Surrender to Love

25

“I’ve tried calling her, but her phone is turned off. Please, Jules, if you know where she is, tell me.” Jon pleaded with Patricia’s best friend, desperate to find her. He’d already called her phone a hundred times over. The fact that they hadn’t been together long was finally setting in, as was the knowledge that he really didn’t know anything about her.

He knew her father was dead, but he’d never met her mother. He knew of her friends, had met them briefly, but he didn’t know where to find them or how to get a hold of any of them. Then he’d had an epiphany. He knew Tate, he knew Felix, and both men had women who were in tight with Patricia and her group. They were her friends.

Since he and Tate had been friends since childhood, and since they had recently reconnected after a falling out, he contacted him first, and it had paid off. Tate didn’t know where to look for Patricia, but his wife did.

She gave him the number for her friend, Jules, who he remembered as the woman he’d met at their baby shower. He called her immediately, but she was proving difficult.

“Well, Jon,” she said smartly, “if her phone is off, then I’m guessing she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“I get that,” Jon responded, being as calm as he could manage when he was hanging over the edge of the proverbial cliff by his fingernails. “But it’s a misunderstanding. I need to talk to her so we can clear it up. Just tell me where she is.”

“I can’t. It seems my psychic abilities are on the fritz today.”

Jon gritted his teeth. “Can you just take a guess, please? I’m begging here. I need to talk to her.”

“Mmm, I like a man who knows how to beg,” she purred, but her mood changed in the next instant, like the snap of a whip. “Look, Jon, I feel for your situation, I really do, but I can’t just hand out my friend’s personal information to a stranger. Especially when it’s a stranger who she’s trying to avoid, apparently. You’re going to have to come up with something better. Persuade me. Why should I tell you anything?”

Jon pushed his fingers through his hair as he scoured his brain for something to tell her that might sway her. He was sitting in his truck, parked in the middle of a doctor’s office parking lot where he’d stopped to think after driving around the city for over an hour searching for Patricia. He’d gone to her house first, already knowing she wouldn’t be there. Then he’d swung by Carnal, since that was the place they first met, but it was still closed and there was no sign of her car anywhere. That was it, he was at a total loss, and now he was here, on the phone with her friend, the only option he had left.

No thoughts came to him, and he blew out a heavy breath. What could he say to her to make her give him something, anything that might help him find her friend? Unlike him, she didn’t have anything to lose.

His gaze fell to where his right hand clenched the gearshift. Then he looked to the passenger seat where the tiny box sat. He’d tossed it there when he’d first climbed behind the wheel, having been too preoccupied with getting to Patricia rather than seeing what was inside. Now, curiosity arrested him. She had left it behind with Casey to give to him. He couldn’t imagine what was inside of it. It didn’t look like the kind of box that would hold jewelry, but he was certain that whatever it was, it would be invaluable to him.

He knew he should be focusing on answering her friend’s question, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this box and whatever was inside of it, was the most important thing just then.

He reached for it, picking it up and turning it over in his hand, taking its measure, making a dozen guesses about what could be inside, and knowing that none of them even came close to what it actually was.

“Hello,” Jules was saying in his ear, trying to regain his attention. “Hey, are you ignoring me? I asked you a question, dumbass.”

Jon wasn’t hearing anything she said. He was too busy staring at this little box. He had an inexplicable feeling that once he opened that lid, everything was going to change. It was unsettling. His heart pounded in his chest, in his temples, so loud it drowned out the world around him.

It was just him and the box.

With trembling hands, Jon held his breath and lifted the lid.

“Booties.” The word left his lips on a hushed whisper.

“Excuse me?” Jules sounded as confused as he felt.

His voice grew stronger. “Booties. She gave me booties.” Hooking his finger through the tied laces, he lifted the small, white baby booties from their nest of cotton batting and held them aloft in front of his face. They swayed, entrancing him as he puzzled over their meaning. Why the hell would she give him baby booties?

Again, Jules was yapping in his ear, but he tuned her out, too busy thinking. Wrapping his fingers around the tiny shoes, Jon looked to the box for more clues, although if he were being honest, he already knew their meaning, he just wasn’t ready to face it yet.

Inside, resting on top of the square piece of batting was a distinctive black and white photograph. Jon’s heart slammed against his ribcage as he carefully peeled it from the box, careful not to tear the edges.

The photo was grainy and there wasn’t a single identifiable thing about it, but he knew instantly what it meant. He scanned the white edges where information had been typed out and saw Patricia’s name. Below that, in the top left corner, were the words ‘Baby’s First Photo’. Holy crap, he was going to be sick.

Patricia was pregnant?

He was going to be a father?

A million doubts flooded his thoughts, along with a million questions.

“I need to talk to her, Jules,” he growled, determination causing his insides to flare with tension. “I love her. Tell me where she is.”

“You love her?” she asked.

Why was it that women’s minds always snagged on that word? “Yeah, I love her.”

She gave a resigned sigh. “I don’t know where she is exactly, but I can tell you where she might be.”

After explaining her theory, Jon took off. Already very familiar with the location, he didn’t need directions. For the first time in years, Jon broke his rules along with every rule in the city, and gunned it.

Patti sat on the ground, her legs folded like a pretzel and her fingers plucking the blades of grass that sprouted up in between. It was so peaceful here. The weather was warm and the sun shone bright, but the canopy of trees kept her from baking. She closed her eyes as a gentle breeze coasted across her body, her face, combing through her hair like gentle fingers.

This was her escape.

When the entire world went to shit around her, she knew she could always find some sense of solace with her father. He had always been, and always would be, her soft place to fall.

She just wished she could still feel his arms around her, and hear his soft words in her ear, soothing her. Every time she thought the pain of his death had finally gone away, it surprised her to find that it was as fresh as ever.

“I hate you for leaving me,” she told him, tearing out a handful of grass. She knew she shouldn’t have said it, but she was so angry with him. It killed her to feel that way, and she had never admitted it to anyone, not even Jules, who she knew would understand and support her. It felt like a betrayal to feel that way about someone who had always been her biggest champion. It felt wrong because he couldn’t even defend himself, but she hated him all the same.

He’d left her. He’d left her because he was careless, stupid, and selfish. He’d robbed her and her mother of him, and she had never forgiven him for that. She wasn’t sure she ever would.

“Mom was right, wasn’t she? That car was more important to you.” She gave a sad shake of her head. “I always tried so hard to be the person you wanted me to be. I made good grades, I stayed out of trouble, and I took an interest in everything you did. I guess I succeeded didn’t I?” she questioned with a humorless laugh. “Mom said I’m just like you, and I suppose she’s right. I took that damn car and I made it my pride and joy, and look where it’s gotten me. I’ve lost the one person I think could have made me really happy. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s so intense and passionate and I think he really saw me.”

Her eyes squeezed tight, trying to hold back the flood of moisture welling in them. It was only then that she realized that her whole life had been a lie. “I used to think you were the only person who ever knew and accepted the real me, but I don’t even know the real me. I spent so much time trying to please you that I never got to know who Patti was.”

She felt so completely alone in that moment that she finally did cry. It was the worst feeling she ever had, being cast out into the world having no idea whom she was, and with so many questions bouncing around in her head. The only thing she knew for sure was what she wanted, and it looked like that wasn’t going to happen. She was on her own.

“I know I can’t blame you for everything. I’m my own person and I’ve made many mistakes. I would never give up the time we spent together, but I just wish things could have been different. Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to your headstone.” Smoothing her fingers across the engraved lettering, she asked him, “Do you even know I’m here?”

Her hand dropped. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if he were going to give her an answer.

“I should probably get going,” she muttered. As she stood up to brush dirt from her pants, she hesitated. “I’m sorry things got so heavy today, Daddy. I just needed someone to talk to that would listen and understand, and you were always so good at that.” She smiled as she dropped down facing the gleaming black marker. “I have some good news, though,” she said, pausing for dramatic effect. “You’re going to be a grandpa.”

The excitement of her news faded as soon as the words left her mouth and she realized that her father would never get to meet him or her. He’d never get to hold them or take pictures with them or send them presents for their first Christmas. It was just one more reason to be angry with him, but she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to focus on the negatives, because there had been far too much of that in her life already. She just wanted to be happy.

“Don’t worry, Daddy,” she told him. “I’ll make sure he or she knows who you are. I’ll tell them all about you and what an amazing person you were. I’ll tell them so much about you that they’ll feel like you’ve been there all their lives. But you will be there, won’t you, in your own way.” Kissing her fingertips, she pressed them to the cold stone, spoke her goodbyes, and turned to leave.

She hadn’t taken more than a few steps when she looked up to find a familiar face staring back at her. “Jon, what are you doing here?” she asked, her knees wobbling slightly from just the sight of him.

He’d parked his truck on the path behind her car. He looked so good dressed in a pair of light blue jeans that hung low on his tapered hips and a simple white T-shirt. His big body leaned against the side of the truck, and he didn’t take his eyes off her for a second as she made her way over to him.

“Why didn’t you wait for me?” His voice was low and gritty, and it made Patti shiver.

It took her a moment for his meaning to sink in. “You seriously think I would want to stay and wait for you?” she asked, incredulous. “And do what? Catch up on the morning news with your girlfriend, no, thanks.”

Jon’s mouth curved up in mild amusement. “So I was right.”

Patti could feel herself growing irritated. “Right about what?”

“Tell me, Patricia, when she opened the door, were you pissed off, or just plain jealous?”

Patti narrowed her eyes, anger suffusing her every cell. How dare he make fun of her? Is that what he had come here for, to grind it in that he had so easily replaced her? “You’re an asshole,” she told him, and spun around, determined to get the hell out of there before she burst into tears and embarrassed herself further.

Patti felt the heat from Jon at her back and felt the grip of his hand on her arm as he spun her back around and pressed her up against the side of his truck. “Not so fast,” he said, framing her in. She almost forgot how incredibly blue Jon’s eyes were. The intensity in them held her prisoner as he stared down at her. “We have some things we need to talk about.”

“I think I’ve said everything.” Patti sneered, trying and failing to break free of his cage. His arms were like steel bands, pinned to the truck panel on either side of her. She wasn’t going anywhere.

“Well, I haven’t,” Jon returned fiercely. He lowered his head so that they were face-to-face, so close that Patti could feel his warm breath on her skin when he talked. “Since you don’t have anything to say to me, I’ll talk and you’ll listen. That woman you met was my sister,” he blurted, laying it all out there for her.

Patti’s heart skidded to a halt as she tried to rework the wiring in her brain to accept his admission. His sister? How could that…Wait, was that why she felt like she had seen her before? But she knew they had never met. She racked her brain as Jon continued.

“There’s no other woman for me, Patricia,” Jon said, tucking her hair behind her ear. The gesture was so tender that Patti had to fight not to lean into his touch. “You’re the only woman I want, the only woman I’ll ever want. You’re my heart, Patricia. You’ve healed it and you alone have the power to destroy it.”

Patti looked up at him with accusation in her eyes. “You turned your back on me.”

Jon’s face twisted and he shifted to cup her face in both of his large hands. “Baby, believe me when I tell you, I had no idea when I walked away how much you meant to me. I have never been so torn apart by anything or anyone before you. I’m only sorry that it took losing you to realize that.”

Without thinking, Patti’s hands found Jon’s shirt. She gripped the soft cotton in her fists, focusing on the heavy rise and fall of his chest as she tried to sort out her thoughts. That past week had armed her with so much, from her talk with her mother to the heart-to-heart with her father, she felt like she finally had the courage to face her demons head-on.

Her father wasn’t perfect. Neither was Jon. She already knew that she loved Jon more than she had ever loved another man. It wasn’t difficult to see that if she let him walk out of her life now, she would be losing a chance at something great.

Plus, Jon was the father of her unborn child. There was no way she could let him go without first giving their relationship a fighting chance. She owed it to herself to try.

“I’m scared, Jon,” she admitted, pulling him closer. Her eyes shined as she looked up at him. “But I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh, baby, never,” Jon said, his voice catching as he dipped his head and captured her mouth. “You’ve got me. You’ve got me,” he repeated.

Patti clung to him, pouring all of her love into her kiss. Jon didn’t kiss her softly or gently, but devoured her mouth in a kiss so passionate and hungry that Patti’s entire body trembled. When he pulled away, they were both breathing heavily and Jon had to keep one arm around Patti’s waist to hold her up.

“I love you,” Jon said, stroking her cheek.

“Ditto,” Patti said, smiling at him. Jon released a long, heavy breath that told Patti that he was building up to something. “What’s wrong,” she asked worriedly.

The corner of Jon’s mouth tipped up. “I was just bracing myself.”

“For what?”

“For meeting your dad.”

Patti’s eyes welled. Taking his hand in hers, she stepped away from the truck. “Come on.” She led him across the manicured lawn. When they stopped in front of her father’s grave, she gave Jon’s hand a squeeze. It was crazy, but standing there made her feel like she was a teenager again. Nerves made her voice small as she said, “Daddy, I’d like you to meet Jonathon Bradshaw.” Her gaze lifted as she fell into Jon’s warm blue eyes that shone with adoration and reflected back what she felt in her heart a hundred fold. It gave her the courage she needed as she held his eyes and told her father, “The father of my baby.”