Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!

The Banquet

Kansas City, Missouri

1978

After the visit from Barbara, Norma drove all the way to Kansas City to shop in the Plaza for a formal for herself and Aunt Elner. She figured they could rent Macky a tuxedo in Jefferson City. As the capital of the state, they certainly had a rental place but she called and checked anyway, and they did and had several tuxes in Macky’s size. Keeping a secret like this was hard for most people, but it was hell for Norma, who had to practically strangle herself to keep from blurting it out to Macky. She was terrified that she might talk in her sleep and she had promised Barbara that she would not breathe a word about it to anybody.

Every day she scoured the papers, looking for the announcement that Dena had been named Missouri Woman of the Year. And every morning she grabbed the mail hoping the banquet invitation would be there.

After several months she began to wonder if maybe they had made the announcement and somehow it had not made the Elmwood Springs paper, so she decided to check. She called the governor’s office in Jefferson City and asked to speak to Barbara. The voice on the other end said, “Do you have a last name?”

“No, but she works for the governor.”

“In what capacity?”

Careful not to give anything away, she answered, “She’s in charge of awards.”

“I don’t know who that would be, ma’am.”

“Oh. She didn’t tell me her last name. Who’s in charge of banquets?”

“Catering?”

“No, of writing up the programs.”

“I don’t know who that would be, ma’am.”

“Well, do you have anybody named Barbara working there?”

A pause. “Ma’am, I’m going to connect you with Public Relations. I have a Barbara Thomas listed.”

“Is she a heavyset girl?”

“I don’t know, ma’am, I’m just the switchboard operator.”

Someone answered, “Public relations.”

“May I please speak to Barbara.”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“Ohh, if you don’t mind, I don’t think I can tell you.…”

“Hold on.”

A woman picked up. “Hello. This is Barbara.”

Norma whispered, “Barbara … is that you?”

“Yes, it is. Who’s this?”

“It’s me, the lady in Elmwood Springs. You know, the relative of … you know who.”

“I’m sorry. Who is this?”

“Is there anybody else on the line? Can I speak freely?”

“Yes.”

“It’s Norma Warren, the cousin of you know who, in Elmwood Springs.”

“Where?”

“Elmwood Springs. You paid me a little visit about six months ago.”

“I don’t think so. I’ve never—”

“Yes, don’t you remember—about the—” and Norma spelled out A-W-A-R-D.

“What award?”

“Don’t you remember coming about the bio?”

“I’m afraid you must have the wrong person.”

“Are you a heavyset girl with black hair?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well, do you know a heavyset girl with black hair named Barbara?”

“No.”

“She works there. She’s in charge of the big banquet.”

“What big banquet?”

“Well, if you don’t know, I can’t say. Would you put me back to the operator? I seem to have the wrong Barbara. Sorry. And please don’t mention that I called.”

“I won’t.”

Norma spoke to the only other Barbara who worked in the governor’s office but she was not the right one either. Norma was completely confused. She called Aunt Elner and asked if a woman named Barbara had ever come to her house.

Aunt Elner, also sworn to secrecy, answered cautiously.

“Who wants to know?”

“I do.”

“Well, I can’t tell you; all I can tell you is that don’t be surprised if you get an invitation in the mail any day now and that’s all I can say on the subject.”

Aunt Elner and Norma both waited and waited but nothing ever came.