The Ice Child

Chapter Seventeen

They still had no idea where to go, but she wasn’t worried. People like her and Jonas always found a way. For them there were no boundaries, no obstacles.

Her life had already started over twice. The last time in the abandoned house where she’d met Jonas. She was lying on the floor asleep when she opened her eyes and saw a boy looking at her. As soon as their eyes met, they knew they belonged together. She had seen the darkness in his soul, and he had seen the darkness in hers.

She had been drawn to Fjällbacka by an irresistible force. When she was travelling with the circus, all of Europe had been her home, but she had always known she would return. She had never felt anything so strongly, and when she finally came back, Jonas was there waiting for her.

He was her destiny, and in the murky light of the house, he had told her everything. About the room underneath the barn, and about what his father did to girls down there. Girls that no one ever missed. Girls who belonged nowhere and were of no worth.

They decided to follow in Einar’s footsteps, but unlike him they chose girls who would be missed, girls who were loved. Creating a puppet, a helpless doll, from someone who was important to someone else had made their enjoyment even greater. That may have been their downfall, but they wouldn’t have done it any other way.

She was not afraid of the unknown. It simply meant that they were forced to create new worlds somewhere else. As long as they had each other, it didn’t matter. When she met Jonas, she had become Marta. His twin, his soul mate.

Jonas filled her heart. He was her whole life. And yet she still hadn’t been able to resist Victoria. It was so strange. She had always understood the importance of self-control and had never allowed herself to be governed by her desires. But she wasn’t stupid. She realized that she was attracted to Victoria because the girl reminded her of someone who had once been a part of her, someone who still was. Victoria had unconsciously summoned up old memories, and she hadn’t been able to let her go. She wanted both Jonas and Victoria.

It had been a mistake to give in to the temptation to touch the skin of a young girl once again, a girl who reminded her of a love she had lost. After a while she realized the relationship was untenable, and besides, she’d begun to tire of the situation. There were actually more differences than similarities. So she surrendered Victoria to Jonas. He forgave her, and her love for him seemed even greater because of what they then shared.

It was unforgivable that they hadn’t properly closed the trap door in the floor of the barn that night. They had grown careless, allowing Victoria to move about freely in the room. But they had never imagined she would be able to climb the ladder, get out of the barn, and then flee on foot through the woods. They had underestimated Victoria, and they’d taken a risk when they allowed her death to occur so close to home. It had cost them dearly, but neither of them saw this as the end. Instead, it was a new beginning. A new life. Her third.

Her first new life began on one of those summer days when the heat was so strong it almost felt like her blood was boiling inside her body. She and Louise had decided to go for a swim. And she was the one who suggested they go past the bathing beach and jump into the water from the rocks.

They counted to three and then jumped, holding hands. They thrilled at the speed of their fall and the wonderful cold of the water when they plunged in. But the next second it felt like a pair of strong arms seized hold of her and pulled her down into the deep. The water closed over her head, and she fought the undertow with all her might.

When her head breached the surface again, she began swimming towards land, but it was like trying to move through tar. She made only slight progress as she kept turning her head to look for Louise. Her lungs were straining too hard for her to manage a shout, and her brain was filled with only one thought: to survive, to make it to shore.

Suddenly the undertow let her go, and with every stroke she was moving forward. A few minutes later she reached the shore. Exhausted, she stretched out on her stomach, with her legs in the water and her cheek pressed against the sand. When she’d caught her breath, she sat up with great effort and looked about. She called to Louise, but there was no answer. She held her hand up to shade her eyes and studied the surface of the water. Then she sprang to her feet and clambered up on the rocks where they had jumped. She ran back and forth, searching, shouting, getting more and more desperate. Finally she sank down on to the rocks and sat there for a long time, waiting. She thought maybe she should run for help. But if she did, their plans would never be realized. Louise was gone, and it was better if she went on alone rather than give up altogether.

She left everything on the rocks. Their clothes and their other belongings. She had loaned Louise her favourite blue swimsuit. In a strange way she was glad that Louise was wearing that suit when she went down into the deep. As if it were a gift.

Then she walked away, leaving the sea behind. At a nearby house she stole some clothing that had been hung on a line to dry, and with great determination she then walked to the place where she knew she’d find her future. To be safe, she went through the woods, which meant she didn’t reach Fjällbacka until night time. When she saw the circus in the distance – with its bright colours, cheerful sounds, and noisy spectators – the whole scene was strangely familiar. She had arrived home.

On that day she became Louise, the girl who had done what she herself had longed to do. The girl who had seen blood gush out of a person’s body until the flame of life was extinguished. Filled with envy, she had listened to Louise’s stories about the circus, and about Vladek’s life as a lion tamer. It sounded so exotic compared with her own dreary background. She had wanted to be Louise, wanted to have her past.

She had developed a hatred for Peter and Laila. Louise had told her everything. About how her mother had taken the blame for the murder, how her grandmother had taken in the beloved son but refused to have anything to do with Louise. Even though Louise had never asked her to seek revenge, that was what she would do. Hatred had turned her blood cold, and she had done what she needed to do.

Then she had gone to Louise’s home, her own home, and there she had met Jonas. She was Tess. She was Louise. She was Marta. She was Jonas’s other half. And she wasn’t yet done. Only the future would reveal who she would now become.

She smiled at him as they sat in the stolen car. They were free and brave. They were strong. They were lions who could not be tamed.