The Boudoir No.1

THE WITTY WIFE

A gentleman of very ancient family and considerable estate was married to a lady of beauty, wit, virtue, and good humour; but though he knew and acknowledged the merits of his wife, yet he was a man of so depraved a taste that the most dirty creature he could pick up frequently supplied her place.

It happened when they were at their country seat that riding one morning to take the air, as was his usual custom, he met a ragged country wench, with a pair of wallets, or coarse linen bags, thrown over her shoulder. He stopped his horse, and asked what she had got there? To which she replied, with a low courtesy after the fashion, that it was broken victuals; that her mother and she had no sustenance but what they got from the charity of the cooks at great gentlemen's houses, and that she was now going home with what they had given her. "You need not be in haste, I suppose," said he.

"If you will step with me into yonder field I will give you something to buy you a new gown."

The poor girl needed not much persuasion to bring her to consent, on which he alighted from his horse, and threw the bridle over a hedge stake — the girl at the same time hung

her bags on the pummel of the saddle, to prevent their coming to any harm, she then followed the gentleman a little way out of the road.

The horse, not liking his situation, found means to get loose and ran directly home. The lady by chance was at the window when he came galloping into the courtyard. She was at first a little frightened to see him without his rider, but perceiving the bags she called to have them brought to her, and on their being so was not long at a loss to guess the meaning of this adventure. She then ordered the cook to empty the wallets, and put whatever she found in them into a clean dish, and send it up in the first course that day at dinner- which accordingly was done.

The husband on missing his horse walked home, and brought with him two neighbouring gentlemen, whom he accidentally met in his way. But these guests did not prevent the lady from prosecuting her intention. The beggar's provision was set upon the table — remnants of stale fowls, bones half picked, pieces of beef, mutton, lamb, veal, with several lumps of bread promiscuously huddled together, made a very comical appearance. Everyone presently had his eye upon this dish, and the husband, not knowing what to make of it, cried out pretty hastily, "What is this? What have we got here?"

To which the lady, with the greatest gaiety, replied, "It is a new fashioned olio, my dear! It wants no variety; I think there is a little of everything, and I hope you will eat heartily of it, as it is a dish of your own providing."

The significant smile which accompanied these last words, as well as the tone of voice in which they were spoke, making him remember where the girl had hung her wallets, threw him into a good deal of confusion, which she perceiving, ordered the dish to be taken away, and said, "I see you do not like it, my dear, therefore, when next you go to market, pray be a better caterer,"

"Forgive this," cried he, "and I promise never to go to any such market more."

The gentlemen found there was some mystery in all this, but would not be so free as to desire an explanation. When dinner was over, however, and the lady, after behaving the whole time with all the cheerfulness imaginable, had retired to leave them to their bottle, the husband made no scruple of relating to them by what means his table had been furnished with a dish of so particular a kind; at which they laughed very heartily, and would have done so much more if their admiration of the lady's wit and good humour had not almost entirely engrossed their attention.