Surrender to Love

13

When Patti stepped out of the bathroom, Jon’s gaze shifted her way. Her breath stole right out of her from the hungry look she saw reflecting in his eyes.

He was lounging with his back against the pillows, his hands folded behind his head, and as she approached, he tracked her every move. Her head felt light as she climbed in beside him. She didn’t move to lie down or cuddle up against him as she would a lover for fear she would pass out. Or combust. Or both.

The sight of the man did crazy things to her, she was learning.

Jon patted the space beside him, the action making his bicep flex deliciously. “Come lie down with me.”

Patti stared at the space. A part of her—a huge part her—wanted to close that gap and take what he was willing to give, but another part of her wanted to run out the door and never look back.

Her eyes flicked up briefly, finding the door standing wide-open ready to receive her. She couldn’t decide. Stay or go? On the one hand, she could leave and save herself the heartache she knew would come, and on the other, she could stay and enjoy the body of the man who drove her insides wild and wait for the storm to roll in. The ball was in her court.

Unfortunately, or maybe very fortunately, Patti had always been a take the bull by the horns kind of girl. She laughed in the face of danger, plowing through every roadblock and warning sign she came across with little consideration to how she would come out of it on the other side.

Jon was dangerous to her health. She didn’t know much about him, but what she did know made her crave more. He was delicious in every way, from his sexy, mischievous smile to the jutting erection that bobbed as it strained to reach her when she dropped her gaze between his legs.

Her eyes traveled up his sleek body. Sometime after bringing her to his bed, he’d undressed. Now he lay there in a pair of baggy, gray cotton sweatpants and nothing else. His speed bump abs were on full display, as was the sexy V of his oblique arrowing an enticing path below his waistband.

He was the picture of eroticism, and the way his eyes darkened as she took him in sent a shiver of anticipation skittering down her spine.

“Do you like what you see?” His gruff voice brought her eyes back up to his, and Patti’s gut tightened. Stretching his arm out, Jon took her hand and drew it to his chest. Twisting around, Patti crawled over to him, following the movement, tucking herself up against his side.

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

“Good,” Jon said, pressing a tender kiss to her hair, “because so do I.” Tucking his finger under her chin, he drew her face up to his, forcing her to look at him. “I wasn’t joking when I said I wasn’t done with you.” His stony expression was unreadable. “I want to make love to you, Patricia, but I need to know if you want it too.” He dropped a kiss against her forehead. Another to her temple. His body twisted to its side, the hand under her chin sliding around her neck to cradle her head. His lips touched the tip of her nose, and his head dipped down to press another to the underside of her jaw.

Patti’s leg lifted of its own accord to hook over his hip, and her hand came up to wrap around the back of his bicep. She tilted her head back, giving him better access to her throat as he worked his way south.

Her breath stuttered out of her as her core contracted.

“Will you stay?” Jon asked as his tongue stroked a wet path to her collarbone. “Let me touch you? Will you let me crawl inside you and bury myself so deep there’s no part of you I won’t touch? Will you let me do that, Patricia? Will you let me make love to you?”

Patti’s ragged breaths made her feel light-headed and dizzy. Or maybe that was just him. Jon’s words made her blood rush south, leaving her brain dry as a desert on a hot summer day. She couldn’t think straight for how exquisite he felt against her. She held herself tighter to him, needing to feel every inch of him around her, on her, inside of her.

The smell of him, a faint mixture of soap and spicy cologne, drove her wild. She felt fevered as he continued to feather kisses over her skin, his mouth closing in on her swollen breasts.

“Patricia?” He burrowed his face between her breasts, muffling his voice.

Reminded of his questions, she sifted her fingers through his hair and pulled his head up so she could claim his mouth the same way she needed him to claim her body. “Yes. Yes,” she breathed hungrily. “Make love to me, Jon. I want you.”

Pleased with her response, Jon crushed his mouth to hers. His tongue licked the seam of her lips, and she opened to him. He slipped inside, making love to her mouth as their tongues touched and tasted.

Rolling her on to her back, Jon settled between her legs. His hips made slow circles, his hard cock pressing against her opening through the barrier of her shorts. The fabric dug in, rubbing her clit until she trembled.

Bracing himself on one arm, his free hand glided down her side. Where her shirt rode up to expose her soft belly, Jon’s fingers played with her sensitive flesh until she squirmed.

“Take this off,” he grunted, already leaning back to tear her shirt over her head.

Patti dropped back to the mattress, her head hitting the pillow with a soft thump, and she smiled up at him.

He sat there, in all his bare-chested glory, staring down at her with a look that said he wanted to gobble her up. Boy, she hoped he would.

Her legs were opened wide around his hips to accommodate him. Reaching behind him with both hands, Jon stroked light fingertips from her ankles up to her calves, tracing small circles of pleasure at the undersides of her knees. Patti’s legs twitched at the slight tickling sensation, and she bit down on her bottom lip to suppress the laugh that threatened to bubble out.

Jon’s hands grew rougher, more sure, as he dragged his palms over the tops of her thighs, coasting around to her inner thighs and stopping at the crease where they met her hips.

His chest rose and fell heavily, his nostrils flared, and his intense gaze burned through her clothing where they focused on her now throbbing pussy.

“These need to go, too.” Popping the snap open and jerking the zipper down, Jon helped her out of her shorts and flung them over his shoulder into the room.

Despite still being dressed in her bra and underwear, Patti felt exposed as Jon studied the plain white cotton covering her. He teased the top of her panties with one long finger, dipping between her skin and the fabric, scorching her with one simple, barely-there touch.

Goose bumps pebbled her skin, and Patti’s hips lifted slightly in a silent plea for more.

Jon’s eyes rose to meet hers and she sucked her lip in between her teeth when he bent forward to kiss her naked belly. He stretched out, pushing his long, lean body down the mattress until his feet hung over the edge. Patti peered down the length of her body, watching him as he placed his open mouth on top of her panties, over her core. His hot breath scalded her, and when he pressed the flat of his tongue to the fabric, against her swollen nub, Patti sucked in a breath and her hips tilted up to meet him.

Reaching over her head to grip the wooden slats of the headboard, Patti’s back arched up as excitement ripped through her like lightning.

Jon took his time, worshiping every inch of her body. He caressed her stomach, explored her with his tongue, and nibbled her ankles. At one point, he stopped to lift each of her feet and pressed his sturdy thumbs into her instep, massaging her until she felt limp, completely at his mercy.

“You are so…incredibly…sexy,” Jon said as he crawled up her body, punctuating his words with a kiss to her hip, the swell of her breast, and the pulse below her ear, before finally, blessedly, returning his mouth to hers, where he sucked and nipped and licked her breathless once more.

Patti relaxed into him, tucking her arms under his so she could wrap them around his wide back and feel the thick muscles flex and move under her hands.

The power harnessed there thrilled Patti down to her core. She’d always loved how a man could make her feel small and fragile, and Jon made her feel all of that and more. His body hemmed her in, heavy and hot, pressing her into the mattress. He swallowed her up and she clung to him so she wouldn’t disappear.

Lifting away from her and shifting to sit back on his legs, Jon moved his hands down her body, hooking his thumbs in her panties and shoving them down her thighs. She kicked them away and watched hungrily as he did the same, releasing his heavy erection, as he fell forward on top of her as though he’d missed the feel of her body in the few short moments they’d spent apart. Patti brought her legs back up and settled them around his hips, locking her heels against the backs of his powerful thighs. Her bra went next, cast away like an offensive rag.

A low growl ripped from his throat as Jon lowered his chest to hers, pressing them so tight together that not even a whisper of air would be permitted to linger.

Patti. Couldn’t. Breathe.

It wasn’t that he was crushing her. His weight on top of her felt incredible.

It wasn’t that he was hurting her. She was pretty sure anything he did to her was going to be fucking amazing. Emphasis on the fucking.

It wasn’t that she was panicking. There was nowhere she would rather be in that moment.

It was because she needed him to make love to her more than she needed her next breath.

And every languid touch and caress, and the very taste of her skin, was only prolonging the inevitable.

“Jon,” Patti huffed against his neck, and then stuck her tongue out to lick the corded muscles. “Please,” she begged. “Now. Please. I need you.” She lifted her hips, tilting her pelvis to give him a deeper cradle and welcome him inside. The tip of his cock prodded her entrance, but he held himself away from her, refusing to give her what she wanted. “Please.”

Jon’s arms tightened around her, squeezing her breaths out of her almost painfully. His body shook with tension. Then without a word, he rolled away, taking his weight and his warmth with him, leaving Patti cold, confused, and abandoned. He lay beside her, his arm tossed over his eyes, his breathing labored. Between his legs, his cock stood proudly, so why wasn’t he using it?

“Jon,” Patti asked, concerned. She reached out to him, and hesitated, her hand hovering in the air, afraid to touch him in case he bolted like a wild animal. She wasn’t sure what had caused the sudden shift in his behavior, and it worried her. Had she done something wrong? Should she leave after all?

“Are you okay?” she whispered. The air felt thick, stale, and oppressive, swallowing her words. She couldn’t help feeling like there was something seriously wrong going on.

Jon’s chest rose with a deep inhalation, and he blew it out slowly. “I’m sorry, Patti. I don’t think I can do this.”

His words were like a slap in the face, and Patti’s first instinct was to get angry. But more than anything, she wanted an explanation. “Okay,” she croaked, feeling humiliated. Here she was, practically throwing herself at him, and now he was rejecting her? Fan-flipping-tastic. “Did I do something wrong?”

He dropped his arm and pinned her with wide eyes. “Fuck no. Don’t ever think that.” Grabbing her around the waist, he pulled her down to him.

Patti went easily. As dejected as she felt at that moment, she wanted to be close to him. To have him soothe her.

His fingers bit into the top of her arm. He held her so tightly, she thought he might never let go. Looping her arm around his stomach, Patti rested her head against his chest, listening to the heavy heart beating underneath.

Worry continued to eat at her, but just being there, with him, like this, was enough to reassure her, however little, that whatever was going on had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. It gave her a small ray of hope that they might be able to get past it together.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked him. He opened his mouth, then shut it, and opened it again as though struggling to find the right words. Patti braced herself, her next breath being trapped in her throat as she waited.

“It’s not that I don’t want you,” he began, his voice tight. “I do. So much I have to take cold showers several times a day just to take the edge off.”

A small smile pricked at her lips. “Haven’t you…you know.” She let her hand trail softly down his stomach, but before she reached her destination, Jon seized her hand in his and brought it to his lips.

“I’ve done…you know,” he said meaningfully, “enough times to make myself go blind.”

Patti’s shoulders shook with laughter and she tilted her head back to look at him. “Then what’s wrong?”

He held her hand against his chest, his thumb rubbing back and forth across her knuckles. He looked down at their joined hands, and frowned. “You don’t know who I am, Patricia.”

“Then tell me,” she urged, lifting herself on to her elbow so she could look down at him.

A pair of sad blue eyes met hers, and Patti felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. There was so much emotion swimming in them, and she couldn’t begin to fathom what could have put it there.

“If I tell you, you’ll change your mind about being with me.” The surety in his voice dropped like a stone in her stomach.

“Well, I doubt that, but we’ll never know unless you tell me.” Draping herself over him so her leg twined with his, her elbows resting on either side of his head, she combed his hair back and looked him straight in the eyes. “I need you, Jon. I need you so bad my every cell aches for you.” She nuzzled her nose against his and breathed in his intoxicating scent. “Tell me so we can fix it.”

One arm came around her, holding her in place, while his other hand explored her curves. He skimmed the back of her arm, trailed lightly down her spine, and when he reached her ass, he gripped one cheek, pulling her in tighter so her clit scraped deliciously across his leg.

“I fuck up everything,” he said quietly, burying his face in her neck, concealing himself with the curtain of her long, blonde hair. “I’ve hurt people. I’ve ruined lives…” Pain, deep and profound, laced each of his words, touching Patti so deeply, that she felt the back of her throat begin to thicken and burn.

Kissing his forehead and temple, she repeated every one of his tender touches, lingering at his skin, hoping he would feel the sorrow inside of her.

What was this man doing to her? Never in her life had she experienced such an immediate, visceral reaction to anyone. She’d always been able to keep her head and her heart separate, but with Jon, it seemed impossible. There wasn’t a single part of her that this man didn’t touch.

It was both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

“We’ve all hurt someone,” she told him, kissing his lips softly. “We’ve all been hurt. It’s a fact of life that you can’t escape.”

“It’s not that simple,” he protested.

Pressing a finger to his lips, Patti silenced him. “It is that simple. You just have to learn to forgive yourself, and everything else will fall into place.”

“Is that what you do?” he asked, his brows pulling together. But to Patti, it didn’t sound like a true question. It was more like a hopeful challenge.

“I try,” she said sincerely. “If I dwelled on every single mistake I made in life, I wouldn’t have one. I’d never be happy.” She pressed a kiss to his face, over the tiny lines marring his forehead. “And I want to be happy.” Right then, the thing that would make her most happy was if he’d make love to her. By his slackening muscles, she sensed that she might be getting through to him, which was well worth a victory dance.

“Do you want to be happy?” she asked him, pausing to study his expression.

He peered up at her, his blue eyes intense, and she could practically see the war being waged in his mind. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he nodded. “Yeah, I want to be happy,” he said pulling her face down to his.

In one deft move, Jon flipped her on her back. His hand found the back of her knee and drew her leg up, tucking it under his arm so that it nearly touched her chest. Then he slid inside her slick, wet heat, burying himself as far as he could go.

Patti shouted as ripples of pleasure shot through her, and Jon made a manly grunting sound in the back of his throat. Slowly, he eased back, and then drove into her again, setting a torturous pace of slow and then fast, hard and deep, so she felt every thick inch of his throbbing erection.

Digging her nails into his back, Patti held on for dear life, panting and moaning, shouting his name when he pushed so deep, she felt him touch her womb. The bite of pain whipped through her, her muscles seized, clamping her inner walls down tight around him.

Jon’s guttural growl spoke to something deep inside of her, and when she felt him thicken as his orgasm approached, she felt her own answer the call.

Bringing both legs up as high as they could go, Patti locked her feet behind Jon’s back, allowing him to drive even deeper into her. They both cried out this time, the sheer force of the pleasure demanded them not to be silent.

With every thrust, Jon’s balls slapped against her ass. His pelvis rubbed against her swollen, needy clit, and the sounds of their wet flesh clapping together echoed around the room.

Jon’s arm snaked under her, lifting her bottom higher, angling her for a more direct contact. Then, just when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he bent his head to her shoulder and bit down.

Sparks flew behind Patti’s closed lids like a Fourth of July celebration. Her pussy contracted, clamping down on Jon’s cock and drawing out his own brutal release. She felt his hot seed spurt deep inside of her, filling her, and it sent off another round of spasms that made them both groan in ecstasy.

When they were both completely spent, Jon rolled to his side and gathered her to him. He kissed her deeply, spending what felt like hours nourishing her mouth with his loving kisses, until their lips were so bruised and swollen, that they were forced to stop. Only then did he press her face against his chest, and fall asleep in each other’s arms.