The Boudoir No.1

ECCENTRICITIES

An old woman in Yorkshire, coming from the hayfield astride on horseback, was met by a young man on the road, who says to her, "What, Betty, got on astride?" "Ay, my lad," replies she, "it makes na matter, its as broad as its long!"

The daughter of Pythagoras used to say that the woman who goes to bed with a man must put off her modesty with her petticoat, and put it on again with the same.

Mr. Senior, a painter of York, imitated the crowing of a cock so well that a lady thus addressed him: "Mr. S., you crow so like a cock that one would think you was got by one."

"Madam," says he, "what do you think I was got by?"

Benserade had often rallied a friend for his impotency.

After some absence, his friend meeting him said, "There is an end of your raillery now, my wife brought forth a boy this morning." "Oh, Sir," said the poet, "I never doubted the ability of your wife."

It chanced, during the rapturous embraces of a wedding night, the bride unfortunately broke wind, upon which, says the ignorant husband, "Rot me, if this ain't too bad, for a bran' new utensil to crack the first time of using."

A wife, in bed with her husband, pretended to be ill at ease, and desired to lie on her husband's side; the good man, to please her, passed over her, not, however, without being somewhat detained in the transit. She had not lain long before she wished to lie in her old place again, and urging her husband to repass the road he came, "I had rather," said he to her, "go a mile and a half about."

A simple-minded country wench, in Worcestershire, I think, was lately driving a cow to be bulled, when, lo, the bull was gone astray, or absent at least. Upon this the poor girl took mightily on, and at length fell a crying, when a person who was near asked why she cried, since the bull was sure to be found again. "Aye," says the girl, "but then it may be all over with the cow — for that they are not like us Christians."

A young lady was taking an air on horseback near Bristol with her footman behind. Unluckily her horse threw her.

When she called out, "John, did you ever see the like?"

"Yes, madam," says John, "your sister has just such another backside."

Miss — , the celebrated Diana, one day fell topsy turvy in a fox chase, when a countryman immediately flew to her assistance; she asked him if he was married; he replied he was single, on which she said if he had been a married man she would have given him a crown, but as he was a bachelor, the treat was quite sufficient.

At a dinner of one of the late sessions at the Old Bailey, the Recorder, who presides there, and whose urbanity is not a little distinguishable, was pressing Judge Gould to eat some jellies, which came from Birch, the pastrycook, of CornhilL "That may be, Mr. Recorder," said Judge Gould, "but though I am much obliged to you, I don't stand in need of birch and jellies yet."