The Beginning and the End

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The next week, at the usual time, he paid Farid Effendi a visit. Since Farid Effendi and Salem, the youngster, were not at home, he was alone with Bahia and her mother, and the father’s absence afforded him an unusual degree of liberty. Bahia appeared in a brown dress, with a decorative fanlike silk frill attached by means of a clip to the lower part of the collar, the wings spreading out upon her bosom. Once invited, she had only to put on her overcoat to be ready to go with him to the cinema. But today he had absolutely no intention of inviting her. Nefisa’s voice still echoed in his ears. After giving him a ten-piaster piece, she had warned, “This is for your outing alone!”

But Nefisa was not the only reason. In fact, he lacked the guts to appear again with Bahia in front of his classmates. He had thought she was the most beautiful girl. But then, his eyes were not open, and the sarcastic remarks of his classmates testified to his blindness. As he looked closely at her, their eyes met, and his dark thoughts disappeared. Blood boiled in his veins and a reckless desire surged up in his chest. There was no doubt she was at once beautiful and luscious. But how could he possibly disregard the appalling fact that he must avoid appearing with her in public? As Bahia’s mother continued to converse with him, she noticed his absentmindedness and curt replies.

“Master Hassanein,” she wondered, “what’s the matter with you? You look worried!”

Disconcerted, he became aware of his surroundings and said, as if apologetically, “Our training last week was so strenuous that we left the College almost dead.”

More attentive, he took an active part in the conversation, until the mother excused herself to perform the prayers, leaving him alone with the girl.

“What’s wrong with you?” the girl asked.

“Nothing!” he said, smiling to dispel her doubts.

“But you’re not normal today.”

Alone with the girl and under the sway of his surging passions, a cunning idea suggested itself to him. Pretending to be sad, he said, “I can’t forget your reserve toward me.”

“Again, the same old subject?”

“Of course! It’s my right and I won’t give it up as long as I live.”

“I thought we’d finished with this,” the girl said beseechingly.

“You baffle me. All my classmates have fiancées, but, unlike you, they don’t deny them their right to kisses and embraces.”

Her face flushed; she murmured, “They are different from me, and I’m different from them.”

That was true. Perhaps his classmates emphasized it too much. Ironically, he thought, she was unaware of the implication of her words! But before he could reply, she quickly changed the drift of the conversation. “Are you going to the cinema?” she asked.

He understood that she was paving the way for an invitation. He was filled with annoyance and embarrassment. But as concern outweighed embarrassment, he said, “No. I’ve an appointment with some of my classmates.”

Shyly, she lowered her eyes. A painful silence prevailed.

“What was your family’s reaction to our going to the cinema together?” she asked him.

Taking advantage of her question as a convenient pretext to avoid speaking of such matters, he said, “Nothing worth mentioning — except that my mother was upset because I asked you to violate the tradition of your respectable family!”

“There’s nothing indecent about respectable families allowing their daughters to go to the cinema,” she said coldly.

“Likewise, there’s nothing indecent in embraces and kisses. But, like my mother, you don’t believe in it!”

Ignoring his insinuation, she inquired, “Did she tell you not to take me to the cinema again?”

“No! But she’s afraid I might unintentionally offend your respectable family.”

“Didn’t you tell her of my parents’ approval?”

“Yes, I did. But she believed they approved out of embarrassment.”

“Should I understand from this,” Bahia inquired, “that we won’t go out together after today?”

Incapable of confronting her with his innermost thoughts, he said, “No. We’ll go out whenever we like.”

No sooner had he uttered these words than he regretted them. Shyly smiling, she said in a low voice, “I thought we’d go today to the cinema.”

He thought about inviting her. Although it softened his feelings, he refused to surrender to them. “But for this appointment I told you about…” he said.

“Ah! Of course, your appointment is more important than taking me to the cinema!”

“That isn’t true, but I’m bound by my previous appointment. Besides…besides, it might not be advisable within such a short time to do again what my mother considers a violation of traditions.”

Shaking her head, she said with a sad smile, “Then it’s not the appointment that stops you!”

“No. For both reasons,” he answered with resignation. “Excuse the old-fashioned mentality of my mother.”

For the first time, unable to contain her emotions, she said, “Why, then, do you allow Nefisa to go out every day?”

Resenting her tone and offended by the implication of her words, he retorted rather sharply, “Nefisa goes out for work; otherwise she would stay at home.”

“I didn’t mean to offend anybody,” she said to him tenderly. “I just wanted to say that going out doesn’t shame anyone.”

Silence prevailed until they heard the returning footsteps of Bahia’s mother. “Hassanein, are you angry?” Bahia asked worriedly.

Because of her mother’s arrival, he could not answer her, but his tender smile restored her confidence. Hassanein remained with them for an hour; then, bidding them goodbye, he went away.