The Ice Child

FJÄLLBACKA 1975

The situation had become unbearable. There were too many questions from neighbours and the authorities, and they realized they couldn’t keep living where they were. After Agneta moved to Spain, Laila’s mother had been in touch more often. She was lonely, and when she mentioned to them that a house was for sale outside Fjällbacka for a good price, it was easy to make the decision. They would move back to Fjällbacka.

At the same time, Laila knew it was madness. It would be dangerous to develop closer ties with her mother. Yet she also felt a spark of hope. Maybe she would be able to help them. Maybe everything would be simpler if they were left in peace in their new house, which was in a remote location and far from any neighbours.

Her hope didn’t last long. Vladek’s temper grew worse, and they had row after row. There was nothing left of the relationship they’d once had.

Yesterday her mother had suddenly turned up at their house. Worry was written all over her face, and at first Laila had wanted to throw herself into her mother’s arms and cry like a child. Then she had felt Vladek’s hand on her shoulder and sensed his raw strength. The moment passed. Calmly and quietly she had said what had to be said, even though it hurt her mother terribly.

Her mother gave up. When Laila saw her head back to her car, looking defeated and with slumped shoulders, she had wanted to scream after her. Shout that she loved her, that she needed her. But the words refused to come out.

Sometimes Laila wondered how she could have been stupid enough to think that moving might change things. The problem was theirs, and no one could help them. They were on their own. And she couldn’t allow her mother to enter their private hell.

Occasionally she would move close to Vladek in bed and remember those first years when they’d slept in each other’s arms every night, even when it was too warm under the covers. Now she barely slept at all. She would lie awake next to Vladek, listening to him snoring and breathing deeply. She saw him flinch in his sleep and noticed the way his eyes moved restlessly behind his eyelids.