Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn

CHAPTER 24 Back to My Roots

One night in bed Evan said to me, “You know what? You’re a porn star. And porn stars don’t only fuck their husbands on camera. It’s not that I want to share my wife with anyone, but I know you love me and I know it would be just for our business. I think you should start doing other guys again on film.”

I didn’t know if he was the most selfless husband in the world or the craziest. What man wants his woman to do other guys? At first I was like, “No way. I just don’t want to sleep with another man. I’m married to you. I only want you.”

I wasn’t ready to share myself. Here I was with my husband, enjoying being married. We’d just had the best sex, we had the best of everything, and now he was telling me that I needed to bang other guys. In my mind there wasn’t one guy I wanted to fuck in the business. Been there, done that.

I didn’t want to question Evan wanting me to work with other men again, because it’s different in porn. He knows and I know that having sex on camera is just work. It’s just another day at the office for us. It wasn’t like I was picking up some hot guy at Quizno’s and saying, “Hey baby, wanna fuck?” You have a different mind-set when you work in porn. And even though on an intellectual level I knew that, deep down I was emotionally torn over it.

But I gave it some thought and I agreed that my fans were getting bored of seeing me fuck my husband movie after movie. It was time for me return to my roots and be the full-fledged porn star who does everyone and (almost) everything. The problem was that at the time I didn’t think there were any cute guys with big dicks who I’d be attracted to in the industry.

“Baby, you can choose any guy in the world that you want to work with,” Evan reminded me.

I was worried about betraying my husband. I worried that I was going to do it and he was going to be angry with me because he was a little insecure about me doing it. As much as he was trying to talk me into it, he could be jealous sometimes too. Jealousy is natural, of course, when you’re talking about your wife fucking another guy. He was like, “I don’t really want to share my woman with anybody, but I trust you and I love you, and your fans will love this.”

We spent days looking through some porn websites to find me the right guy. I wasn’t too picky, but I did want a guy who was taller than me. I decided on Tommy Gunn. Tommy Gunn is from New Jersey and he looks it, showing off the guido look to full effect. He is a real macho guy with short spiky brown hair, tanned skin, and usually some sort of facial hair like a goatee. More important, he has a rock-hard body and a pretty big dick—eight inches to be exact. He looked good to me, and it didn’t hurt that he was one of the most popular guys in the industry at the time, all of the girls liked him, he had a good reputation, and Evan trusted him.

Steve Hirsch at Vivid chose the second guy in the film: Jean Val Jean. He was a six-foot-two French guy with long, flowing, Fabio-like hair and a model-esque face. He was a little too pretty for me, but he worked great for the movie because he was tall, handsome, and made the director, Paul Thomas, happy.

Steve already had a movie in mind for me to do: Tera Patrick’s Fashion Underground, a feature film where I was a supermodel and the head of my own modeling agency. It was to be my next big Vivid/Teravision movie for 2006. We shot it on January 13, 2006, and I got paid a lot of money for it. It ended up winning an AVN Award for Best Cinematography.

To make it more comfortable for both of us, the director of the film, Paul Thomas, was going to let Evan direct the boy-girl scene instead of Paul doing it himself. Actually, when I think about it, having Evan direct the scene was easier for Evan, but it actually made me nervous as hell. It was weird enough to be fucking another guy for the first time in four years, yet another thing to have my husband in the room watching, but having him behind the camera directing us on what to do was a bit unnerving.

The first position we filmed was doggy-style, and I was getting into it and trying to ignore the fact that my husband was right there. As Tommy and I were fucking, I turned around to look at him and I kissed him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Evan’s face drop. He was like, “Whoa.” I didn’t even think that a kiss would affect him more than fucking, but when you think about it, kissing and fucking don’t always go together. “Oopsie,” I thought.

Then I hear Paul Thomas say to Evan, “Wow. I guess she really is into it.” Evan looked a little disturbed, so for the rest of the scene, I made sure not to kiss Tommy again. Actually, I felt weird throughout the rest of the scene, like I was holding back a little.

When the scene was over and I was in my dressing room, I saw Evan walking up the stairs toward my dressing room. He announced loudly to everyone to clear the set and looked mad as hell. I thought he was going to scream at me for something. But instead, he didn’t say a word. He just took off his clothes, grabbed me forcibly, and fucked the hell out of me. I guess he had to mark his territory. And it creeped me out to see him that jealous and take such control.

We talked about it afterward and he was like, “You kissed him. You kissed him.” Kissing is very intimate, so I agreed never to kiss another performer again. He never brought it up again. He said that he didn’t want to hold me back as a performer, but kissing was off limits.

I definitely had a hard time getting through the rest of the movie. My scene with Jean Val Jean was really cold. I didn’t get close to him. I wasn’t really into the scene. But at the end of the day, Evan and I were on the same page about what was needed for my career and what would be best for Teravision. And Evan had had to make some hard, selfless decisions that ended up paying off big-time in terms of us growing our business… and our bank accounts.

I was really proud of the work I was doing with Vivid and Teravision. It felt like the drama with Digital Playground was light years behind me. I felt relieved, but I also felt a sense of vindication. I won. I was able to not just be successful on my own, but to find even greater heights of success and satisfaction by doing it my way. I could do porn, be in love, and have it all. Sinner takes all!