The Doll's House

114

This was usually a space he dominated. A place where he was in complete control. Which was why it felt so strange to be on the back foot now, to be standing, embarrassed and cowed, in front of her.

On hearing the familiar three rings of the buzzer, Jake had raced to open the door. He had expected Helen to avoid him for a while, to punish him with her absence, but here she was the very next morning. As she entered, her mood had been hard to read – she stared at the floor – but her first concern seemed to be for his well-being, which cheered him. She asked him about his injuries and he filled her in on his late-night trip to A&E. He’d had to have a few stitches above his eye, but the wound would heal quickly and there would be no permanent damage.

Helen was clearly anxious to be away, so Jake wasn’t surprised when she cut to the chase, demanding to know the full extent of his surveillance. Jake decided to hide nothing from her – a full and frank confession was the very least she deserved – but as the details tumbled out, the depth of his feeling for her became painfully clear to them both. He hadn’t meant to get so involved with her – but he had – and now Helen wouldn’t look him in the eye as a result.

‘Jake, I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me -’

‘Please don’t do this, Helen.’

Jake could see where this was going and wanted to stop Helen before she could articulate her decision.

‘You have helped me more than you know,’ Helen continued, unabashed. ‘More than I deserved. But we both know this has to end now.’

‘Of course. We can go back to how we were, strictly professio-’

‘I mean “we” have to end,’ Helen interrupted. ‘We’ve crossed a line that should never have been crossed.’

‘Why shouldn’t we cross it?’ Jake retorted, his swelling anger finally overcoming his sense of shame.

‘Because I don’t want to. And it’s not fair on you to pretend otherwise.’

‘That’s bullshit. I know you, Helen. You’re no different to anyone else, but you persist in pushing everyone away.’

Helen looked at him as if he were mad, but he had seen her vulnerability, her need for comfort and love – so surely she was the mad one?

‘I’m sorry, Jake, but I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to hurt you – that was never my intention – but I won’t be coming here any more.’

‘Then you’ll be on your own for ever,’ he spat back. He hadn’t meant to sound bitter, but he did nevertheless. ‘Because of your pride, because of your fear, you’ll be lonely for the rest of your days.’

As he spoke, he wrenched the front door open. Her very presence seemed to mock him now and he just wanted her out of sight. And as she departed, walking out of his life for ever, he couldn’t resist one final shot.

‘Good luck, Helen. You’re going to need it.’