Time of Death

58

Ren’s cell phone rang as she was turning the key in the lock of Annie’s front door that evening. She hit Answer and heard the voice of the Czech legal attaché.

‘It was Jakub Kral,’ he said. ‘He’s confessed.’ Kral had given police a gas station marker fifty miles west of Catskill and a vague set of directions from there. But almost thirty years on from a random decision on a hot, dark night, no one held out hope much that what remained of Louis Parry would be returned to what remained of his family.

Ren walked into the hallway and stepped on to a small white envelope with her name on it. She picked it up and opened it. She had never seen the writing before. It was beautiful.Dear RenI can’t do this any other way, because it’s too hard. I wish I could take whatever you give me, but, from you, I need more. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who’ll give me one hundred per cent and whether, if I do, she’ll be wonderful enough that I have the same amount to give back, but that’s a risk I’m going to have to take. Because this is killing me. Idon’t think you know how much it hurts. And it’s worse because I know you are a good person and that you mean everything you say to me and everything you do.But when you look at me, there’s guilt that goes along with it and I just want to make it go away. But I know I can’t. And I can’t be the guy in the shadows, because with someone as amazing as you, it feels wrong to hide.Please know that no matter happens, I’m here if you need me…just not in the same way.Love alwaysBilly x

Billy no longer Waites. Ren put the letter down. She felt sick. She walked over to the window and looked out. Billy was gone. Billy had left her. Her heart raced. I am not ready for this. She let herself drift away with the falling snow, running through everything she and Billy had together, how perfect and fucked-up the whole thing was.

Screw this. She grabbed her keys and ran to the Jeep. She jumped in, started the engine and headed for Five Points. Billy had to have dropped the car back to Stray Eddie. Or maybe he had let Billy take it wherever he needed to go. Stray Eddie would know.

Ren drove through town, thinking of throwing her arms around Billy and being held there and being kissed and loved and never let go. A multi-colored stream of city lights washed over the windscreen. Bright shiny things. She felt free. Her mind was filled with what they would do and where they would go.

My whole life is Billy Waites.

Her heart was traveling fast, her body felt light. She couldn’t let him go. She would tell him to stay, promise him one hundred per cent. We’ll go out tonight, find a hotel room, drink champagne, have sex all night…

She kept her foot on the accelerator and sped into the turn-off for Five Points.

Billy will be here. Everything will work out. I can not be alone. I can not be alone.

She pulled into the parking space outside Stray Eddie’s. I cannot be alone. The car was gone. I cannot be alone. She looked up at the dark window of the apartment. Where are you Billy? I cannot be alone.

Tears welled in her eyes. She had been here before. The drama of breaking up with someone and wanting them back. The high of pursuing them. The motivation that, when stripped away, was wrong and was the one that was ringing clearly in her ears. Not I love Billy. Not I cannot be with anyone except Billy. Not Billy, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Just I cannot be alone.

And Billy Waites deserved more than a damaged woman not wanting to be alone. With tears streaming down her face, Ren turned on the engine and reversed out.

I want a man whose rings I will wear for the rest of my life. My own Edward Lowell. A man with a yellow tie.

Two thousand miles away, investigators unearthed the skeletal remains of Louis Parry in a deep grave, fifty miles west of Catskill. Two hours earlier, his mother, Rita Parry had passed away.

Ren lay on her bed that night, imagining what could have happened on June 20th, 1981: Louis Parry walking down the shaded path from his parents’ house and into the bright sunshine. In his pocket was a folded-up flier: The Czech National Orchestra Plays Haydn. Performances 4 p.m., 6 p.m., 8 p.m. Louis had piano practice with Beau at 4 p.m. And he had to be at home for supper at six. And he might have decided that he would risk being late. His mother would think his class had overrun — he had an exam the following week — but that he was safe with the Bryces. He was right — that was exactly what Rita Parry had thought.

Desperate to see the performance, Louis went to the park with no money in his pocket. Instead, he climbed a tree by the tent and was going to settle for listening to it…until Jakub Kral came outside to adjust a tent peg. He looked up and smiled when he saw the little blond boy. He called him down, told him he would get a better view from a small nook at the side of the stage, as long as he didn’t move a muscle. Louis Parry was thrilled. He was even happier when, afterwards, Kral solved another problem — knocking ten minutes off Louis’ journey home. He had pulled his van right up outside the back of the tent to sneak Louis out from under the tarpaulin and give him a ride right back to his front door. Ren imagined Louis, smiling and enthusiastic and grateful, giving precise directions to a man who had no intention of ever doing anything this little boy asked; no intention of stopping the van, of letting him out, of stopping hurting him, of letting him live.

Kral had locked away each detail of the twenty-nine hours he had held on to Louis Parry, while strangely, not recognizing the little boy’s face when he was shown his photograph. What Kral remembered was the evening’s performance.

The world is so fucked-up.

Ren cried.

Stop. Crying. Jesus.