The Boudoir No.1

THE EFFECT OF FRENCH NOVELS UPON THE TICHBORNE TRIAL; OR "WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN"

"Neither June, nor rain, nor thunder

Shall utterly efface I ween

The thought of that which 'might have been.'"

Coleridge ("Crystabel") Said Kenealy, from drinking and smoking and snuff,

Mortality, suffer a shock;

But build up a Roger, they are not enough;

You must call in the aid of De Kock.

With the aid of translations,

I'll prove it, I say, I'll prove it as sure as the clock;

That Tichborne became such a mauvais sujet,

Through reading the works of De Kock.

"Seduction made easy" and "Vice Harmless Sport"

Are his teachings, our morals to shock;

"Then 'twere best," said the Chief,

"to keep ladies from Court While you are translating De Kock."

So next day an order was posted which ran,

"No ladies before twelve o'clock";

And Kenealy appeared and straightway began,

To recite from the works of De Kock.

But though 'reft of ladies, silk gowns did abound,

And stuff-on the back on the back of black coats;

And Chief, Bar, and Jury sure never were found,

So earnest in taking down notes.

The extracts, so spicy, so naughty, but nice,

The Chief, Bar, and Jury's ears thrill;

They were charmed with Mon Voisin, and silent as mice

When he opened the "Maide of Belleville."

"I could listen all day," said the Chief, with delight.

Said Mellor, "I don't care a rush,

If Paul De Kock takes up a week or a fortnight";

"It's capital, really," said Lush.

Thought the Jury, "it's certainly far more amusing,

On a morning in sultry July,

To list to French novels than hear the abusing

Of Jesuits, Priests, and such fry."

But, Dr. Kenealy, could you but have known

The effect of your choice recitation;

The Bar is not marble, nor soldiers alone

The combustible part of the nation.

For alas! That Palladium by Englishmen prized

Couldn't stand the assaults of the French;

The profligate writer soon demoralized

The Jury, the Bar, and the Bench.

"Don't you think it a shame to keep ladies from this?"

Said Lush, to the Chief, half aside;

"Parhleu and Mon Dieu!" said the Chief, "so it is,"

And he sent to invite them inside.

And adds, "Lest they're crowded in gallery high,

Politeness we'll learn from the French,

So, usher, the prettiest girls you can spy, Just offer a seat on the Bench."

Toute suite, with gay muslins, the Bench was o'er charged,

And the Chief, it may be, showed his taste,

When the rules of his court he forever enlarged,

And took Mabel Grey round the waist.

And Mellor was seen to nod, smirk, and gloat

On red cheeks and corked eyelids with glee;

And Lush found it difficult taking a note With Baby Thornhili on his knee.

Ancl the Jury sat grinning and winking their eye,

And decency treating with scorn,

While they chucked billets doux to the girls who were by

For appointments that night at Cremorne.

And then the infection ran all through the Bar,

And flirting and spooning began,

Till the ushers were pulled up for going too far,

In wanting to dance the Can-Can!