Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!

The Decision

Elmwood Springs, Missouri

1978

The network lawyers had informed Sandy that unless Dena came back within a week they would cancel her contract and replace her. Today was the day she had to make the decision and it had not been as hard as she thought. The decision had been made for her, really. In the end she had no choice.

Her agent, Sandy, was in his office waiting for the call.

“Sandy, I can’t.”

“Are you sure? You know what this means. Think about it.”

“I know that, and I have thought about it. It’s just that I couldn’t come back even if I wanted to. I wouldn’t be any good at it anymore.”

“What do you mean? You’re the best in the business. You could be back on top in a few weeks. You haven’t lost all that time.”

“No, but I’ve lost something else. I don’t have the drive I had. I know too much, Sandy. Once you’ve been on the other side of this thing and know how it feels, you can’t ever go back.” Dena drew a deep breath. “Before, I was able to do my job and just keep moving and never think about the results. But not now, I’d be too slow, I’d hesitate, I’d think too much. No matter what the person had done, I’d be too soft on them. I couldn’t ask the questions I need to ask anymore without thinking about the damage I might be doing.”

“What will you do?”

“I don’t know. Get out of the way, I guess, and sit down for a while.”

“What about your apartment?”

“I’m going to give it up.”

“Where will you live?”

“Here.”

“In Dagwood Springs?”

“Elmwood Springs, yes.”

Sandy hung up and sighed. It was sad, he would miss her. The network would miss her. For a while, maybe a week, until one of the hundreds of new, bright-eyed, blond Dena look-alikes moved into her spot, and then it would be as if she had never been there at all.

A month later, on the morning of her thirty-fifth birthday, Norma called her on the phone. “Dena, have you been outside today?”

“No, why?”

“You need to go outside—and look up.”

“Why?”

“Just go out, that’s all I can tell you.”

Dena put on her sweater and walked into the yard. She looked up in time to see a huge gray blimp, its sign spelling out in gold lights the same phrase, over and over: HAPPY BIRTHDAY … YOU’RE ALL THE WORLD TO ME. LOVE, GERRY.

She had to grin. She suddenly remembered the look on Gerry’s face when he had sung to her at Carnegie and a warm feeling came over her. She went inside and called him.

“Gerry, I got your message. Now here’s mine: You are insane. Do you know that?”

“That’s not exactly the clinical term I would use, but close enough. How are you?”

“Fine. Listen, Gerry, why don’t you come down here, maybe stay the weekend. Can you do that?”

“When?”

“Come this weekend.”

“Oh. Is there a hotel in town?”

“You can stay here. I have four bedrooms.”

There was a slight pause. Then he said, “I’ll be there.”

Gerry had been a good friend. They had talked on the phone often since she had found out about her mother and he had been there for her, as he’d promised. It would be good to see him. As a matter of fact, as the few days went by, she couldn’t wait to see him. By late Friday afternoon, when he was on her front porch with his garment bag and just as he was about to ring the bell, the door opened and an arm grabbed him by the tie and pulled him inside the house and Dena put her arms around him and kissed him. And she was surprised at how well they seemed to fit together. It was as if they had been kissing for years. She didn’t know if it was because she had been alone for so long, but he looked good to her. Better-looking than she had remembered.

It wasn’t until sometime after he had arrived that she realized if you have a guest, you have to feed him, so for supper she made the only dish she knew, Franco-American ravioli straight out of a can, heated, and Gerry said it was delicious. After dinner they went out and sat on the porch and talked until one-thirty in the morning. When they got ready to go to bed, he said, “I just want you to know I am fully prepared to sleep in the back room like a gentleman. All right?”

She was relieved in a way because she had suddenly become a little nervous around him. They said good night.

After twenty minutes, she called out, “Gerry?”

“Yes?”

“I think it will be all right if you come in here and sleep with me. We won’t do anything, we’ll just sleep together, all right?”

Gerry came down the hall carrying his pillow, wearing a pair of blue bunny pajamas with the feet in them, and the minute she saw him she burst out laughing. “You fool … where did you get those?”

“Elizabeth Diggers sent them over to my office on Thursday.”

He modeled for her. “Like them? Are you sure you can trust yourself around me?”

“You are the silliest man I ever met. Get in the bed.”

He took his glasses off and put them on the nightstand and got into his side of the bed and lay down and felt her body next to his. And he was so relieved to finally be where he had wanted to be for so long that he relaxed completely for the first time since she had telephoned and fell sound asleep. The next morning at 7:00 A.M., Dena woke and looked over at him sleeping beside her like a child in his blue pajamas and the next thing she knew they were making love and for two people making love for the first time, it was surprising. She had not expected him to be so unbelievably passionate or that she could be so completely uninhibited. This was the first time in years she had gone to bed with someone when she was stone-cold sober. It was a new experience and she liked it. Gerry, who had been thinking and imagining such moments for a long time, was completely amazed. Making love with Dena was even better than he had imagined, and that was going some. Dena had gone back to sleep but he was too excited to sleep. He went down the hall and showered and shaved, got dressed, and came back. But she was still sleeping so he quietly tiptoed past her room and went out on the porch and decided he would take a walk before she woke up.

It was nine-thirty and he went into the Rexall and had a cup of coffee at the counter, then walked along the main drag. When he came back she was still asleep so he sat in the living room and waited. About five minutes later he couldn’t stand it any longer. He went into the bedroom and sat in a chair and stared at her, still astonished that it was really her, and that he was really here. She opened her eyes and looked over and saw him sitting there, all dressed.

“Hey … how long have you been up?”

He came over and sat on the bed. “For about an hour. I took a walk downtown.”

“You did?”

“This is a great little town, you know that?” And while he went on and on about how great the town was, she kept looking at him and she said, “Do you know who you remind me of?”

“No, who?”

“I’ve been trying to figure it out ever since last night when you came in wearing those silly pajamas. Little Donald. You remind me of this doll I had, this great big boy doll.”

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.”

“Oh, it’s a compliment. I slept with him for years.”

“Is there something about you and that doll I should know?”

“No, you goof. That was in the 1940s—besides, he was not anatomically correct.”

“Whew, thank God for that. At least I don’t have to compete with Little Donald.”

“No,” she said. “You’ve already won, hands down.”

He leaned down and gave her a long, sweet, tender kiss and Dena, who never liked to be kissed in the morning, liked it.

Gerry came back the next weekend and although Dena didn’t know how she felt about that, she was glad to see him. This time he stopped and brought groceries and cooked dinner for her. She was told to go in the living room and wait, and when called she came to the table. He had set the table, something she had not mastered—she could never remember what side what went on—but the thing that impressed her most was his salad. He had actually made a salad from scratch. The main course was baked chicken in a cream sauce, green beans, and new potatoes, and a cheesecake he had brought on the plane from New York. Between bites she said, “This is delicious; where did you learn to cook like this?”

“I hadn’t wanted to tell you but I had an affair with Julia Child.”

“Be serious.”

“I don’t know, I just picked it up here and there. It’s not that hard. Just follow the recipe.”

“I don’t know how to cook. We always ate out.”

“I don’t know how you could cook in that kitchen, you don’t have any utensils. We need to go out and get you a few things.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, minor stuff—pots, pans, silverware, a can opener, mixing bowls, things like that.”

“Oh.”

“I worry about you not eating right. You need fresh food, not all that frozen stuff you have in the refrigerator.”

“It says ‘fresh frozen.’ ”

“Dena …”

“I eat at Norma’s two or three times a week, so I figure—”

“No, you need to take the time to fix yourself something healthy every day. Do you eat fresh fruit?”

Dena made a face.

“Well, you need to eat some fruit and vegetables every day. You need to start building yourself back up.”

“The next thing I know you’ll pull down a chart of the basic food groups and give me a lecture with a pointer.”

The next morning Gerry went down to the hardware store and walked in. Macky spotted him right away but waited for him to come over. Gerry walked over. “Mr. Warren?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Mr. Warren, I’m Gerry O’Malley. I don’t know if you remember me.”

“Oh, yes. How are you?” As if he could forget a man wearing pink tights and a hat with a plume standing in his front yard.

Gerry adjusted his glasses. “I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t remember, to tell you the truth.”

Macky smiled. “Hey, don’t worry about it, fella. All bets are off when it comes to love and war, right? What can I do for you?”

Then it dawned on Gerry. He had come in to buy pots and pans and mixing bowls and kitchen utensils and a meat thermometer. This man was going to think he was a fruitcake. But Macky made no comment and helped him pick out everything he needed and got a big kick out of watching Gerry trying so hard to be macho while choosing hot pads and just the right spatula and select a Mixmaster. They even had quite a long discussion about the pros and cons of Teflon versus an iron skillet. He bought both.

After Gerry had everything he needed and Macky rang it up, Gerry looked at the total. He was concerned. “Is this all I owe you? I’ve got a lot of stuff here.”

“Yes, that’s right, with your discount. And I’m throwing in a few things from Norma and me. We need to get her all outfitted.”

“Well, thanks.” While Macky was packing the bags, Gerry wandered around a little more. He came back to the counter. “I see you’ve got quite a collection of fishing lures and flies. Is there some good fly-fishing around here?”

You could see Macky’s ears perk up. “You bet, some of the best in the country, no more than an hour from here. Last month I got a ten-pound walleye.”

“Wow. What were you using?”

“A medium yellow spinner.”

“You don’t say?”

“Oh, yeah, he went for that thing like a duck on a June bug. Listen, if you get down here again sometime, I’d be happy to take you out.”

“Great, I’d like to take you up on it.”

That afternoon, Gerry started walking through the house again. He was in the den knocking on the walls when Dena came in. He said, “Look at this, this is Georgia pine. And these floors are oak. This house is as solid as a rock, you know that? They don’t build them like this anymore. This is a great house. I was up in the attic and it is as dry as a bone.”

Dena found herself pleased. He seemed to like the house as much as she did. “I wonder how old it is.”

“I’d say by looking at the doorknobs and the windows, it was built some time in the early twenties.” He pulled at the pocket doors in the den. “I think this used to be a parlor at one time. God, wouldn’t you love to know who all lived here and what all went on in this house?”

“The woman I’m renting it from grew up here and her mother used to have a radio show in the living room.”

“Is that so? Radio?”

“Yeah, and there used to be a big radio tower in the backyard.”

“I’ll be darned.”

“I’m thinking about buying it.”

“Really? Well, it’s a great house.”

The next weekend Gerry took everybody to the Pancake House for dinner. On the way over, Norma, in the backseat, remarked, “I just want you to know this is a first for me. I have never even met a psychiatrist, much less had a pancake dinner with one.”

Gerry glanced in the rearview mirror. “Is that so?”

“Yes. We have never had a psychiatrist in Elmwood Springs. Not that we probably don’t need one, but nobody would go if we did have one.”

“Why is that?”

“Because everybody knows everybody else’s car. Nobody would dare park in front.”

Aunt Elner was sitting in the front seat holding her purse in her lap, happy to be going. She piped up in defense of Elmwood Springs. “We had a crazy person here once, Mabel Bassett, she was as crazy as anybody. Don’t you remember, Norma, she kept batting at imaginary flies? They took her off to the loony bin but I don’t think she was really crazy, I think she was just tired. She had seven children.” Aunt Elner turned to Gerry. “I’ll bet you have met a lot of crazy people in your line of work, haven’t you?”

Dena had her eyes closed and was biting her lip.

Macky spoke up. “I think he’s just met a couple of them.”

“Oh, don’t pay any attention to Macky,” Norma said, “and if anybody is crazy, he drove me to it.”

The day before Christmas Gerry flew down again and he and Dena decorated the house with all the old Christmas decorations they found up in the attic and in the cedar chest. Christmas Eve after they had a glass of eggnog, they walked over to the church for the midnight service.

Macky and Norma and Aunt Elner had saved them each a seat. Aunt Elner had on a Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer pin that her friend Merle had given her. Later, as they walked home, they agreed it was a perfect cold Christmas Eve night. The stars looked as if they had been polished, they were so bright. When they turned the corner at 1st Avenue North, they could see the blue candles glowing in the windows from a block away, and to Dena the house looked exactly like a cheerful Disney cartoon.

Before they finally went to sleep, Dena walked back into the living room to turn off all the Christmas lights. But as she stood there and watched them, glowing and bubbling in the dark, they looked so beautiful she decided to leave them on all night.

After Gerry had gone back to New York on Monday, Norma called Dena. “Well, I’m not saying anything, it’s none of my business, but if you were to ask me, he seems like a very nice person. And that’s all I’m going to say on the subject.…”

But of course it wasn’t.