Surrender to Love

11

Jon wasn’t sure whether he should be thrilled or freaked the hell out. Patti’s idea of fun was heart-stopping torture for him.

Standing tall, his chest out and his chin held high, no one would be the wiser that he was on the verge of having a total meltdown. Trying not to put her hand in a death grip, Jon allowed Patti to drag him toward the Raceway gates. The ticket master, a paunchy, middle-aged man with a comb over held out his hand, and she dropped two tickets into his sweaty palm.

“Enjoy the race,” the man said in a monotone voice that suggested he hated every single moment of his job.

Patti’s head twisted around and she beamed up at him. “Ready?”

Not in the slightest, but he bobbed his head anyway. “Absolutely. Lead the way.”

Unlike the races he’d attended in the past, the stands weren’t overly packed. There were bodies sprinkled around the bleachers overlooking the strip of pavement below, but there were wide-open spaces available, making it look as though it were on the verge of being empty.

“Drag racing isn’t as big as NASCAR or Indy, but they still have a pretty strong fan base,” Patti explained as they made their way down.

He didn’t need the explanation. Jon knew everything there was to know about the sport, but he kept his lips sealed.

His anxiety crept higher with each step they took. By the time Patti selected a row of empty benches, they were a mere three levels above where the action would take place.

“So,” Patti said as she settled in and crossed her legs. “What do you think? Are you surprised?”

Jon cast a look around. On the strip below were two paved lanes that extended from one end of the arena to the other. At the head sat two souped-up cars surrounded by various crewmembers responsible for the success of each race.

“It’s great.” Leaning in, he placed a gentle kiss against her lips. “Thank you.”

As he pulled away, he noticed the slight crease that had formed between her brows. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” he assured her. Reaching up, he smoothed a finger over the tiny furrow. He knew she was picking up on his apprehension and that was the last thing he wanted to have happen.

“Sometimes I forget that not everyone gets as excited about cars as I do,” she continued, worry making her voice pitch a little higher.

“I like cars,” Jon returned.

“Well, duh,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Doesn’t every guy like cars?”

Jon lifted his shoulder. “I doubt that every guy does, but I definitely do.”

Patti turned to him with a serious expression on her face. “Jon, you drive a Ford.”

Jon leaned in. “Yes,” he agreed with an equally serious face. “But I used to drive a ’71 Dodge Challenger.”

A knowing smile stretched across his face at Patti’s sudden intake of breath. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you just got a hundred degrees hotter.”

Covering her knee with his hand, Jon let his palm smooth up her bare thigh. Pressing the side of his body against hers, he clasped her neck with his free hand, drawing her closer. His lips met hers in an open-mouth kiss and when their tongues touched, he released a moan from the surge of pleasure that shot straight to his crotch.

Breaking away before he took her right there, Jon licked the sweet taste of her strawberry lip balm from his lips. “I hope you don’t have any plans after this, because after that kiss I’m not letting you go any time soon.”

Patti’s response was drowned out by the sudden ear-splitting roar of two very powerful engines. Jon gave her knee a squeeze and tried to ignore the pounding of his heart as he turned his attention to the race below.

A pristine white Mustang with two thick, black racing stripes running down the center that harkened back to the eighties, rolled up alongside a mint condition Camaro painted a cherry red from the same era. Their engines purred as they aligned themselves with the starting line on the narrow drag strip. Between them, a tower of lights that resembled a Christmas tree flicked to yellow.

Heart hammering in his chest, Jon braced himself.

As a kid, he’d always been a fan of anything having to do with cars. He had an extensive collection of Matchbox, which later grew to include Hot Wheels, until the day he’d gotten his driver’s license, and his dad had surprised him with a sweet ’82 Firebird for his sixteenth birthday. His mother hadn’t been too thrilled about it, convinced that he’d wreck it the minute he set tire to pavement, but he’d surprised them all by lasting a whole four and a half months before wrapping it around a median.

Undeterred, he’d saved up enough money working odd jobs all over town to purchase the Charger. Soon thereafter, he’d developed a love of speed along with other boys his age, and to feed their appetites, they’d pooled their time and resources into putting together a makeshift track that used to serve as a horse run up at an old abandoned farm. It was in the middle of nowhere, so they never had to worry about the cops showing up unexpectedly, but in the end, that had ended up being their downfall.

Despite the sickening feeling drawn up by his past, Jon couldn’t deny the spark of intrigue he felt niggling at the base of his brain. The deep growl of the engines made his chest tight and the smell of burning rubber that hung in the air was a seductive tease to his senses. It was appalling and alluring all at once—the last things Jon ever wanted to feel again.

Deep down, Jon knew his feeling about the race, and cars, and everything that the two entailed stemmed from the bone-deep fear that had settled in long ago. He’d been reckless then, and he’d built a wall to prevent himself from repeating past mistakes, but he always knew it would just be a matter of time before he’d be forced to face it. He’d just hoped like hell that day would never come.

Now that he found himself sitting there, a beautiful woman on his arm who wore a smile so big it was damn near painful to witness, Jon felt torn.

Ahead, the lights flicked down. When the green light flared, the cars’ tires screamed, kicking up large plumes of white smoke. Then they shot off down the track. Jon’s jaw clenched.

On the one hand, Jon knew the reason for the gut-wrenching fear and guilt assailing him as the cars sped by was left over from the past that he’d tried to bury and forget. Clearly, that hadn’t worked out so well. On the other hand, Jon wanted nothing more than to keep that illuminating, excitement-filled smile on Patti’s face.

As he stared at her profile, taking in the gentle slope of her nose, the roundness of her cheeks, the curve of her lips as they turned up at the corners, and how they shifted with each new expression, he realized with sudden clarity that his fear had nothing to do with the cars or the speed. It had everything to do with the damage he’d sustained to his mind and soul that night.

He’d made himself into a victim. That’s what everyone had told him, but he was only now realizing it. He’d set aside everything that had ever held his interest. He’d cleaved away the one thing he’d ever truly been passionate about like a rotten limb. The severance had left a hollow place inside of him where the painful memories echoed like hungry ghosts.

No more.

Watching Patti now, her passion bleeding through in her every move and shout of joy, Jon knew the only way to enjoy life was by living it.

He hadn’t lived life for more than five years.

Maybe his mother was right. Maybe the time for punishing himself was over. Maybe he needed to look toward the future and stop living in the past. What was it doing for him anyway, besides giving him an ulcer?

Jon made a pact with himself at that moment and there to put aside the past and make the best of it. Patti had gone out of her way to surprise him, and he appreciated the effort. Besides, it was clear to him that this was something that made her happy, and he wasn’t about to do anything that would put a damper on their date.

He’d been lucky to find someone like her. Someone who enjoyed the same things he did. To share something you love with another person, someone you welcomed spending your time with, connected with on a deeper level, was special. He wouldn’t take it for granted, and he’d be damned if he let her slip through his fingers.

It was incredibly cliché, but Patti made him want to be a better man.

They’d opted not to enter the burn out area where people from the stands had gathered after the races to meet the drivers and get their autographs, but that didn’t hinder her good mood in the slightest. Patti felt like she was on top of the world, her natural high making her feel giddy and light as a feather as they traveled the road toward home.

“That was amazing!” Patti thumped the wheel with her hand. “Wasn’t that so cool? I haven’t been to a race since before my dad died. I almost forgot how much I loved them.”

“Yeah, it was pretty neat,” Jon said, keeping his eyes glued to the road. Patti was too busy reliving every moment of the past two hours to notice how rigid his body was or the tight clench of his jaw. “Maybe you could slow down a bit?”

“I think my favorite was the Nitro. That Cougar stood no chance against that beast. None.” Closing in on the tail end of a minivan, Patti flicked a look over her shoulder and quickly switched lanes. “So who was your favorite? And don’t say the Volkswagen.”

“It was the Camaro, actually.” He reached over and laid his hand on the top of her thigh. “But hey, the races were over twenty minutes ago. What do you say we take it back a notch?”

Patti swung a glance at him, then down to the speedometer. “What? I’m barely going eighty.”

“That’s fifteen over the speed limit.”

An amused chuckled spilled out. “What are you, an old man now?” Honestly, she didn’t know why he was acting so uptight. Maybe he was one of those guys who thought women couldn’t, or shouldn’t be driving. Well, she had a squeaky-clean driving record and she’d gladly shove in his face.

“No,” Jon said slowly, “I just don’t see the need to rush. We have the rest of the day to spend together.”

“I know I have a bit of a lead foot,” Patti explained, trying to keep her patience. She was verging on being offended. “But I’m an excellent driver. I’ve never been in an accident, never even came close. I know how to handle myself on the road.”

Jon’s thumb traced small circles on her skin. It felt so good, giving her tingles everywhere. “I never said you weren’t. In fact, I can see that you’re a good driver, but there’s always a first time for everything.” He turned his soft blue eyes on her. “Let’s just slow down, okay?”

Patti glanced from the road to him and back again, and frowned as her mind was carried away. “Was that supposed to be a pun? Are you saying we’re moving too fast?” She mentally counted off all of their dates and, since this was only their second one, concluded that it was impossible. They’d barely spent enough time together to get to know one another let alone need to dial it down a notch.

“It’s not a pun. I’m strictly talking about the car.”

Patti felt her stubborn streak kick in. While a part of her wanted to slow down to please him, another part shouted at her not to give in to him. She’d always hated being told what to do, and although she recognized that Jon wasn’t being pushy in any way, her knee-jerk reaction to please him made her cringe. She’d spent far too much of her life catering to men, so why should she concede now?

“Why is this so important to you,” she questioned, weaving in and out of traffic. “Don’t you trust me?”

Jon’s free hand came up to grip the door handle, the only physical sign that he was bothered by her driving. “I trust you fine; I just don’t think we need to break any laws to shave a few minutes off our drive time.”

“Would you prefer if I had let you drive?” Patti’s teeth grit together. She saw a small opening in the next lane. It was rush hour and traffic was wall to wall. The space would close up in a heartbeat. While she could have waited it out in favor of something that wasn’t on the verge of qualifying as death-defying, she felt the need to prove to Jon that she possessed the skills to make that leap…and maybe she wanted to see just how much “trust” he really had in her, too.

Pressing the gas pedal, the car shot forward. The bumper came so close to the car in front of them that the hood concealed the other car’s license plate. Beside them, the cars moved at nearly the same pace, pushing forward slightly and then retreating, shrinking and widening the gap she was aiming for.

“What are you doing?” Jon’s face lined with worry.

Flipping on her blinker, Patti whipped into the next lane with barely a margin of error to account for. She sucked in a breath, feeling her heart gallop in her chest as the spike of adrenalin rushed through her veins.

“Jesus Christ!” Jon shouted. “Are you trying to get us killed?”

The proud smile Patti wore died instantly. The deep grooves of anger coupled with the dark look on his face made Patti’s stomach clench painfully. She let her foot up off the pedal. Cars zoomed by them, switching lanes as though they were going slow enough to bring traffic to a standstill. She knew how they felt. Just then, she felt like they were crawling down the highway, but the pit that had opened up in her stomach knocked the wind out of her, and she didn’t think she could keep up her normal pace even if she wanted to.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the pervading silence. Humiliation, bitter and strong, coated her insides. She’d never expected him to react so strong. Driving had always been her strong suit. Her dad taught her everything she knew. Now, that strength felt more like a weakness. It didn’t help that Jon’s hand had long ago left her, leaving her feeling bereft.

With one hand firmly gripping the wheel, she wrapped her arm around her waist. Impending tears burned the back of her throat and she swallowed convulsively. Stupid hormones. Sometimes it really sucked being a girl.

Jon didn’t speak right away, but when he did, he surprised her. “No, I’m sorry.” He released a long-suffering sigh and dragged his hands down his face. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Patti shook her head. “No, I should have been more considerate. I might like driving fast, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. I should have listened.”

Returning his hand to her leg, Jon squeezed. “No, really. When I say it wasn’t your fault, I mean it. It’s just me dumping my old hang-ups on you, and it won’t happen again.” Lifting his arm, he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck and kneaded the muscles. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

His soft voice coupled with his firm touch melted Patti’s resolve, and she leaned into him. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s really not, and like I said, it won’t happen again.”

“Okay.” Carefully shifting into the next lane, Patti took their exit.

“Do you still want to hang out with me?”

Pulling to a stop at a red light, Patti looked over at him. Jon sat there looking sheepish as ever. She smiled, and then sighed dramatically. “Well, since I’ve already cleared my schedule, I guess I have nothing better to do.”

“Ouch. Has anyone ever told you that you’re brutal?” he joked.

“Can’t say that they have.” But they’d called her worse.

Jon blew out a breath. “What do you say to picking up a movie or something? We can go back to my place, or yours, if you prefer. I’ll even whip you up some of my world-famous spaghetti.”

“Can spaghetti be famous?” Patti grinned.

Jon winked at her. “World famous, and when I make it, it can.”

Although Patti’s head was still reeling from their sudden shift from happy to mad to happy again, she knew that she wasn’t ready to call an end to their day. Like her, she got the impression that Jon was a passionate man, which made for passionate responses. It wasn’t the end of the world that they’d had a little meeting of the minds, and aside from her father, he was the only man who’d ever taken the time to admit when he was wrong. When it came down to it, that’s what sold her. Jon had strength of character that didn’t come along often, and she wanted more time to explore what he had to offer before she wrote him off.

Stretching her arm out, she rested her hand on his thigh and rubbed it suggestively. “Then I can’t wait to taste it.”