The Tao of Sex

Chapter 10

TRACY WOKE ON A LUMPY mattress to the sound of…horse racing? She rolled over and blinked her eyes. It was nearly pitch-black and a little cold, so she wrapped the thin blanket tighter about her body. Nathan’s scent rose with the fabric, and she buried her nose to inhale even more deeply.

She was in his bedroom after he had opened up her feminine aspect or something. She didn’t much care. It had felt fantastic. In fact, her body still felt as if it were vibrating—a background kind of hum that quivered at the base of her spine. All that was missing was Nathan himself.

And silence. She could hear his neighbor clearly through the wall. He was talking in a wheedling tone to someone. Wow, who’d have thought 4B could be that loud or that irritating, even through the walls?

Tracy climbed out of bed, bringing the blanket with her as she wrapped it around her naked body. It was thin and a little scratchy, but she liked the sensation. It stirred the fireflies still flitting beneath her skin. Then she saw him. Nathan was sitting in the far corner holding a flashlight on his textbook, his light blocked by his desk. He looked up as she approached.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

She grinned. “Fantastic. You?”

“I am well, thank you.” His voice was flat, his expression platonic, and Tracy felt her smile fade. The silence began to stretch only to be filled with a loud curse from the other room and the sound of a television being kicked off. She frowned.

“My neighbor,” he answered, though she hadn’t asked. “He likes horse racing.”

“What time is it?”

“Nearly three.”

“They air racing at this hour?”

Nathan shrugged. “He tapes it, studies the horses, then calls his bookie to make bets.”

Tracy pursed her lips. “Guess I’m going to have to put some more soundproofing in the walls.” Then she abruptly gasped. “Three in the morning! The football game. I can’t believe I slept that long.”

He reached to his side and picked up her cell phone, handing it over to her. “I used your cell phone. I didn’t mean to pry but your brother kept calling. I think he was very worried about you.”

“My brother called—”

“I texted him with your phone. I told him you were exhausted and fell asleep.”

Fear tightened her chest. “You told Joey I fell asleep in your apartment?”

“I didn’t identify myself except as a tenant. He was worried about you, wondered if he should come home, but I texted that you were working on plumbing repairs and fell asleep. I hope that’s all right.”

She nodded absently, moving through the messages between Nathan and her brother. It ended with Joey saying he’d spend the night at Tommy’s again, that they’d catch up in the morning. In short, all was well. Joey didn’t have to know what she’d been doing with the anonymous tenant unless she wanted to tell him. And Nathan had been unfailingly kind in both letting her sleep and covering for her with her brother.

It was the kind of sweetness she expected from a boyfriend. Except Nathan was acting nothing like a lover right then. He was wearing a thin T-shirt pulled taut over his sculpted torso and a loose gray pair of sweatpants. His bare feet seemed large and strangely sexy. In short, he was dressed the part—even giving her every iota of his attention—but there was a coldness in the air that had nothing to do with the weather.

She slowly sank onto a cushion, but she had no idea what to say. How did you ask a man if he’d suddenly lost interest? “Um…so you’re studying, huh?”

He nodded and for a moment Tracy caught a flash of anguish in his eyes. He gave her no other clue as he sat as still as a statue, the only sign of life in the intensity of his dark gaze.

“Nathan, what’s going on? Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I…How do you feel?”

“I already told you. I feel fantastic. How do you feel?”

“Your yin energy is very strong.” His expression softened. “It buzzes in my mind and gives me such joy.”

Joy was good. “So why so serious?”

He sighed and his softness disappeared. “I have contacted my mother in Hong Kong. She leads the temple there.” He swallowed. “She has matched you with a new teacher. He is one of the best and has guided many tigresses to the immortal realm.”

A chill entered her body and she wrapped the blanket even tighter. “A new teacher. I don’t understand.”

“Your yin gates are open. You have wakened your tigress, and as such have passed well beyond the initial stages of training. It is now time for the next level.”

“So you teach me.”

He shook his head, his gaze canting away from her. “I can’t.”

Her jaw clenched and her shoulders tightened, but she kept her voice low despite the noise still coming from his neighbor’s. “Nathan, I need a little more explanation than wham, you’re dumping me.”

His eyes flashed to hers. “I am not dumping you! The temple has rules that have existed for generations. The first teacher can never, ever be the second.”

“Why?”

His face didn’t move, but his hands did. His fingers clenched on his textbook so tightly that he ripped the page partially out of the binding. When he noticed what he had done, he slammed the book shut with a curse. Then he abruptly pushed to his feet, his gaze cold as he practically spit out his words. “It is the rule.”

She watched him move to the sink of his kitchenette and angrily run water into a kettle that he banged onto a hot plate. She didn’t know what to think. He was obviously upset. But about what? That he could no longer teach her? Or that she wasn’t simply accepting his decree and moving on?

Tracy slowly stood, startled to realize that for all the physical intimacy they’d shared, she really didn’t know him that well. “I don’t want a teacher—you or anyone. I just want you. As a boyfriend.”

He glanced at her in alarm. “You are a tigress. You cannot go back now. I told you that before we opened your yin gates. You have to study!”

“Or what? I’ll go insane? Nymphomania? Psycho killer?”

He nodded, his expression grave. “All those are possible.” He took a step forward then abruptly stopped. “I will give you Dragon Stephen Chu’s e-mail address and phone number. He is very experienced and very wealthy. He will pay for your ticket to Hong Kong. You will stay at the temple for the initial orientation, and then later you will move into his home on Repulse Bay.” He lifted his chin, but didn’t quite meet her eyes. “It is a very exclusive neighborhood. His villa overlooks the water.”

“So I’m to become some playboy’s mistress.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t think so.”

He cursed long and fluently in guttural-sounding Chinese. It came from deep in his throat and sent startled shivers down her spine. “Get it out of your head that this is sex,” he growled as he stalked closer. “It has nothing to do with sex or depravity. Stephen is the best teacher for you!”

“I don’t want him!” She abruptly released her hold on the blanket, letting it slip away. It was an obvious ploy, but all she had as she reached up to touch his face. Her fingers trembled, but then so did his lips as she stroked across their full texture. “I want you.”

She would have leaned in for a kiss then, but he refused. He held her away though his grip trembled slightly on her arms. “Why?” he pressed. “What do you intend? Do you think we will have a relationship?”

She stopped cold, realizing that yes, she had indeed thought that.

His gaze flashed fire then abruptly darkened to a cold, flat black. “To progress as a tigress, you need to cut ties with the teacher. You cannot keep your energy—your personal power—if you give it to your instructor. You cannot use it to reach the immortal realm if you give it all to me.”

Tracy released a huff of true frustration. “I don’t understand a word of—”

“Listen to me!” His hands tightened where he held her, and she thought he might shove her away. Either that or jerk her into his arms. But he did neither. He simply held her tightly and spoke, each word like tiny daggers. “You have the potential to become a goddess among humans! A goddess! But not if you give your power away.”

She shoved him away, her eyes burning with unshed tears as she picked up the blanket. “I have no power,” she muttered. “You did it all. I just—”

“Do not lie! Not to me and not to yourself!” Nathan’s voice vibrated with a power she’d never heard. It locked her in place and even silenced his neighbor. Then he came around to her to wrap the blanket gently around her shoulders. “Do you truly deny the power that you felt earlier? Do you really think you have nothing?”

“I experienced some amazing things,” she whispered. “But you were the one who did it. I did nothing but enjoy.”

He sighed. “I did nothing but open the door to your power.” Then he touched her chin, gently lifting her gaze to his. “I. Did. Nothing.” He shook his head. “Compared to you, I have nothing. I will not hold you back because I am inadequate.”

She stared at him, her eyes narrowing as she studied his expression. “You’re lying,” she whispered. “I don’t know how I know it, but you’re lying. You have plenty of power. There’s something else.”

His eyes widened in shock, but he didn’t deny her words. In the end, he fell backward to lean against his desk, his shoulders slumped in defeat. She felt her belly tense in fear.

“You wish us to be lovers? I would love that more than anything, but I am a student here for another twenty months. After that, I will work in high industry for as much money as I can find. And you, where will you go to be a stockbroker? It will not be here.”

“I still have to go to school! We’ll figure out—”

He didn’t wait for her thoughts. “And what of your college dreams? Do you intend to go to school here?”

She bit her lip. She’d been thinking of a different school. One in New York. “I don’t have to be a stockbroker,” she said softly.

“And then what? Will we marry? Will you leave everything you have to go with me?”

Her breath hitched in her chest. “Marry?” she squeaked. “Isn’t that jumping the gun a bit?”

“So you would give yourself nightly to a man when there was no future in it?”

She straightened, twisting around to face him. “Now just a minute here! Why wouldn’t there be a future—”

“Our lives are in flux right now. It is irresponsible to enter a relationship that cannot work out in the long term.”

“Irresponsible?” Her voice started to rise, but she controlled it, her mind working fast for all that she’d just woken up. “Listen to me, buster, I’ve had boyfriends before. Irresponsible, my ass. You’re turning tail and running. I want to know why.”

“Dragons do not run!” he said in his most stiffly formal tone.

“Well, I’ve got a pretty clear picture of your backside right now,” she snapped. “And it looks like you’re running scared.”

His eyes narrowed. He rose up from his desk, his motions smooth and infinitely powerful. He was like a god rising from the depths and she hadn’t even realized she was talking to one. And worse, he was angry. Tracy took an instinctive step backward but he pursued her. His words were low—almost hissed—but she felt every syllable all the way through to her soul.

“You are a tigress. I am a dragon.”

She threw up her hands, but the motion was weak and trembly. “Tigress smigress. I don’t even know what that means.”

He took another step forward, his words growing softer and more potent with every step. “It means you belong in the temple, tigress.”

“Me in Hong Kong.” She folded her arms. “Not gonna happen.”

“In Hong Kong,” he repeated, his voice cold and hard. “There, you will study with the best. You will become divine and will gift many others with your wisdom. It is what tigresses do,” he pressed. “Whether they wish it or not, whether they understand it or not, they all end up there.”

She planted her hands on her hips. “I’m not going to Hong Kong!”

He straightened, and for a moment his eyes flashed understanding, even regret. “Yes,” he said softly. “You will. You will not be able to avoid it.”

“Bull—”

“Then how will you balance your energies again? You have gone beyond what I can give.”

She swallowed, her mind zipping back to her last week. She didn’t want to repeat last week ever again. She did not want to lust after her brother’s friends or hunger desperately for someone to satisfy her cravings. “You’re lying,” she said, but she feared what he said was true. “You’re a dragon. You can satisfy a tigress.”

Nathan shook his head. “I can—for a time—but you need training. And I do not have the time to spend on you right now.” He glanced at his books. “I have already told you how hard it is for me to read English books. I am here for an education, not to train you.”

She took a deep breath, the truth slowly slipping into her consciousness. “I was right. All along, I was right.”

He frowned, obviously confused by her abrupt change of tone.

“This was a scam, wasn’t it? You get a woman into your bed. You do…You do stuff to her. And then, wham, you dump her. Does it give you a feeling of power to have her beg?” Tracy swallowed back her tears. She was not, not, not going to cry.

She spun around, searching for her clothing. It was too dark. She couldn’t see a damn thing through the tears she refused to let fall. But she heard. She heard him curse again in Chinese, the words low and primal. It sent a shiver up her spine and she felt another stirring in her belly. Oh, god. She couldn’t be getting horny. Not now. Not again. What the hell is wrong with me?

She heard him sigh. The sound came from deep within him—all short and harsh and very male. He was frustrated. Well, so was she. And yet, for a moment she stopped just to hear it again. Did he really feel as bad as she did?

Then she felt him. His hands settled on her shoulders. It shocked her that while she was blindly searching through his apartment for her clothes, he could step up silently behind her and touch her. She shivered, his warmth sliding deep into her body, calming her shattered nerves. It was like that first time in the hallway when he’d taken her hands. All the chaotic emotions slowly calmed. She was still angry and close to tears, but inside, she was quieter. And because she was quiet, she could hear his words.

“You are a tigress. Whether you understand it or not, you are. Your place is at the temple, learning to understand and control your power.”

“My horniness,” she corrected.

“That is part of your power, yes, but you are so much more.” He pressed a kiss at the top of her shoulder and she gasped in reaction. Lord, one touch from him and she was shivering in delight. “Why do you fight this? Don’t you want to know what you can do?”

“Of course, I do,” she whispered. “But what about love? Nathan, could you love me?” She knew for damn sure that she could love him.

He stepped backward, taking away his touch, removing his heat, and she shivered at the loss. “Would you choose love over immortality, Tracy? Imagine for a moment that you could become a goddess.”

She spun around to face him. “Don’t be ridiculous—”

“That you could heal with a touch, impart the secrets of immortality, that you could walk among the divine. Would you give that up for love?”

She folded her arms across her chest. “It’s not possible.”

“It is possible,” he countered firmly. “And you have the talent. Can you really walk away from that? Without exploring further, could you simply turn your back on it for a love that might never be? You do not even know me well. We might hate each other in a few days’ time.”

Put like that, of course not. “Why do I have to choose right now? Why can’t I explore both?”

Nathan sighed and gestured to his textbook. “I have a goal. It does not include a girlfriend.” He looked up, an apology in his eyes. “And you have more than you can handle right now. Tigress teachings, your education, and a brother about to graduate from high school. Why would you stop moving forward now to play with a boyfriend?”

She didn’t answer. She simply looked at him long and hard and forced herself to see the message behind his words. His reasons didn’t matter. He didn’t want a relationship with her. “So it’s over before it ever begins.”

He shrugged. “Why begin a path when you already know the ending will be bad? You don’t understand it right now, but I have seen it dozens of time. You are a woman now with human loves and concerns. But the more your tigress awakes, the more your mind will be on immortality. Right now you think you want me. In another week, I will be a fond memory. And within a year…” He shook his head. “I will be nothing to you.”

She bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears. “You must think I’m a horrible person. Why would you think I’m like that?”

He lifted his chin. “I know tigresses, Tracy. And you…” He looked at her, adoration in every line of his face and body. “You are one of the best. Even without training, you are beyond my imagination.”

She turned, spotting her clothing neatly folded in a corner near his bed. “Then you have a very limited imagination.”

“No,” he whispered as she went to dress. “No, I don’t.”