The Accidental Further Adventures of the Hundred-Year-Old Man

USA

‘What the hell?’ said President Trump, to National Security Advisor H. R. McMaster, who had just replaced National Security Advisor Michael T. Flynn, who had, of course, turned out to be a security risk.

The issue was that Fox had just put up a clip from a so-called press conference in North Korea, and Breitbart News had followed up with an article on the same topic. And with that, the president knew all that was worth knowing about the issue, except for the whole situation as such.

That bitch Wallström from Sweden had nagged her way to a secret meeting with Kim Jong-something in… whatever the capital of North Korea was called. And then she’d stood up next to him on North Korean TV! How stealthy did she think that made her, that goddamn nutcase? And as if that wasn’t enough, she had hugged, on live TV, a Swiss Communist who was there to upgrade the North Korean nuclear weapons programme.

‘Well,’ said Lieutenant General McMaster. ‘She didn’t hug the Swiss Communist. Breitbart might have been mistaken on that point.’

The president waved away the security advisor’s comment. He would have to twist that Wallström’s nose when she got back, but who was the Communist she’d hugged?

‘Didn’t hug, as I said.’

President Trump spent some moments swearing about the self-righteous Swiss before he realized he should give them a call. He picked up the phone and ordered his secretary to get him a line to the president of Switzerland on the double.

‘And find out his name while you’re at it,’ he said to the secretary, who said his name was Doris Leuthard and, given the first name, was likely a she. ‘Another bitch? You can bet your ass on it. Well, come on, make the call!’

‘It’s two in the morning in Europe, sir,’ said the secretary.

‘Good,’ said President Trump.