an erection and I knew he’d look hot on camera, but I also knew that fucking on camera is not the same as fucking at home. The advice I gave him was this: “Just remember that you’re having sex with your wife, and I’m here to help you in any way I can. Listen to the director, forget about the cameras, and focus on me.”

Every newcomer to porn is worried that he won’t be able to keep his dick hard for the entire shoot. But Evan didn’t have to worry about that. I knew that he’d been able to stay hard for hours with me at home. And even if he did get nervous on the set, I was there to be his “fluffer.” There’s this myth in porn of girls called fluffers whose only job is to keep the male performer hard in between takes. Maybe it was true back in the day, but today we don’t have these extra girls hanging around. It’s up to the female performer if she wants to help the guy out or not. If you’re nice, you’ll suck him off or jerk him off or play with your pussy to keep him aroused. But many girls in porn today are like, “Keep your own dick hard. No one’s keeping me wet. It’s your problem.” I was never one of those girls—I always helped the guy out between scenes. I’d always ask him what turned him on and then I’d do it. I was a giver.

So I told Evan that I would be his fluffer and help him throughout the shoot if he needed it. He wasn’t worried about having sex in front of people because, like me, Evan is an exhibitionist.

But he did put some thought into his load. In porn, guys get competitive about how big of a load they can shoot. What makes a great cum shot, you ask? Lots of it! So Evan went to porn star Peter North, who is renowned for having one of the best cum shots in the industry, never failing to deliver a tremendous load. Evan wanted to make sure his wad was worthy too, so he rang up Peter and asked what he does to get such volume. Peter told him that he takes a combination of Chinese herbs with reishi mushrooms and guarana. It didn’t sound good to Evan, so he decided to go au naturel.

I could tell he was nervous. I could see it in his face. I’d never seen him nervous before, so he made me a little nervous too. Everyone on set wanted to make sure Evan was comfortable and ready. Our director, a fabulously flamboyant drag queen named Chi Chi LaRue, pulled Evan aside and said, “Do you want some Viagra? Most guys take some type of dick pills.”

“No way,” said Evan. “I don’t mess with that stuff. I’m not going to try it for the first time on my first scene. I’ll be fine.”

It was time for our first scene: I’m lying on a wooden table in this industrial loft in downtown L.A. in pink lingerie with this huge jeweled necklace on. Evan takes one look at me and says, “Wow. You look so beautiful.” Right then, I knew everything would be OK. Here I was doing something again that I love, with the man I love. It felt special. It felt new again. I realized then how much I’d missed it, and I loved being able to share it with him.

We start out by kissing, and then he starts eating my pussy and he’s getting into it and I’m getting into it. All is going well and we’re both beginning to forget about the cameras and crew and just focus on each other. Just as we are hitting our stride, Chi Chi starts going, “Yeah. Eat that pussy. Suck that pussy. Let me see that demon hand!” (Evan has a tattoo of a demon on his left hand.) “Put that demon hand in that pussy. Yay!” I’m trying hard not to laugh so I didn’t blow the moment, but Evan couldn’t take it anymore. Evan stops eating me out and scolds Chi Chi: “Chi Chi,” he said, “I love you, but you’re making me nervous. Stop talking!”

So Chi Chi and the whole set gets quiet, and we continue the scene. It’s moving along nicely and then we hear a stern whisper, “Chopper! Get out of there, Chopper. Chopper, come here!” Chi Chi is trying to get my little dog out of the shot because he’d just walked right into the scene. I start laughing, but Evan’s not having it so we have to stop again.

As Evan promised, he had no problem keeping his dick hard or really getting into the scene. In fact, once we started fucking, he was so into it that we had to stop a few times because he was going to cum, but it was too soon for the cum shot. He was so excited that we had to stop a few more times, which was really flattering to me.

“Get me some chocolate!” my rock-hard hubby asked the set assistant. I guess chocolate was a good distraction for the task at hand, and it gave him a little boost of energy… not that he needed it. Luckily, this scene didn’t have to be shot in one long take. It was our film, our pace, our direction. We could start and stop as often as we needed to, which we did until an hour later when we finished our scene.

“Good job!” cheered Chi Chi, proud of his new porn pet.

Evan was so relieved, he sat down and ate a whole bag of chocolate and declared, “I want to do it again!” He was proud, and I was proud of him.

The reason Chi Chi is my favorite director is because he not only gets the technical angles right—open up to camera, arch your back, point your toes, lean back, etc.—but he’s also very concerned with beauty. He makes sure your fake eyelashes aren’t crooked or falling off. He makes sure your body makeup is even and glowing and that your lipstick isn’t all over your face or that your eyeliner hasn’t smudged. He’s always looking out for the girl, to make sure he’s making the most glamorous and beautiful movie he can make. That’s the one thing I took with me when I started Teravision: Always make it glamorous and beautiful. I wanted to leave behind a legacy and it was important for me, like it is for Chi Chi, to make a higher standard of movie than what’s out there. And I think we achieved that.

With the first scene in the can, it was time for the most pivotal scene of the movie for me—my first hardcore girl-on-girl scene. You have to understand, all “firsts” in porn are a big deal when you are a big deal. Your first girl scene, your first anal scene, your first DP scene (though I don’t do double penetration, but you get the point) is anticipated, talked about, reviewed, scrutinized, and discussed ad nauseam. So we put a lot of time and thought into my first girl hardcore sex scene (which includes penetration and not just oral sex like I did in Aroused) since we knew how much attention it would get and that my fans had been waiting for me to do this for five years. For the sake of my career and for this comeback to really make a splash, it had to be exceptional.

I was comfortable with girls. I didn’t mind kissing, touching, or having my pussy licked. But I had a fear of going down on a pussy. That was one thing that made me the “vanilla girl of porn,” and it was time to shed that image.

Evan knew how important it was for my career as well, and he was my manager, so I listened to his opinions with an open mind. “You have to be with a girl. For one, it’ll be hot. For another, it’s great for your career,” he’d tell me. I agreed with him wholeheartedly and was ready to dive into new territory. Being at the top of my game, I had my pick of the litter, so to speak. I could’ve picked any pussy I wanted, and I gave it a lot of consideration.

I chose Savanna Samson. I picked her because I found her extremely attractive and she was the opposite of me. She had blond hair, hazel eyes, and was a petite 5’ 5“. She looked like a hot all-American cheerleader. But more important than her beauty, I chose her because I knew she was really into women and was very experienced. She was a total professional and just loved to fuck. That made me feel more comfortable, because my worst nightmare would’ve been to be in a cold, sterile scene with a woman who was just doing it for the paycheck and not because she really enjoyed herself. We call that ”gay for pay.“ And as we know, one of my rules of porn is: don’t do anything you don’t totally love. And I think it was exciting for Savanna, too, because I was going to lose my ”vagina virginity" to her.

The other reason I chose her was because I trusted her with my man, and she had a lot of respect for me, Evan, and our marriage. And that was very important to me because it wasn’t just me and Savanna getting it on in the movie, there was also a threesome with Evan, and Evan and I had never done a threesome before. I was a bit hesitant about sharing my man with another woman, because I still had a bit of a jealous streak in me at this time, so I wanted to make sure that we did it with a girl who wasn’t going to try to steal him away from me. I felt safe with Savanna, and I needed that security blanket to ease my nervousness about this brand-new sexual territory for me.

Before we got to the threesome, Savanna and I had our scene together. I couldn’t believe I was about to have real sex with a woman for the first time! I was really excited and surprised that I had gone this long without ever going there. But I was also really nervous because I didn’t really know how to lick pussy. The stuff I’d done in magazines was pretty fake. Now it was time for Evan to give me some advice: “Do what feels good to you. Touch her the way you want to be touched. She’ll help guide you, and it will become instinctual before you know it.”

Chi Chi didn’t tell me this until later, but he was freaking out over this scene. There was a lot riding on it: Tera Patrick’s First Hardcore Girl Scene! He told Evan that his biggest fear was that I would chicken out and make Savanna do all of the work. He thought I would just lie there and be the pillow queen that I usually was and not get into it. And for the scene to work, it was imperative that I really got into it.

Savanna was having a glass of wine before the scene to relax, and for the first time in almost a year, I really, really wanted a drink. But I had been sober and was sticking with sobriety, so I kept myself away from the vino. The setup for the scene was so relaxing and inviting anyway that I didn’t need any wine. We were in front of a cozy fireplace with tons of pillows around, and once Chi Chi yelled, “Action!” I surprised myself at how comfortable and relaxed I felt.

We started out caressing each other’s breasts. She felt so soft and smooth. That’s one thing I love about women: the softness of their skin and the sexy curves of their bodies. She had a gentle touch and knew just how to make me tingle. Her eyes were magnetic and, in the moment, I just fell in love with her. Savanna had a womanly body with real curves and soft flesh—unlike the hard, overly worked-out bodies on some of the younger girls. I don’t like to feel muscles on a girl. I like to feel some flesh.

We began kissing and I remember loving how moist and soft her tongue felt. It was so sensual. Kissing a girl is a lot different from kissing a guy. It’s more sensual and loving. We kissed slowly and gently. It wasn’t what I expected in a porn scene. I was getting very turned on and all of a sudden, Evan was right: It became instinctual and as Savanna got into doggy-style position, I went right up behind her and started licking her pussy. She smelled fresh and clean. My instincts took over and I buried my face and tongue in her pussy and threw myself into it as she moaned and writhed with pleasure. And to my surprise, I really loved it. It turned me on more than I thought it would.

Chi Chi just couldn’t shut up, though. He started going, “Yes, Tera! Yes, Tera! Oh my God, Tera. Good girl, Tera!” I looked over at him at one point and he was literally pulling his hair, saying, “This is so beautiful!” Then Chi Chi winked at me, and that gave me all the confidence I needed. I wanted to not just please Savanna, but I wanted to make my favorite director happy too.

Not as happy as Evan, though. Evan had always wanted to see me with a girl. I mean, that’s every guy’s fantasy, right? Like any hot-blooded male, seeing two girls get it on was a huge turn on for Evan. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Evan standing right behind the camera in the monitor, rubbing his dick with a smile on his face as Savanna and I went at it. Evan had this look on his face like, “I am going to fuck the hell out of you later, girl!” I couldn’t wait for that.

It was finally time for my first threesome with Evan and Savanna. I was so against threesomes. I just never wanted to share my man with another woman. I was so sure that no one could ever come between us, but I still didn’t want to share him. So, like I said before, when it comes to threesomes, the key to a happy and healthy menage a trois is to set up some boundaries and make sure all parties adhere to them.

My boundaries were the following: Evan couldn’t fuck Savanna. Evan couldn’t go down on Savanna. What Evan could do was touch her, put his fingers in her, and let her give him a blowjob. That was it. His cock was not going into any other woman’s pussy… period.

Savanna completely respected our rules and was totally cool about it. The threesome scene went great. I ate her out, she ate me out, we both gave Evan the blowjob of his life, and all was great. Evan was so turned on that when he stood up to blow his big load on both of our faces, he overshot. And I mean he really overshot and hit the camerawoman from clear across the room—about ten feet. Evan felt really bad. And even though he was impressed with his Olympic “pop shot,” he wished it had stayed on the person it was meant for.

After the shoot, Evan was on a mission to get stronger—“stronger” for porn guys means to be able to last longer. He thought, well, practice makes perfect. So every night after our four-day shoot, we’d go back home and he’d fuck the shit out of me to practice lasting longer. He really worked hard at being the best porn performer he could be. We’d be tired from a long day on set, but he was up for the challenge.

“We gotta fuck more!” he’d say.

“Evan! You’re killing me! I can’t even walk.” But I always succumbed to his charms. I mean, I loved fucking my husband and I wanted him to be the best performer he could be too.

It was a really exciting time. I was so happy to be making movies again and thrilled to be doing it with Evan. But what made it even more empowering was that we were doing it for our company, our dream, and our own profits. We were the ones to really win out this time, and that felt great.

Evan and I had the perfect plan. I was going to only work with Evan for a couple of years, make as many movies in that time as I felt comfortable making, and then stop making movies but have them released for years to come so I would still technically be active in the porn industry. I just wanted to get all the porn out of the way so I could spend time enjoying the fruits of my lusty labors over the years, which included doing glamorous magazine shoots, writing for Genesis magazine, making personal appearances, feature dancing, and doing television appearances. I basically wanted to enjoy being a star, and didn’t plan to spend the next several years on end filming movie after movie. I wanted to film a lot now, put them in the can, and let them roll out for years to come. And of course, this plan entailed fucking only my husband on-screen and doing the occasional half-assed threesome with him where I get to play all I want but he needs to keep his dick out of the other woman. This plan worked out just fine for all of 2004 and 2005.

Having my own company afforded me the opportunity to make some dreams come true for my husband and me. For me, I always wanted to do a strong, female-empowering film with an all-Asian cast so that I could really embrace my ethnic background and help out some other Asian girls in the industry in the process. I am proud of being half Thai, and I wanted to celebrate that with a sexy film filled with a bevy of sexy Asian babes of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds. I had never done an all-Asian movie of my own, and this was a way to give back to my community and to please my Asian fans. For my perverted, horny husband who likes Asian women, this worked out too.

So in June 2004, we made both of our dreams come true when we shot Reign of Tera, which would become the most popular and bestselling film of my career. Evan wrote the script, which centered on me as the madam of this Asian love palace, which was a place where men would come and be worshiped and fucked by hot Asian girls. I handpicked the girls for the movie myself, including my old friend Charmane Star, as well as Lucy Thai, Lily Thai, Kianna Dior, Jade Hsu, Jayna Oso, Nyomi Marcela, Nautica Thorn, Mika Tan, Veronica Lin, and others. My dog Chopper also made his feature-film debut in Reign of Tera (not in a sex scene, though!).

We went all out for Reign of Tera. It was our first big-budget production for Teravision, and we paid attention to every little detail. I even had outfits custom made for all of the girls and even for Chopper. We had special sets built and found authentic ancient gongs to use in some scenes.

Reign of Tera featured my first orgy scene. It was yet another way to show off the new Tera. The scene featured me, Evan, and a bunch of the girls in the movie all in a bed, having sex with one another. My rule was still in place, though: No fucking other girls for Evan! He could only get his dick sucked. It was one big Asian free-for-all. I was fucking Evan. I was fucking girls. Girls were fucking one another. Girls were dildoing one another. One girl even had her foot in another girl’s pussy. It was crazy sex! We were all laughing and moaning and squealing with delight. This was Evan’s dream come true.

I felt on top of the world in that moment. It was really an empowering movie for me. I wasn’t just playing the role of this strong, confident, powerful, in-charge lady boss on top in the movie, but in real life as owner of Teravision, I was actually the strong, confident, powerful, in-charge woman on top. I finally felt like I was holding all the cards for once. In the moment of shooting this film, I felt like something magical was happening, and I was right. To this day, it’s the movie I’m most known for.

The next important film I made was Teradise Island: Anal Fever. It was important because it was my first true anal scene, and it’s rare to have the career I had without ever doing a scene like this. I say first “true” anal scene because as some of my hardcore fans will know, I did a small, low-budget film early in my career where a guy put his penis in my butt for a brief moment, but it wasn’t a full-fledged anal sex scene. There’s a big difference between a small little poke in the butt and the full-on anal pounding that I got in Anal Fever, so most of my fans and I consider this movie to be my true first anal film.

Evan was thinking strategically about my career. If we were going to reinvent me as a nastier, more hardcore version of myself, then giving my fans a proper, fully realized anal scene was definitely the next step.

We shot Teradise Island: Anal Fever and Teradise Island 2 over a one-week period in Maui, Hawaii, in August 2005. I figured if I was going to do anal, I might as well be doing it in a tropical paradise. And I was excited that I’d be doing my first filmed anal with my husband. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I loved surrendering myself to him, and I knew we’d shoot it in a really beautiful way.

But it wasn’t an easy shoot. We shot on the beach at five in the morning and it was a bit chilly. Evan had a tough time staying hard at first because of the cold, sand was going up both of our cracks, and I was lying on these rocks for part of the scene, so it was difficult to get comfortable. But we nailed it.

Now that we were about a year into doing movies together, I was feeling a little more secure with Evan being a porn star. I started letting go of my old hang-ups with him and let him, for the first time, lick another girl’s pussy in this movie. It was a scene with Alexis Amore, and I wouldn’t let him fuck her, but I did let him go down on her. She was a good friend of mine, and I knew I could trust that she wouldn’t try to steal my husband and I was beginning to trust that Evan wasn’t going to leave me. The more open Evan and I got with our rules, the better our films were.

The next day after we shot those scenes, Evan and I snuck off and had a really nice romantic lovemaking session on the beach in the middle of the night. It was great to go from our hardcore, raunchy sex scenes for the movie to real, tender lovemaking in our real life. We had such a great sexual balance and were both fulfilling every fantasy we ever had.