The Doll's House

34

Night was slowly stealing over Southampton. The landmarks that had looked unfamiliar and work-a-day in the daylight now took on a more sinister appearance. From his viewpoint on the fourteenth flour, Daniel Briers looked out over the city. To some, the twinkling lights against the night sky would have looked exciting, full of promise. To him, it was just a world of shadows. He imagined all sorts of depraved characters out there – murderers, rapists, thieves – exploiting the darkness, using the cover of night to commit numerous unspeakable crimes.

Pippa had come here and been swallowed by this place. Though he was compelled to stay here now, to see justice done, he already hated Southampton with a passion.

Since Helen had left him, the day had seemed to drag on and on. He had made the necessary phone calls immediately, but they had been brief. He couldn’t trust himself to hold it together during a long conversation. There was no question of him trying to analyse events with others yet. He just imparted the dreadful news and made his excuses. As soon as he had finished the calls, he turned his mobile off, had a whisky and tried to get some rest.

He was exhausted from a sleepless night and the awful events of the day, but he couldn’t switch off. A kaleidoscope of images and memories swirled round his mind – Pippa’s birth, her bitter grief at her mother’s passing, the way she used to make him ‘Dad of the Year’ cards when she was small, her pride in her school prizes, the later arguments and recriminations – most of which had been his fault he now realized. An endless carousel of thoughts and feelings, some bad, but mostly very, very good. His Pippa living on, as she would have to now, in his memory.

Was it a wise move to stay here? Kristy, his wife, clearly wasn’t sure – ‘Wouldn’t you be better off here with me and the boys?’ – though she left the final decision up to him. It was hard for her, Daniel now thought to himself. Kristy was deeply shocked by Pippa’s death, as they all were, but she didn’t really like Pippa – Kristy felt she was self-oriented and needy – and her grief was necessarily compromised by her feelings, whatever she might say to the contrary.

Even now Pippa was a source of tension between them – someone Kristy didn’t much care for but whom Daniel couldn’t give up on. The ties that bind a parent to a child can never be broken, however awful their relationship might be, those ties just are. Even in death, that doesn’t change, which is why Daniel had to stay. There would be many awful things he’d have to face here – he hadn’t yet been to the beach where they found her – and he hoped he would have the strength to see it through, for Pippa’s sake if not his own.

But looking out over the bleak vista of Southampton, his courage wavered. This place was so alien to him, so threatening. And hanging over everything was the terrible knowledge that out there somewhere, shrouded in darkness was the person who stole, killed and buried his only child.