The Doll's House

101

Tim was waiting for her when Ceri Harwood got home. He had been trying to contact her all day – in the end she’d had to turn her mobile off. She knew at the time that she was just postponing the moment when she had to face him again.

It had been a long day. The confrontation with Helen Grace had left Ceri feeling dispirited and, more than that, concerned. She had fantasized about that moment for months – ever since she’d started this whole thing – and it had proved a big let-down. There was too much defiance, too much certainty in Helen’s voice that she would survive this latest attack. The fact that Anti-Corruption had found no trace of the missing file since then only made matters worse.

‘I’ve been calling you.’

‘I know,’ Ceri replied without enthusiasm, dropping her bag on the floor and sinking into the sofa. She knew they had to have this conversation, but she couldn’t face it. She was dog-tired – all she could think about was crawling into bed and shutting out the world.

‘We need to talk.’

Was there a more unpleasant phrase in the English language?

‘So talk,’ Ceri said, staring at the ceiling.

‘I’m so sorry, Ceri. That you had to see that. That you should find out that way. I… I should have said something to you before. I meant to, but we never seem to be in the same place at the same time.’

‘So this is my fault?’

‘Of course not. Of course not, darling.’

‘Don’t you dare.’

The look Ceri shot him was so severe that Tim held up his hands in surrender, acknowledging his mistake.

‘What I’m trying to say is I should have told you. But it’s a function of our lives that we don’t spend as much time together as we used to.’

There was more than an element of truth in this, but Ceri was damned if she was going to admit it.

‘I’m not blaming anyone,’ he continued. ‘My business needs me and your job is incredibly demanding.’

‘Why did you bring her here?’ Ceri demanded, tired of his self-justification.

‘Because I’m stupid. Because I didn’t think.’

‘Why her?’

A long pause. Ceri watched her husband closely as he searched for the right words. This was the only question she really wanted an answer to.

‘Because I like her. And because she wants to spend time with me.’

‘And the fact she’s young and pretty has nothing to do with it.’

‘No, it’s not that. I know you won’t believe me. But I didn’t chase her. She approached me.’

‘How nice.’

‘Please, Ceri. I’m trying to explain. I didn’t want to hurt you. I haven’t been unfaithful before. To be honest, I never thought I would be. Didn’t want to be one of those men.’

‘How disappointed you must be.’

‘But she wanted to spend time with me. And that was very appealing.’

‘And I don’t?’

‘Do you?’

Ceri was so shocked by the response that initially she wasn’t sure what to say.

‘Of course, I do. You’re my husband.’

‘I haven’t been that for a long time.’

‘Clearly.’

‘I wasn’t talking about me, Ceri.’

Ceri stared at him. Now he looked unrepentant, which unnerved her more.

‘We’ve hardly seen each other the last couple of years. We’ve been living together but… we’re ships that pass in the night. We do stuff with the kids at weekends, but when do we actually see each other?’

‘In case you hadn’t noticed I had one of the biggest cases of my career last year.’

‘I know that. Ella Matthews was a big deal. But that was ten months ago. And I don’t see you any more now than I did then.’

‘Come on, Tim, you know what happened after the shooting. The public inquiry, the IPCC hearing -’

‘That all finished a long time ago. Ella Matthews isn’t the problem. It’s this place.’

‘This house?’

‘Southampton. Ever since we moved here, things haven’t been right.’

‘I thought you liked it down here. We’re close to your parents, the kids love it, you like the sailing -’

‘Ok, you’ve not been right.’

Ceri stared at him. She wanted to refute his assertion, to shout and scream at his stupid, knowing face. But there was a grain of truth in what he was saying. Her eyes flicked to her bag in the hall, then back to Tim once more.

‘I brought someone else into this marriage. And I take full responsibility for that and the pain it’s caused you. But you’ve done it too.’

‘I’ve done no such th-’

‘You think the rest of the world is obsessed with Helen Grace. You’re always complaining about that. But it’s you who’s obsessed, Ceri. It’s you who has driven us apart. And unless you face up to that, then we haven’t got a chance.’